Jealous freak in-laws

[flyaway]

hi mummies,

anyone in the same shoes as me? I have a jealous freak in laws. Today is mid autumn. My dad asked me to go back home for dinner and my hubby need to lie to her mom that we r having overtime at work. Felt so sad that i cant even tell my in laws the truth cos they will get jealous whenever my hubby go out with my family. I cant even bring my kids cos my mil will get supicious.

This is getting really sick cos we need to lie and lie just to make sure there will be peace
I hate the fact that they r so uptight of our movement. Sometimes, i wish i will just tell them the truth that i need to spend times with MY family too and stop being so possessive that my hubby will be closer to my family etc.

How to tackle this freaky jealousy in-laws?

 

[rainbow123]

Truthfully , i think it is no good to lie .
Maybe just speak the truth and pray that the bomb will not go off .
The reason why MIL is behaving this way is because she scare that she will lose the son to your family side .

 

[Ting]

uhhh, this is bad. why do u even go along with your hubby to lie?
if your parents know abt this, how would they feel??? n they cant see your kids too? WTH??? when u start telling one lie, u need to use another to cover up and it will just snowball into a bigger n bigger lie.
well, u r not doing anything wrong why u so scared? u r gg to meet your own parents, not gg to meet your lover. i presume u just got married for a few yrs only? so u intend to lie til your in laws passed on?? lie for another 10 or 20 yrs?
pls, if i were u, i will just tell them straight in the face: i am my parents daughter, i want to see my parents and i want to bring MY kids overm, they r MY parents grandkids too.
if your hubby is the issue, then ask your hubs dun come along.

 

[diymummy]

Insecurity breeds jealousy.

I think firstly your hubs need to find out why his own parents are so paranoid. Once you can find the reason, then you can find ways to reassure them.

It would take hell of a lot of work... But I guess every family will have their issues to work thru. Once you can work thru this, it'll be easier later on.

I think if they finds out that you and your hubs lied, they would become even more paranoid in the future. If you and your hubs can build trust now, and put your feet down, hopefully things will take a turn for the better after a few round of events, eg cny and mid-aut fest.

Jia you flyaway.

I know such issues are a pain in the neck and highly unenjoyable to deal with. Now that your kids are still young, it'd be great to nib it so that your kids will not be exposed to the "fire" once they begin to understand things. And I think it would be harder for them to comprehend if they find out you're lying and start to ask "mummy, why we don't get to see wai gong and wai po?".

So as hard as such issues are difficult to handle, you have to try your best as much as your sanity allows it to deal with it.

Take care.

 

[apollo]

is ur hub the only child/son at hm? is ur inlaws very 'old fashion', thinking a son shd and must provide and support them? if the ans are all yes, den must be they are afriad that their son and grandchildren will kanna 'snatch by ur parents' side.

i dun encourage ur bluffing them. cos ur shd let them noe and understand that ur parents are also worth respecting, u married ur hub, doesnt mean u hav to cut off everything with ur parents, they are the ones who brought u up. they are the kids' grandparents too. i dun believe that kids must be close with paternal grandparents only.

my son is very close with my parents as we stay tgt. my inlaws didnt show any jealousy. in fact we seldom go bk inlaws place but they nv 'pester' us bk. they noe hw close my parents and ds are and they also understand such things cant be forced. my Grand-MIL is the one who feel insecure for my inlaws. she dun lik the idea of us staying with my parents and keep hoping our flat come asap and keep asking if ds is too close with my parents. but lucky, my MIL cant be bothered with her. haha!:tlaugh:

 

[stonston]

Invite them along! Then no need to lie...

 

[pkshl]

hi mummies,

anyone in the same shoes as me? I have a jealous freak in laws. Today is mid autumn. My dad asked me to go back home for dinner and my hubby need to lie to her mom that we r having overtime at work. Felt so sad that i cant even tell my in laws the truth cos they will get jealous whenever my hubby go out with my family. I cant even bring my kids cos my mother in law will get supicious.

