Paranoid wife

[flyaway]

I finally muster the courage to thrash things out with him including the restaurant visit of less than $50. He said it was for 3 persons. I told him I find it strange that how can 3 persons eat only less than $40 in a jap resturant and he told me that they ordered cheap stuff without salmon cos salmon wasnt available.

All I can say is he can choose to say anything (truth or lies) and he swore (on the extend of lives of the kids and me; I chose it so that he better dun lie in case lighting strike).

He said that he choose not to tell me cos he knew my character well and how I would react. Bloody hell. How I wish he can get upset abt me having to dine with male colleagues. Perhaps, I am no longer attractive hence he cant be bothered.

 

[vinder79]

Hey girl i feel that your morale is reaally very low.I was /am like u but my case super different my hubby is a surveyor and working hours not fixed.I haven't seen him since thurs night.Sometimes when a few days go by with no calls/sms from him i call him up and ask him "hOW IS YOUR MISTRESS DOING WILL SHE ALLOW U TO COME HOME???"(no joke i really do that)My husband has been warned by me abt fooling ard outside.But lets come back to this i 2 have seen receipts and i do question him and after listening to him i decide do i believe or not.(So far i believe cause i got very weird way of casually asking the friends of his.Trust me my husband always goes to corners to ans phone 2 and so do i.I have even seen bank transfers tht he claims are to his friends who wanna borrow money i remember and in a few mths i ask him again abt them.
But deep down i feel that a marriage is based on trust.U need to trust each other.And most importantly u need to build up your morale.Have u tried "water theraphy?"Well its swimming with ease.Maybe u can try also doll yourself up spray on a bit of perfume .U will feel loads better.
And lastly there was a period of 6 mths my husband and i did not sleep 2 gather cause i was angry with him but staying in the same house la.I realised then that it does not mean that just because he does not wanna sleep with me that he has someone outside some times he can just be very pissed off with u and that is a barrier itself.

 

[lilcactus]

Did something happened in the past before that made you so suspicious and worried?

But I think it might also be due to the insecurity you are feeling cos you just gave birth a few months ago and maybe physically you haven't gotten back into shape, whereas hubby is outside working and meeting new people and you don't know who are the people he is with. I felt the same way too but after I went back to work, it was better. So try to take things easier, focus more on baby and don't let your imagination run wild. But if your instincts are usually accurate, then have to find other ways to "catch" him.

 

[apollo]

I finally muster the courage to thrash things out with him including the restaurant visit of less than $50. He said it was for 3 persons. I told him I find it strange that how can 3 persons eat only less than $40 in a jap resturant and he told me that they ordered cheap stuff without salmon cos salmon wasnt available.

All I can say is he can choose to say anything (truth or lies) and he swore (on the extend of lives of the kids and me; I chose it so that he better dont lie in case lighting strike).

He said that he choose not to tell me cos he knew my character well and how I would react. Bloody hell. How I wish he can get upset about me having to dine with male colleagues. Perhaps, I am no longer attractive hence he cant be bothered.

dun feel tt u're not attractive enough or what.. u noe the lower our self esteem is, the risk of quarreling with another half is higher cos we will tend to say things lik: u dun love me anymore.. u have woman outside cos i'm not longer attractive..

like what i've said, dun check on him. if u wanna check, get someone (e.g. PI) to check for you so u can get a fair ans.

now, 1st thing u shd do is to build up ur self esteem. =)

 

[skirtdressnsuch]

don't feel that you are not attractive enough............you're slowly pointing the finger at yourself

 

[NIisme]

You are just like me, being paranoid, before ask anything will think this way, after questioning him, he answered me, still will think he not telling the truth.

And what happened now? Everything turn out very badly.

Hais..

 

[CanCanMum]

Hi Mummies,

I wonder if there is anyone like me? So panaroid about hubby "eating outside"? Though hubby did not display any obvious symptoms like not going home or making secret phone calls in toilet. I am still afraid that he will 'eat outside' and managed to 'wipe his mouth clean' since his job is pretty mobile.

Whenever I see him replied sms or bring his phone into toilet occassionally, I get paranoid. I went through his emails, PC and at times his SMS but there is nothing supicious going on. I wonder if he managed to wipe his mouth clean or because there is nothing going on?

Sometimes when I see his credit card bills, there would be less than $50 bill at a restaurant visits, its obvious that the cost of lunch was for 2 persons and not a group lunch. Its not a frequent thingy but I wonder who he ate lunch with cos I believe he will not eat alone in a restaurant. He would rather go to eat in fast food outlets. I know I should take things easy as its no big deal if he would to eat with a female colleague. I also know that he wouldn't want to share these details with me cos he know that I will get upset. Perhaps, hence he remove "evidences"

Perhaps, its because of my inferior complex? Everyday look like an soh without make up at home waiting for him. Maybe, when I return back to work, I will feel better cos at least can dress nicer and make up?

I dont know why I am so paranoid these days.

flyaway darling,

its normal for u to feel this way, in fact i guess every women has this fear of their husband "eating outside".

the thing is not to let this fear creep over yourself and causing u to suspect at every single detail that your husb does. It does nothing but harm to your relationship as well as affecting your daily routines. Its not healthy for u in the long run. And u might lose mutual trust too.

the credit card bill for 2/3 pax is not really an important detail. It might juz be lunching wif a colleague.

He will give me this pissed off look ...

I wondered why if he choose to keep things from me? Like his porno collection? I thought husband and wife already, still need to keep from me meh? Aint we supposed to enjoy these together?

