i'm confused :(

[mag_huiling]

errr, ohkay. there's alot going on here. don't need to put hate on me right ? yes, so what i drink and club ? doesn't mean i don't look after Miaa. and yes, i do blame my Ex, cause he's the reason why we suffer(Miaa and me) he doesn't give Miaa any money for her whole 2 years of living on earth, so ? isn't he taking any responsibility towards Miaa ?u guys seriously need to know the whole story before making me look like a bad mother to Miaa. i go drink and club without asking my parents for money, so it doesn't bother my parents one bit. they know i do such things, so ? u don't have to judge me through my blog.

Yes, So what if you drink /club. But not taking money from your parents to have such entertainment is good. Because (as what I believe), your parents have already taken up the financial burden for raising YOUR child.

So what if your ex didnt gave your daughter who is also his daughter maintainance? Why dont you file for maintenance instead of blaming, cursing and swearing? Blaming doesnt solve the problem! Blaming doesn't give you makes you rich!

What is the whole picture? Are what we pointed here not facts? Tell us more, dont let us mis-read the situation and accuse you.

 

[Ting]

my ex didnt give me any money either when i had my girl. i looked after her for 18 mths til she can enter CC. during this 18mths, i took care of her in the day and worked PT from 6pm-10pm at an F&B place. i didnt feel like im suffering at all. til now my girl is 4 yo soon, also nvr take any single cent from him... in fact since day 1 i was preg, i nvr took any money from him. i worked PT while being preg n schling, i paid for my own gynae fees and expenses. after she turned 18mths, i went to find a FT job. so, in what way r u suffering? perhaps if we hv a better picture of what problems u r facing, then we can give better advices.

i think, u can try looking for jobs in retail line or F&B line cos usu these jobs dont require any qualifications. just that the working hrs might be longer and irregular but i believe these can be compromised. if u r working, u can place her in a CC. if you r working late, u can arrange with your parents to go pick her up. with careful planning, things can go out well.

 

[mag_huiling]

and about working, i had tried looking for a job, don't assume i never tried. i only have PSLE certificate to make it worst. why do you think after all the interviews and walk-in's i never get a single call from them ? don't say i never tried. i've been looking after Miaa this whole time. if i work, who's going to take care of her ? haiz

What job are you looking for? Have you tried agencies? What methods have you tried? Just cold calling? With PSLE Cert, I reckon it's kinda hard to get office jobs, so maybe you will like to proceed to look for other job functions, like retail sales, etc... And with you being pregnant, it might just be even harder to get one.

 

[Edwinie]

and about working, i had tried looking for a job, don't assume i never tried. i only have PSLE certificate to make it worst. why do you think after all the interviews and walk-in's i never get a single call from them ? don't say i never tried. i've been looking after Miaa this whole time. if i work, who's going to take care of her ? haiz

Hi!
You can consider the service sector since there are increasing demand for it. Just that you have to work during weekends, public holidays and night time.
I read a post that you want to take N levels. That's good. If possible, take the O levels too.
You are still young. you have the energy to work and study at the same time. yes, you do have to let go of the time spent with Miaa now. but in the long run, you won't regret the hard work and foundation that you lay.
if you put your mind and heart to it, you life will be just work-study-miaa. yes, it sounds boring with no party and drinks and lesser fun than before. but this is what mums have to sacrifice. treat it as suffer now and enjoy later. =)
you can do it as long as you focus on what you want, set your heart and mind to it, work towards it.
Trust yourself this time. The only person you can let down is only yourself.

 

[Ashbaby]

I have to be harsh here, no amt of advice will sink into your head unless u wake up ur idea.

You dont even know where u gone wrong, how sad.

 

[angelwendy]

u can get a baby sitter or ask someone u trust to help take care of her.. because u won't be able to find any job in the end if u keep thinking that no one look after her... & also can u imagine if u deliver ur second baby? is even more hard to get a job & taking care of 2 kids at the same time... if no work... where will the money come from?? We need to think alot before we plan to have any kids.. if not.. they will suffer with u...

