HELP !!! I am like a "Money-Tree and "Maid".

[cherries]

Am I a petty Wife??
*Married 6yrs living in 4-rm flat without in-laws,
*5yrs girl,
*Employed a maid,
*Does not own family car.

husband contribution to joint account 80% of his monthly salary for maint.
when not enough then i will top up from my side.
And, husband kept $720 for Transport=$150, Meal$350, Insurance=$220.
Disapproved husband contribution to in-laws = $0.

I am a buyer so my job requires me to travel almost every week..and follows with couple of rest days.
husband job is standard office hr(5 1/2day) including ad hoc weekend exhibition.
husband has no hobby; no entertainment, no drink, no smoke and no night outing with friends.
Everyday husband finished work at 6pm and got home at 745pm.
*Mother help out regularly when i was out of town.

I have to decide everything at home, services to engage, which enrichment centre, taking kid to clinic, etc.becoz husband always make me angry with his wrong choices or take short cut or stupid ideas.
Monthly expense on my girl, Pediatrician for mild asthmatic,Therapy for mild hyper active,Chinese Doc and medical冬蟲草 and Vitamins, school bus, K1 school fee, CL enrichment, Story books, exercise book, Clothes, Food, Fruit,
etc.

During my rest day, i will starts my girl study revision EL, Maths or Chinese at 730pm. After husband home, dinner and shower (815pm), always claims no time to study with her. Yet, he would play with his her until 9pm. Then switch attention to me...until 10pm when i went to bed. He cont. his office reports until 12am before going to bed.

Weekend, was the only time for us (if i were in town). Yet, when i am out of town, this father instead of helping to revise study with girl, he will switch on TV and watch with his girl.

Everyday, in order to have a decent meal with husband, i have to struggle with hunger since he got home at 745pm. Many times, I gave up and eat dinner without waiting for husband.

I am like a "Maid".
I have to bring girl for therapy, attend enrichment, clinic,
I have to revise school work with girl,
I have bring back more $$.

I am like a "Money-Tree".
husband used my money to pay lunch or dinner at Rest, to buy furniture, home renovation, COV.

husband is treat this house like hotel-81.
1. Wake up to work,
2. Come home to eat, computer and sleep,
3. Weekend TV,
4. Free sex once every quarter.

husband always say that he has a job and has to work, never show concern and play active role to take care of this family.

Lately, I were so mad that i slapped him a few times. He just stand there didn't defend or hide.
Left him slept in the study room.

Since he is not contributing and sharing my burden,
I dont't want this man, he dont't deserve to stay in this house.

Please help advice what can i do??
How to show him to improve... Divorce ??

 

[stonston]

1. Why did you choose him?
2. What made you marry him?
3. How did you expect him to contribute? Was it stately clearly before you married?
4. In what aspects do you expect him to contribute more?
5. Since you do not trust your hubs to make decisions, would you trust him to teach your girl?


Sorry but you din state clearly so I'm not very sure.
You say that he's giving you 80% of his pay for household expenses, then you top up when not enough?
So your expectation of your husband is to contribute 100% of all the household expenses?
If yes, then please plan within his salary. No enrichment if can't afford. No restaurant trips if can't afford.
If no, then why are you upset about topping up? You are enjoying what is being paid for too, right?

"husband has no hobby; no entertainment, no drink, no smoke and no night outing with friends."
My hubs is like that too, and I love him for that. No unnecessary spending! No unhealthy habits! You have no idea how much money my hub's 'friends' spend on ciggies and drinks. Monthly at least $500 on 'entertainment'!!!

"Everyday, in order to have a decent meal with husband, i have to struggle with hunger since he got home at 745pm. Many times, I gave up and eat dinner without waiting for husband."
Does he know that you are waiting? What time does he normally get off work?
My hub's work timing is not fixed, sometimes very busy, sometimes very slack.
If he's not able to reach home in time, he always tells me to eat first but I will still SMS him to double check if he's almost reaching, I wait. If not, I eat to not feel hungry first, then eat again with him when he's back. Sometimes I feel very hungry, I eat first. When he's back, I sit with him at dining table while he eat. It's still quality time!
Do you expect to eat with him at every meal? Then have a later lunch or have a tea break so you won't be hungry!