Our sex life has reduced to once a week after when we have kids. Sometimes, when insecurity gets me, I will start to have wild tots if he has someone outside or DIY? He always tell me he is tired due to work and I am so sick of listening to it.

well, sex life after marriage is different. Its a stage tat we oso went thru. Looking after baby, parental roles, financial burdens etc etc, all these gets built up and it contributes to changes in our family. And i guess sometimes (or many times) our hubby will just brush off as TIRED. I take it as pretty normal, coz there are times when i really needed my sleep and i really dunn feel like doing it oso. Its perfectly fine.

Perhaps next time u wait for him to initiate. Rather than u taking the first move?

We have talked previously on our sex life, hubby said will improve on it and I dont't see much improvement but I dont care much ...

Now that with my added insecurity and if he know that I have been snooping on his stuff, he will be super pissed off. I even tried to create his attention by bringing my phone into the toilet and on the pretend that someone was still smsing me in the wee hours. Though it did feel good that he was 'jealous' that someone was texting me but I feel I am insane to do all these kind of stuff to get his attention.

Perhap I would stop doing all these stuff when I go back to work...

The key thing is not to check on him until he gets pissed off by every single thing u do. Coz once it happens too frequent, he might not want to confide in you or he withdraws himself coz he feels whatever he does or says, u r not gonna believe it anyway.

He HATE when I checked on him. Last time checked his internet history; he found out and he was very upset. I told him I checked on him because its seemed that he doesnt want to have sex with me and I am 'curious' to know if he is visiting porn sites to DIY. He always said I dont trust him. I am just too paranoid.

So I dont know if I should come clean??

Shucks, I just happened to delete 2 of his sms in his old phone accidentally. I wonder if I should come clean or wait until he finds out?

I am getting from bad to worse, its like must check everything for a peace of mind. Can't help it. Arrgh...

actually what is the thing that he has done that makes u worry so much? Unless there are obvious signs of him cheating, then its right for u to act on it. From wad i read in your posts, he seems pretty normal. Perhaps he is also adjusting himself to be a father, coz some pple do experience Daddy BLues...........

I dont know if i should believe him when he told me that he needs to go back office to 'show face' to boss (he came out of office for our dear son vaccination). What the point to go back office without his lappie and less than 2 hours before knock off time?

How can one go back to office without laptop?? Though he said his boss talked to him when he went back office.

I am going crazy soon cos its seemed to so unbelievable that one can do without his lappie in office! Yet the other side of me wants to believe him but cannot until I check his mobile for any supicious sms etc.

actually if he wanted to cheat on you, he would have deleted all messages oredi, before u can retrieve it. And u shd really suspect something if he sets password etc to his handphone to prevent u from checking.

I finally muster the courage to thrash things out with him including the restaurant visit of less than $50. He said it was for 3 persons. I told him I find it strange that how can 3 persons eat only less than $40 in a jap resturant and he told me that they ordered cheap stuff without salmon cos salmon wasnt available.

All I can say is he can choose to say anything (truth or lies) and he swore (on the extend of lives of the kids and me; I chose it so that he better dont lie in case lighting strike).

He said that he choose not to tell me cos he knew my character well and how I would react. Bloody hell. How I wish he can get upset about me having to dine with male colleagues. Perhaps, I am no longer attractive hence he cant be bothered.

*hUgs* i guess this insecurity comes from your post natal blues and partly due to increase burden of looking after a baby. Try and look on the brighter side of life, stay cheerful. Take a deep breathe, go take a walk or do something different. Stay away from negative thoughts for a while.

 

[Renzie]

Dear gal,

I had my doubts too when I was pregnant and we were apart, even though I knew that with his schedule and surroundings, its impossible for him to eat out, and it so easy for me to check as he is working in his family business. He would on his msn everyday to chat with me online, so I know when he is away.

He gets pissed with me when I got paranoid. But after a long talk, he continous reassured me.

Your husband know how paranoid you might get, thus he did not want to tell you. My husband do that at times...doesn't tell me things as he knew that I'll get overly worried. Its because he cares and worried about you, thus he didn't tell you, not because he don't bother to.

Try to trust him as long as he doesn't give you any grounds for doubts, if you are uncertain example for the receipt, just ask him directly, its better than quietly hiding and worrying, for something which might not mean anything at all. IF you are worried that he is lying, just ask him casually sometime later again, see if he gives the same reply, if its the truth, it'll be easy for him to repeat it again (unless of course if he forgets already), if he had lied, well, it'll be harder for him to recall. It takes 2 lies to cover up 1 lie.

You wouldn't like it when your loved one distrust you without any cause, and you have to keep explaining yourself repeatedly as well.

I agree with cancanmum, instead of waiting for him to take the intiative, why not take it yourself? He could be stressed up or tired with work, especially when another mouth to feed, he gets worried about finances, the guys tend to bottle it up. Thus no mood for sex. And if he wants to cheat on you, he would have deleted all his messages, and you would have no chance to even touch his hp and/or laptop, he'll be hogging it 24/7.

So dear gal, don't think and worry too much. Try to go out more often, distract yourself from such negative thoughts, do something you like. If you are worried about not being attractive enough, then try to pamper yourself more. When the baby is sleeping, I'll do some facial massage, hair mask (though shorter than the reccomended time),a good scrub while showering.., just to cheer myself up and make myself feel better.

I look like ah soh also everyday when he comes home. Hair untidy tied up, still in loose Tees and sweats...

 

[SH74]

flyaway > i feel dat d prob lies w u n ur hormones. u know if u cont to behave like dat, it wont b healthy as a couple n for ur child? do hv a good talk to ur hb abt this. n oso reassure urself dat ur hb is still faithful to u n loves u dearly. if u think u r losing ur attraction, do something. no point blaming urself n not doing anything, except suspecting ur husband. do it for d sake of ur lovely family. it's not easy but no choice. try to stay rational. talk to ur hb, not str away accuse him. u wont like it if he does dat to u rite? jiayou! for d sake of ur child!