 

[tommyBoi]

The advices here are good and helpful, but it is only useful to those who can think more maturely. We had been 17 yrs old b4 and we shld know a teenager cant think like wat we are now..

"Growing up needs to pay a price". You will know what it means next time.

 

[etlo]

That's why the solution to her problem is for her to grow up and take responsibility....
It's not about finance, there is help i can secure for her from various agencies....
We must look at the root problem, else she will come back in 2 years and tells us that she is pregnant again....
No more clubbing or drinking or fooling around.... Her bf is the biggest disservice to her....

There is one straight forward solution, go work.... I have seen many single mothers go work first and later catch up with their studies....
Her family has helped her alot but she doesn't see or appreciate her sacrifice.... She takes her parents for granted....

Normally social workers will follow up with cases like this, unless the client refuses or unless the clients are deemed to be not suitable for investment of limited resources to help....

She still doesn't understand the seriousness of the matter and the sanctity of human life....

Truth is that with MTV and all that shit, teens these days think it's glorified to be a single mum without understanding the sacrifices they really face....

I just chanced upon this thread and after reading through the replies, I have to agree with masayuki. I have a childhood friend (who I have lost contact with) but turned up again when she appeared at my mom's hospital (she's a nurse). She has been getting pregnant since she was a teen. Till date, she has 4 different children with 4 different fathers. She smokes, she drinks, she spend lots of money on keeping herself pretty. Her mom has ome to a ppoint where she chased her out (ironically, her mom was the one who emphasized on her beauty on and how pretty she was when she was much younger). Her last child did not make it and she cried. I felt so sorry for her and wanted to contact her but was stopped by my mom because she sensed she will start asking for things sooner or later (YES. Impressions do count.) Latest news I heard was she was in again, pregnant and about to give birth with ANOTHER man. She too, has no cert. She has already reached her late twenties. One year pass and your value will depreciate. It's not abt asking for the whole story. It's WHAT ARE YOU GOING TO DO ABOUT IT NOW.

 

[eissacsirhc]

ur 17? waoh.. tats really young.. and ur already preg with ur 2nd child..
hmmm.. I noe its easy for people to tell u to put baby up for adoption but they mean it with fully good intentions..
U really have to think about this.. how are u gonna bring up 2 children when u dun even yet have a job? Its not only about the financial constraints but how about time? Do u even have the time and stamina to give ur 2 children 101% when u urself is still dating?? Technically ur not married to ur bf so I would call it dating.. I only have one child myself at the moment and I already find it tiring to join my friends for even a normal gathering..
Its not always about how U feel.. You have to think about ur children too..
And the next time when u fool around with someone else.. please use protection.. If u had used it in the 1st place u wouldnt need to come here and blog about this BIG BIG huge problem which u have now, rite?

 

[missymelody]

Dear ts, I quitter school when I was only 15. Oso a psle cert holder, it's nv hard to get a job. I tried finding office job and I got it. Ya the pay might be slightly low. But still it's money!!! Sales line long hours and pay wise is enough for u and ur daughter to spend if u stop going clubbing,shopping. I don't get it. Why are ur parents supportig YOUR daughter? U wanna give birth to her, u have to bear the responsibilty. U say nobody take care of your daughter? She's 2 already. Send her to childcare. Get your parents to fetch her when they after work and u can concentrate working hard for your daughter. I seriously feel that u are not prepared for another kid. Haven't u learnt ur lesson? Your current bf already stated himself clearly, "he wants to continue studying" oh please, it's just an excuse to no bear the responsibilty. I doubt your parents will be happy that you got yourself pregnant with another guy again. They might be anti abortion. But that doesn't mean they Are happy they have another fatherless grandchild once again. Their hearts might be breaking inside. U are not them, so don't assume.

 

[minako85]

i think no advice we give will get into her head. anw, we are very MEAN people according to her blog. haa.

 

[etlo]

Haha then let's all stop advising her an just let life teach her a lesson

 

[stonston]

At 17 years old, she has not learnt her lesson. No advise will go into her head now.

One day, she will wake up and realise what she COULD HAVE done.

