Should i still continue on with this marriage?

[kbfgrace]

Will you forgive your hb who once unfaithful to you?

We ROM in Oct'06. He get involve in this woman (3rd party) somewhere in year 2007. His scandal had be exposed to me in May'08. We quarrelled & divorce was in my mind at that time.
Eventually i forgave him thinking he will change, & we proceed with our customary last Nov'08.
Till recently, i realise that he is still in contact with the woman.

He promised me he will stop any contact with that woman. Why things turned out this way? Why he had to do this to hurt me?

There are so many times i had been so forgiving towards him.. towards his lies.. My heart had been shattered again & again..

I really dun know if i should continue on why this marriage?

 

[CanCanMum]

i presume u have not had children yet?

what did he say to you this round? Did u confront him?

 

[perrier]

i think the most important aspects would have to depend on how much you love him and want to be with him.

it is easier said than done to just divorce. it seriously take a whole lot of courage to divorce..

good to find a suitable time to talk abt the matters with him. a time that both of you are ready to face the issues together. no point trying to rush to settle the matter or discuss at a wrong time when all you get is more disappointment.

if you really want to save the marriage, you might want to consider getting a good marriage counsellor. sometimes it is better to have a neutral 3rd party to help analyse the situation.

 

[LoVeS]

Since he promise ya to break contact wif tat woman then did u actually ask him why r they still in contact?? Mayb can b due to other reasons? It nt gd to assume which could b sum misunderstanding.

 

[Queenbabe]

Sorry to hear abt this , I know im wrong to say this which i think he is really a idxxt . I cant forgive such guy . Do u have any kids ?
U already forgive him once yet he still contact that woman ?
This type of guy how to be trusted & be together 4ever ?

 

[MsKoh1973]

Share with u my sis story, she married at around 21, has 2 daughters. When she had the 1st daughter, she notice that her husband not the stay at home type, even when he free, not working, he rather roam at the void deck or park then go home, cos he said my sister love to control him. When his gal sick or fall down, need to go hospital, we called him, he never answer, cos he scare my sis trying to give excuse to lure him home, even when he realised what happen was true, he still no regret, and said that so long I around, my sis will be taken care off, cos $, time everything I can take care of. Even when my sister give birth, he also never visit her at hospital, giving the same reason.

Sometimes my sis dunnoe to feel happy or sad, happy that her sister (me) can help to take care of everything, sad that her husband had washed his hands off the family. She wanted to divorce many times, but each time, her husband will beg her, become obedient for a while, then after awhile, repeat offence again.

In yr 2004 my sister pregnant with her second gal, her husband behaved the same way, or even worst after he realised that its a gal, not a boy. He became very disappointed and started to stay away from home more frequent. My sis very sad, at first thought of abortion, but chg mind. At about 7 months pregnant, she changed the lock of the house and don't want to let him home, cos she found that he cannot go in and out as he like and bear no responsiblity.

The man came back, demand to reconcile with my sis, threatened to hang himself with the gold chain at the corridor (funni rite), when it didn't work, he threatened to jump down from the 8 th flr of the beach road flat they stayed. My sis let him go into the house, he took a knife from the kitchen, threatened my sis that if she dare to divorce him, he will kill her first, then kill himself. In the midst of struggle, he kill my sister's stomach (she was then abt 7 m preg), my sister has to go AnE.

That was the final that my sis could take, I gv her my assurance that I will take gd care of her and girls, she divorced him.

My 2nd niece never see her father, now that she is 4, her father have no interest to see her at all. My ex BIL and his frens still threaten my sis, say if she dare to find bf or ever get marry, they will harm her. I always tell my sis to tell him and all his fren, its my idea for the divorce, give him my address if he wants and ask them come to look for me (somehow he very scare of me).

My sis sometimes wonder, if she had listened to me and divorce earlier, then she won't hv the 2nd child, then maybe her life will be much easier. But sometimes she see her girls so cute, she thought it was the best things she got out of the marriage.

The court ordered ex BIL to pay $410 maintenance pm, $200 for each child, $10 for my sis, he had not paid many months.

