so hurting

[smurf]

i can't stand firm, unfortunately.

my mil expects me to be super grateful she is taking care of my bb. i cant even raise my voice when she is ard. she will take it i scold her? then she go home crying to her hubby she kana bully by me.

she expects me to b like my maid. the moment i see her, must greet her. ask her got eat or not, etc.

faint*

it was my hubby who insisted bb to b taken care by her mah, not me. i find it realy difficult to face a super sensitive person.

 

[LynetteLoh]

i can't stand firm, unfortunately.

my mother in law expects me to be super grateful she is taking care of my baby. i cant even raise my voice when she is around. she will take it i scold her? then she go home crying to her hubby she kana bully by me.

she expects me to b like my maid. the moment i see her, must greet her. ask her got eat or not, etc.

faint*

it was my hubby who insisted baby to b taken care by her mah, not me. i find it realy difficult to face a super sensitive person.

maybe you can consider infant care? there're some advantageous putting in infant care also. some studies have shown that children tend to mimick actions of older children. like learn to walk sooner, crawl, stand... but they also pick up the bad things la like screaming for attention. my ds is in infant care and he's very socialable. he's not scared of strangers and not very sticky... but put at infant care also exposed to more illnesses. like my ds fell ill twice there. maybe you can weigh pros and cons. at least put in infant care you're in greater control. also, maybe putting baby at infant care will bring more peace home...

 

[MomoMummy]

i can't stand firm, unfortunately.

my mother in law expects me to be super grateful she is taking care of my baby. i cant even raise my voice when she is around. she will take it i scold her? then she go home crying to her hubby she kana bully by me.

she expects me to b like my maid. the moment i see her, must greet her. ask her got eat or not, etc.

faint*

it was my hubby who insisted baby to b taken care by her mah, not me. i find it realy difficult to face a super sensitive person.

:nah::nah::nah::nah::nah::nah::nah::nah::nah:
work already so tired, cum back still muz face her. yr hubby shud help u..
haizz i aso think u shud put yr baby at nanny or infant care.
i know she want u to respect her, but she have to respect u back.

 

[snowbear]

Yap snowbear,

Truly agree...This is the only way we can vent our frustration here. I been tolerating for so long until 8 mths later, i just burst myself out, got angry and bring my boy back home with me. My hubby is so angry, saying my action is so childish, no matter what happen i should have respect him and talk about it after we leave mother in law place...

I know what i did is really not right, but can imagine, my boy is 8 mths = to 8 mths of tolerance. So many mths of inbalance caused me to burst out...so much action has cause me to feel so inbalance towards his family! But i love my hubby alot and i wont want him to feel sad so will just try to ignore...But if there is anything in law do to make me upset, i will just tell her off nicely too...This is what hubby taught me rather than approaching him...

Same here. Been tolerating her for ages now.. actually since we got our own house coz she always comes and goes as she pleases. Sometimes go out and I come back to find that she has been to my place and rearranged my stuff and even thrown away some of our things without permission. Really can't take it sometimes. But nowadays i dun wanna tell hubby to tell her stuff most of the time already coz when i did that day he said i'm nagging! gosh... he can't seem to see that the problem lies with his interfering mother. So i'm just like you, tell her myself, of coz must try to say nicely but sometimes so angry already still must put up a front. sigh...

 

[snowbear]

i can't stand firm, unfortunately.

my mother in law expects me to be super grateful she is taking care of my baby. i cant even raise my voice when she is around. she will take it i scold her? then she go home crying to her hubby she kana bully by me.

she expects me to b like my maid. the moment i see her, must greet her. ask her got eat or not, etc.

faint*

it was my hubby who insisted baby to b taken care by her mah, not me. i find it realy difficult to face a super sensitive person.

smurf, i think you shld seek other childcare options like nanny or infant care. I think it's not good for your sanity or your marriage to continue putting your baby with your mil.