Anyway, just to share, I am tutoring a pair of siblings now, their mum gave birth to them when she was 16 & 18yo. She's struggling to earn enough to support her kids now. Bear in mind, if you don't want your kids to go the same route as you, EDUCATION is very important and it doesn't come cheap, especially if you are not able to coach them personally. Due to lack of parental control/guidance, they were very very very naughty and I was really very frustrated with them. But after counselling and showing them reality, they are better behaved and more motivated to work hard for their own future.

If my P3 and P5 kids can mature and understand the need to work hard, I'm sure you will understand it one day. We are not prejudices against you. In fact, there are many many young single mums in this forum & they've given you their good advice, with themselves as models.

Ultimately, it's your life, not ours. We can just close this webpage and we're out of it. You can't close your life out of this unless you choose to wake up, get help and start anew.

 

[meiteoh]

*sigh*

To be honest and no offence to people here, I cannot understand what is so proud about being a dropout and struggling to make ends meet? I have told some of the SG mummies I know to go back and at least get a basic degree. At least it's easier for you to find a well-paid job (above 2.5K) and you can lead a more comfortable life with more savings. No need to work like a dog or worry about the bills every month.

And if you want to move overseas or find a job overseas like me and the hubby (I'm M'sian and he's French), it's easier to get a job (I was teaching part-time in Switzerland and my hubby was a design engineer there; I have many M'sian friends working as accountants/etc in UK, Denmark, Netherlands and my relatives are in NY studying for their postgrad - they were working with Merill Lynch and etc, saved enough money to pay for the postgrad). You don't have to work in stereotypical positions like a waitress at a restaurant, a cleaner and the likes. You guys are lucky that you have baby bonus and all that. If it were any other country, you'd be completely on your own.

As for that bit about children learning from example, this depends on the attitude of the parents. My mum was just a cert holder but she bloody made sure that my bro and I finish university and get a basic degree. If we wanted to go further, she was very supportive of our decision.

But at the end of the day, stonston has a point: It's not my life, not my problem.

 

[missymelody]

She should realise that her kids are gonna suffer with her one day if she continue this way.(unless the kid's dad is responsible ). Ya read her blog and mummysg people are meanies!!! So no point advising her so much. She will regret like me 1 day for not studying hard! My sis earns bout 3-5k a mth as a undergrad while I earn only close to 2k a mth working so hard. But thankfully I'm a Sahm once I'm pregnant cos of a good and responsible husband.

I have a fren at 17 got pregnant. Her bf stopped his poly and went straight to ns to support the mum and baby. He signed on eventually and slowly upgraded himself. Now turning 21 and wife and daughter is enjoying at home.

There are still responsible guys out there. Maybe she's trying her luck tofind a gd guy to support her and Miaa? Dun mean to be so rude. But she shld learnt her lesson te 1st time round. U wan sex and bf? Wear condom. Practice safe sex.

 

[meiteoh]

She should realise that her kids are gonna suffer with her one day if she continue this way.(unless the kid's dad is responsible ). Ya read her blog and mummysg people are meanies!!! So no point advising her so much. She will regret like me 1 day for not studying hard! My sis earns bout 3-5k a mth as a undergrad while I earn only close to 2k a mth working so hard. But thankfully I'm a Sahm once I'm pregnant cos of a good and responsible husband.

I have a fren at 17 got pregnant. Her bf stopped his poly and went straight to ns to support the mum and baby. He signed on eventually and slowly upgraded himself. Now turning 21 and wife and daughter is enjoying at home.

There are still responsible guys out there. Maybe she's trying her luck tofind a gd guy to support her and Miaa? Dun mean to be so rude. But she shld learnt her lesson te 1st time round. U wan sex and bf? Wear condom. Practice safe sex.

Yeah, I read that post on her blog and I think she's childish. She has not yet seen the world, let alone anywhere outside of Singapore so what would she know about "mean"? She thinks being pregnant is cool, being a young mother is cool. I wonder if she would still say the same thing 20 years from now.

Imagine this - a child bring children into the world. My best wishes to her children and I really hope that other young women out there learn from her mistakes - practice safe sex, no matter what.