"husband always say that he has a job and has to work, never show concern and play active role to take care of this family."
Sorry to say, but the impression you've given me is that you seem like you want him to provide in terms of monetary value to the family, so he thinks that that is what is expected so he's just following your 'expectations'.
Also, how he acts as a father pretty much depends on how he was brought up also. What did his father do? Did his father play a fatherly role in his life?
For my hubs, he was taken care of by his granny, not much 'fatherly love' seen. So he does not know "how to be a father". I had to show him and teach him slowly. Tell him what to do, give him opportunities. You can become a father overnight, but you can't learn how to be a father overnight!

My hubs was a little like your hubs too.
I sat him down and told him nicely.
1. I am also human, I also will get tired from work and juggling the family.
2. It's nice if he could help (GIVE HIM DETAILED TO-DO LIST).
3. After work I'm tired, instead of computer, can he show me some attention? (He will spend 15 minutes massaging me every night without fail, even if I'm asleep, he'll still massage)
4. Money we will share the burden, but he must share the emotional and physical burden (fetch son to class, play with him, make sure he finish his homework, etc)
5. I'm his wife, not sex toy. Want sex, then show some contribution.


Right now, if you are feeling 'tired' and 'sick' of him, pls, go for marriage counselling.
It will help to set expectations on track and you will discover that your hubs can be the father that you expect him to be.

 

[sunburst]

After reading long post, I don't quite understand what u actually expect ur hubby to do. I think u should sit down & think about what u really want ur DH to contribute to the family. Then find a good time to have a heart to heart talk with him, also to let him know about ur expectations & find out if he is comfortable to meet them... Be prepared to compromise if you want ur marriage to work.

There are similar elements tt u mentioned tt my DH has too.... He has no hobby, don't drink or smoke or goes out with his friends. All which I consider favorable to me. DH also don't coach or teach DS1 anything except playing the Wii. I also make most of the decisions, which I don't mind coz I am the better thinker between us. I make DH pay for all household expenses, so he actually has to take on some freelance jobs... He spends lesser time with me but I don't mind coz he is slogging hard to provide us a better life.

 

[apollo]

honestly speaking, i dun see any problems at all. It is not as if you and your hub cant afford many things. ur hub's 80% salary goes to the household expenses while urs goes to ur girl's enrichment classes and the rest. Fair and square.

Btwn husband and wife, we cant expect everything to be totally half-half. Maybe when comes to ur girl's enrichments classes and the other things u paid for, might be higher than what ur hub contributes (the 80%) but i think that is the max he can contribute alrdy. At least he has done his best.

As for not helping, guys usually are like that. I agree with stonston, my hub also, need to to tell him straight and list down what i expect him to do b4 he will get his butt off the sofa. And maybe ur have a maid so he find that the madi can help u in many things alrdy? Guys might think this way you know?

you said he used ur money for meals etc.. but he alrdy contributed 80% of his mthly salary to u, he only left that much.. how to dine in proper restaurant?

Not only u, usualy the mothers are the one who teach and revise with the kids while fathers are more on the 'relax' side. It would be good if he can listen to u and revise with ur girl, if not, too bad.

I also make decisions for most of the things. Be grateful that u have the chance to make decision instead of having a MCP husband who dont allow wife to make any decisions. =)

Last but not least, I think you might be too stressful or sth. If not you will not slap ur hub over such things. He might also have lotsa stress at wk which u dunno. Why not just sit down and talk things out?

 

[stonston]

honestly speaking, i dont see any problems at all. It is not as if you and your hub cant afford many things. your hub's 80% salary goes to the household expenses while urs goes to your girl's enrichment classes and the rest. Fair and square.

Btwn husband and wife, we cant expect everything to be totally half-half. Maybe when comes to your girl's enrichments classes and the other things you paid for, might be higher than what your hub contributes (the 80%) but i think that is the max he can contribute alrdy. At least he has done his best.

As for not helping, guys usually are like that. I agree with stonston, my hub also, need to to tell him straight and list down what i expect him to do before he will get his butt off the sofa. And maybe your have a maid so he find that the madi can help you in many things alrdy? Guys might think this way you know?

