MIL's medical bills & my hubby's Medisave

[jal]

Hi ladies, I would like to ask this question. Recently, my hubby paid for his mother's hospital medical bill using his Medisave. Do you think it is only right that his siblings also chip in by paying my hubby what he would have paid if he had used cash upfront instead? Or they should just keep quiet about it since the money for the payment came from Medisave & not cash? Thanks.

 

[Queenbabe]

Hi Jal ,

i dont know is your thinking same as mine ? If using Medisave i think the siblings wont give cash back to your hubby but if your hubby is using cash i think they should share & pay back your hubby .

 

[jal]

Hi Jal ,

i dont know is your thinking same as mine ? If using Medisave i think the siblings wont give cash back to your hubby but if your hubby is using cash i think they should share & pay back your hubby .

Yes! That's exactly what I think too! But my hubby said "she is my mother." Yaya, I know she is your mother. I am not against him using his money (be it Medisave/cash) to pay for his mother, what I am against is the fact that almost his whole family think that he is a money tree just because he is educated & we have no kids yet. They think that he has no financial burden & they are the only ones who are financially burdened as they are housewives & have children, & therefore, it is okay for my hubby to pay since he is also her son. This way of thinking just pisses me off. What makes them think he has no financial burden huh???? If there is a first time, there is also a second time & they will all lean on my hubby for financial support. They are very 'chao kuan!'

Anybody who also encountered the same situation as me?

 

[Queenbabe]

Yes! That's exactly what I think too! But my hubby said "she is my mother." Yaya, I know she is your mother. I am not against him using his money (be it Medisave/cash) to pay for his mother, what I am against is the fact that almost his whole family think that he is a money tree just because he is educated & we have no kids yet. They think that he has no financial burden & they are the only ones who are financially burdened as they are housewives & have children, & therefore, it is okay for my hubby to pay since he is also her son. This way of thinking just pisses me off. What makes them think he has no financial burden huh???? If there is a first time, there is also a second time & they will all lean on my hubby for financial support. They are very 'chao kuan!'

Anybody who also encountered the same situation as me?

Sorry to hear that , i can say that some siblings are like that .... like my mother side ... they also some kind of $ face , all think my mother have more $ and one of my auntie worse keep talk like she is so poor no money in fact she is the one have more $ lor (total 3 siblings + my mum 4).....

As for my father side (total 9 siblings + my father 10) they are good whatever need to share they will share which i feel that this is very good .

 

[stonston]

When my grandmother was still alive, my mum paid for all her medical needs without complaints. I believe it's bcos my mum has the financial ability to do so.

I've discussed with my elder bro, if one day my parents need to see doc & their medisave dry up already, we'll take turns to use our medisave so tt it's more 'fair' to each other. My younger sis still studying, if by then she start working a few yrs and can contribute then we'll count her in to take turns also.

I think for such things it's good to bring it up in the open and discuss it as adults. They are his parents, it's right for him to pay. But if he has other siblings, they should also contribute, esp if they are working too

 

[Queenbabe]

When my grandmother was still alive, my mum paid for all her medical needs without complaints. I believe it's bcos my mum has the financial ability to do so.

I've discussed with my elder bro, if one day my parents need to see doc & their medisave dry up already, we'll take turns to use our medisave so that it's more 'fair' to each other. My younger sis still studying, if by then she start working a few yrs and can contribute then we'll count her in to take turns also.

I think for such things it's good to bring it up in the open and discuss it as adults. They are his parents, it's right for him to pay. But if he has other siblings, they should also contribute, esp if they are working too

yes yes take turns to pay ... not being calculative is just being fair to each other esp if have stable income ..... that time my mum also pay for my grandparents & she also never say i pay leh y u all never pay this kind of words ... is my auntie uncle they all take it for granted ... really hate this kind of people ..

 

[stonston]

Elaine, I tink my aunts and uncles more 'automatic'. My mum pays for my grandma's medical, but they pay for family holidays. And from young I rmb my grandma always tell them "There's no need to get upset over money cos with peace comes wealth". I think my grandma taught her children well and they are all generous ppl although some of them dun earn alot (totally no income and also got alot of medical probs, but kids supporthing them).

 

[Stan]

Yes! That's exactly what I think too! But my hubby said "she is my mother." Yaya, I know she is your mother. I am not against him using his money (be it Medisave/cash) to pay for his mother, what I am against is the fact that almost his whole family think that he is a money tree just because he is educated & we have no kids yet. They think that he has no financial burden & they are the only ones who are financially burdened as they are housewives & have children, & therefore, it is okay for my hubby to pay since he is also her son. This way of thinking just pisses me off. What makes them think he has no financial burden huh???? If there is a first time, there is also a second time & they will all lean on my hubby for financial support. They are very 'chao kuan!'