This is getting really sick cos we need to lie and lie just to make sure there will be peace
I hate the fact that they r so uptight of our movement. Sometimes, i wish i will just tell them the truth that i need to spend times with MY family too and stop being so possessive that my hubby will be closer to my family etc.

How to tackle this freaky jealousy in-laws?

U mentioned u can't even bring yr kids along to yr parents house? i tink yr inlaws got very big issue here.Iszit your husband duno how to handle his parents?normally men dun like to explain too much.

U should voice out to yr inlaws that u r going home for dinner & that also includes yr kids & your husband. Even if they are unhappy just ignore them. What is wrong with going home for dinner?

I feel that your inlaws are not understanding at all. You should tell yr inlaws, now times have changed, its not like olden days where women r not supposed to work & only go back home once a year.

 

[Ting]

Invite them along! Then no need to lie...

hahahaha good idea!

 

[flyaway]

we did tried to be truthful but it didnt help. Only involve bitternesss and arguement in the end. That why hubby chosed the easy way out by lying. I had to get my siblings to help me to cover up too. So ashamed becos my mil had phoned up my siblings before to complained about me and hubby.

My mil is take care of my kids very well but her paranoid and insecurity is driving us insane. I am really tired cos i need to dodge and hide my track well if we are going out with my family. Otherwise my mil will question us in a manner that as if we are in the wrong. I felt like a little kid. as if need to ask permission to go out with my family. For my hubby's peace, i followed but i just it just so wrong!

I am so sick of it!

 

[pkshl]

we did tried to be truthful but it didnt help. Only involve bitternesss and arguement in the end. That why hubby chosed the easy way out by lying. I had to get my siblings to help me to cover up too. So ashamed becos my mother in law had phoned up my siblings before to complained about me and hubby.

My mother in law is take care of my kids very well but her paranoid and insecurity is driving us insane. I am really tired cos i need to dodge and hide my track well if we are going out with my family. Otherwise my mother in law will question us in a manner that as if we are in the wrong. I felt like a little kid. as if need to ask permission to go out with my family. For my hubby's peace, i followed but i just it just so wrong!

I am so sick of it!

what sort of arguement? just because u r truthful she argues with u? r u staying with yr inlaws?

 

[stonston]

One day, your children will learn from you and LIE too.
You should just be honest and if they want to kick up a huge fuss, it's easier for you to draw the line with them. It's just dinner with your own family, there's nothing wrong. If they want to kick up a big fuss, then they are in the wrong, you did nothing wrong!

 

[pkshl]

One day, your children will learn from you and LIE too.
You should just be honest and if they want to kick up a huge fuss, it's easier for you to draw the line with them. It's just dinner with your own family, there's nothing wrong. If they want to kick up a big fuss, then they are in the wrong, you did nothing wrong!

Yes, stonston is right. kids catch things fast. they learn through adults.

Yr inlaws is the problem here.They are not understanding at all & are so childish. yr mil call yr siblings to complain? Real childish.

Just be honest & be truthful to them. They want to shout or blame u let them be.

 

[apollo]

we did tried to be truthful but it didnt help. Only involve bitternesss and arguement in the end. That why hubby chosed the easy way out by lying. I had to get my siblings to help me to cover up too. So ashamed becos my mother in law had phoned up my siblings before to complained about me and hubby.

My mother in law is take care of my kids very well but her paranoid and insecurity is driving us insane. I am really tired cos i need to dodge and hide my track well if we are going out with my family. Otherwise my mother in law will question us in a manner that as if we are in the wrong. I felt like a little kid. as if need to ask permission to go out with my family. For my hubby's peace, i followed but i just it just so wrong!

I am so sick of it!

I agree with stonston. by lying, u not only cant solve the pro, it only make things worse! they will feel tt their paraniod is right and ur kids will think that it's okay to lie..

if i were u, i will just be frank to them and ask them "what's wrong with me and my kids meeting up my family?" ur inlwas are too much! controlling all of ur freedom!