I also make decisions for most of the things. Be grateful that you have the chance to make decision instead of having a MCP husband who dont allow wife to make any decisions. =)

I also dun see any problems... But I think she's very tired from daily life and needs a good break!!

I took a short holiday recently and really enjoyed it with hubs. Spa getaway, just the 2 of us

 

[apollo]

I also dont see any problems... But I think she's very tired from daily life and needs a good break!!

I took a short holiday recently and really enjoyed it with hubs. Spa getaway, just the 2 of us

Precisely.. Sometimes we mummies just need a short break. haha!

 

[allycat]

One of my girlfriend contributed 99% of her salary to maintain her household as her husband is jobless (cant remember when was the last time he actually holds a job :elvis. She takes care of everything in the house, coaches the children on their school work the moment she's back from home and on all off days. Not sure of their sex life though. But I think she is more of the "money tree" and "maid" as compared to you.

I agree with the other mummies, u need to take a break and recharge. Things will seem to be better after that good rest which u deserve.

 

[Phoebii Cheng]

Yes I agree with stonston and apollo....what is it tht u actually want?

Don't expect that he knows what u want without communicating with him....marriage is all abt communication.....

If you expect your hubby to do something tell him, otherwise he will think tht everythings ok and it has met ur expectations

And slapping your hubby, hope it is not in front of ur daughter.....will bruise his pride..........I mean all of us hv pride in us


I also agree tht mayb both u & hubby shd go for counselling.........

 

[angelwendy]

Hmm.. i agree.. i also don't see what's is the problem... maybe u r too tired?? go for a short trip with just ur hubby.. take it out... don't keep to urself if there is problem... is not healthy...

 

[diymummy]

I think your travelling around is making you very stressed out because whenever you come back, you feel that things are not in order. I feel that way when I travelled to. I requested to my boss to ground me and I was grounded ever since.

Maybe you should talk to your hubby in regards to what you want him to do while you're away. Routines would be great.

Have you ever told your hubby that you expect him to replace your role while you're away? Eg coaching your daughter?

I guess if you're feeling stressed that you could request for your company to ground you.

I guess you just needed to vent. So now get down to talking. Miscommunication can cause a lot of unnecessary misunderstandings. Assumptions are not good either. Don't assume your husband knows what is expected of him if you never told him what you expect of him.

Don't ASSUME. It makes an ASS out of U and ME

 

[meiteoh]

Y'know, on some days when I'm really exhausted from work and have to handle a fussy 1 yo, cook, clean and find the time to exercise, I get really snappish and I start thinking about the things that the TS wrote. I will snap at my hubby when he gets back and in the beginning, when this happened, we would end up fighting and very badly.

Over time, I realized that it's pointless - all the fighting. Now, I just tell him how I feel (about him working late all the time) and ask him to leave me alone for the night. I'll head off early to bed (after finishing up stuff) and the next morning, he'll ask me if I'm still angry at him. To which, I tell him no and that I was just exhausted and cranky.

No one - I believe - likes to work late or be away from loved ones but sometimes we don't have a choice. If you're like my hubby and working for a shitty company that believes OT is productive, then that's how things will be. You both need to sit down and iron out things as well as make the effort to keep the flame going strong. I do what stonston suggests regularly - talk about things, spend some "us" time and make things clear. Your hubby cannot read your mind so if you don't tell him, he won't know.

Don't get violent - it won't solve anything but will instead drive him further away from you.

 

[arkin2010]

Am I a petty Wife??
*Married 6yrs living in 4-rm flat without in-laws,
*5yrs girl,
*Employed a maid,
*Does not owe family car.

husband contribution to joint account 80% of his monthly salary for maint.
when not enough then i will top up from my side.
And, husband kept $720 for Transport=$150, Meal$350, Insurance=$220.
Disapproved husband contribution to in-laws = $0.

I am a buyer so my job requires me to travel almost every week..and follows with couple of rest days.
husband job is standard office hr(5 1/2day) including ad hoc weekend exhibition.
husband has no hobby; no entertainment, no drink, no smoke and no night outing with friends.
Everyday husband finished work at 6pm and got home at 745pm.
*Mother help out regularly when i was out of town.

