Childcare because of no choice??

[SGJ]

Dear Mummies,

I'm at the stage where I pray everyday for a good solution for my family and I.

I've been a full-time Mum for my 14 months old girl. When she reaches 18 months, my hubby and I have been discussing of putting her in childcare full day 7am-7pm because I would have to work for financial issue.

The thought of that pierce my heart deeply. I can't think of a better solution because I've no one else to depend on if I work. Both my family and in-laws refused to help at all. My hubby always travel, therefore, it's just me and my daughter most of the time.

Please Mummies, tell me, advise me, putting my little precious in childcare, monday-friday, 7am-7pm, is that the best solution in order to work to meet Singapore lifestyle demand?

What will my little one become? Any Mums do that? What are your experiences. I just feel so useless that I'm not a millionaire that I can be by her side more often than the thought of "going to be weekend Mum".

This really can kill me.. help..

 

[apollo]

Dear Mummies,

I'm at the stage where I pray everyday for a good solution for my family and I.

I've been a full-time Mum for my 14 months old girl. When she reaches 18 months, my hubby and I have been discussing of putting her in childcare full day 7am-7pm because I would have to work for financial issue.

The thought of that pierce my heart deeply. I can't think of a better solution because I've no one else to depend on if I work. Both my family and in-laws refused to help at all. My hubby always travel, therefore, it's just me and my daughter most of the time.

Please Mummies, tell me, advise me, putting my little precious in childcare, monday-friday, 7am-7pm, is that the best solution in order to work to meet Singapore lifestyle demand?

What will my little one become? Any Mums do that? What are your experiences. I just feel so useless that I'm not a millionaire that I can be by her side more often than the thought of "going to be weekend Mum".

This really can kill me.. help..

babe, dun feel upset!

okay, i noe hw u feel. cos actu last time i tot of putting ds in CC once he reach 18mths so i can go out to wk. but nw he is 13mth old, the date id getting nearer and aft some tots, we decided to wait until he is slightly older.

okay, i noe some mummies will find my thinking v silly but maybe , i;ve been taking care of him for 13mths so leacing him 'outside' for 12 hrs per day seems too long for me.

but if we think another way, putting ur kid in CC actu has lotsa benefits. i realised kids who go to CC are more independant den those who are not. cos they learn many things in CC which we parents can hardly teach them 1 by 1 at hm. i dun mean those academic parts but those simple lifestyle, toilet-trained etc.

and i think putting ur child in CC is better than letting parents/inlaws to take care. esp inlaws, cos conflicts will come from the 1st day they help u to tc ur child. as for nanny/maid, hardly can find a good one.

 

[annie]

yah i can imagine the sadness! im also a full time mummy n i really cant bear to be apart from my girl (at least now). but then i guess slowly u will get use to it n might feel happy n relaz that u do not need to face her 24/7 (got back some life of your own eg able to eat your lunch PEACEFULLY) etc.. my girl dosent give me much trouble except her eating (feeding her is SOOOOOOOOOOO hard. need to cheat here cheat there and she eats forever..). i always have the thought of just employing someone to come n feed her only! lol. really dread feeding her...

anyway, since its no choice that u need to work.. jsut be prepared that kids going to CC will get ill often at first as they meet a lot of frens in the day n catch the virus here n there. apollo is right. kids going to CC are more independent and also, nowadays CC teaches them things as well! its good for her social skills too... hubby once asked me if i want to put my girl to CC and i go to work (cos he say i look very sick n tired of this life lol) but i rejected cos like u, i cant bear to leave my girl.. but then.. if its really no choice.. then dun think bout the emotional barrier. LOGICALLY, its good for them and for u. thats what i think though.. just emotionally i cant do it.. hehe

 

[vinder79]

