Throwing tantrum

[Ting]

at 2 yo, your son shld be able to speak in simple words to tell u what he wants or what he dont like.
at 2 YO, its the terrible 2 stage.
agree with AB, u need to explain WHY they r "punished".
be it naughty corner/chair, cane, spank, ignored.
bcos they r still very young, they dont know how to channelt their emotions properly.
so when they r angry, they scream n shout n hit ppl, when they r happy they jump abt giggling loudly running abt, when they r upset they cry n cry.
unlike adults, we can control our emotions way better.

for pin, she is relatively a gd girl most times, but of cos, she hv her T2 n 3 syndromes.
she does hv a fair share of crying n shouting n throwing things n even rolling on the floor when we r out.
when she was younger arnd 1yr+ to 2, i usu pull her to one side n look sternly at her telling her it is wrong, she shldnt do it n make her apologise for her mistake. i will explain to her like if she throws the toy, it will spoil or hurt someone then how would she feel? sad right?? the person (who kena hit) will be sad too right? then she will think abt it n tell me YES. so i ask: can u do it again? n she will say NO.
the next time it happens, i will remind her our previous convo on this. then she will rmb.
she seldom do it now, but of cos occasionally she will "forget" and do it.
for me, i dont do naughty corner/chair cos it doesnt work on pin. i use the cane.
not to whack her, but to "scare" her.
all it took was one good smack ONCE, n she knows the "power" of my cane. LOL~
so each time she wanna get into trouble, i will ask her: u eat "char kway teow" ??(meaning cane also.) then she will think twice b4 doing it. but also, the cane wont work without reasoning. some parents just keep whacking the kid without explaining, n end up the kid jst get used to the cane n it doesnt wrk anymore.
but imo, i find tt the cane only worked when pin was arnd 2.5 yo onwards.

and usu after a "scolding" session, (not immediately maybe 1/2-1hr later) i will go sayang her. so she knows tt mummy still loves her.

 

[CanCanMum]

i had my ups and downs with dealing with baber's Terrible 2s, 3s, 4s, and 5s, and still struggling to handle his tantrums.

Baber has different exposures to different pple

Daytime on weekdays he is with his grandparents, needless to say, there is no discipline there. Baber shows disrespect to my parents and even shout at them when they stopped him from doing something rude.

Weekends and night times, he was quite manageable at home still at that time. Will still quieten down when I showed him stern faces. But at home i am still quite lenient with him because my husb is the very strict person. And he uses CANE on him. Baber is not scared but already grown TERRIFIED of the cane. He used to get 8 strokes on his legs for being rude and showing disrespect to my parents. Thats how serious he was whacked.

Now that he has stopped being taken care by my parents recently (coz i feel they really needed a well deserved break), and i do see how spoilt he has turned into, its time to really do some discipline on my part before he turns into a real monster boy.

CCC has their discipline strategies, tat one i guess still works for Baber. At home as usual he throws tantrums. (Less when my husb is around )

He has his worst tantrum on this day after his CCC on the way home. We were walking home and on the way we went to Shop and Save near our house to get some groceries. He spotted a snack which he really wants to get. But i told him no snacking coz we gonna have dinner in a while, as soon as we get home. If he snacks, he canx finish his dinner proper.

He refused to listen, and he threw terrible tantrums, by Crying out LOUD, very loud. Keeps repeating I WANT THAT SNACK!!! Until everybody in the supermarket was looking at me. (Before that he has never done tat outside, i was thinking perhaps he was suddenly put into CCC in which at there, he wasnt allowed to throw any tantrums thats why he suddenly let out all his anger? I guessed)

An aunty even came up to me and asked me "wat he want? Just BUY for him laa, cry until so cham, u working lehh, i not working lehhh "

Anyway i substituted the snack with a small bottle of Meiji Milk and told him to GO. It has got to the point whereby my tolerance level has grown thin

He was juz crying nonstop and insists to get it but i just tell him NO. I was feeling frustrating, embarassed, angry and impatient at that moment. Especially when that aunty came over to comment, and IT MADE BABER CRY EVEN LOUDER coz he tot I WILL BUY.

Actually now i think back, i could have just solved the entire situation by giving in to him, and not make me lose face. But giving in all the time doesnt solve the behavioral problem long term. We just need to insist it our way.

Anyway, that was the worst tantrum he ever threw when he was outside with me, that made the entire supermarket pple staring at us (I guess was about 20pax?). Some showed disgusted face whereas some just commented Aiyo children are like tat de laa.

Anyway i just wan to share that despite what others think and how they looked at you, if u find its right, just insist on that principle. At the end of the day, u get a more disciplined kiddo who knows when not to cross the line and when to show his respect to u. And it takes time to achieve it, slowly.

I am still learning the right ways to discipline Baber well, so lets try it together.

 

[Mummy to Baby V]

@CanCanMum: You are right in not giving in to tantrums. Discipline method must be consistent so that the child can "get it" after a while.

Then again, we need to find the root cause of the tantrum: lack of sleep, hungry, too pampered, etc. This way, we can solve the issue better.

 

[AugBoyz]

Even after i take the stuck toy out for him, he still continues to scream & cry nonstop.

when i said spank, i just gently spank him on his hands & telling him next time if there is a toy stuck or he cant reach it, he can call us for help, there is no need to scream & cry nonstop.

u spank him when he cry for help??? Where is the logic?
I'd rather talk/explain to him calmly to ask for my help in how ever little words he can manage (even by showing me gesture or pulling me to the spot where the toy is stuck if he still does not know how to speak well).

 

[AugBoyz]

He will throw tantrum when refused to eat, too tired or too hungry. Almost everyday throw tantrum at least twice.

