Starting to be uncooperative in-laws

[JazN]

HI,

guess every mother/mothers-to-be know that we are told to either wash/sanitize your hands before touching a newborn as they are susceptible to germs, etc. However since i'm at the moment staying with my in-laws need the experience of you gals.

I'm quite "unhappy" that when my hubby mentioned to his dad on the need to be clean before touching the baby, without me being present during the conversation, his dad received it 'negatively'. What irks is the attitude & lack of receipt of knowledge when fed with info on what is requested/necessary for my child.

What are some ways you may have dealt with the issue? Kindly share.

Any other issues you have encountered to share too?

Thanks much!:001_302:

 

[stonston]

Make use of the recent H1N1 to reinforce tt it's not they r dirty, but germs are everywhere, esp if they do go out in the day.

or u can jus say it's hospital tell u to do it de.

but to be honest, i dun tink i myself or my parents did wash our hands every single time we handle my boy when he was a newborn. but i insist tt everyone who come home from outside must take a shower n change clothes before can carry or play with my boy.
sometimes too clean will backfire (kids immune system v weak cos not exposed to regular germs outside the house).

but it's good to wash, esp now with the H1N1 flu in SG already. Basic hygiene is most impt. jus tell ur ILs tt it's for baby's safety, not saying tt they r dirty or wot.

 

[somenifty]

I agree with stonston that too clean can backfire. Don't worry about newborn catching germs etc because they are tougher than you think! Even more so if you are breastfeeding, they will have a strong immune system to fight off whatever germs around.

 

[missblue18]

sigh...i have same prob with my own mum....sometimes she just give my bb the pacifer which is not sterilized she just run under the tap...but tap water has germs even hot water will be better but i just shut up...considering already very gd of her to help me watch baby n i just take it tat baby can be exposed to some germs make her stronger

 

[isabelandrew]

HI,

guess every mother/mothers-to-be know that we are told to either wash/sanitize your hands before touching a newborn as they are susceptible to germs, etc. However since i'm at the moment staying with my in-laws need the experience of you gals.

I'm quite "unhappy" that when my hubby mentioned to his dad on the need to be clean before touching the baby, without me being present during the conversation, his dad received it 'negatively'. What irks is the attitude & lack of receipt of knowledge when fed with info on what is requested/necessary for my child.

What are some ways you may have dealt with the issue? Kindly share.

Any other issues you have encountered to share too?

Thanks much!:001_302:

curious why u need to ba ard when ur hubby is talking to his dad?sometimes old pple might not like it lor.

my mil is taking care of my bb, now 4 mths already. she aways complain how she can manage her own kids in the olden days and how difficult my bb girl is. bb at this age, dun wan to lie down and wants pple to talk to. but she seemed so fed up with this fact.

my girl motor skills are not as good as other bb i guess. cos she said bb must still wear mittens! aiyo, weather so hot, 4 mths liao leh. one day i just took it off.im glad i did. my girl is discovering her hands now

i will keep saying is the doc's instruction - every single things.

i realized this is the only way to override their traditional methods or stubbornness

 

[Domique]

Sometimes the old ones are very stubborn. Like my mum, she was there when we visited the PD for some instructions. then she still can say, not everything pd say must listen. Must listen to old pple's experience. Then she also not much experience she go around asking her friends. The thing is why should i listen to her friends but not professional advise?

Fed up at times

curious why you need to around when your hubby is talking to his dad?sometimes old pple might not like it .

my mother in law is taking care of my baby, now 4 mths already. she aways complain how she can manage her own kids in the olden days and how difficult my baby girl is. baby at this age, dont want to lie down and wants pple to talk to. but she seemed so fed up with this fact.

my girl motor skills are not as good as other baby i guess. cos she said baby must still wear mittens! aiyo, weather so hot, 4 mths . one day i just took it off.im glad i did. my girl is discovering her hands now

i will keep saying is the doc's instruction - every single things.

i realized this is the only way to override their traditional methods or stubbornness

 

[JazN]

Nope usually I'm not around when my hubby talking to his parents or they boach on some isues. Think good point to mention it's doc instruction. no one can refute the specialist. :001_302:

Not bad u still tahan ur MIL's complains. I'll surely tell my hubby, since his mum, not to speak negatively in front of bb. Child now & method used definitely different from ages ago.:err:

curious why you need to around when your hubby is talking to his dad?sometimes old pple might not like it .

my mother in law is taking care of my baby, now 4 mths already. she aways complain how she can manage her own kids in the olden days and how difficult my baby girl is. baby at this age, dont want to lie down and wants pple to talk to. but she seemed so fed up with this fact.

my girl motor skills are not as good as other baby i guess. cos she said baby must still wear mittens! aiyo, weather so hot, 4 mths . one day i just took it off.im glad i did. my girl is discovering her hands now

i will keep saying is the doc's instruction - every single things.

i realized this is the only way to override their traditional methods or stubbornness

 

[JazN]

Thks for the advice! I'm not a super clean freak but definitely basic hygiene needs to be inplace. Have put a sanitizer at the diaper changing organizer.:001_302:

Make use of the recent H1N1 to reinforce that it's not they are dirty, but germs are everywhere, esp if they do go out in the day.

or you can just say it's hospital tell you to do it .

but to be honest, i dont tink i myself or my parents did wash our hands every single time we handle my boy when he was a newborn. but i insist that everyone who come home from outside must take a shower and change clothes before can carry or play with my boy.
sometimes too clean will backfire (kids immune system very weak cos not exposed to regular germs outside the house).

but it's good to wash, esp now with the H1N1 flu in SG already. Basic hygiene is most impt. just tell your ILs that it's for baby's safety, not saying that they are dirty or what.

