Accepting my own Gal

[littlehelper]

Yep i was reading some book about down syndrome last nite and there was a quote from a girl with down syndrome.
she said:" ..... i have done syndrome,i don't suffer from it as many ppl say, i just have it...."
Hmm yep mayb they dunno how to express it but deep down inside,they fully rely and trust and love you.
Sometimes,they may even be the one that hand u a tissue when u cry or give u a hug when u are down and tell you how good your food is even if its not.
They really appreciate every small thing u do.
Except that do not express it.
So don't give up ppl!

 

[Yvonne Lim]

Thank you all mummies who have been giving me mental and emotional support..

Lecia is out from her ops this afternoon, doc say the ops went fine and now just need to monitor her for the next 24 hours.. I pray that she will recover well and the holes in her heart will close by itself after this so she will be free from any heart surgery from now on..

 

[epicurean]

Lecia is out from her ops this afternoon, doc say the ops went fine and now just need to monitor her for the next 24 hours.. I pray that she will recover well and the holes in her heart will close by itself after this so she will be free from any heart surgery from now on..

Hi Yvonne,

So glad to hear that the ops went well Praying that her stay in NICU will be a safe, smooth one and that you'll be able to bring baby Lecia home soon.

 

[teenie]

HI Yvonne
Glad to hear yr gal's op was a success, I am sure she will recover well & am sure alot of mummies here will pray for her!!!

 

[Yvonne Lim]

Good morning All!

Lecia is out of ICU yesterday afternoon and now in High Deoendency ward, she is recovering well and doc say she might be able to get discharge by end of the week..

The nurses joke and say she is so strong kept kicking away her blanket even tho they cover her with 2 blankets, keeping them very busy covering for her. Last evening when I vist her, I so heartpain, the nurses, wrapped her up with a cloth to stop her from kicking and use a safety pin to pin her hand with drip to the bed so she can't move.. Anyway is ok as long as she recover and they remove all the tubes and needle from her asap..

Thank you for all your prayers for my little gal..

 

[teenie]

I can imagine yr heartache when u see those tubes, needles
but tell yourself this is just temporary
she will be ok after this n v soon can go home alreadyancing_wub:

 

[Angelmum]

The nurses joke and say she is so strong kept kicking away her blanket even tho they cover her with 2 blankets, keeping them very busy covering for her. Last evening when I vist her, I so heartpain, the nurses, wrapped her up with a cloth to stop her from kicking and use a safety pin to pin her hand with drip to the bed so she can't move.. Anyway is ok as long as she recover and they remove all the tubes and needle from her asap..

wrapping her in case she catch a cold? If so, maybe let her wear long sleeves, pants n socks.

If to restrict movement in case the needle got loose then really no choice lor....

 

[Yvonne Lim]

Hi All,

Thank you for all your prayers for Lecia, little warrior is coping well and have been discharged last friday. Doc have initially estimated that she will be admitted for 10 days but thank god she is coping well and she got discharged within 5 days.

To all the strong mummies here, when you are in the process of recovering, have you break down again in the process? Since Lecia been discharged, whenever I look at her when we are both alone, I will start crying again, crying... When I am on the street and looking at other people baby I will feel my heartache again...

Really sad, depressed, guilty, and hopeless... Not sure why I have these roller coaster of emotional breakdown again and again.. And no one in the family will understand, so I can only cry when no body is around.......

 

[littlehelper]

We will keep praying for you to be strong emotionally and your kid to have the will and strength to fight on

 

[xiaochuan]

Yvonne,

Be strong. It's perfectly normal to have these roller coaster emotions.
The "hurt" is still raw for you. It has only been 1 month.

Mummies on this thread have mentioned they take months to "heal". The sad feelings returns from time to time too... We are human after all.

For me, my child is gone. It was a dream of a lovely princess with bright future all dashed, plus the heartache of losing my flesh n blood. I feel v sad and still cry from time to time. Weekends are hardest to get by. I have since gone back to work but i still experience the sadness. I can only hope for time to heal.

Perhaps, some planning on how to help Lecia going fwd will take your mind off negative thots. U are already much better than me. I battled with myself for more than a month before i enrolled my child for EIPIC.

Our family understand... they probably are trying to stay "cool" for us becos if everyone starts wallowing in sadness, life will not move on rite?

Cry when you must. If we do not let go of our emotions, we might "explode"?

 

[Yvonne Lim]

Thanks littlehelper..

Xiao chuan, not sure why, is time like now when i am all alone with the gals and I start to get all emotional.. Really shitty feeling can't explain why.. especially when I look at leanne and I turn and look at lecia (they are both sleeping beside me)... I feel so sad when I look at lecia, why did I make her this way... She is so helpless, so tiny, and so pretty.. Why cant she be normal???

I feel so bad.. I understand that everyone is telling me is not my fault, is not me is an accident of nature... But is me, she is in me, why did I give her the extra genes and turn her out this way...

She is such an innocent little thing..

 

[xiaochuan]

well.... u are not alone...

I feel bad as well. Up till today, no doctor can explain what led to my gal's condition. How she got severe brain injury despite the short birthing time... even when she passed on, the doctors only told me it's her brain injury. No one can give me a definite answer. Was it my condition (amniotic fluid embolism) that caused my gal's injury?

