Is your mother-in-law a money grubber?

[jal]

Each time I go back to my mother-in-law's place with my hubby with little presents of food or fruits, she will always say things like "Aiya, no need to buy". or "How much did u buy it for? The shop downstairs sells it cheaper by xx cents." "Why dun u take it back & eat it yourself"?
Alternatively, she will try to give the items away to her daughters who also come to visit. I mean I am fine with this if it is done occasionally since the item is cheap, but what I wish is she would sometimes understand my kind intentions & 'xin' (heart), & consume the food herself rather than giving them away everytime. After all, it is bought with my hard-earned money.

BUT BUT BUT when my hubby gives her monthly allowance, it is a totally different story. She will never ever say things like "Aiya, dun need to gimme. Save some for yourself." or "Next time dun gimme so much. I have enough $'. After taking the money from my hubby, she will IMMEDIATELY count it & keep the money in her cupboard & lock it properly. And keep the key by her side AT ALL TIMES. Even her hubby has NO access whatsoever to that mysterious cupboard. But what everyone knows is that she has a lot of money kept inside there because a few years ago, she withdrew her money from a bank after it reached maturity. From what I heard from my hubby, that amounts to a tune of a 5 digit figure!!!

And before I got married into his family, his mother did not once ask or offer my hubby any money for the wedding dinner or renovation or electrical appliances or furniture. NOTHING. And she did NOT gimme me any jewellery or things like that. She just kept quiet. Other mothers I know will try to help their son by offering or lending some money since they are going to receive a daughter-in-law. But she, she just guards her money zealously.

The above behaviour of hers makes me feel that she is a money grubber!!!
Do you also have such a mother-in-law???

 

[apollo]

Each time I go back to my mother-in-law's place with my hubby with little presents of food or fruits, she will always say things like "Aiya, no need to buy". or "How much did u buy it for? The shop downstairs sells it cheaper by xx cents." "Why dun u take it back & eat it yourself"?
Alternatively, she will try to give the items away to her daughters who also come to visit. I mean I am fine with this if it is done occasionally since the item is cheap, but what I wish is she would sometimes understand my kind intentions & 'xin' (heart), & consume the food herself rather than giving them away everytime. After all, it is bought with my hard-earned money.

BUT BUT BUT when my hubby gives her monthly allowance, it is a totally different story. She will never ever say things like "Aiya, dun need to gimme. Save some for yourself." or "Next time dun gimme so much. I have enough $'. After taking the money from my hubby, she will IMMEDIATELY count it & keep the money in her cupboard & lock it properly. And keep the key by her side AT ALL TIMES. Even her hubby has NO access whatsoever to that mysterious cupboard. But what everyone knows is that she has a lot of money kept inside there because a few years ago, she withdrew her money from a bank after it reached maturity. From what I heard from my hubby, that amounts to a tune of a 5 digit figure!!!

And before I got married into his family, his mother did not once ask or offer my hubby any money for the wedding dinner or renovation or electrical appliances or furniture. NOTHING. And she did NOT gimme me any jewellery or things like that. She just kept quiet. Other mothers I know will try to help their son by offering or lending some money since they are going to receive a daughter-in-law. But she, she just guards her money zealously.

The above behaviour of hers makes me feel that she is a money grubber!!!
Do you also have such a mother-in-law???

lik u said mah, it's MONEY that ur hubby gave her... LOL...

eh... i dunno for others but i thought giving jewelleries to DIL when they get marry with their son is a "must"??? like those 4 dian jin???

 

[jal]

lik u said mah, it's MONEY that ur hubby gave her... LOL...

eh... i dunno for others but i thought giving jewelleries to DIL when they get marry with their son is a "must"??? like those 4 dian jin???

I am not a materialistic person, even if she cannot bear to part with her abundant money for 4 dian jin, at least 1 dian jin is also fine right? She gave me nothing.

 

[apollo]

I am not a materialistic person, even if she cannot bear to part with her abundant money for 4 dian jin, at least 1 dian jin is also fine right? She gave me nothing.

ya.. yi si yi si also can.. my mil bought me 4dian jin and 2 lil bangle during the tea ceremony... i heard tt this is the "traditional" esp 4dian jin..

as for the allowance ur hubby gives her.. dun care abt her la.. since ut hubby gif her, it's hers alrdy... no one can do anything.. LOL....

 

[mag_huiling]

I am not a materialistic person, even if she cannot bear to part with her abundant money for 4 dian jin, at least 1 dian jin is also fine right? She gave me nothing.

me too! Didn't get anything at all. not even 1/2 dian jin! my parent also didnt request for money from my MIL as my dad thinks that he can do w/o it as the family not well-off.. On my ROM day, my grandma ask my dad to request my MIL to give him a red packet with small amt like $88 for auspicious. But MIL give only $68, and cant even bear with the $68 lor!

