Does your DH give you money every month?

Discussion in 'Home Life, Relationships & Finance' started by happygolucky, Dec 31, 2008.

  1. happygolucky

    happygolucky New Member

    Just curious to know whether your DH gives you money every month for you or household expenses. For my case, my DH only gives occasionally, so practically I am the one who pays everything and support 2 children plus his parents. My DH earns double than me but it is just so diff to ask money from him. I just feel that as a man, he has to be responsible towards the family. It's very diff for me to save as I have to support this family. Is it a norm or I just being too calculative?
  2. NuR_iRfAn

    NuR_iRfAn Well-Known Member

    For me,DH will give me every month for me & baby...
    although he give me money,expenses like marketing n shopping will be on him...
    Men should be more responsible as he is the men of the hse leh...
    i think u not calculative bt ur hubby being unfair to u as he earn double
  3. EnFlor

    EnFlor Well-Known Member

    I think for this matter, you need to have an open discussion with him. I believe you are in the situation i-expect-this-he-assumes-that. That's neva gonna work.

    One of the causes of couple breakups is over $$. So IMHO, you should tell him what you expect from him, what he has to contribute and what you will contribute, etc Listen to what he has to say and iron out all complications before it gets bigger. List things down if you have to so that he does not need to act like a 'blur king' again. Put it up somewhere that is visible for him to see. (Ya know, some MEN can be so good pretending to be 'Visually-handicapped')

    Happygolucky, you are beyond calculative. That's called RESPONSIBLE wife and a thinking partner. You go gal!
  4. wenz

    wenz Member

    i think u should ask ur hubby to help out in supporting ur family cos this family belongs to both of u... not u only...

    my hubby give me monthly allowance and on top of tat he pays for my gal's nanny fee, my hp bills etc... i'll be paying for the occasional grocery and other mini minor things and do savings as well...

    i dun think u r being calculative... if he's earning double and not giving u or helping out in the family, den where his $$ gone to????
  5. daberdew

    daberdew Member

    My hubby covers the household and baby expenses... and I am working so to be fair, I never ask him to give me money.. although he pushes money or buy things for me now and then...

    But I heard from my ex-colleague that it's better for husbands to give allowances/money to their wives as this will form part of the husband's habits... in the even the wife gets pregnant and needs to stop working, the husband will not grumble so much abt having to give money to the wife .. what you think?
  6. wenz

    wenz Member

    Ya should make it a habit for the hubby lo... totally agreed! haha
    nevermind the amount as long as he's giving allowance to the wife, den the wife can save up the money for rainy days...

    my mum always say once guys got $$ they'll fool around... i dunno how true but this do make senses for some ppl...
  7. autumn82

    autumn82 Well-Known Member

    I don't think that it is a norm to not contribution $$ if he's earning double. Then where all his $$ gone too?? U should have a talk to him seriously. When guys have too much $$ on hand, they tend to be funny as well...

    My DH has been paying for everything after I stopped working. On top of that, he gives me monthly allowance for my personal use and that excludes household allowance. Even when I was working with DD @ nanny's place, he will pay for everything. Only small sums of money then I'll fork out.
  8. CanCanMum

    CanCanMum Moderator

    u shd work out a schedule with your hubby. Who pays for what. Responsibilities of a family must be shared by both parties. It doesn't matter who earns more, eventually both are responsible for sharing the monetary issues. Like you give his parents, you also need to give your own parents too...maybe sound out to him that you are paying for everything and not saving a single cent....perhaps he thinks that since you are working it is not required to give u money coz both are working, unless u r SAHM...but sound out to him that "money is not enough"

    so talk to him to work it out. And at least you know his difficulties. Is he paying for other things or wad? Like car or house using cash??? Or simply not contribution the excess?
  9. daberdew

    daberdew Member

    Hmmm... will consider getting my hubby to give me a token allowance to cultivate a habit... :)
  10. January84

    January84 Active Member

    for my case,

    I only pay for my items like insurance, HP bill, transportation and meals (exclude dinner) during working days.

    DH pay for everything like house/child insurances, MIL allowance, maid, car, geocey, weekend outings, etc. . .

    cos he is earning more than me, and this was practiced since our dating time.

    Other then part of my $ goes into our joint acc, he is basically paying for everything.
  11. shopaholic

    shopaholic Member

    We dont give each other money. He's responsible for paying the big ticket items such as car and his parent's allowance. For me, I take care of the insurance, shopping and children's bills such as enrichment fees. Thereafter, we pool our money together and will set aside a sum for savings. We are very transparent with each other on where our money goes to and we hv access to each other's accts.