 

[mandymtb]

hmm... sometimes if the mummy is not strong herself to defend what is most precious to her, no one else can help.

i too hv a irritating MIL who comes over my hse everywk and start doing all the hsehold chores cos she feels that I hv not done them good enuff.

She will open up all my cupboards and fridge and then start ransacking the items to see what I hv kept in there.

vry vry irritating... and i cant understand as well... wat the hell is wrong wif them?

 

[snowbear]

hmm... sometimes if the mummy is not strong herself to defend what is most precious to her, no one else can help.

i too have a irritating mother in law who comes over my house everywk and start doing all the hsehold chores cos she feels that I have not done them good enuff.

She will open up all my cupboards and fridge and then start ransacking the items to see what I have kept in there.

vry vry irritating... and i cant understand as well... what the hell is wrong with them?

My mil is the SAME as yours!!!! Even my hubby cannot tahan her behaviour (he confessed quietly to me just now when she was around... haha). He told me that his colleague was complaining to him about his mil who's very interfering and he said he can understand how his colleague feels coz he feels that his mum is exactly like that! Imagine my pleasure when he said that! Finally he can empathise with me....

 

[Cheyenne]

Goodness, what are all the MIL thinking and doing ? They kept using their seniority to press on us.They forget that this is the modern world and their past action/thought are no longer sensible in this modern world.

You have every right to go to your baby and carry them and feed them. They are your child, not your MIL.

I remember there was a period when my baby simple reject daddy. She will start to cry the moment daddy carry and somtimes at MIL and only stop when I carry over. MIL said I 'scare' baby and make baby reject them. MIL don't understand what is the meaning of bonding / natural instinct as mummy is the one giving them most of the care and attention.:nah:

 

[shulyn]

My mother in law is the SAME as yours!!!! Even my hubby cannot tahan her behaviour (he confessed quietly to me just now when she was around... haha). He told me that his colleague was complaining to him about his mother in law who's very interfering and he said he can understand how his colleague feels coz he feels that his mum is exactly like that! Imagine my pleasure when he said that! Finally he can empathise with me....

Wow Snowbear,

Your hubby will confessed quietly to you abt his mother...Mine..wait long long..he really respect and love his mother alot...I definetely cant object to this but just hope he can understand how i feel...Prob we not staying with the mother and he felt so guilty and bad...

 

[shulyn]

Goodness, what are all the mother in law thinking and doing ? They kept using their seniority to press on us.They forget that this is the modern world and their past action/thought are no longer sensible in this modern world.

You have every right to go to your baby and carry them and feed them. They are your child, not your mother in law.

I remember there was a period when my baby simple reject daddy. She will start to cry the moment daddy carry and somtimes at mother in law and only stop when I carry over. mother in law said I 'scare' baby and make baby reject them. mother in law dont't understand what is the meaning of bonding / natural instinct as mummy is the one giving them most of the care and attention.:nah:

Haiz..i aslo have so much of inbalance...Nowadays we must act smart cos we are the baby mother. Its the teaching and methods we want and if they ever do things to upset me, i will just tell them off nicely...So tell them and you will feel better...对你仁慈就是对我残忍。。。heehe..Dun know if i type correctly...

 

[snowbear]

Wow Snowbear,

Your hubby will confessed quietly to you about his mother...Mine..wait long long..he really respect and love his mother alot...I definetely cant object to this but just hope he can understand how i feel...Prob we not staying with the mother and he felt so guilty and bad...

Oh, it's the first time he's said it outright to me. Now and then when i complain about his mum he'd say that yah he understands that his mum is tactless and illogical etc. and (he'll ask me to be more tolerant of her behaviour) and it's not the first time he talked about his colleague being irritated by the mil but it's the first time he said he can understand why his colleague (a MALE) is irritated by the mil coz he himself has such an interfering mother. I guess it's not that we dils are sensitive creatures then!