MIL still thinks that she deserve it de. no need give all the bridal gifts etc... and even show off lor... makes me so angry, treats me like "free gift" + free maid+ free money making machine!

 

[Funz]

Giving away the fruits, etc ok lah. And naturally $$ most will take. At least she does not pretend to say no need but on the other hand reach out for it. And if you really do not give, go around telling pple son married oredi wife more important.

It all depends on the family background I guess. My MIL for one is always asking for $$. And initially, I was irritated. I wondered, she's working, FIL is working, DH and SIL all supporting themselves oredi. The flat they are living in is fully paid for, DH is footing their power supply, SCV and even MIL's handphone bills so why she still keep saying no money and keep asking for more. Even want to bao zong zi oso ask DH for $$, attend relative's wedding dinner or full month celebration oso ask DH for $$ to give ang bao. But over time, I realise it is partly bcos FIL was a gambler and doesn't give her any $$ instead he takes $$ from her so she feels very insecure. And whatever $$ she has, she will squirrel it away and not let FIL know. Sometimes pity her oso lah. Even tho now FIL is much better, she still has that thinking, which I think makes her miserable.

As for my wedding I had the full affair, mine si dian zuan but all paid for by DH. He say dun want my parents to think I dun matter to his family. In any case, my dad gave us a pretty big sum of $$ for our wedding, his family did not fork out a single cent but took a lot of tables with guests giving us $18 ang baos.

Now, between DH and SIL, MIL gets over $1000/mth purely for her own expenses as everything else is paid for oredi. She works part time so minimally also another few hundred. So just for 1 person alone, $1000+ should be very comfy and should still have excess, but she still keep calling DH to say not enuf $ or whenever any special occasions come up, she will ask for extra $. And then in front of other pple, when DH hands her the $, she will hold the $ but keep saying aiyoh no need lah, I have enuf, no need to give but hor the $ go inside her pocket.

DH oso use to get very stressed up over $$ matters with his family. But I told him to set aside an amount that he is ready to give to his parents. But dun give everything to them every mth. give only 70-80% of that. Balance, keep, then when they ask for all these additional $. And also told him that in any case, so long as it is still within our means, ok lah.

 

[jal]

Giving away the fruits, etc ok lah. And naturally $$ most will take. At least she does not pretend to say no need but on the other hand reach out for it. And if you really do not give, go around telling pple son married oredi wife more important.

It all depends on the family background I guess. My MIL for one is always asking for $$. And initially, I was irritated. I wondered, she's working, FIL is working, DH and SIL all supporting themselves oredi. The flat they are living in is fully paid for, DH is footing their power supply, SCV and even MIL's handphone bills so why she still keep saying no money and keep asking for more. Even want to bao zong zi oso ask DH for $$, attend relative's wedding dinner or full month celebration oso ask DH for $$ to give ang bao. But over time, I realise it is partly bcos FIL was a gambler and doesn't give her any $$ instead he takes $$ from her so she feels very insecure. And whatever $$ she has, she will squirrel it away and not let FIL know. Sometimes pity her oso lah. Even tho now FIL is much better, she still has that thinking, which I think makes her miserable.

As for my wedding I had the full affair, mine si dian zuan but all paid for by DH. He say dun want my parents to think I dun matter to his family. In any case, my dad gave us a pretty big sum of $$ for our wedding, his family did not fork out a single cent but took a lot of tables with guests giving us $18 ang baos.

Now, between DH and SIL, MIL gets over $1000/mth purely for her own expenses as everything else is paid for oredi. She works part time so minimally also another few hundred. So just for 1 person alone, $1000+ should be very comfy and should still have excess, but she still keep calling DH to say not enuf $ or whenever any special occasions come up, she will ask for extra $. And then in front of other pple, when DH hands her the $, she will hold the $ but keep saying aiyoh no need lah, I have enuf, no need to give but hor the $ go inside her pocket.

DH oso use to get very stressed up over $$ matters with his family. But I told him to set aside an amount that he is ready to give to his parents. But dun give everything to them every mth. give only 70-80% of that. Balance, keep, then when they ask for all these additional $. And also told him that in any case, so long as it is still within our means, ok lah.

Your mother-in-law gets so much money & still dare to ask for money from your hubby?! *shakes head* This is really terrible...

