so hurting

[apollo]

Hi mummies,​

I felt so hurt and depressed too!​

today brought my dear son to pediatrician for his ear infection prob with husband... mother in law went with us too! becos i'm working, so mother in law is taking care of my dear son in the day.. husband fetched my mother in law and dear son and then fetched me from my office. So mother in law is carrying my dear son thruout. When we alighted from husband's car, I asked my husband can I carry my dear son. He then told mother in law to let me carry since I had whole day at work. But mother in law has no intention to let me carry at all! She just said " grandma carry " and walked away!!!​

husband saw it and we both look at each other. We are still early so we went for dinner 1st. I ordered my food 1st, then once finished, I wanted to carry my dear son so that mother in law can eat her dinner. I asked my dear son, want mummy to carry anot, my dear son was so happy and happily kicking loh. But mother in law said its ok , she carried cos she's not hungry!! I just have this STRONG feeling that she dont wanna let me carry my dear son!!!!!!​

husband saw it and asked mother in law to eat some food , then she passed my dear son to me so reluctantly! husband and I went to queue up at the clinic after our food. mother in law came shortly after and guess what??? She asked my dear son want to carry anot and she carry over and walked away again!​

I was left sitting in the clinic. husband went up to mother in law and played with my dear son. After awhile husband carry over and dear son is being grouchy and he passed to me saying want mummy to carry, rite?? Then mother in law sit down by my side.​

Lucky with husband's help,if not, i tink I dont need to see the doc with my son !! Cos mother in law will surely go in herself carrying my dear son loh!​

When husband and I came out after seeing pediatrician, went up to dear son and asked want to carry anot. I kp quiet and husband said, dont want , kp passing here and there, dear son dont like one... Then she give up that thought!​

you mummies know what??? On the day of discharge with my son, I'm not the one who carrying my dear son home, its my mother in law loh! I wanted to carry but mother in law didnt give any signal and just asked the nurse to pass her MY BABY!!!! There she go with my baby boy (in my father in law's car) and I was left all alone there to wait for my husband's car...​

This is not the 1st time already! I really feel so hurtful and sad! why cant a mummy carry her own kid and still need to like so called " asked for permission"???? I really dont understand why!!!! Lucky, I didnt live with her, if not, tink I no need to carry my dear son at all for sure want!​

This have been in my heart for some time already. just wanna rant out my unhappiness here.. Pls pardon me...​

though i've not encounter such pro with my mil but i still can understand how u feel cause i cant imagine one day my mil also do the same thing to me!

as for during discharge she carried the baby, my mum did the same. cause my mum said there's this "law" saying that either one side of grandma must go hospital to carry the baby.. very funny horr?? but the main reason my mum went and carry ds for me was becos she said i was c-sect, cannot carry ds for too long.. u're also c-sect right? maybe ur mil thought that way too??

or we think this way, from the other thread, u post that u're preg again right? maybe she just dont wanna u to be tired... but then again, she shd let u carry ur ds IN THE CAR since he can just sit on ur lap...

and u're lucky, looks lik ur hubby stand by ur side right? get ur hubby to talk to her nicely. u're wking outside and finally aft wk, u get to see ur son, no matter how tired or hungry u're i'm sure u wanna cuddle ur precious son, even it's for 1 min... ur mil is a mother, she shd know what...

 

[apollo]

Dear Shulyn,​

Thks for your advice.​

I did try to let go in the earlier stage. When my mother in law didnt get to see my dear son the whole day, I volunteer to let her carry.. But when I wanted to carry my dear son when I was working and didnt see him for the whole day, she wont let me carry!​

There are so many times that I wanted to carry and I always asked her nicely. all she always said is "its ok, she carry" I mean I'm the mother, I just wanna sayang my dear son after a long day of work also cannot. How would I feel?? My husband also said donno why her mother like that. Even my sis in laws also said my mother in law is over possessive. She can give up having lunch or dinner just to carry my dear son somemore..​

I dont wanna strained my relationship with my mother in law so normally I'll bear with it... Maybe too much of "suffer in silence" is getting too much on me .. husband said find one day, he'll tok to his mum.. I told him to forget it cos my mother in law is a person who wants mean wants... She even requested us to let our dear son stay at her house then we bring him back on weekends.​

I insisted a NOT cos husband and I are not able to sleep w/o dear son around.. Though, sometimes, she asked my dear son "wanna stay at house and sleep with ?? " I'd normally smile back and didnt give any ans. husband would normally tell her mum, dont want , dear son wanna sleep with us and smell his mummy. hahaha.​