Dear grace, you must think carefully whether you wanted to continue with your hubby, I am not sure he does it out of thrill or becos he had feelings of that woman or is it a misunderstanding (did u catch them in bed?). If you think that you really unable to forgive n forget it, then let him go, at least you can quickly find another true love of your life, rather than later you have kids, even worst, cos by then you really need to have very supportive family memebers and life will become very diff, tho children are cute, but is not fair to them that you bring them to this world and not give them a complete family tho is due to no fault of you.

Think carefully your decision, not for revenge or anger, but for your future happiness.

 

[kbfgrace]

Cancanmum... no children yet.. i confronted him, but he din give me any reasons.

Perrier... like everyone say, it is easier said than done to just divorce, dats the reason why i still holding on to this belief/marriage. where/how do i engage a marriage counsellor?

i ever thought to myself.. does he really know that what he had done is really a deadly mistake. i had even prepared to forgive him. yet he seems to took my kindness for granted. times & again hurting me.

i told myself, this thing will happen, partially is my fault. since then, i had been really treating him really sweet & nice. but he's not appreciative at all. even quarrel & pick on me over small issues.

 

[CanCanMum]

U can start by calling 67410078 (Marriage Counsellor) - my friend called 3 times to check on her problems....they will listen and give appropriate advices (per phone call can last 2 hours, but its FOC)....face to face meetups will need to call for appointment 67419293. (She din go for this one, but she went for the Fei Yue one)

The Fei Yue one, she needs to pay $50 per counselling session. Perhaps u can start the phone counselling 1st and then decide whether to go to the face to face counselling.

 

[kbfgrace]

U can start by calling 67410078 (Marriage Counsellor) - my friend called 3 times to check on her problems....they will listen and give appropriate advices (per phone call can last 2 hours, but its FOC)....face to face meetups will need to call for appointment 67419293. (She din go for this one, but she went for the Fei Yue one)

The Fei Yue one, she needs to pay $50 per counselling session. Perhaps u can start the phone counselling 1st and then decide whether to go to the face to face counselling.

Tks ya! this will be a great help.

 

[LoVeS]

Cancanmum... no children yet.. i confronted him, but he din give me any reasons.

Perrier... like everyone say, it is easier said than done to just divorce, dats the reason why i still holding on to this belief/marriage. where/how do i engage a marriage counsellor?

i ever thought to myself.. does he really know that what he had done is really a deadly mistake. i had even prepared to forgive him. yet he seems to took my kindness for granted. times & again hurting me.

i told myself, this thing will happen, partially is my fault. since then, i had been really treating him really sweet & nice. but he's not appreciative at all. even quarrel & pick on me over small issues.

He is ought to gif u the reason why they still keep in contact~ If nt it is obvious the affair is nt broken yet~ If given a chance n he didnt treasure it then wats the point carry on such a marriage?

U deserve a much better man who truly love u~

 

[kbfgrace]

He is ought to gif u the reason why they still keep in contact~ If nt it is obvious the affair is nt broken yet~ If given a chance n he didnt treasure it then wats the point carry on such a marriage?

U deserve a much better man who truly love u~

i oredi duno wat else i can do.. just lead a day by day..
me dun talk to him, he dun talk to me..
each of us just do our own things without interferring in each other..

 

[CanCanMum]

>kbfgrace,

how did the counseling talk go? Have u tried talking to them?

 

[LoVeS]

i oredi duno wat else i can do.. just lead a day by day..
me dun talk to him, he dun talk to me..
each of us just do our own things without interferring in each other..

Seriously tis kind of marriage is no diff frm 2 person as a stranger to each other. Why carry on such kind of marriage ? To be frank, short term pain will b better than long term pain ~ At least u tried ur best to save the marriage b4 which u gave him a chance to break tat affair n aso a chance for him to xplain but he didnt appreciate it.