At least you know exactly how much your sister-in-law gives to her mother as monthly allowance. My hubby does not even know & he says he is not interested to know as the GREAT MAJORITY of monthly allowance comes from him & his brother. I have one sister-in-law who gives absolutely no allowance to her mother every month because her husband earns very little. Yet when she started earning $800/month without any CPF deduction (she gets to keep the sum of money in full), she still does not give any money to her own mother! Not even a token $20! I think my mother-in-law must have told her there is no need to give her money as she can take money from my hubby & his brother. She treats my hubby as a money tree! Just because he has a degree & thus she thinks he is earning a respectable sum of money, & because we have no kids yet. Aargh~~~! I feel like telling her that my hubby also has his financial constraints; it is just that he does not tell you. It is unfair that my hubby has to foot a majority of the household bills!

 

[llcyahoo]

of course my mil is. she love $ more then anything, not even her only son.
Last time she knew we poor, you can hardy see her. Nowadays, she keep telling my son how small her hse is and how pityful she is, cos she want to
stay here.(no need to do any hsework, got food, got aircon). And she even
tell my mum no need to go work juz ask $ from them!!!!! Oh she is only mid 50.

 

[apollo]

Giving away the fruits, etc ok lah. And naturally $$ most will take. At least she does not pretend to say no need but on the other hand reach out for it. And if you really do not give, go around telling pple son married oredi wife more important.

It all depends on the family background I guess. My MIL for one is always asking for $$. And initially, I was irritated. I wondered, she's working, FIL is working, DH and SIL all supporting themselves oredi. The flat they are living in is fully paid for, DH is footing their power supply, SCV and even MIL's handphone bills so why she still keep saying no money and keep asking for more. Even want to bao zong zi oso ask DH for $$, attend relative's wedding dinner or full month celebration oso ask DH for $$ to give ang bao. But over time, I realise it is partly bcos FIL was a gambler and doesn't give her any $$ instead he takes $$ from her so she feels very insecure. And whatever $$ she has, she will squirrel it away and not let FIL know. Sometimes pity her oso lah. Even tho now FIL is much better, she still has that thinking, which I think makes her miserable.

As for my wedding I had the full affair, mine si dian zuan but all paid for by DH. He say dun want my parents to think I dun matter to his family. In any case, my dad gave us a pretty big sum of $$ for our wedding, his family did not fork out a single cent but took a lot of tables with guests giving us $18 ang baos.

Now, between DH and SIL, MIL gets over $1000/mth purely for her own expenses as everything else is paid for oredi. She works part time so minimally also another few hundred. So just for 1 person alone, $1000+ should be very comfy and should still have excess, but she still keep calling DH to say not enuf $ or whenever any special occasions come up, she will ask for extra $. And then in front of other pple, when DH hands her the $, she will hold the $ but keep saying aiyoh no need lah, I have enuf, no need to give but hor the $ go inside her pocket.

DH oso use to get very stressed up over $$ matters with his family. But I told him to set aside an amount that he is ready to give to his parents. But dun give everything to them every mth. give only 70-80% of that. Balance, keep, then when they ask for all these additional $. And also told him that in any case, so long as it is still within our means, ok lah.

ppl gave ur $18 for angbaos?????????????? I salute the person who did tt!!!!

sometimes i rather my wedding my in-laws dun fork out money... cos once they pay, means they decide everything... mine lo.. my FIL said he paid in e end hubby n me gonna listen to all his decision.. our wedding leh but i totally got no say!!!!

so this time when BB full mth, i told hubby to tel FIL tt we pay for thebuffet at least we can choose the food and all...

 

[pkshl]

ppl gave ur $18 for angbaos?????????????? I salute the person who did tt!!!!

sometimes i rather my wedding my in-laws dun fork out money... cos once they pay, means they decide everything... mine lo.. my FIL said he paid in e end hubby n me gonna listen to all his decision.. our wedding leh but i totally got no say!!!!

so this time when BB full mth, i told hubby to tel FIL tt we pay for thebuffet at least we can choose the food and all...

initally i asked hubby can his parents sponsor BB full mth buffet, he said better dun la unless i dun mind his parents come our house cook which is a NO NO for me! he said best is everything we pay ourselves so that we wont ve any conflicts with his parents & can decided everything ourselves.

 

[apollo]

initally i asked hubby can his parents sponsor BB full mth buffet, he said better dun la unless i dun mind his parents come our house cook which is a NO NO for me! he said best is everything we pay ourselves so that we wont ve any conflicts with his parents & can decided everything ourselves.

tt' y lo... i told hubby to tell his PIL straight tt we pay our own... though fil haven say if he's going to pay anot but i think it's better to say things 1st if not i happy happy choose the buffet and dishes liao den suddenly all cannot...

 

[marchbear83]

Sama Sama too... DH and me paid for our own wedding and whatever the ang baos we collect to pay off our loan.. I think it's better cause the both of us gets to decide everything and dont have to feel that we owe anyone a favour.