 

[JazN]

Does anyone knows whether sanitizer is ok to use then touch the baby cos when i used it (dettol) i smelt strong alcohol

 

[stonston]

after u use the sanitizer should wait ard 1 minute for alcohol to evaporate from ur hands before touching baby's skin. cos alcohol very drying for baby's delicate skin.

 

[cherry]

I also have such a mother in law. At first, saying that BFding is not good, FM has all the nutritions. Then I replied what are the good points of BFding and said that doc also recommends to BF for at least 6 months. She could say "he said like that, must follow meh"!!

Recently she could argue with me that I never carry the babies when they cry. The fact is that I'm training my babies to sleep on their own rather than to be cruddled and swing to sleep. (I have 2 babies, it is very important for me to teach them this. Otherwise, how to carry them to sleep for several times a day x 2 babies!) She keeps saying that when she took care of her 4 childrens in the old days, it was ok. When mother in law is not helpful in the aspect of teaching the children, it is a big headache. I would rather take care of them myself by taking less rest time.

 

[chiro]

I also have such a mother in law. At first, saying that BFding is not good, FM has all the nutritions. Then I replied what are the good points of BFding and said that doc also recommends to BF for at least 6 months. She could say "he said like that, must follow meh"!!

Recently she could argue with me that I never carry the babies when they cry. The fact is that I'm training my babies to sleep on their own rather than to be cruddled and swing to sleep. (I have 2 babies, it is very important for me to teach them this. Otherwise, how to carry them to sleep for several times a day x 2 babies!) She keeps saying that when she took care of her 4 childrens in the old days, it was ok. When mother in law is not helpful in the aspect of teaching the children, it is a big headache. I would rather take care of them myself by taking less rest time.

er.. I stay in my room most of the times... My fil dunno anything but want to have a say in everything...during my confinement period, my mil told my fil to go out whenever he can to avoid clashes wif me

i told my mil tat if i hear my fil negative comments, and not talk bak, i dun feel good inside, if i talk back.. I no show him respect... Haha

now we comminicate thru my mil haha... Fil have been on mute mode until my ds born...
Woman and baby stuff dunno still want to say his 2 cents worth.. Ppl buy things for bb or the things we bot he must ask how much is it.. And say expensive or can use for short time or no use after we respond him...
Now i learnt to ignore him, make him feel like he talking to the air haha..
Feel like asking him back if he wants to reimburse us back if we tell him how much we bot the thing for??? Haha

 

[uddermummy]

I also have such a mother in law. At first, saying that BFding is not good, FM has all the nutritions. Then I replied what are the good points of BFding and said that doc also recommends to BF for at least 6 months. She could say "he said like that, must follow meh"!!

mine is like yours! Even now, she can't believe that i've been exclusively bfing bb cos my boobs are small! She prob thinks that i have a can of fm somewhere in the house! And I think she goes around comparing my bb's size to other bb's size in front of other relatives...

 

[uddermummy]

er.. ...
Woman and baby stuff dont know still want to say his 2 cents worth.. Ppl buy things for baby or the things we bot he must ask how much is it.. And say expensive or can use for short time or no use after we respond him...
Now i learnt to ignore him, make him feel like he talking to the air haha..
Feel like asking him back if he wants to reimburse us back if we tell him how much we bot the thing for??? Haha

wah, this is the first time i've heard of such a fil. usually it's the mil who gives a lot of prob.

I know how you feel when your fil asks about the cost of things. Sometimes i'm made to feel that all i need is a piece of sarong: can wear it when i was pregnant, when bb is born can use it to carry bb around!

I was so stressed up whenever i wore a new piece of maternity stuff cos i would be scrutinised from head to toe! And when i bought bb stuff, it was as if i've just bankrupted the family!!!

 

[chiro]

wah, this is the first time i've heard of such a father in law. usually it's the mother in law who gives a lot of prob.

I know how you feel when your father in law asks about the cost of things. Sometimes i'm made to feel that all i need is a piece of sarong: can wear it when i was pregnant, when baby is born can use it to carry baby around!

I was so stressed up whenever i wore a new piece of maternity stuff cos i would be scrutinised from head to toe! And when i bought baby stuff, it was as if i've just bankrupted the family!!!

aiyo.. Think old ppl have the poverty and 'use my old and own experience as ur code of conduct' mentality..

they have to renew their mind cos police no longer wear bermudas as they used to!!! Haha..

u let them know that u r bb's mummy and u have every right to feel comfy n be happy ...
Ai....

 

[cherry]

Suddenly realise that may be I will be a mother in law 20 years later (hopefully!). I must remind myself that I should never do what these mother in law do. I dont't want to be a disgusting mother in law! :001_302:

Btw, nowadays the sons usually tend to follow the wives' family side. If we want our sons to be around when we are old, we'd better to be a cooperative in-law! ancing_tongue:

 

[uddermummy]

thank goodness mine is a daughter and not a son!

 

[JazN]

when crying they'll always start to say baby not feeding enuf..OMG..but i'll tend to ignore them esp when baby has just been fed 10-20mins ago