Btw dear son very clingy to me. When my mother in law cant settle him down, she will then pass dear son to me and the moment I took over, he settle down pretty soon. This is when I can carry my dear son! When my dear son get settle down, then mother in law will ask dear son "want to carry??"​

Maybe like what you said, I need to look thing in another angle. : )​

kenxf_03, NEVER allow ur ds to stay overnight with ur mil... since u alrdy feel that she kinda wanna 'ba zhan' ur son, u must never give in on letting him stay overnight... 'you yi chi, jiu you di er chi'

i understand u dont wanna tok back to ur mil mostly also becos of ur hubby... i dont tok back to my hubby's aunt, grandma also becos of him... but i told him, if one day, i really cannot tahan, i will not give anyone face! but of cos, tok to ur mil nicely 1st or leave this job to ur hubby will be better... OR, ask ur hubby tell them u kanna depression soon if u still cant get to sayang ur ds...

p/s: pls do let say is regina teach u one horr... later ur mil come find me..:tlaugh:

 

[kenxf_03]

Hi kenxf, we understand how you feel actually.. how long does your mother in law sees your dear son? per week or? Does your hubby knows that bad habit of his mother? It's very unfair and I feel you should ask your hubby to tell his mother off (I know not filial but bo bian), some elderly (though in 30s - 70s) still cannot think maturely..

I would tell my mum off at times when I find her reasons not acceptable. Like that day I told her we must take out the baby mattress to let air blow blow and must wash all baby clothes already cuz baby might come anytime now and she told me "not so fast 1 "... She dont like house messy and a lot of stuff. So I told her, "you know when baby coming meh? you want to wait i suddenly admit hospital then you kanchiong then it's too late already."

* At my workplace a lot of AUNTIES also BRAINS got problem one.. They are so self-centered and their thinking are so immatured!

Dear Joanna,

Congrats! Your baobei is coming real soon and soon you will be embracing ur baby in ur arms le! So happy for u!

Now, MIL is taking care of my DS since I started work le. SO it will be 5 days in a week and after I off work, Hb and I will fetch him bk.

Weekends is definitely taken care by Hb and I. But still MIL will offer to take good care of him and asked us to go have er ren shi jie loh. But sometimes, I wanna bring my DS out for gaigai then asked MIL to join us. Then she will wanna carry DS too! She is over possess with my DS le. Maybe its her 1st grandson! But does anyone tink of he is my only DS too!

My mummy wont do this to me. And she only my DS once fortnight. So I will let her carry most of the time cos she seldom see him mah.

Its always more easy to talk to your mummy then MIL. Cos if we dont handle well or tactfully, they will tink we are trying to be so sensitive or wat... :embarrassed:

My Hb saw everything and he asked my MIL to let me carry cos I didnt carry him for the whole day. But MIL simply dont care and juz said "its ok, she carry!" Hb saw how sad I am but MIL dont wanna to. So he try to carry him and then passed to me when DS get grouchy loh. Then like purposely said in front of my MIL, Ds want Mummy to carry, rite??

My MILis a person who wants mean wants, didnt tink so much. So she may sometimes hurt ppl but she dont even know loh.

Joanna, I tink its time for u to get ready le. It can be anytime that ur Baby may come. All the best and hope everything goes well for you, ok? Hope to hear good new from you soon! ancing_tongue:​

 

[shulyn]

that sentence already shows your hubby is someone with very strong EGO.. my hubby used to have very strong EGO also when we were just bf and gf.. i left him and made him think about his actions and in 2yrs he changed to the better and became matured.. I also know his parents for 5yrs+ already since we together.. luckily his parents quite ok, never really interfere small things(my hubby also dont like ppl interfere or change his decision) ..

My mother in law eyesight is not clear due to her diabetes, so the things at home that belongs to them I wont touch cuz like that she will know where she put them.. stuff in our room we will settle ourselves..

dont understand why some mother in law wanna own everything like that.. :nah:

Hi Joanna...I truly know my hubby very well cos we been together for nearly 13 years...I dont think he's like yr hubby last time cos aft e incidents, i talk to my mum and sister and both of them also say im wrong. Cos no matter what i should not have carry my boy and leave the house. I reflected my action and of course if i stand in my hubby's shoes, he's in a difficult position...