 

[apollo]

Sama Sama too... DH and me paid for our own wedding and whatever the ang baos we collect to pay off our loan.. I think it's better cause the both of us gets to decide everything and dont have to feel that we owe anyone a favour.

agreed!! but my fil wan to choose the dishes and all..and those dishes he chosen, we cant afford so just let him be lo... -.-""""

 

[jal]

ppl gave ur $18 for angbaos?????????????? I salute the person who did tt!!!!

sometimes i rather my wedding my in-laws dun fork out money... cos once they pay, means they decide everything... mine lo.. my FIL said he paid in e end hubby n me gonna listen to all his decision.. our wedding leh but i totally got no say!!!!

so this time when BB full mth, i told hubby to tel FIL tt we pay for thebuffet at least we can choose the food and all...

Aiyo... You father-in-law sounds like a MCP leh!

 

[apollo]

Aiyo... You father-in-law sounds like a MCP leh!

wat's MCP???

no matter what, marriage is always betwn 2 families and NOT 2 person... only get to realise this fact when getting married...

 

[jal]

wat's MCP???

no matter what, marriage is always betwn 2 families and NOT 2 person... only get to realise this fact when getting married...

MCP = Male Chavinistic Pig

 

[apollo]

MCP = Male Chavinistic Pig

LOL!! ya he v da nan ren... tt's y i kinda respect my mil for able to be so xiao nv ren... heng my hubby not lik tt.. hehe...

 

[meiteoh]

IMHO, I think it's mostly cultural thing. Being married to a French where even the mere mention of money is taboo, my in-laws obviously dont't ask for an allowance and well, money just doesn't crop up. But my parents are not French and they dont't live/do by the same rules.

In fact, when we first started dating, my mum would kaypoh and ask me about how much money he is, if he has any houses and such. When she found out that my husband's grandma had a couple of properties scattered over France, she started bugging me more about them and so forth. At that time, I just attributed it as curiosity and took it lightly because she never asked him directly - just me.

But then this year, when she passed away, my mum called up to offer her condolences to my husband and immediately started drilling him about who was getting what property, what he should tell his dad to do, what he ought to do with the house and so forth. She spent about 30 minutes on the phone just talking about the inheritance and the more I listened, the more angry I got because her attitude seriously made me look bad. The minute I took over the phone, I fired her off...

"Mother, why are you asking all these things? I'm the wife and I dont't even ask. You as mother-in-law ask for what?"
"I'm just reminding him mah"
"He is a grown man, he doesn't need you to remind him stuff. This is their family's business. Why you want to kaypoh for what?"
"Aiya, I'm sure he knows I mean well."
"Still...if other people here, you know what they'll think about me? Like I'm the golddigger. Told you already, their family, their business, especially when it comes to money."

Of course that hasn't stopped her from asking ME on and off about what's going on with the inheritance and such over the phone and via email. She even thinks that my SIL was upset with my husband previously because she was afraid of being cut out from the grandma's will now that we're expecting a baby ("your husband and you are getting everything so she not happy ").

My husband has been nice enough to NOT tell his family about this but I for one am always embarassed whenever my mum starts going on and on about money because it looks bad on me as the daughter-in-law and wife. The trouble is that she just DOESN'T UNDERSTAND!

 

[stonston]

The French think very different when it comes to such things. No such thing as you have a son and you get more like traditional chinese families!

My cousin married a rich Dutchman and her parents also always ask her about money and stuff and like to show off to my parents during CNY saying how many properties they own, how often they travel, etc etc.

Then one year my dad got fed up and said "my daughter pay for me to go holiday with her hard-earned money, she doesn't need to man to support her, she needs a man as a life-long companion. dunno ur daughter married for love for married for money. my daughter is so capable, can earn her own money without us worrying at all."

it was OMG cos my dad is a v quiet and peace loving man who we nvr expect will say such things!!

 

[mag_huiling]

The French think very different when it comes to such things. No such thing as you have a son and you get more like traditional chinese families!

My cousin married a rich Dutchman and her parents also always ask her about money and stuff and like to show off to my parents during CNY saying how many properties they own, how often they travel, etc etc.

Then one year my dad got fed up and said "my daughter pay for me to go holiday with her hard-earned money, she doesn't need to man to support her, she needs a man as a life-long companion. dont know your daughter married for love for married for money. my daughter is so capable, can earn her own money without us worrying at all."

it was OMG cos my dad is a very quiet and peace loving man who we never expect will say such things!!

Thumb up to your dad!

Hope one day i'll be the one shouting these words to my MIL! haha.....