 

[mandymtb]

hahaha.... i guess almost all the MIL are the same! All sooooooo irritating!!

i will nvr nvr be someone like my MIL definitely... dun they jus feel tired of doing this?

snowbear, at least ur SO understands... mine is a 'mummy's boy'!!

 

[Ting]

lucky bf is not a mummy's boy n listens more to me than anyone else. if not, i will go mad.

 

[LynetteLoh]

now i have a son. i hope i won't become an irrational MIL when he gets married :X

 

[snowbear]

hahaha.... i guess almost all the mother in law are the same! All sooooooo irritating!!

i will never never be someone like my mother in law definitely... dont they just feel tired of doing this?

snowbear, at least your SO understands... mine is a 'mummy's boy'!!

My mother in law didn't treat my dear husband particularly well when he was a child so he's not a mummy's boy! haha... i must say he's quite filial already to his mum despite the way he was treated by her when he was young (he was always neglected, thrown to someone else to look after although she's not working just so she can go out and shop or do her own stuff, and she used him to vent her frustrations like scolding vulgarities at him or beating him for no reason). When i asked him what he thinks of his mum, he still says he thinks she isn't a bad mother (i must give him credit for that!)

 

[-jOanna]

Yap snowbear,

Truly agree...This is the only way we can vent our frustration here. I been tolerating for so long until 8 mths later, i just burst myself out, got angry and bring my boy back home with me. My hubby is so angry, saying my action is so childish, no matter what happen i should have respect him and talk about it after we leave mother in law place...

I know what i did is really not right, but can imagine, my boy is 8 mths = to 8 mths of tolerance. So many mths of inbalance caused me to burst out...so much action has cause me to feel so inbalance towards his family! But i love my hubby alot and i wont want him to feel sad so will just try to ignore...But if there is anything in law do to make me upset, i will just tell her off nicely too...This is what hubby taught me rather than approaching him...

that sentence already shows your hubby is someone with very strong EGO.. my hubby used to have very strong EGO also when we were just bf and gf.. i left him and made him think about his actions and in 2yrs he changed to the better and became matured.. I also know his parents for 5yrs+ already since we together.. luckily his parents quite ok, never really interfere small things(my hubby also dont like ppl interfere or change his decision) ..

My mother in law eyesight is not clear due to her diabetes, so the things at home that belongs to them I wont touch cuz like that she will know where she put them.. stuff in our room we will settle ourselves..

dont understand why some mother in law wanna own everything like that.. :nah:

 

[kenxf_03]

Hi mummies,​

I felt so hurt and depressed too!​

today brought my dear son to pediatrician for his ear infection prob with husband... mother in law went with us too! becos i'm working, so mother in law is taking care of my dear son in the day.. husband fetched my mother in law and dear son and then fetched me from my office. So mother in law is carrying my dear son thruout. When we alighted from husband's car, I asked my husband can I carry my dear son. He then told mother in law to let me carry since I had whole day at work. But mother in law has no intention to let me carry at all! She just said " grandma carry " and walked away!!!​

husband saw it and we both look at each other. We are still early so we went for dinner 1st. I ordered my food 1st, then once finished, I wanted to carry my dear son so that mother in law can eat her dinner. I asked my dear son, want mummy to carry anot, my dear son was so happy and happily kicking loh. But mother in law said its ok , she carried cos she's not hungry!! I just have this STRONG feeling that she dont wanna let me carry my dear son!!!!!!​

husband saw it and asked mother in law to eat some food , then she passed my dear son to me so reluctantly! husband and I went to queue up at the clinic after our food. mother in law came shortly after and guess what??? She asked my dear son want to carry anot and she carry over and walked away again!​

I was left sitting in the clinic. husband went up to mother in law and played with my dear son. After awhile husband carry over and dear son is being grouchy and he passed to me saying want mummy to carry, rite?? Then mother in law sit down by my side.​