Hi ladies my elder one 23 mths is in cc.He has been there since he was 18 mths.We sent him there not bcause i had to go out and work but because my younger one was/is sick.He had kidney op when he was 3 mths.My no2 is now 10 mths.My no1 actually fell sick quiet often esp flu in the early days to battle with this i gave him the 3in 1 injection for flu.Children below 3 have 2 doses and when u pay 2 gather it cost $45 at poly and $60 at GP.It really helps.
Before we sent him full time we actually arranged emergency care at the childcare ctr for 2 weeks.I stayed with him the first day and slowly left the ctr earlier and earlier.I am a SATM so i do check on my son at the ctr.I also keep in touch with the teachers and i find that my boy is more independant now.He can eat himself and he started eating fruits 2.(dont worry the teachers will be by your childs side till he/she is more familiar with surrondings.
But the bad bad part is this today i went to run some errands and asked my maid to fetch my boy.She saw a bruise on his forehead.Could u believe that the releasing teacher did not know anything and asked us to speak to the class teacher 2 morrow.
The last time 2 mths ago was at 6.15 pm they caled me to tell e he had temp of 38.2C.wHEN QUESTIONED I GOT THE SAME REPLY PLS ASK CLASS TEACHER 2 MORROW.
I realised that this is something that the CC lacks.Communication service.If u wanna send to CC u have to make it clear that u want to be informed of anything that happens to ur child.I can throw my boys comms book which is in his bag far away they wont realise it missing.
Mums if ny of u have had this kind of problems let me know how u deal with it can.My sons fees are not cheap its $600 after subsidy but i am willing to pay the price as i saw much improvement in him but not oneas high as this.:embarrassed:

 

[Busybugz73]

Dear SGJ

Sorry to hear about your torn emotions. It's hard to put your daughter in childcare when you have spent so much time with her on a daily basis.

Any reason why your own family won't help out?

I was a full time mum of my son for about a year and then I went back to work. I placed him in an all day childcare. It was hard at first and he fell ill very often because prior to this, he wasn't exposed to any other children. This is something you have to prepare yourself mentally and emotionally for but it is normal.

I'm blessed that the childcare he's in is good. They are very stringent with their health checks and welfare of the children. My son has been there for over 4 years now and he loves it. I think he will be very sad when he needs to leave it to go to P1.

So, take heart. Sending your daughter to the childcare is not a cruel thing. Talk about your feelings with your hubby. You're not the only parent here. Seek encouragement and support from him too. Don't make all the decisions on your own.

Take care.

 

[meiteoh]

Dear Mummies,

I'm at the stage where I pray everyday for a good solution for my family and I.

I've been a full-time Mum for my 14 months old girl. When she reaches 18 months, my hubby and I have been discussing of putting her in childcare full day 7am-7pm because I would have to work for financial issue.

The thought of that pierce my heart deeply. I can't think of a better solution because I've no one else to depend on if I work. Both my family and in-laws refused to help at all. My hubby always travel, therefore, it's just me and my daughter most of the time.

Please Mummies, tell me, advise me, putting my little precious in childcare, monday-friday, 7am-7pm, is that the best solution in order to work to meet Singapore lifestyle demand?

What will my little one become? Any Mums do that? What are your experiences. I just feel so useless that I'm not a millionaire that I can be by her side more often than the thought of "going to be weekend Mum".

This really can kill me.. help..

*big hugs*

It's very unfortunate that in this part of the world, our work environment and living costs is not flexible enough to allow mothers to spend more time taking care after their children as studies have shown that in the pre-adolescent years, the mother's influence and care is critical and more important than a father's. (In case you're wondering, a father's influence, care and guidance is more important during a child's adolescent years.)

I understand the situation you're in - my parents are in M'sia and my ILs are in France, so it's just my hubby, me and Eva. Because of financial reasons, I had to go back to work after nearly 9 mths of being a SAHM. We talked a lot, argued a lot and finally came to an agreement - my SAHM days are over. Also, we had no choice but to get a babysitter because CC is just too expensive for us (at double of what PR holders pay).

Despite the horror stories and rocky start, I have no regrets. We are a happier family (less worries about money), I can afford a more comprehensive insurance for Eva, we save more (for us and her) plus we can move into a place of our own and so forth. For Eva, she has become more independent and sociable as the babysitter is also taking care of her grandson who is around 24 mths now and her cousin's daughter who's the same age (but very very quiet).

Of course it's nothing like you taking care of your kiddo yourself. You have TOTAL control over what you want to feed her, how you teach her and so forth. With a CC or babysitter, you have to go with their flow and trust that they'll take care of your little one. It's the price we pay for having someone else take care of your girl.