 

[kenxf_03]

though i've not encounter such pro with my mother in law but i still can understand how you feel cause i cant imagine one day my mother in law also do the same thing to me!

as for during discharge she carried the baby, my mum did the same. cause my mum said there's this "law" saying that either one side of grandma must go hospital to carry the baby.. very funny horr?? but the main reason my mum went and carry dear son for me was becos she said i was c-sect, cannot carry dear son for too long.. you're also c-sect right? maybe your mother in law thought that way too??

or we think this way, from the other thread, you post that you're preg again right? maybe she just dont wanna you to be tired... but then again, she should let you carry your dear son IN THE CAR since he can just sit on your lap...

and you're lucky, looks lik your hubby stand by your side right? get your hubby to talk to her nicely. you're wking outside and finally after wk, you get to see your son, no matter how tired or hungry you're i'm sure you wanna cuddle your precious son, even it's for 1 min... your mother in law is a mother, she should know what...

Dear Regina,

I didnt know there is such law existing, thks for telling me that.

But donno y even after that, my MIL also dont let me carry me my DS so much. Maybe its due to confinement, they said better dont carry baBY too often cos they'll recognise u.

But MIL is like snatching baby still. Cos from her doing,I really cant help tinking that she is trying to snatch from me.

Like that time, my DS sick then bring him go see doc. She insisted come along and he carry my DS again. I tot ok lah,ltr at the clinic I shall carry DS and bring him in to see PD. But who know we reached the clinic le, I asked her nicely, can I carry, she still the same loh, said she can carry.

I also tot that she is also mummy b4, y she juz dont understand wat a mummy want! When its our turn and we went in. PD finshed checking DS and wanted to past to me but MIL is so fast to stretch her hands and said so loudly, "come, grandma carry!" she is abit far away from the PD loh, and can imagine I'm standing juz beside the PD! My MIL snatch away le then walk away. Thru out, I nv had a chance to carry my sick DS.... I was feeling so depressed...

And you're right, after a long day og work, I juz wanna cuddle my DS only mah. Also nd to like asked for permission.. So, who's the mummy here!!!!

Ya, I'm lucky that my Hb standby me, if not, we sure got alot of prob!​

 

[shulyn]

Dear Shulyn,​

Thks for your advice.​

I did try to let go in the earlier stage. When my mother in law didnt get to see my dear son the whole day, I volunteer to let her carry.. But when I wanted to carry my dear son when I was working and didnt see him for the whole day, she wont let me carry!​

There are so many times that I wanted to carry and I always asked her nicely. all she always said is "its ok, she carry" I mean I'm the mother, I just wanna sayang my dear son after a long day of work also cannot. How would I feel?? My husband also said donno why her mother like that. Even my sis in laws also said my mother in law is over possessive. She can give up having lunch or dinner just to carry my dear son somemore..​

I dont wanna strained my relationship with my mother in law so normally I'll bear with it... Maybe too much of "suffer in silence" is getting too much on me .. husband said find one day, he'll tok to his mum.. I told him to forget it cos my mother in law is a person who wants mean wants... She even requested us to let our dear son stay at her house then we bring him back on weekends.​

I insisted a NOT cos husband and I are not able to sleep w/o dear son around.. Though, sometimes, she asked my dear son "wanna stay at house and sleep with ?? " I'd normally smile back and didnt give any ans. husband would normally tell her mum, dont want , dear son wanna sleep with us and smell his mummy. hahaha.​

Btw dear son very clingy to me. When my mother in law cant settle him down, she will then pass dear son to me and the moment I took over, he settle down pretty soon. This is when I can carry my dear son! When my dear son get settle down, then mother in law will ask dear son "want to carry??"​

Maybe like what you said, I need to look thing in another angle. : )​

Dear Kenxf...no worries cos mine is quite similar to yours...Dont know why after birth, each time when i go back in law house, im dragging...After several times of complaining to hubby, talk to sister In law about this issues too, things is getting better now. Imagine my hubby is the only son, with sister In law around, sometimes our life is also quite hard. I remember got one incidents when my boy is only 2 mths plus, sister In law is carrying him, rocking him vigoursly, i told her if baby is fine, leave him down in the sofa. Guess what? My sister In law told me dont't want, i have not carry enough, wait till im tired and at the same time can help her slimming. I cant imagine this can happen to me? I felt so sad and told hubby, all he do is keep quiet...1,2,3,4 ...incidents happen to me until i burst and cry out...I dont blame my hubby cos i know him too well and know he really love me alot, just that he's like a hamburger in the middle. This is too sudden and too much of conflicts for him to solve as another party is his family. Actually he's the only son, and mother in law supposingly wanted to stay with us..i told my hubby i wanted to stay on our own without the mother and he was struggling over that period and he finally choose to move out on our own. My hubby feel so guilty, with this, i really know he has done many sacrifices for me... so i try to think of another angle, im also learning to close my eyes when we go back mother in law house. Again its not easy but if i wanted a happy marriage, i must learn to respect the mother.