Anybody who also encountered the same situation as me?

Hmm... this is tricky. Sad to say, it happens in many families!!
If your hubby is earning more, his siblings will naurally expect him to fork out more. Also your hubby will feel that if he can afford to, he will pay since he said it is for his mother. Just watch and see how things go, like when you have your kids, then can start telling the rest to chip in?

 

[stonston]

Jal, is ur hb e only boy in the family? Cos this usually happens with the only son, esp if the parents showed favour to the boy during childhood. Back in the minds of other siblings, they'll resent their mother for not treating them as well and as a result they'll claim 'no responsibility' for her whenever possible.

BTW, does ur MIL know tt ur hb is paying and the rest not contributing?

I know it seems like not fair, but if your hb can afford, I think no point being angry since your hb not upset about it. Afterall, it's his responsibility to look after his mother who brought him up, it's not his mother forcing him to pay, it's his siblings take it for granted. If you really wanna 'bring it up', then maybe jus hint to them "we r planning for kids soon, dunno medisave will enough to pay for delivery and baby or not, maybe u guys can chip in for MIL's medical bills also cos we need to start a family soon too"

 

[jal]

Elaine, I tink my aunts and uncles more 'automatic'. My mum pays for my grandma's medical, but they pay for family holidays. And from young I rmb my grandma always tell them "There's no need to get upset over money cos with peace comes wealth". I think my grandma taught her children well and they are all generous ppl although some of them dont earn alot (totally no income and also got alot of medical probs, but kids supporthing them).

Well-said!!! Wonderful words of wisdom! Applause!!! Ok, I will bear that in mind.

 

[jal]

Jal, is your husband e only boy in the family? Cos this usually happens with the only son, esp if the parents showed favour to the boy during childhood. Back in the minds of other siblings, they'll resent their mother for not treating them as well and as a result they'll claim 'no responsibility' for her whenever possible.

BTW, does your mother in law know that your husband is paying and the rest not contributing?

I know it seems like not fair, but if your husband can afford, I think no point being angry since your husband not upset about it. Afterall, it's his responsibility to look after his mother who brought him up, it's not his mother forcing him to pay, it's his siblings take it for granted. If you really wanna 'bring it up', then maybe just hint to them "we are planning for kids soon, dont know medisave will enough to pay for delivery and baby or not, maybe you guys can chip in for mother in law's medical bills also cos we need to start a family soon too"

My hubby is the middle son. His elder bro is totally useless. He earns only a few hundred dollars/month & spends it on cigarettes. He does not contribute a single cent to the household expenses even though he is the only one with living with my PIL.

Yes, my MIL knows that my hubby paid but to her, she thinks it is only right as her daughters are all housewives with children, so this leaves my hubby with the 'most' money.

If I tell them what u said as highlighted above, I think they will probably think "Then use your Medisave lah!" Moreover, I dun want my PIL & gang to know that we are actively trying to conceive now because it will be very embarrasing when they see that my tummy is still not protuding in a few months' time (I have been trying for half a year now!)... And I also dun want them to make any comments or ask questions that will hurt me & gimme more pressure...

 

[MsKoh1973]

Actually I think its a "fu qi" to be able to give, but of cos, cannot be taken advantage of. Since this time your hubby paid using medisave, the counted that he has contributed once, next round if similar thing happen, then maybe give the others a chance to contribute.

Frankly speaking, if your husband is more educated, its not wrong that they expect him to pay a little more. Tho some may say that equal opportunity has been given to all siblings, but they refuse to study and progress, so cannot penalise those who work hard. I still feel that can give is still a fu qi.

Like in my family, i m the eldest, U grad, wking as auditor, my bro a contract wker, younger sis a hawker, divorce with kids, staying at my house. Every time when somethings happen, i m always the one who fool the bill, I will ask them to share, but share based on their affordability, not share based on the bill sum, cos I know, I earn more, to me maybe nothing, but to them is alot.

Just to share with you, even my dad go for opn, i used my medisave to pay tho my dad has some medisave in his account, cos my bro and sis dun have, I hope if they need it in future, they can tab on to my dad's medisave account. I never claim back fr them.

When my dad see doc, usually I paid, if the bill comes up to alot, eg $3000+, I will ask them to pay a couple of hundreds, just to show that they need to pay for their share, I won't split the bill, cos I earn more, I think I should give more.

I am marry with a girl, my dad, sis and her two kids are all staying with me, I oso dun collect $ from them. To me, sharing should be based on indv's ability, not based on totality, cos everyone is different.