Don't be afraid of the unknown. My hubby was worried that Eva would come to prefer the babysitter's place to us, cry because she doesn't want to go home - as the babysitter has experienced that before with some of the kids she took care of previously - but it's been two months and every evening, she never fails to smile, laugh, get all excited and demand (yes, that's right...DEMAND) to go home at even just the sound of my voice when I go over to pick her up at 6pm (I leave the office on the dot!).

I believe it's because when we are at home with her, we spend our time with her - be it playing, bathing and so forth. The pressure to spend quality time with your child is there when you're working full-time. You'll find a way...

You just need to be sure why you're going back to work - not to build a career but more for family stability. At least that's how it is for me and my hubby. I always ALWAYS tell myself that I'm wake up every morning at 630am, sleep at midnight and do all that I do unwillingly not for myself but for my daughter and my family.

It's the price we pay for being mothers and most of us will gladly pay it over and over again.

 

[Phoebii Cheng]

Hi

My son was in the infant care since 5months old, now he is in PG there....there are pros & cons when you put your son in CC. But ultimately your child has got to go to school in future, unless you want your child to be at home, home study. I have a friend, she teaches both her sons herself at home, so meaning that her sons nv step in school.

When I wanted to send my son to infant care that time, I also felt reluctant & unwilling to let go after hearing abt infant care. But know I realise that finding a good CC is very important, and I really thank God that I found a good one, though not perfect. For me I also got no choice but to send my son to infant care......now my son is 2yrs old, and he enjoys the time there that sometimes he does not want to go home....in CC too, there are some CC who is excel at academically, but some are excel in building up the child's emotionally & socially.

But ultimately is your decision.

 

[SGJ]

Dear Mummies,

Thank you so much for the advice. All your comments brought tears to my eyes; I'm seriously touched and feel better after reading all.

This Love that we have for our very own family and especially our kids can be so over-whelming. Sometimes it's beyond our control but yet we never stop trying to be better for them. I learned so much after being Mum and I know there is more to come.

**Sniff** I've to get myself prepared for the change of lifestyle again soon.

**Hugs** to ALL of you and THANK YOU Mummies!

 

[adelynn]

meiteoh: your words describe EXACTLY how i feel and you painted the picture of being MUMMY

 

[meiteoh]

Adelynn, I think all mummies go through the same thing one way or another! *hugs*

 

[sasha10]

Mummy..I am so touched when I read all replies here..
you all represent exactly how i feel now.
Me too..torn between sending my baby of 4 month old to infant care and go to work or stay at home to take care of here.

my baby girl, just turn to 4 month old 2 days a go..and i saw her first laughter with sound and her first flip yesterday..
it was so overwhelming for me to see her grow so fast..
when i sing for her..she is so busy making sound as if she want to sing with me too..

Looking at all this..i can't imagine if i have to miss all other milestone..
and all my intention to go back to work melt down..
although i know financially we will be much better off if i go back to work..cos i used to earn much more than my husband..

but i am willing to make that sacrifice on our lifestyle to witness and being with her. Me and husband also discuss a lot about this..and we decided that i will spent the time on my being stay at home mum to bond and create warm and wonderful memory for us. I do plan to return to work when she is 18 months..although i know if that time comes..i might also dread further and further..

haizz..you are all right..our love for them is so overwhelming sometime..
Annie..i laugh when i read what ur husband tell you..
my husband also tell me the same thing..he think i should go back to work cos i look like have no life anymore now ...hahaha..
but yeah..i can totally feel you..

Adelynn, I think all mummies go through the same thing one way or another! *hugs*

 

[stonston]

I sent my boy to CCC once he turned 18mths for social interaction purposes.

Since you still have time, do look around and do your research carefully. This way, you can ensure that your child is in good hands.

Regarding falling ill often, my boy DID NOT fall ill like what other parents experienced. Mainly because we started him on supplements to boost his immune system before sending him to childcare.

More info on what I've been giving here:
http://www.mummysg.com/forums/f44/answer-all-pms-about-ston-supplements-boosting-my-boys-immune-system-etc-39725/

You are not a weekend mummy because you will pick your child up EVERYDAY. Weekend parents are those who only bring their kids back on weekends and do not see them at all on weekdays!

Don't feel bad cos at the end of the day, your child will know that you are working hard for the family