Kenxt, really please dont't keep inside for too long, prob can be solve want, talk to your hubby and let him talk to his mother. My hubby told me, you are the baby's mother, when you think what is not right, you have the right to tell the mother, but in a nice tone...Once, when my boy is around 7 mths, we went out for dim sum with mother in law, she keep holding and playing the 'bao' with my boy, keep trying to arrouse him with the food. Of course i dont like it, just keep queit as long as she didnt put the food in my boy mouth. after we leave the restaurant, went shopping, feel thirsty and bought drinks for mother in law and ourself. Guess what, im walking in front, she's carrying my boy and i hear giggling from the back, turn over and saw she put the tip of the straw with drink in my boy mouth..Im so angryyyyy!!!...he's only 7mths, how can he drink ice green tea??? I kept quiet and after we got in the car, i told her nicely infront of my hubby that mother, please dont give all this junk food to dear boy etc..after that incident, hubby remind the mother again not to do it when im not around ocs hubby also doesnt like this too...after this, im sure mother in law wont dare to do it. Learn to tell her nicely and be FIRM...If your mother in law insisit, you should insist too...

All the while, i dare not tell mother in law cos she is our elderly...But if i dont, i will suffer and scared i will got depression..heehee There is so much of conflicts as i hard for me to spell everthing out, but i would say my life is easier and better now after i learn to be firm, still learning to let go...

 

[-jOanna]

Dear Joanna,​

Congrats! Your baobei is coming real soon and soon you will be embracing your baby in your arms ! So happy for you!​

Now, mother in law is taking care of my dear son since I started work . SO it will be 5 days in a week and after I off work, husband and I will fetch him back.​

Weekends is definitely taken care by husband and I. But still mother in law will offer to take good care of him and asked us to go have er ren shi jie loh. But sometimes, I wanna bring my dear son out for gaigai then asked mother in law to join us. Then she will wanna carry dear son too! She is over possess with my dear son . Maybe its her 1st grandson! But does anyone tink of he is my only dear son too!​

My mummy wont do this to me. And she only my dear son once fortnight. So I will let her carry most of the time cos she seldom see him mah.​

Its always more easy to talk to your mummy then mother in law. Cos if we dont handle well or tactfully, they will tink we are trying to be so sensitive or what... :embarrassed:​

My husband saw everything and he asked my mother in law to let me carry cos I didnt carry him for the whole day. But mother in law simply dont care and just said "its ok, she carry!" husband saw how sad I am but mother in law dont wanna to. So he try to carry him and then passed to me when dear son get grouchy loh. Then like purposely said in front of my mother in law, dear son want Mummy to carry, rite??​

My MILis a person who wants mean wants, didnt tink so much. So she may sometimes hurt ppl but she dont even know loh.​

Joanna, I tink its time for you to get ready . It can be anytime that your Baby may come. All the best and hope everything goes well for you, ok? Hope to hear good new from you soon! ancing_tongue:​

I duno im having mixed feelings now.. im so afraid of the delivering process now... my hubby scared i get pre-delivering depression lol.. im afraid of many things !
1) emergency c-sect cuz cervix cant open
2) contractions pain [duno how pain]
3) taking epidural [i see the video the needle so big! scary!]
4) when i scream when delivering! ahhhh..

Anyways I dun think my parents-in-law would be so possesive also bah, i hope.. I guess your MIL juz cannot control her love to ur dear son.. does your dear son look like ur hubby or u? maybe look too much like ur hubby den she might think it's her son instead haha..​

 

[-jOanna]

Hi Joanna...I truly know my hubby very well cos we been together for nearly 13 years...I dont think he's like your hubby last time cos after e incidents, i talk to my mum and sister and both of them also say im wrong. Cos no matter what i should not have carry my boy and leave the house. I reflected my action and of course if i stand in my hubby's shoes, he's in a difficult position...

that's good to hear hope u n ur hubby can find a way to improve the situation bah

 