Lucky with husband's help,if not, i tink I dont need to see the doc with my son !! Cos mother in law will surely go in herself carrying my dear son loh!​

When husband and I came out after seeing pediatrician, went up to dear son and asked want to carry anot. I kp quiet and husband said, dont want , kp passing here and there, dear son dont like one... Then she give up that thought!​

you mummies know what??? On the day of discharge with my son, I'm not the one who carrying my dear son home, its my mother in law loh! I wanted to carry but mother in law didnt give any signal and just asked the nurse to pass her MY BABY!!!! There she go with my baby boy (in my father in law's car) and I was left all alone there to wait for my husband's car...​

This is not the 1st time already! I really feel so hurtful and sad! why cant a mummy carry her own kid and still need to like so called " asked for permission"???? I really dont understand why!!!! Lucky, I didnt live with her, if not, tink I no need to carry my dear son at all for sure want!​

This have been in my heart for some time already. just wanna rant out my unhappiness here.. Pls pardon me...
​

 

[shulyn]

Hi mummies,​

I felt so hurt and depressed too!​

today brought my dear son to pediatrician for his ear infection prob with husband... mother in law went with us too! becos i'm working, so mother in law is taking care of my dear son in the day.. husband fetched my mother in law and dear son and then fetched me from my office. So mother in law is carrying my dear son thruout. When we alighted from husband's car, I asked my husband can I carry my dear son. He then told mother in law to let me carry since I had whole day at work. But mother in law has no intention to let me carry at all! She just said " grandma carry " and walked away!!!​

husband saw it and we both look at each other. We are still early so we went for dinner 1st. I ordered my food 1st, then once finished, I wanted to carry my dear son so that mother in law can eat her dinner. I asked my dear son, want mummy to carry anot, my dear son was so happy and happily kicking loh. But mother in law said its ok , she carried cos she's not hungry!! I just have this STRONG feeling that she dont wanna let me carry my dear son!!!!!!​

husband saw it and asked mother in law to eat some food , then she passed my dear son to me so reluctantly! husband and I went to queue up at the clinic after our food. mother in law came shortly after and guess what??? She asked my dear son want to carry anot and she carry over and walked away again!​

I was left sitting in the clinic. husband went up to mother in law and played with my dear son. After awhile husband carry over and dear son is being grouchy and he passed to me saying want mummy to carry, rite?? Then mother in law sit down by my side.​

Lucky with husband's help,if not, i tink I dont need to see the doc with my son !! Cos mother in law will surely go in herself carrying my dear son loh!​

When husband and I came out after seeing pediatrician, went up to dear son and asked want to carry anot. I kp quiet and husband said, dont want , kp passing here and there, dear son dont like one... Then she give up that thought!​

you mummies know what??? On the day of discharge with my son, I'm not the one who carrying my dear son home, its my mother in law loh! I wanted to carry but mother in law didnt give any signal and just asked the nurse to pass her MY BABY!!!! There she go with my baby boy (in my father in law's car) and I was left all alone there to wait for my husband's car...

As for this issue, on my day of discharge, my mum and mil didnt come cos they have something on. My confinment nanny came to the hospital, waiting for me to discharge...I wanted to carry my son too but nanny told me leave the job to her cos i should rest and not to carry heavy stuffs etc..Prob yr mil dont want you to exert too much esp you have just given birth

This is not the 1st time already! I really feel so hurtful and sad! why cant a mummy carry her own kid and still need to like so called " asked for permission"???? I really dont understand why!!!! Lucky, I didnt live with her, if not, tink I no need to carry my dear son at all for sure want!