 

[flyaway]

i am just to considerate for her feelings or i just dun wan things to turn ugly hence lied. I think i am just too nice or too weak. I should not fear her getting upset becos we r going out with my family. I should stand for my rights. Dun want to be a too considerate dil afterall....

 

[stonston]

You need to state things clearly. Big occasions, split half half or take turns to celebrate together. Maybe she's upset that you did not celebrate with her?

My cousins all have agreements on which day is for 'our side' and which day is for their ILs. Usually no clashes and they celebrate with both parties. Sometimes we have combined celebration. Why not? All my cousin's ILs are so close that they can go holiday with my family!

While you want to be nice to her, there's a limit too.

 

[apollo]

even no occasions, i also feel tt it is alright and definitely NORMAL for u and ur family to visit ur parents. it is not as if ur stay outside and only visit ur parents and nv visit ur inlaws. sometimes giving in too much might end up letting them taking u for granted =)

 

[Phoebii Cheng]

Yup I agree with the rest of the mummies here.........don't lie, lying will make u feel stressed and guilty.......

 

[angelwendy]

we did tried to be truthful but it didnt help. Only involve bitternesss and arguement in the end. That why hubby chosed the easy way out by lying. I had to get my siblings to help me to cover up too. So ashamed becos my mother in law had phoned up my siblings before to complained about me and hubby.

My mother in law is take care of my kids very well but her paranoid and insecurity is driving us insane. I am really tired cos i need to dodge and hide my track well if we are going out with my family. Otherwise my mother in law will question us in a manner that as if we are in the wrong. I felt like a little kid. as if need to ask permission to go out with my family. For my hubby's peace, i followed but i just it just so wrong!

I am so sick of it!

R they crazy or what?? what is wrong for u to be home with ur family members... if u tell them the truth.. if they wanna argue... just keep slient... take it as they r not there... no need to talk much with such people... i suggest that u apply a flat & move out asap... if not it will affect u & ur hubby & even ur children... There is no need to lie about this kind of things.. u have the right to go wherever u wan... is not up to them.. if they start calling ur siblings just ask them not to answer.... so that they wont get a chance to complain... if they complain y they never pick up.. just say they r bz... that is the most simple answer... & funny part is.. y need to ask for permission?? as if she given birth to all ur children... be strong & firm my dear... stand firm if u r not in the wrong.. they see u very ez to get bully.. thats y they r asking too much...

 

[shopaholic]

If you ask me, I wont lie about it. At most, I will not mention if they did not ask where we're going, but if they do ask, I will speak the truth. In your case, your inlaws may argue or be unhappy abt it initially but I believe with time, they will learn to accept it. I'll rather brave the initial battle than live it with it for the rest of my life. Otherwise, they may think that by raising their unhappiness, you are indeed visiting your family less (because you lie abt it so they are unaware you're still going), so it will propel them to continue this unreasonable behaviour.

I think some inlaws may still hold very traditional thinking that a dil married into the family belongs to the hubby's family now, so shd not go back to their parents' place often. I will definitely put their thinking right. If they hv a daughter, wouldnt they want their daughter to visit them after marriage? What is wrong to visit your parents?

In my case, we try to strike a balance. That said, my inlaws are reasonable and nice people, so everyone gets along well when we live separately. I see my inlaws monday to friday liao, so if I visit my mum on a weekend, it sounds perfectly reasonable to me. I hv also joined hubby to bring inlaws for a holiday so if my next holiday involves my mum, I doubt inlaws will object. If I buy them a box of mooncake, I will also do the same for my mum. Things like that... and we will not hide anything if they ask. At the end of the day, dont give in if you think you're right. This is not a small thing that we give in and the matter is done. You hv to go back regularly in future too, so why lie and live in misery? Stand on the same ground with your hubby and when they realise whatever unhappiness they raise will not yield any caving in by you/hubby, they will learn to accept it.