    I dont think you're calculative as both partners hv to be responsible for the household expenses. If he's not contributing to pay for them, then he shd let you know where his money goes to.
  12. mskathy

    mskathy New Member

    does dh mean hubby?

    my hubby dun give me $ all e while..thou he earn more than me.. in e past i hav 2 spilt e bill with him n pay those instalment while he pay for car stuff..

    den sub i realise i so broke.. my friends told me nt rite..

    so after discussing.. nw he pay for all bills, din give me $ but its k.. den we share e groceries bills beta i tink... at least now i got $ 2 spend on myself...
  13. happygolucky

    happygolucky New Member

    Thank you for all the advices.
    Actually, I have already talked to my DH many many times. He said that since I am working then just use my money and his is for savings. He said it's all the same, at the end it's our savings. I have to keep nagging at him then he will give me a bit. Most of the times he just keeps quiet, makes me feel very irritated. Sometimes I think of divorcing him, but think about it again, it's not easy. Plan to cut his parents allowance, but again, it's not fair if old people get the suffering of this problem. I really don't know how to solve it. Really give up.
  14. coffee

    coffee Member

    Hey... It is not fair. I always heard that it is the hubby who spends his $ while the wife saves her. Does he really saves his $$? ANd how come you have to even help him to give his parent $$? Isn't his parents his responsiblities? For my case, I take care of my own family and hubby takes care of his. Then for our own household expenses, mostly are paid by him.
  15. happygolucky

    happygolucky New Member

    Yes, it's unfair. That's why I am so angry. But if I don't give his parents $$ then who will give? How will his parents survive? I give them because they stay with me (and in fact, it is another set of problem (staying with in-laws) but really no choice as other children of his parents really don't care). My DH already set how much his parents get from us. I don't say my DH doesn't give at all, occasionally he gives, after much complain (he said nagging) from me. What I want that he gives me voluntarily without me asking him. I am so tired asking money from him.
    I never give my parents money as my parents have enough and they know my situation. I feel like dead end. No way out, because I have already tried many ways to get the money from him from soft approach to the hard one like nagging. But most of times, he just kept quiet.
    Any suggestions?
  16. autumn82

    autumn82 Well-Known Member

    He saves in ur joint acct or jus his personal acct? Any ways to verify that he REALLy saves it? If u need, can u use the $$? If not, time to check it out darling.

    Actually, since u oredi tried so many ways of getting $$ from him but failed. Y not stopped paying for some stuffs, like his parents allowance, his mobile bills. When he asked y, jus simply tell him, "I already told u, u have to be responsible to pay for some stuffs. I need $$ to pay stuffs for myself as well So I don't have enuff for ur parents/ur bills." :tlaugh:
  17. happygolucky

    happygolucky New Member

    He did show me his bank books. But frankly, I do not know what he spends. At beginning we open joint accounts but after that we never touch it as he never bother to put some money in it so I also don't bother to put some.
    Yes beginning I plan to cut his parents allowances but like what I said earlier I think it is not fair to drag his parents into this problem. And if his parents complain to him, then we will quarrel. And I am scared of retribution.
    Last time I also think of not paying his hp bill or credit card but if there is interest charge then it will be worse for me right?
    I told him that I give him an honour as a man to support the family, but as usual he just kept quiet. I said it looks like he works for himself only, and never thinks about his wife and children. That's why sometimes I wake up at night and think whether I should ask for divorce. I cannot divorce according to my religion. Really headache. Why some men just cannot part with their money?
  18. autumn82

    autumn82 Well-Known Member

    Credit card bill u also paying?! Omg.. Then last solution: Just sit down and ask him for $$ or his atm card, tell him u need to pay for the bills after paying bills will return him his card. If he ask u to pay using ur $$, tell him u don't have enuff to pay for it.

    If he doesn't want to give u, then just tell him that u will leave it as it is coz u don't have enuff to pay for it. Any interest occur, not ur problem. Sometimes, men just wanna test our patience.

    It's always good to keep some savings on our side, coz no one knows the future. Especially when u have the "D" in ur mind now..

    It's not rite to not pay for everything, or even his own parents allowance. Share is fine but not like ur case. Isn't it fair to tell ur partner what ur spendings r like? Haiz. *huggieS*
  19. CanCanMum

    CanCanMum Moderator

    is it he spend it on betting TOTO or 4D???? my friends hubby used to gamble like siao....$1k on those.....
  20. happygolucky

    happygolucky New Member

    No toto or 4D hahaha. I know he does not like to gamble. I tried before to get his atm, but after sometimes he is so angry with me because he said he does not have atm to pay for his expenses, at the end I return it to him. Anyway, his atm does not have much money inside. His saving is in the other bank. He said he put aside for our savings and he shows to me once a while. I am really confused. Maybe I am just too greedy want to get all his money? He said it's all the same whether my money or his, so doesn't matter who pays, at the end of it, it is our money. I tried before not to pay the credit card but when the bill came it made me scared..the interest is so huge.. not worth to pay the interest. For him, he just doesn't care whether I pay or do not pay, so at the end of it, I will suffer more becoz have to pay more. And I do not like to owe ppl money.

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