Same as me, didnt stay with mil...There is also few incidents when all of us went out for dinner...after dinner, we just went to shop around and suddenly both sil and mil went missing with my son...I just find tat when i go out with my parents they wont do this to me...Esp with hubby's family, it make me like they are one family and one gang...haiz, i feel so sad at tat time, i didnt get the chance to push the pram too...I confide this to my mother and hubby...hubby sometimes also cant take it cos its his mother who he respect so much esp he's the only son and didnt stay with the mother, he felt so bad and guilty...Overall my hubby is not those irresponsible man who doesnt care for my feelings cos the one tat i have conflicts with is his mother...So im also learning now, not to be so emotion, learn to let go cos its only twice a week for us to go back to mil house...BUT im the baby's mother, i will still be FIRM if they gonna do some more things to upset me. I will just tell them nicely wat i want...Next time when your mil still do this do you, why not you just tell her politely and nicely that you want to carry the baby.

This have been in my heart for some time already. just wanna rant out my unhappiness here.. Pls pardon me...​

Dear Kenxf,

I understand how you feel, cos initially i also have the same thought and experiences as you...Of course mine is still not so bad cos im very firm...of course over this issues, i have quarrel lots of time with hubby. Hubby told me if in the future i wanted to carry my son, just go to the mum and tell her mummy want to carry. My hubby also help me few times, hinting to the mother... We must learn to see things in another angle n yr life will be easier...

 

[-jOanna]

Hi kenxf, we understand how you feel actually.. how long does ur MIL sees your dear son? per week or? Does your hubby knows that bad habit of his mother? It's very unfair and I feel you should ask your hubby to tell his mother off (I know not filial but bo bian), some elderly (though in 30s - 70s) still cannot think maturely..

I would tell my mum off at times when I find her reasons not acceptable. Like that day I told her we must take out the baby mattress to let air blow blow and muz wash all baby clothes already cuz baby might come anytime now and she told me "not so fast 1 lah"... She dun like hse messy and a lot of stuff. So I told her, "you know when baby coming meh? you wan to wait i suddenly admit hospital den you kanchiong then it's too late already."

* At my workplace a lot of AUNTIES also BRAINS got problem one.. They are so self-centered and their thinking are so immatured!

 

[kenxf_03]

Dear Kenxf,

I understand how you feel, cos initially i also have the same thought and experiences as you...Of course mine is still not so bad cos im very firm...of course over this issues, i have quarrel lots of time with hubby. Hubby told me if in the future i wanted to carry my son, just go to the mum and tell her mummy want to carry. My hubby also help me few times, hinting to the mother... We must learn to see things in another angle and your life will be easier...

Dear Shulyn,

Thks for ur advice.

I did try to let go in the earlier stage. When my MIL didnt get to see my DS the whole day, I volunteer to let her carry.. But when I wanted to carry my DS when I was working and didnt see him for the whole day, she wont let me carry!

There are so many times that I wanted to carry and I always asked her nicely. all she always said is "its ok, she carry" I mean I'm the mother, I juz wanna sayang my DS after a long day of work also cannot. How would I feel?? My hb also said donno y her mother like that. Even my sis in laws also said my MIL is over possessive. She can give up having lunch or dinner juz to carry my Ds somemore..

I dont wanna strained my relationship with my MIL so normally I'll bear with it... Maybe too much of "suffer in silence" is getting too much on me le.. Hb said find one day, he'll tok to his mum.. I told him to forget it cos my MIL is a person who wants mean wants... She even requested us to let our DS stay at her hse then we bring him bk on weekends.

I insisted a NOT cos Hb and I are not able to slp w/o Ds ard.. Though, sometimes, she asked my DS "wanna stay at Ah ma hse and slp with Ah ma?? " I'd normally smile bk and didnt give any ans. Hb would normally tell her mum, dont want lah, DS wanna slp with us and smell his mummy. hahaha.

Btw Ds very clingy to me. When my MIL cant settle him down, she will then pass DS to me and the moment I took over, he settle down pretty soon. This is when I can carry my DS! When my DS get settle down, then MIL will ask Ds "want ah ma to carry??"

Maybe like wat u said, I nd to look thing in another angle. : )
​