To make it worse, i found a FB site and read that there are many cases of babies with same condition (HIE) as my gal who lived life normal without any disability becos of a cooling cap treatment. Why was this treatment not offered to my child? Is it not something available in Spore?

 

[Yvonne Lim]

well.... you are not alone...

I feel bad as well. Up till today, no doctor can explain what led to my gal's condition. How she got severe brain injury despite the short birthing time... even when she passed on, the doctors only told me it's her brain injury. No one can give me a definite answer. Was it my condition (amniotic fluid embolism) that caused my gal's injury?

To make it worse, i found a facebook site and read that there are many cases of babies with same condition (HIE) as my gal who lived life normal without any disability becos of a cooling cap treatment. Why was this treatment not offered to my child? Is it not something available in Spore?

Xiaochuan,

Really sorry that I affect your emotion as well, I hope you are okay.. Think of it this way, your little gal is blessed to end her suffering and went to heaven..

Really sorry.. I hope you are okay..

 

[xiaochuan]

it's not u... no need to feel sorry.

 

[epicurean]

To all the strong mummies here, when you are in the process of recovering, have you break down again in the process? Since Lecia been discharged, whenever I look at her when we are both alone, I will start crying again, crying... When I am on the street and looking at other people baby I will feel my heartache again...

Really sad, depressed, guilty, and hopeless... Not sure why I have these roller coaster of emotional breakdown again and again.. And no one in the family will understand, so I can only cry when no body is around.......

Hi Yvonne,

Yes, I did, esp during the first 9 months. During that time, the triggers were many and particularly sharp - finding out more about Seb's conditions, seeing other babies sitting up, holding up their heads, reaching out for their toys, having a good friend hug me, feeling utterly exhausted (physically, emotionally, mentally, spiritually), overwhelmed & out-of-my-league by what the present & future have in store for Seb, feeling guilty about choices made about the birth process and breastfeeding, wanting to turn back the clock to make different choices, feeling inadequate (coz kept thinking that I should be able to manage everything by myself without needing help).

My recovery process is rather cyclical ... I got a bit better, then regressed a bit, got better, regressed again. Eventually, over time, the interval between breakdowns got longer and the triggers became less sharp. I still cry from time to cry but the pain is more muted. I keep telling myself that he has fought so very hard to stay with us (and there were many moments when he could have given up coz there were a lot of things taking a heavy toil on him) and he's still fighting ... so I could do no less for him. I also don't want him to ever sense or feel that he's not loved or wanted coz of his severe mental & physical impairment and opt to give up.

 

[Angelmum]

Really sad, depressed, guilty, and hopeless... Not sure why I have these roller coaster of emotional breakdown again and again.. And no one in the family will understand, so I can only cry when no body is around.......

Yvonne,

Be strong. It's perfectly normal to have these roller coaster emotions.
The "hurt" is still raw for you. It has only been 1 month.

Mummies on this thread have mentioned they take months to "heal". The sad feelings returns from time to time too... We are human after all.

Cry when you must. If we do not let go of our emotions, we might "explode"?

My way of accepting a special child and stop crying everytime ppl ask about her was to keep blogging (had no one to confine) until I got so used to it .... now I can talk to ppl about her condition, y she ended up as an Angel B4 1yr old w/o tearing.

It really take months/years to "heal". The word 'heal' just means I stopped crying - not so emotional.

Post yr msg, talk it out here .... we've been thru the same 'ordeal' .....Give yourself sometime to 'heal'. This is a 'special gift' not everybody can accept willing or instantly.

 

[zazaziya@gmail.com]

Hi Yvonne
Understand how you feel. I felt like my son had died when he was diagnosed with autism at 2.5 yrs. Cried for months..and when i visited the Autism Resource Centre and spotted an autistic teen there, i broke down, when i went to Rainbow special school, i broke down again..still do that on and off whenever we face obstacles.it is definitely not easy..but you have to be strong. Find a support group..for myself , i am with shoulders, a support group for parents with autistic children, i am sure there is a support grp for you out there. Speak to friends, counsellors when you feel down...n seek spiritual support....take care

 

[teenie]

cny is round the corner, But this is the first time in my life I am dreading
cos I dunno hw to face my relatives when they asked y he's 5mths old, his neck still flobby? why his eyes like to look on top? why he hardly smile?
I am v sick of all these questions .....
worst... cny w alot out of sudden relatives coming by who dunno about his condition
and my mother in laws etc etc
I dunno hw to answer

 

[xiaochuan]

me too....
everyone in the clan expecting to see a new addition in the family.
I am so so tired of relating what happened... and people start asking me if i did things wrong during my pregnancy for this to happen to my child. i wish i can dig a hole and hide.

 

[teenie]

yes
hw i wish we can stay in a cave during this period, no visiting needed, no need to meet so many faces

me too
some will comment becos during pregnancy i did that (let my eldest boy jump on my bed, set up the cupbd etc), I did not take care (did not eat wht and wht) etc etc

But wht is over is over
Wht has happened has
wht u want us to do
revert back to the past
I also wish too