Need advice here. Thanks

[vanillabaileys]

Hi all mummies and mummies to be,
I need some advice here. I hope I don't sound too naggy or silly or immature here. But just need some listening ear as well.

I live with my hubby and my PIL lives next door to us. Literally we are neighbours so to speak. All along we have no issues with each other. My PIL are very very nice pple and quite open-minded as well.
Problems started with my SIL. My hubby's brother's wife. His wife have issues with me and my hubby. But mostly me. 7 years ago, when I was first introduced to the family by my hubby, she hated me the minute she saw me. She became very hostile towards me, felt that I was a threat towards her. I never knew why until today. Some of our relatives told me it's because she's immature and jealous of me. Anyway I don't care since I have put in effort to talk to her, be friends with her, but kenna rejected. I don't wanna look like a fool trying to make peace with her when I don't even know what's the prob in the first place. Subsequently over the yrs, she posted nasty things in her blog, and on FB. Saying things like :"going to my in law's place for reunion dinner is like going to hell, i can't stand seeing those 2 faces. Those 2 apple polishers. I wish they can disappear on earth now"
My BIL knew about all this and kept quiet cos i think he's hen pecked. Then 2 yrs ago, he wanted to divorce her as he himself also can't stand his own wifey. Then last year, they discovered that she was preggy. Then they hurriedly prepared for customary etc.
The best thing? They shifted in next door. They have their own flat actually. But don't understand why they moved in just like that. Anyway, my PIL also never say anything.
So, the problem started when I discovered that I was preggy myself this year. My edd is end oct.
My MIL started to tell me that she will hv to look after the first grandson since they already shifted in. (take note that they are living there FOC!, as far as i know, they don't pay my in law any money at all. everything is just on my PIL! freeloaders)
So I say Ok, I will place my baby in infant care after I go back to work. My MIL objected. She said that why not I engage a maid to solve all the problems? Because she wants to look after my baby also, but my SIL doesn't want to have a maid at their place. I told my MIL that all along, I never entertain the idea of having a maid. I just don't like another stranger in my hse. To me, i feel that my sil n bil should be more automatic, they expect my mil to take care of their bb and even told my mil that if really I engage a maid, the maid shld never touch their bb. I just told my mil the same thing. I dun like to hv stranger at my place n i also dun like maid to touch my bb.
My mil hv been bugging me for ages since i preggy till now to engage a maid. I feel so pressurised cos first of all, my hubby and my finances are already quite tight, w a maid ard, it's additional burden. I rather place my bb in infant care.
My sil bb is also not an easy bb to look after. scream n shout the whole day, my mil perpertually has no time for herself at all.
sigh.. sorry for the ranting. I just need to let it out. I just felt that ever since they moved in next door, they hv so much requirements but don't contribute a single cent. And expect me n hubby to shoulder everything.

 

[chiro]

how abt ur parents? aunties ?are they able to take care of your baby?

maybe you might want to get nanny or put bb @ infant care..infant care might be abit expensive..but its better than havin a stranger in your house and the maid gotta work for quite alot of people in the household

you are right in your stand..having a maid will be the start to every issue...dun need to take on this additional burden on yourselves..

being a freeloader, ur sil might change her mind abt letting the maid touch her baby at the end of the day..and treat the maid as hers..and you have to pay for the maid and put up with her nonsense

 

[vanillabaileys]

how about your parents? are they able to take care of your baby?

maybe you might want to get nanny or put baby @ infant care..

having a maid might be the start to every issue...

Hi Chiro,
My parents are both working and also taking care of my niece too.
Yah, and imagine my MIL wants the future maid to help out at both homes which I told her by right it is actually illegal...

 

[rainbow1234]

Stick to your guns . Do not employ a maid especially you got a unreasonable SIL .
My reason as below:
Most probably your SIL will bully your maid - since you mention she hate both of you . So most probably will hate your maid as well . Since cannot tekan both of you so most probably will tekan your maid .
In turn , the higher chance the maid will tekan your new born baby.
( You can say i am skeptical , but i have heard cases like this . The maid vent the anger on the BB . BB cannot complain right ? how to complain as they dun know how to speak and know how to cry only )

Chiro is right , the maid will be the start of a WW3 .
Send the BB to nanny or infant care ...