[kenxf_03]

kenxf_03, NEVER allow your dear son to stay overnight with your mother in law... since you alrdy feel that she kinda wanna ' zhan' your son, you must never give in on letting him stay overnight... 'you yi chi, jiu you di er chi'

i understand you dont wanna tok back to your mother in law mostly also becos of your hubby... i dont tok back to my hubby's aunt, grandma also becos of him... but i told him, if one day, i really cannot tahan, i will not give anyone face! but of cos, tok to your mother in law nicely 1st or leave this job to your hubby will be better... OR, ask your hubby tell them you kanna depression soon if you still cant get to sayang your dear son...​

p/s: pls do let say is regina teach you one horr... later your mother in law come find me..:tlaugh:​

Dear Regina,​

hahahaahhaha, you are so funny! Of Cose I wont say it you !​

Ya, we both tink soooo ALIKE! I have the same tots as you!​

I also told husband before if there is one time, there will definitely be a 2nd time. I know my mother in law too well . ANd this is not the 1st time she asked us to let dear son stay at her place .​

My reason for not putting dear son at mother in law house is becos as a parents, who will their baby to leave them. And with No2 now, its more impossible for me to leave dear son with mother in law. I dont wanna dear son to have that thinking that we dont want him anymore becos we have No 2 . This will definitely affect their future development and they may not be so close to each other cos they dont live together in the 1st place.​

husband also tok to her the reasons why we dont wanna put dear son at her place but she said its ok mah. With No 2 now, we have no place to let dear son sleep , why dont let him sleep with Grandma?? Donno why everytime I heard she said "wanna sleep with Grandma" I feel veryyyy uncomfortable! This is not the 1st time .. Even husband explained to her , she wont listen. But no matter what, I'm very FIRM to this decision! I can bear with anything and "suffer in silence". But if you really force to me to outburst, I wont give anyone any face! I just wanna protect my rights as a MUMMY! I dont tink I'm in any wrong....​

husband also donno why mother in law is over possessive with dear son. Even though, husband tok to mother in law alot of times, she just dont buy that. No matter how we explained, she will say in the past where got like that and this.​

I told her that pediatrician has confirmed that Baby no need to drink water for the 1st 6 mths , milk formula is so diff from past , she dont beleive and like blame us why we dont give dear son water. In the past, we also like that drink, we have no prob at all! I was like, so sian, dont wish to explain further. Both husband and I were blamed why we dont give water to dear son.​

And she is a person who is want mean wants, so she may have hurt ppl around her sometimes w/o knowing... She is also very caring towards me but when i comes to Ds, we got prob...​

I really feel that we got great generation gap. All I wish is she can be more understanding. JIang xin bi xin, we are both mothers. Shld know how I feel....​

 

[apollo]

Dear Regina,​

I didnt know there is such law existing, thks for telling me that.​

But donno why even after that, my mother in law also dont let me carry me my dear son so much. Maybe its due to confinement, they said better dont carry baBY too often cos they'll recognise you.​

But mother in law is like snatching baby still. Cos from her doing,I really cant help thinking that she is trying to snatch from me.​

Like that time, my dear son sick then bring him go see doc. She insisted come along and he carry my dear son again. I thought ok ,ltr at the clinic I shall carry dear son and bring him in to see pediatrician. But who know we reached the clinic , I asked her nicely, can I carry, she still the same loh, said she can carry.​

I also thought that she is also mummy before, why she just dont understand what a mummy want! When its our turn and we went in. pediatrician finshed checking dear son and wanted to past to me but mother in law is so fast to stretch her hands and said so loudly, "come, grandma carry!" she is abit far away from the pediatrician loh, and can imagine I'm standing just beside the pediatrician! My mother in law snatch away then walk away. Thru out, I never had a chance to carry my sick dear son.... I was feeling so depressed...​

And you're right, after a long day og work, I just wanna cuddle my dear son only mah. Also need to like asked for permission.. So, who's the mummy here!!!!​

Ya, I'm lucky that my husband standby me, if not, we sure got alot of prob!​

what's so bad abt babies recognising their own mother? i dont think that's a good excuse to take away ur baby from u. since ur mil know how to say things like baby will recognise u, she keep carrying him, he will also recognise her only... same logic...

my mum is somehow same as ur mil. till now, she till cant accept that ds loves me more.. tsk tsk... but she's my mother, i can just tell her what i'm unhappy abt. anw, she's not as extreme as ur mil...

rmb, u DONT HAVE to 'ask' for permission, that's ur son! u carried him inside ur tummy for more than 9mths and the one who needs permission is ur mil not u...

is it possible that she dont follow when the 3 of u want some family time?? u're taking care of ur son on weekends right? if ur intend to bring him out, dont let ur mil know. if she ask, just say u going bk to ur mum's place. unless she's SO protective towards her grandson that she will want to follow him all the way to ur mum's place..