I have to decide everything at home, services to engage, which enrichment centre, taking kid to clinic, etc.becoz husband always make me angry with his wrong choices or take short cut or stupid ideas.
Monthly expense on my girl, Pediatrician for mild asthmatic,Therapy for mild hyper active,Chinese Doc and medical冬蟲草 and Vitamins, school bus, K1 school fee, CL enrichment, Story books, exercise book, Clothes, Food, Fruit,
etc.

During my rest day, i will starts my girl study revision EL, Maths or Chinese at 730pm. After husband home, dinner and shower (815pm), always claims no time to study with her. Yet, he would play with his her until 9pm. Then switch attention to me...until 10pm when i went to bed. He cont. his office reports until 12am before going to bed.

Weekend, was the only time for us (if i were in town). Yet, when i am out of town, this father instead of helping to revise study with girl, he will switch on TV and watch with his girl.

Everyday, in order to have a decent meal with husband, i have to struggle with hunger since he got home at 745pm. Many times, I gave up and eat dinner without waiting for husband.

I am like a "Maid".
I have to bring girl for therapy, attend enrichment, clinic,
I have to revise school work with girl,
I have bring back more $$.

I am like a "Money-Tree".
husband used my money to pay lunch or dinner at Rest, to buy furniture, home renovation, COV.

husband is treat this house like hotel-81.
1. Wake up to work,
2. Come home to eat, computer and sleep,
3. Weekend TV,
4. Free sex once every quarter.

husband always say that he has a job and has to work, never show concern and play active role to take care of this family.

Lately, I were so mad that i slapped him a few times. He just stand there didn't defend or hide.
Left him slept in the study room.

Since he is not contributing and sharing my burden,
I dont't want this man, he dont't deserve to stay in this house.

Please help advice what can i do??
How to show him to improve... Divorce ??

It seems that you feel your hubby has not done what you wanted or what you want it to be...
Well I must say one thing,that is, communication and compromise are very very important and it takes two people to do it,plus patience needed.
Actually Life is simple,let not take everything for granted,let appreciate every single effort,especially you and hubby have come to this far.Perhaps you can ponder why now you have so much negatives of your hubby??
What is your mind thinking?
Where are the positive you had of him??
Alot of things you think front,you also need to think back.
Eg my hubby is younger than me,thus immature.Alot of things my hubby dont plan,dont know and dont think also...Everyday just eat,work sleep,the same routines,no goal in life.I quarrel with my hubby a lot as I felt he wasnt up to "the man I wanted him to be".And this stressed us up and hurt marriage.He has so many negatives I could say on and on...BUT BUT ONE DAY I WOKE UP FROM MY MIND...I ASKED SELF WHAT DO I WANT? TO MAKE IT LAST OR TO MAKE IT BREAK?
My hubby and I went through alot to be togther to where we are now.We have practically nothing to now making end meets.But we are happy even over little things and we know our lives will slowly be better and improve..Indeed he has lot of negatives,so do I.He has lot to learn and improve,so do I.We sat down and talked and agreed always to compromise.We do quarrel but we always try to cool down and talk again to explain our thinking why like this and like that...and we try not to hurt even others emotionally...everyone has its pride and feeling even though keep quiet.
When mentioning changing,both have to change.Well there is no right or wrong..it is just how both of you come to a decision.Guideing is important,it doesnt mean adults need no guidance.
Treasure love!If it is bitter,make it sweeter,it can,depend both of you only.

 

[angelwendy]

Actually what i wanna say also is that... be glad that ur hubby still will be at home with the family.. some men will just go out & be with frenz rather than to stay home to spend time with family.. so... be happy with what u have... just talk it out with him....

 

[Mof2kk]

I agree with the forumers comments. Perhaps your expectation of your husband is too high and not communicated. I'm married for almost 15 years, and we learned to give and take over the years.

Even at home, you need to define your 'job scope'. For us, my husband is the chauffeur while I am the one who do revision with my children. It's quite common that fathers don't do revision with kids. Financially, regardless of who make more money, we contribute about 50-50 to our house expenses. Eg he pays for meals, home bills (water/eletric etc) while I pay for tuition & maid salary. We also contribute 50-50 to our house.