Also teach you something extra :001_302:. Since your brother in law and SIL move in , I am ASSUMING they illegal rent out their own house ? Report to HDB and force them to move back... :shyxxx:
You need a high handed way to counter attack BUAY ZITONG PEOPLE :001_302:

Sorry if I sound very angry cause cannot tahan buay zitong people

 

[stonston]

Seems like your MIL is nice and rather accomodating but she herself is in a difficult position!

As the mother of your child, just do what you feel is right. If you worry about baby falling sick often at infant care, then try to BF or give EBM for as long as possible. It helps to build baby's immune system. If not possible, you can try supplements (when baby is older).

Talk to your hubby. As long as he is on your side and agree with you, just register at infant care. Start searching early as vacancies are rather hard to come by, esp at good centres.

I personally have a maid and we just brought our 2nd maid home (we will have 2 maids concurrently).
I'm not against maids as I grew up with them in the house. They know when the 'disappear' when you need privacy
But if you are uncomfy with the idea, don't entertain it at all. Like the others said that woman will treat the maid as HERS and cause more trouble.

BTW, just ignore that woman. Remember, you are the mother to your child. Teach your child well without badmouthing others. Your child will learn from you and her child will learn from her. End of the day, you bear the fruits of your labour

 

[apollo]

u're lucky, cos at least ur inlaws are not diffi to handle. obviously, ur SIL is jealous of both u and ur hub. Can I say both u and ur hubby are closer to ur inlaws? cos from the her FB status saying your are apple polishers.

actu whether to hire a maid anot, it is up to both of u and ur hubby. but i think better send ur bb to infant care. i personally also dun lik the idea of hiring a maid to look aft a baby.

 

[Ashbaby]

Ur sis in law is very childish. Although Im not close with my Sis in law, to make enemy with her is the last thing I ever wanna do. So most of the time, we are just Hi and Bye thingy.

Given ur SIL character she will probably make your maid hers!!!! So having a maid will add on ur woes. Stick to your plan, there is no need to give in to her or anybody.

 

[MsKoh1973]

Definitely don't get a maid, I suspect, its not even your MIL's idea, could be your SIL's idea, now that they are in the same boat, they sure side each other.

Your MIL may not be able to handle your SIL's bb + housework, but that's her choice, you don't need to purposely change your lifestyle by getting a maid to help her.

Yes, its illegal to get maid to work at 2 households, but you think your SIL and MIL care? they don't, cos if the thing blow up, you and your hubby are the employer, you will be the one paying the fine, not them, trust me, they won't bother, or will just say they dun have money.

Last time, I have a fren, she is single, but her mum volunteer to help to look after the bro's bb, but the mum always said tire in front of my fren, but never have a single complaint in front of the bro and SIL. Best part is, her mum always volunteer herself to take care of the bb, ask the bro and SIL to take holiday, short trip etc, the moment both of them left, she will throw the bb to my fren and ask her to look after, if my fren reject, she will cry, said nobody help her etc, even if my fren want to take short trip or go shoping, need to seek clearance fr mum, but if SIL and bro want to go anywhere, just inform can liao.

She always complaint to me, I told her, she just have to fail her mum few times, to let her know that if she wanted to volunteer herself, she has to take up the chore, cannot complaint here pain there pain, tire etc. I heard that her mum use the allowance my fren gv to support the family, but the part the bro give, she bank in to their joint account, she told my fren, bro need more money cos he got family.

BTW, both bro and SIL are degree holders, earning big bulks, my fren just a poly grad, pay around $3k.

So they actually stay at the parents' house, paid for using my fren's cpf (becos she helped to pay for d house), don't need to give allowance and have free 24 hr bb care. So nice.

My fren super angry, but as she dare not say or disobey her mum, told her angry oso no use.

So my dear, dun put yourself in tat kind of 'usable' position, don't let pp make use of you.

 

[vanillabaileys]

BTW, just ignore that woman. Remember, you are the mother to your child. Teach your child well without badmouthing others. Your child will learn from you and her child will learn from her. End of the day, you bear the fruits of your labour [/quote]

I really like what you said here. Indeed, I always tell my hubby, let her be a "good" example to her son, and I just ignore her and do my own part. At the end of the day, pple got eyes to see, ears to hear.

 

[vanillabaileys]

Dear All,
really appreciate what you all had said and advice. I really feel better knowing that I'm not the only one who felt this way.
Will update you guys again
Cheers!!