 

[kenxf_03]

I dont know im having mixed feelings now.. im so afraid of the delivering process now... my hubby scared i get pre-delivering depression lol.. im afraid of many things !

1) emergency c-sect cuz cervix cant open
2) contractions pain [dont know how pain]
3) taking epidural [i see the video the needle so big! scary!]
4) when i scream when delivering! ahhhh..​

Anyways I dont think my parents-in-law would be so possesive also bah, i hope.. I guess your mother in law just cannot control her love to your dear son.. does your dear son look like your hubby or you? maybe look too much like your hubby then she might think it's her son instead haha..​

Dear Joanna,
Pls dont tink too much b4 giving birth. But of cose, anxiousness will definitely occurs b4 giving birth, especially for ur 1st bb. Just relax and enjoy the whole delivering process ba. This will leave u very memorable one. Relax, ok??

DS look more like HB. Maybe like wat u said. MIL treat him like my Hb??

 

[kenxf_03]

Dear Kenxf...no worries cos mine is quite similar to yours...Dont know why after birth, each time when i go back in law house, im dragging...After several times of complaining to hubby, talk to sister In law about this issues too, things is getting better now. Imagine my hubby is the only son, with sister In law around, sometimes our life is also quite hard. I remember got one incidents when my boy is only 2 mths plus, sister In law is carrying him, rocking him vigoursly, i told her if baby is fine, leave him down in the sofa. Guess what? My sister In law told me dont't want, i have not carry enough, wait till im tired and at the same time can help her slimming. I cant imagine this can happen to me? I felt so sad and told hubby, all he do is keep quiet...1,2,3,4 ...incidents happen to me until i burst and cry out...I dont blame my hubby cos i know him too well and know he really love me alot, just that he's like a hamburger in the middle. This is too sudden and too much of conflicts for him to solve as another party is his family. Actually he's the only son, and mother in law supposingly wanted to stay with us..i told my hubby i wanted to stay on our own without the mother and he was struggling over that period and he finally choose to move out on our own. My hubby feel so guilty, with this, i really know he has done many sacrifices for me... so i try to think of another angle, im also learning to close my eyes when we go back mother in law house. Again its not easy but if i wanted a happy marriage, i must learn to respect the mother.

Kenxt, really please dont't keep inside for too long, prob can be solve want, talk to your hubby and let him talk to his mother. My hubby told me, you are the baby's mother, when you think what is not right, you have the right to tell the mother, but in a nice tone...Once, when my boy is around 7 mths, we went out for dim sum with mother in law, she keep holding and playing the 'bao' with my boy, keep trying to arrouse him with the food. Of course i dont like it, just keep queit as long as she didnt put the food in my boy mouth. after we leave the restaurant, went shopping, feel thirsty and bought drinks for mother in law and ourself. Guess what, im walking in front, she's carrying my boy and i hear giggling from the back, turn over and saw she put the tip of the straw with drink in my boy mouth..Im so angryyyyy!!!...he's only 7mths, how can he drink ice green tea??? I kept quiet and after we got in the car, i told her nicely infront of my hubby that mother, please dont give all this junk food to dear boy etc..after that incident, hubby remind the mother again not to do it when im not around ocs hubby also doesnt like this too...after this, im sure mother in law wont dare to do it. Learn to tell her nicely and be FIRM...If your mother in law insisit, you should insist too...

All the while, i dare not tell mother in law cos she is our elderly...But if i dont, i will suffer and scared i will got depression..heehee There is so much of conflicts as i hard for me to spell everthing out, but i would say my life is easier and better now after i learn to be firm, still learning to let go...

OMG!! How can your sister In law said these things and do such things to a baby!!

My in laws also did the same thing to my 4 month old dear son!! Let him taste sweet thing thru straw or spoon when they had dessert! In front of me somemore! My father in law still said my husband's grandpa let him drink kopi O when he is still a few month old baby... what can I do?? husband told them not to feed anymore loh...

Dont worie, I often confide to husband and he's normally the one who tok to mother in law, I just wanna avoid any misunderstanding. I always let husband do the talking to mother in law. Of cose, sometimes, if I really insist that mother in law shld do things in some way to dear son, I'll speak out. But of cose in a nice way .