My husband is also like yours, no hobbies, no entertainment, few friends (he is a 1st generation Singaporean) here and hardly goes out after work. I'm OK with that!!! I have friends whose hubbies are in sales and they use that as excuses for late nights. Some come home at 2-3am, and some when they go on business trips, they will, you know, pay for 'extra services'. Be thankful that your hubby loves his family and comes home every night. My hubby also has a lot of negative points, but you know what? Have you noticed that a couple get along well because they are usually quite the opposite of each other. You should not view the opposite qualities of each other as negatives. You should try to see what are the good qualities of your other half.

Slapping him is a no-no!!! My girl friend who is quite 'xiao jie' did that to her hubby a few times last time. She's suffering now as he hubby is posted overseas and admitted to her that she's seeing someone!

Try to sit down with him and talk to him first. If cannot, maybe try some counselling. Maybe your travelling job is too much for you?

 

[Ashbaby]

husband contribution to joint account 80% of his monthly salary for maint.
when not enough then i will top up from my side.
And, husband kept $720 for Transport=$150, Meal$350, Insurance=$220.
Disapproved husband contribution to in-laws = $0.

Shouldnt u be happy tt he contributed 80% of his pay to you. And why he isnt allow to give his parents $$??

I am a buyer so my job requires me to travel almost every week..and follows with couple of rest days.
husband job is standard office hr(5 1/2day) including ad hoc weekend exhibition.
husband has no hobby; no entertainment, no drink, no smoke and no night outing with friends.
Everyday husband finished work at 6pm and got home at 745pm.
*Mother help out regularly when i was out of town.

I have to decide everything at home, services to engage, which enrichment centre, taking kid to clinic, etc.becoz husband always make me angry with his wrong choices or take short cut or stupid ideas.
Monthly expense on my girl, Pediatrician for mild asthmatic,Therapy for mild hyper active,Chinese Doc and medical冬蟲草 and Vitamins, school bus, K1 school fee, CL enrichment, Story books, exercise book, Clothes, Food, Fruit,
etc.

Like it or not, man are nvr good at such thing. If u ask most of the HB here they will tell u no need to go for enrichment class. My HB nvr make any plans for my son except for insurance which Im the one who makes the final decision.

During my rest day, i will starts my girl study revision EL, Maths or Chinese at 730pm. After husband home, dinner and shower (815pm), always claims no time to study with her. Yet, he would play with his her until 9pm. Then switch attention to me...until 10pm when i went to bed. He cont. his office reports until 12am before going to bed.

Weekend, was the only time for us (if i were in town). Yet, when i am out of town, this father instead of helping to revise study with girl, he will switch on TV and watch with his girl.

At least he spend time watching TV with ur daughter, better than he spend his time at the computer right?


Everyday, in order to have a decent meal with husband, i have to struggle with hunger since he got home at 745pm. Many times, I gave up and eat dinner without waiting for husband.
If u want him to have dinner with u just tell him. Why wait? Man dont tk hints well.

I am like a "Maid".
I have to bring girl for therapy, attend enrichment, clinic,
I have to revise school work with girl,
I have bring back more $$.

I am like a "Money-Tree".
husband used my money to pay lunch or dinner at Rest, to buy furniture, home renovation, COV.

Ur HB already given 80% of his pay to the household on such basis of cos he needs extra $$.

husband is treat this house like hotel-81.
1. Wake up to work,
2. Come home to eat, computer and sleep,
3. Weekend TV,
4. Free sex once every quarter.

Everyone treats the home like a hotel. We wake up at 6am in the morning, then leave for work and comes home in the evening. Weekend rest and relax(watch TV). If he need to pay u for sex then something is very wrong right?

 

[xicloudix]

Calculating: 20% left = $720
So 80% contributed is $2880, and u mentioned u need to top up

there are many others surviving with less than even $1500 per mth and live happily???
My hubby takes around 1500 back every mth, i take 1200 back every mth... he still can give his mum few hundred and i give my mum few hundred.... after paying for bill, housing loan, we have only few hundred left... we still can make it

If i dare to disapprove my hubby to give inlaw $$, he confirm divorce me!!! during casual chatting he told me before, wat ever i do I need to think back.... "what if my children does it to me also, how would i feel?? As kids are very clever, they will follow what their parents do"

My hubby also dun care abt what purchases/ choice i make, he leave it to me, he can't be bother... if he help me, i rather he dun help, So he tell me, i wanna help u dun wan, end up dun complain!