 

[Lotus]

Seriously tis kind of marriage is no diff frm 2 person as a stranger to each other. Why carry on such kind of marriage ? To be frank, short term pain will b better than long term pain ~ At least u tried ur best to save the marriage b4 which u gave him a chance to break tat affair n aso a chance for him to xplain but he didnt appreciate it.

It's painful, difficult and heart wrenching at the moment.

Honestly why should you be so nice to him and he indifferent to you. He acts like you had the affair not him. He made a vow to you and there is no reason that justifies his transgression especially after you gave him another chance.

Look into counselling but you need to be brutally honest with yourself if your husband is not interested in resolving the problem and repairing your marriage.

 

[SH74]

i understand ur situation totally.

i think ur hb either still cant forget that gal or that gal dun want to let him go. he'll cont to behave this way unless he's determined to put a stop to it. u can pressurize him, stress him, quarrel w him,... it wont help at all. asking him to go marriage counsellor i feel wont help at all also.

r u n his family (e.g. his siblings, parents,...) v close? or talk to ur family abt this? at least u hv some1 close who understands ur situation. at least wont feel alone n helpless.

i think unless u r v certain u r v ready to end things, u can talk to him. give him 2 options (that gal or u). cannot hv best of both worlds. let him know u r v determined n prep to divorce. but u hv to b prep that things will blow up.

as wat the rest said, to divorce, u REALLY need ALOT of courage. if u really cant do it, then u'll hv to live w it (ie. ur current situation) for as long as it may b. try not to think too much for time being.

my fren alw tell me that marriage is only a part of our life. dun let it affect ur life too much. easier said than done. but keep reminding urself. it helps for me though.

meanwhile, make sure u dun get preggy. if not, prob will b even bigger.

 

[kbfgrace]

i understand ur situation totally.

i think ur hb either still cant forget that gal or that gal dun want to let him go. he'll cont to behave this way unless he's determined to put a stop to it. u can pressurize him, stress him, quarrel w him,... it wont help at all. asking him to go marriage counsellor i feel wont help at all also.

r u n his family (e.g. his siblings, parents,...) v close? or talk to ur family abt this? at least u hv some1 close who understands ur situation. at least wont feel alone n helpless.

i think unless u r v certain u r v ready to end things, u can talk to him. give him 2 options (that gal or u). cannot hv best of both worlds. let him know u r v determined n prep to divorce. but u hv to b prep that things will blow up.

as wat the rest said, to divorce, u REALLY need ALOT of courage. if u really cant do it, then u'll hv to live w it (ie. ur current situation) for as long as it may b. try not to think too much for time being.

my fren alw tell me that marriage is only a part of our life. dun let it affect ur life too much. easier said than done. but keep reminding urself. it helps for me though.

meanwhile, make sure u dun get preggy. if not, prob will b even bigger.

not sure if he really mean his words anot.. but i was telling myself.. if he bring up this topic again, & for the last time, i dun think i'm gonna tolerate with it anymore..
cos everytime we quarrel, it revolves ard the same topics.. characters not suitable lah, me not siao nui ren enough lah & bla bla bla...

or is there any divorcee (sorry for being so bland) here can give more advice? wat action taken from your hb when he keep saying wan to divorce? eg.. ignore you totally, straight away send you a lawyer letter & etc..

 

[jolly]

i oredi duno wat else i can do.. just lead a day by day..
me dun talk to him, he dun talk to me..
each of us just do our own things without interferring in each other..

I too facing the similar case with you. Not much communication with him. jus do what ever we wanna do.

He had totally change to another person. He had not been helping the family (staying with fil) to do housechores for the past 1yr+.

Nw headache with my housing issue... to withdraw his name out.

Haiz..

 

[Lin-12]

I think this marriage shldn't be continued...No point...If it happens once, it can definitely happen twice n so on..It's a lucky thing tat u r without a child...if a child is involve, its harder to divorce as u will haf alot to think abt. Be strong...I have lots of frens who is in ur case, some divorced rite away while some keep draggin even after a few yrs...Its no point draggin, it will onli waste ur time as the trust has already been broken. There will always b a scar with you. Its easy to forgive but very hard to forget.