I really understand the position that you are in.

I'll try my best to let go..

 

[apollo]

Dear Regina,​

hahahaahhaha, you are so funny! Of Cose I wont say it you !​

Ya, we both tink soooo ALIKE! I have the same tots as you!​

I also told husband before if there is one time, there will definitely be a 2nd time. I know my mother in law too well . ANd this is not the 1st time she asked us to let dear son stay at her place .​

My reason for not putting dear son at mother in law house is becos as a parents, who will their baby to leave them. And with No2 now, its more impossible for me to leave dear son with mother in law. I dont wanna dear son to have that thinking that we dont want him anymore becos we have No 2 . This will definitely affect their future development and they may not be so close to each other cos they dont live together in the 1st place.​

husband also tok to her the reasons why we dont wanna put dear son at her place but she said its ok mah. With No 2 now, we have no place to let dear son sleep , why dont let him sleep with Grandma?? Donno why everytime I heard she said "wanna sleep with Grandma" I feel veryyyy uncomfortable! This is not the 1st time .. Even husband explained to her , she wont listen. But no matter what, I'm very FIRM to this decision! I can bear with anything and "suffer in silence". But if you really force to me to outburst, I wont give anyone any face! I just wanna protect my rights as a MUMMY! I dont tink I'm in any wrong....​

husband also donno why mother in law is over possessive with dear son. Even though, husband tok to mother in law alot of times, she just dont buy that. No matter how we explained, she will say in the past where got like that and this.​

I told her that pediatrician has confirmed that Baby no need to drink water for the 1st 6 mths , milk formula is so diff from past , she dont beleive and like blame us why we dont give dear son water. In the past, we also like that drink, we have no prob at all! I was like, so sian, dont wish to explain further. Both husband and I were blamed why we dont give water to dear son. ​

And she is a person who is want mean wants, so she may have hurt ppl around her sometimes w/o knowing... She is also very caring towards me but when i comes to dear son, we got prob...​

I really feel that we got great generation gap. All I wish is she can be more understanding. JIang xin bi xin, we are both mothers. Shld know how I feel....​

no matter how many kids a mother has, and no matter how small the house is, there is no such things as 'no place to let ds slp'...

as for the water issue, i totally understand!!!!!!!!!!!!!! my mil is v understanding on this issue but not my grand mil! she kept 'blaming' me for not giving ds water tt's y he got phelgm. keep say give abit nvm... but there's too many reasons behind it other than FM has improvise. actu if their 'abit' of water is within 20ml per day,i'm fine with it buti understand those old forks too well, to them, 'abit' means a bottle! they just dont understand that the world is turning every seconds! they still in their lalaland thinking that they are still in 30yrs ago!

 

[kenxf_03]

what's so bad about babies recognising their own mother? i dont think that's a good excuse to take away your baby from you. since your mother in law know how to say things like baby will recognise you, she keep carrying him, he will also recognise her only... same logic...

my mum is somehow same as your mother in law. till now, she till cant accept that dear son loves me more.. tsk tsk... but she's my mother, i can just tell her what i'm unhappy about. anw, she's not as extreme as your mother in law...

rmb, you DONT HAVE to 'ask' for permission, that's your son! you carried him inside your tummy for more than 9mths and the one who needs permission is your mother in law not you...

is it possible that she dont follow when the 3 of you want some family time?? you're taking care of your son on weekends right? if your intend to bring him out, dont let your mother in law know. if she ask, just say you going back to your mum's place. unless she's SO protective towards her grandson that she will want to follow him all the way to your mum's place..

I also donno what logic is that! I also tink of what you tink before.. If i cant carry becos dear son may recognise me then when she carry, dear son wont recognise her meh?? Lucky, dear son is so clingy to me. But everytime, when dear son pout then I get the chance to carry w/o asking permission. Cos dear son want me to carry mah, so obvious and she dont let me carry, I sure wont let her take care anymore. But she will normally pass to me when dear son pout.

I told husband before, weekdays, mother in law take good care of dear son, then weekend, can we have our own family time to the 3 of us only. But husband is like nan zuo ren cos mother in law is often left alone at home. So sometime i'll ask her along loh. husband is very fillial also. Dont wanna left mother in law alone at home. If I wanna time for ourselves, I'll let husband know.

ANd mother in law have the habit of calling on us to "spot check" like asking where we are, and wat is her baobei (DS) doing right now. so we cant possibily lie to her mah, so we always tell her where we are loh. She should know , we need some time with our dear son too!