My hubby also dun help me look after baby, he dun care, he watches his DVD only... but nowadays i tell him what i wan him to do, and he would help me pat my baby to slp after i feed milk...

he reaches hm 7.45 due to work or??? if coz of work, he has no choice also, not he want also... i everyday have to wait for my hubby until sometime 9+, if i am too hungry, i would eat a little first, and accompany him eat again later


u slap ur hubby and he nv say anything, tat means he dun wanna quarrel with u, if my hubby, he would slap me back and divorce ...

 

[vivienshoshanna]

before you two got married, have you seen this attitude of his? have a talk with him, how you are feeling and all of what he is thinking/feeling whenever he comes home from the office. you guys need a family bonding moment..

 

[liz2010]

I'm almost shocked by what your are writing. The way your are thinking is very old-fashioned! This is my opinion: first of all, marriage is based on compromise and communication. If you are fighting with your husband instead of speaking calmly to him, then, maybe, this is why it's not working. You are suggesting yourself the divorce issue. Then, maybe, you are not happy with your husband and doesn't love him anymore. Instead of blaming him, you may need to think about your own attitude toward him. If at the end your answer is: "I don't love him anymore", then maybe you should seek for divorce. But you shouldn't say "divorce" for the reasons you mentionned!

Am I a petty Wife??

husband contribution to joint account 80% of his monthly salary for maint.
when not enough then i will top up from my side."

Well, as you are working yourself, in my opinion, it's normal that you contribute to your household spending as well. You are leaving in a modern society, you should think modern. Nowadays, men can't possibly bear all the household spending alone! If you wanted a man like that, then, why you didn't marry someone wealthy?

And, husband kept $720 for Transport=$150, Meal$350, Insurance=$220.
Disapproved husband contribution to in-laws = $0.

If you contribute more to the household spending, maybe, your husband will have some money left to give to in-laws!

I have to decide everything at home, services to engage, which enrichment centre, taking kid to clinic, etc.becoz husband always make me angry with his wrong choices or take short cut or stupid ideas.

If you are happier with your own decisions, and if your husband let you decide, why are you not satisfied with the situation? If you want your husband to take part, you need to listen to him and not get angry!

During my rest day, i will starts my girl study revision EL, Maths or Chinese at 730pm. After husband home, dinner and shower (815pm), always claims no time to study with her. Yet, he would play with his her until 9pm.
It's a good thing that your husband plays with your girl. She needs to play and not study all the time otherwise she's going to be too stressed!

Weekend, was the only time for us (if i were in town). Yet, when i am out of town, this father instead of helping to revise study with girl, he will switch on TV and watch with his girl.
Do you tell him to study with her when you are not at home?

Everyday, in order to have a decent meal with husband, i have to struggle with hunger since he got home at 745pm. Many times, I gave up and eat dinner without waiting for husband.
Eat some healthy snack if you really want to have dinner with your husband! 745pm is not that late for working people!

I am like a "Maid".
I have to bring girl for therapy, attend enrichment, clinic,
I have to revise school work with girl,
Have you ask your husband to share the duty?

I have bring back more $$.
Look like your problem is money! Do you think about love sometime?

I am like a "Money-Tree".
husband used my money to pay lunch or dinner at Rest, to buy furniture, home renovation, COV.
Once again, maybe he's doing that because he's contributing to 80% of the household spending. If you increase your contribution, he may not need YOUR money for these kind of spending!

Since he is not contributing and sharing my burden,

... well, as you said before, he contributes to 80%, so you are unfair when you say he's not contributing!

 

[ali50n]

Am I a petty Wife??
Yes, u r a petty wife
*Married 6yrs living in 4-rm flat without in-laws,
*5yrs girl,
*Employed a maid,
*Does not owe family car.

husband contribution to joint account 80% of his monthly salary for maint.
when not enough then i will top up from my side.
And, husband kept $720 for Transport=$150, Meal$350, Insurance=$220.
Disapproved husband contribution to in-laws = $0.