 

[minako85]

Fit to Post – Yahoo! Singapore's blog » Blog Archive Singapore ‘not yet a nation’: MM Lee «

i believe life is going to be harder in singapore in times to come.... maybe she should spend some time understanding what LKY has to say....... (okay maybe she is too young to even understand all this)
sinagpore is facing low birth rates because of the immense pressure ppl are facing , whether one can keep their job/rice bowl, their low salary, expensive living..etc etc therefore ppl dont dare to have children nowadays. and ppl are also becoming more n more self centred who place money career and status above all else(one of them are my cousin - read my thread 'counsin from hell')....

so raising a baby in spore is a very tough job .... she need to recognise that and spare a thought for her parents who is raising her baby now. and she cant just get herself preg now and then ..... and still thinking she wants the baby/loves the baby despite her bf being an arse.

dont bring a baby into this tough world to suffer because of a mistake unless you are willing to change and sacrifice for your baby.

 

[apollo]

She should realise that her kids are gonna suffer with her one day if she continue this way.(unless the kid's dad is responsible ). Ya read her blog and mummysg people are meanies!!! So no point advising her so much. She will regret like me 1 day for not studying hard! My sis earns bout 3-5k a mth as a undergrad while I earn only close to 2k a mth working so hard. But thankfully I'm a Sahm once I'm pregnant cos of a good and responsible husband.

I have a fren at 17 got pregnant. Her bf stopped his poly and went straight to ns to support the mum and baby. He signed on eventually and slowly upgraded himself. Now turning 21 and wife and daughter is enjoying at home.

There are still responsible guys out there. Maybe she's trying her luck tofind a gd guy to support her and Miaa? Dun mean to be so rude. But she shld learnt her lesson te 1st time round. U wan sex and bf? Wear condom. Practice safe sex.

Not only becos ur hub is responsible, cos you ARE responsible too. If one is not responsible at all, dont learn from mistake, no matter how good and responsible her spouse is, also no use. Right? =)

And I think whether we're being mean anot, it is up to individual to judge. Whether one wants to take in nice but non practical words or straight forward and frank (maybe to her is MEAN) words. We're here to give our frank opinion, not to put in nice words BLINDLY. =)

 

[missymelody]

Totally agree with all mummies. The moment I found out I was pregnant at 20. And decided to keep my daughter, I gave up smoking, my night life and all those other things other 20 years old are doing and enjoying. I took care of my girl myself since she was born and nv once I went out without her. I spend Xmas eve with hub and frens for dinner then back home to slp by 11pm. New yr eve I put her at my mum place. And jus for that night she cried so hard cos I'm not with her. From then on I told myself and hub, I will never leave her alone without me by her side!! Having a kid , u have to really sacrific all the playings and give the best to our kid. Only then our kid will grow up in the best environment we can give!! And for sure, ts is not ready to give up her enjoyment yet. Young mum is cool??!!! I doubt so!! Ppl keep staring at me like Im a monster when I'm carrying my girl out with hub. Like thinking WTF so young be mum??? Or other negative thinking towards us. Especially those aunties sibei kpo keep wanna teach u to teach ur daughter. Like on the bus, I carry my bb siitting down then my girl can breathe la this autie keep kpkb at me say ur bb cannot breathe and tried to turn her !!! Zzzz. Really mus prepare to face all these.

 

[keefu]

Yeah, I read that post on her blog and I think she's childish. She has not yet seen the world, let alone anywhere outside of Singapore so what would she know about "mean"? She thinks being pregnant is cool, being a young mother is cool. I wonder if she would still say the same thing 20 years from now.

Imagine this - a child bring children into the world. My best wishes to her children and I really hope that other young women out there learn from her mistakes - practice safe sex, no matter what.

I think she felt she was cool with the fact that after having her first child, she still looks slim, pretty and young ON THE SURFACE. I bet she is someone who jumps with joy in her heart when someone says "You don't look like a mum!" or "Serious?! You still look pretty!" to her, so she enjoyed being a young mother...