Sun is thE DAY I went to my Mum's place, so I can say this is when we can offically go out as a family loh.

If my mother in law miss my dear son, she will also go to the extend of visiting him at our house, even late nite she has no prob with it one.

 

[kenxf_03]

no matter how many kids a mother has, and no matter how small the house is, there is no such things as 'no place to let dear son sleep'...

as for the water issue, i totally understand!!!!!!!!!!!!!! my mother in law is very understanding on this issue but not my grand mother in law! she kept 'blaming' me for not giving dear son water that's why he got phelgm. keep say give abit nvm... but there's too many reasons behind it other than FM has improvise. actually if their 'abit' of water is within 20ml per day,i'm fine with it buti understand those old forks too well, to them, 'abit' means a bottle! they just dont understand that the world is turning every seconds! they still in their lalaland thinking that they are still in 30yrs ago!

hahahaha, I totally understand ur feeling on the water issue! haiz.. really speechless sometimes...

Ya, I believe all mummies will confirm guarantee plus chop, give up their bed for their kids to slp rather than to place them at their in laws or mummies hse. Tink MIL is trying to "find excuse" to want us to place DS with her. But no matter wat, I still saty FIRM to my decision!!!!

 

[meiteoh]

...I also thought that she is also mummy before, why she just dont understand what a mummy want! When its our turn and we went in. pediatrician finshed checking dear son and wanted to past to me but mother in law is so fast to stretch her hands and said so loudly, "come, grandma carry!" she is abit far away from the pediatrician loh, and can imagine I'm standing just beside the pediatrician! My mother in law snatch away then walk away. Thru out, I never had a chance to carry my sick dear son.... I was feeling so depressed...

This is because the last time she was a mummy was nearly 40 years ago and a lot has changed.

I find that a lot of the older generation are like children when they reach a certain age. They must have what they want, and they don't know how to share when they get what they want. Just like children.

Back in France when my mum and MIL were together, they don't fight with me to carry Eva. But sometimes I can see that my mum will try to carry Eva more often by rushing to her when Eva cries and all instead of allowing other people like my MIL to carry her - first time grandma and all. So my dad and I have to constantly remind her to let my MIL carry since my MIL won't be able to see (and consequently) play with Eva very often. When we tell her that, she'd go "Yeah, I know...I keep letting her carry but she dunwan, your daugther fussy...etc." All lies. :nah:

I still remember what she told me - "Ask your MIL to let me take care and all lah since she already is a grandma and had her share." :nah:

Because of this childish attitude, it's up to us to instill some discipline and be firm. It's hard when it's not our own mothers but this is where your partner comes in and where you truly see if he has your family's (by this I mean you, him and your baby) best interests at heart.

 

[apollo]

ANd mother in law have the habit of calling on us to "spot check" like asking where we are, and what is her baobei (dear son) doing right now.

i always encounter the same situation as you! but is not mother in law spot check, is my own MOTHER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! that day brought dear son for injection after that wanna go dinner with my friends then she said cannot must bring dear son hm asap... but horr she will bring dear son out at 7+pm lehh... i cannot, she can worr... so funny right?? LOL!!

btw, is ur hubby the only child at hm?? he got any bro or sis?? maybe ask them to keep ur mil occupied during weekends... and if u're close to them, maybe tell them hw u feel too, act ke lian =P ...

 

[apollo]

hahahaha, I totally understand your feeling on the water issue! sigh.. really speechless sometimes...

Ya, I believe all mummies will confirm guarantee plus chop, give up their bed for their kids to sleep rather than to place them at their in laws or mummies house. Tink mother in law is trying to "find excuse" to want us to place dear son with her. But no matter what, I still saty FIRM to my decision!!!!

i tot ur mil always follow ur to pd?? then purposely ask pd larr... haha!!

 

[LynetteLoh]

hey, maybe you all should go and do something which your MIL don't like to do. haha. last weekend i brought my ds to swim. so hubby me and ds were in the water. mil didn't want to swim so she just watch lor... wahahahaha! no need to fight if she doesn't want to get wet herself!

 

[apollo]

hey, maybe you all should go and do something which your mother in law dont't like to do. haha. last weekend i brought my dear son to swim. so hubby me and dear son were in the water. mother in law didn't want to swim so she just watch ... wahahahaha! no need to fight if she doesn't want to get wet herself!

what a great idea! this way wont offend ur mil and u can get some private time with ur ds.. haha