I think this is reasonable unless u want him to skip meals, which I dun think is fair to him. He had given 80% of his salary for the family how is he going to give more to ur in-laws? If u really mind it, y not he contribute 50% then but r u willing to accept?

I am a buyer so my job requires me to travel almost every week..and follows with couple of rest days.
husband job is standard office hr(5 1/2day) including ad hoc weekend exhibition.
husband has no hobby; no entertainment, no drink, no smoke and no night outing with friends.
Everyday husband finished work at 6pm and got home at 745pm.
*Mother help out regularly when i was out of town.

I have to decide everything at home, services to engage, which enrichment centre, taking kid to clinic, etc.becoz husband always make me angry with his wrong choices or take short cut or stupid ideas.

As highlighted in red, the problem is not with him is U, u dun accept his decisions so he left to u.

Monthly expense on my girl, Pediatrician for mild asthmatic,Therapy for mild hyper active,Chinese Doc and medical冬蟲草 and Vitamins, school bus, K1 school fee, CL enrichment, Story books, exercise book, Clothes, Food, Fruit,
etc.

During my rest day, i will starts my girl study revision EL, Maths or Chinese at 730pm. After husband home, dinner and shower (815pm), always claims no time to study with her. Yet, he would play with his her until 9pm. Then switch attention to me...until 10pm when i went to bed. He cont. his office reports until 12am before going to bed.

He play with her for 45 mins, I dun think it is an issue. If u really mind it, then u can hired a tutor for her.

Weekend, was the only time for us (if i were in town). Yet, when i am out of town, this father instead of helping to revise study with girl, he will switch on TV and watch with his girl.

Everyday, in order to have a decent meal with husband, i have to struggle with hunger since he got home at 745pm. Many times, I gave up and eat dinner without waiting for husband.

When I was small, my mum also wait for my dad to come home to have dinner. But he always told my mum to eat 1st if we r hungry.

I am like a "Maid".
I have to bring girl for therapy, attend enrichment, clinic,
I have to revise school work with girl,
I have bring back more $$.

Did u discuss with ur husband to help to bring ur daughter to therapy, classes etc...?

Revise school with ur daughter, if really stressful hire a tutor as i earlier said.

For more $$ u can cut down on enrichment classes if u want if not dun complain...

I am like a "Money-Tree".
husband used my money to pay lunch or dinner at Rest, to buy furniture, home renovation, COV.

Ur husband contribute 80% of his salary to this family, u tell me where he have money to pay lunch at restaurant? U can opt to eat at food court, hawker centre not neccessary restaurant.

husband is treat this house like hotel-81.
1. Wake up to work,
2. Come home to eat, computer and sleep,
3. Weekend TV,
4. Free sex once every quarter.

U have a maid to do housework what do u want ur husband to do?

husband always say that he has a job and has to work, never show concern and play active role to take care of this family.

If he never show concern to the family he won't play with ur daughter, this is also part of bonding. Suggest u go n read more in parenting. If he never take care of this family y he need to give 80% of his salary for?

Lately, I were so mad that i slapped him a few times. He just stand there didn't defend or hide.
Left him slept in the study room.

Since he is not contributing and sharing my burden,
I dont't want this man, he dont't deserve to stay in this house.

Please help advice what can i do??
How to show him to improve... Divorce ??

Be grateful that he never say divorce before you do, Never bring this up for such a small matter.

 

[DodoTan]

I think it's a matter of control. You need to learn to let go. You cannot expect everything to be done your way or up to your exact expectations. Accept that your husband is a different person and has his own way of doing things. Ask yourself what are the most impt things to you in life. Are you living comfortably? Is your daughter happy and healthy? What more do you want? If your hubby goes home straight after work, even if it is 9pm, how can you complain? It's not like he go chiong first then go home lor. Sounds to me like you have a very fixed idea of what your ideal family life is and want/must have it that way. You can't get everything. Be happy with what you have. If it takes going hungry for a few hours to have a nice meal with your hubby every night, work in a snack beforehand. I think you need to learn to bend to meet your situation instead of trying to force the situation to bend to meet you.