 

[CanCanMum]

my youngest uncle has been paying my grandma's hospitalization bills all these while....he will complain complain but still pay lols~~coz he remained single and the burden of looking after my aged grandma also lies with him 'automatically'

My mum has all the while been a housewife as well as my aunt. Hence naturally all the financial burden has to be borne by my 2 uncles back then.

we had all the while been doubtful about my second uncle whom had a family, seems ok financially but he seldom fork out any $ for my ahh mahh 's treatment etc etc. He will also claim tax relief, took all the gst rebates etc etc and all government monies due to my ahh mahh will all be credited into his account. We had since labeled him as "selfish"

And since my 2nd uncle passed away 2 years ago (heart problems), my youngest uncle is the only one now paying for all my 's hospitalization fees. Which we then found out my 2nd uncle who had passed away had accumulated credit card debts of close to 30k which we do not know how and when he had spent so much money on.

Anyway every family has their internal problems which outsiders do not know or can even understand.

To me, i wouldnt mind deductin my medisave for my parents, or fork out $$ to pay and to share cost. Coz there is only my brother and myself. When my father had stroke 2 years ago, he in fact, paid for his own hospitalization fees himself becoz he has enuff medisave $$ for all that. I only paid for outpatient followup visits in cash.

And becoz my brother earns quite a lot, normally all family outings to restaurants etc will all be sponsored by my brother. He has never asked for anything in return or to share costs etc...

So sometimes there is no right or wrong.....but if there is really emergency and where cash is running out, all should chip in to help out.

I wonder what will happen to my son next time when we are both sick and helpless....he is one man show without any siblings....lols~~~worrisome huh? No one to discuss any backup plans.

 

[stonston]

I wonder what will happen to my son next time when we are both sick and helpless....he is one man show without any siblings....lols~~~worrisome huh? No one to discuss any backup plans.

Tt's y my parents keep asking me to have more kids and save up more on my own also.

but my parents themselves put all their life savings on my brother's studies, dunno they got keep for their own retirement or not. tt's y me n my bro r prepared to share any future costs

 

[Ting]

i feel that, if your DH is fine with it then dont be so bothered abt it ba.
afterall, its his mum.
like me n my sisters, now, i hv to pay for pin n my younger sis still schling, so my elder sis will pay for most of the treats when we go out.
like mother's day, father's day, parents bday or annivesary.
she also nvr claim from us.
i think, maybe they really hv their financial problems which is not make known to u n your family?
my dad side is like tt also.
one of my aunts, she is married but no kids, while the rest of them hv kids, so tt time she will be the one who paid for my grandma medical bills n all.
she also nvr claim back from my dad/aunts/uncles.

 

[CanCanMum]

that's why my parents keep asking me to have more kids and save up more on my own also.

but my parents themselves put all their life savings on my brother's studies, dont know they got keep for their own retirement or not. that's why me and my bro are prepared to share any future costs

got buy any life/medical insurance? Yr parents?

i dun mind number 2 but we are putting 2nd round of family planning aside first :001_302:

but sometimes see Baber like so ke lian....always alone....

but we did buy those life medical insurance...wonder if its really useful :001_302:

 

[stonston]

My parents got tonnes of insurance. So many tt i myself will go mad if i have to sort thru the documents for them.

So for myself n hb also buy alot. & must save up alot of money too. Everything is so exp now!

 

[money3s]

Whether cash or medisave contribution - it is still money. Sibling/s who act blur/poor are irresponsible. If the parents passed on, they will be there to share any inheritance.

 

[shopaholic]

When it comes to money, it's always a sensitive issue. Really depends on your family's practices and how you think about it. Personally, I wont request other siblings to pay back cash since hubby uses medisave to settle the medical bill. Indeed, if other siblings are not earning as much, I wont demand that they contribute an equal share. If they hv medisave, maybe take turns. But for those who do not hv medisave and also do not earn much, I will just pay. However, if really comes such a time whereby your hubby's medisave is depleted due to your mil's hospitalisation, then the other siblings will hv to think about how to contribute.

 

[pkshl]

when my grandfather was admitted to hospital last yr for surgery, my dad used his medisave to pay & he said no need pay cash. this yr my grandfather was admitted cos he had a fall & need to stay at hospital for 2weeks to monitor his condition. this time also used my dad's medisave. i asked my dad why only he's the one always paying for grandpa's hospital bill, why my uncles & aunts never fork out a single cent. he said no point asking them la cos to them, eldest son must take care/pay etc. my dad is eldest son.yet sometimes i feel tat they take advantage of my family. no 1 wants to take care of an eldery man too.

its really true that when comes to money is a sensitive issue. each time my aunt came to visit grandpa, she's always asking him for money, so thick-skinned.they all want to suck him dry but when things happen they r the 1st to run away.