Which specialist to go to? Can say my kid is kind of active. Sit for at least 3 minutes if the book is interesting, if not, run away again.

I have tried repeating pull him back to stand at that same spot. Stand hardly a minute, then run off to play...

throwing tantrum when
1. refuse to eat - is it becoz he is not hungry yet? or he does not like the food?
2. too tired - he is over stimulated, u need to calm him down or help him calm down so that he be prepared for his nap or bedtime.
3. too hungry - wun u feel frustrated when u are hungry and dun have the chance to get food into your stomach? same logic for ur child.

2 yrs old are active AND curious, u need to stimulate their brain n mind and at the same time train them to focus n listen. Find out what interest him n make him sit down for a period of time. It doesn't need to be long, 10mins will do.

Naughty corner is punishment for misbehaving. Tell him firmly that "becoz he throw toys at mummy (or whatever naughty things he did) you have to stand/sit at the naughty corner/chair (you can use any term u want, I call mine "the Corner") for 2mins (1min for each age). No running off, if you run off, you have to come back here to stand/sit and a min will be added to it." They most likely will not know the time concept but just tell them, they will eventually know. Or alternatively you can put a timer beside him, tell him once the timer alarm goes off then he will be able to move from the spot. Remember to go down to their level by squatting down and look at them in the eyes when you are telling him this.

 

[pkshl]

you spank him when he cry for help??? Where is the logic?
I'd rather talk/explain to him calmly to ask for my help in how ever little words he can manage (even by showing me gesture or pulling me to the spot where the toy is stuck if he still does not know how to speak well).

cry for help & scream is different thing. most of the time he is screaming not cry for help.

 

[AugBoyz]

Even after i take the stuck toy out for him, he still continues to scream & cry nonstop.

when i said spank, i just gently spank him on his hands & telling him next time if there is a toy stuck or he cant reach it, he can call us for help, there is no need to scream & cry nonstop.

This is wat u replied earlier, u spank him n tell him cannot scream etc tts why I ask.

cry for help & scream is different thing. most of the time he is screaming not cry for help.

have u find out reason for his screaming?

 

[pkshl]

This is what you replied earlier, you spank him n tell him cannot scream etc tts why I ask.



have you find out reason for his screaming?

he screams when he dun get his ways.Even after I correct him but he is still doing it & gets more agitated.

he has bad temper & very stubborn, refuse to learn new things. until now he doesnt want to hold his milk bottle, when we or his caregiver teach him & tell him to hold, he gets angry & scream & rather starve den drink his milk even if we encourage him to hold. People who do not know will think that we never teach him how to hold bottle.

You can argue & say he is not ready. Ya, i also thought that he might not be ready to learn new things. Even now we encourage him to walk, he refused & scream nonstop. We never force him to walk. we encourage him. Even for learning new things, we always encourage & guide him but he just refuse to learn & will start to throw temper & scream & start to throw things around. I even told my hubby, my family & my inlaws, my son will start when he is ready But we never stop encouraging him to learn new things.

my mother-inlaw who is my son's caregiver, said, my son is very difficult to take care.

 

[AugBoyz]

he screams when he dont get his ways.Even after I correct him but he is still doing it & gets more agitated.

he has bad temper & very stubborn, refuse to learn new things. until now he doesnt want to hold his milk bottle, when we or his caregiver teach him & tell him to hold, he gets angry & scream & rather starve then drink his milk even if we encourage him to hold. People who do not know will think that we never teach him how to hold bottle.

You can argue & say he is not ready. Ya, i also thought that he might not be ready to learn new things. Even now we encourage him to walk, he refused & scream nonstop. We never force him to walk. we encourage him. Even for learning new things, we always encourage & guide him but he just refuse to learn & will start to throw temper & scream & start to throw things around. I even told my hubby, my family & my inlaws, my son will start when he is ready But we never stop encouraging him to learn new things.

my mother-inlaw who is my son's caregiver, said, my son is very difficult to take care.

sorry but how old is ur son? kekkee~ I better know it before I give wrong advice/comments :001_302:

 

[pkshl]

sorry but how old is your son? kekkee~ I better know it before I give wrong advice/comments :001_302:

my son is coming 15mths old.

 

[CanCanMum]

sometimes i find its hard to say right or wrong or whether there are better ways to deal with their tantrums, becoz that its part and parcel of their growing stage.

toddler stage : many a times i find that they like to insist their way. And many times they refused to listen to instructions or their attention is not there (Busy engaging with their wants and needs)

3years onwards : they start to learn to listen to instructions. But still not very good at it yet. Still learning to explore their rights. - this is the time when your disciplinary methods start to come in place, meaning they will stop when u said no.

4 to 5 years onwards (preschooler) - now they are fully developed in terms of motor skills, senses etc. They should be more well behaved, listen to instructions and start to be more sensible. Things like playing with the sliding door or things that leaves you angry and started scolding is lesser each day. They might even surprise u with a hug or juz tell u "Mummy i want to be a good boy". At this stage, communication is very important.

At this stage, I find that many a times, they throw tantrums because they want attention. It may be more if u are working and the time u spent with your kids are limited to weekends and after work. Initially i dunn find it will but now i find that it does affect their mood and temperament after what i see in Baber now.

Of coz it also depends on your mood during the time when he throws tantrums, and if u r frustrated at that time, cool yourself down by walking away first. Like when u r on the phone with a client, client calls u to scold u because some things got delivered wrongly or some problems u need to deal with, and at the same time your child throws tantrums because he threw the toy inside and it gets stuck, things like that. Because chances of u getting worked up and not able to stop the child from his mishaviour is high and u might end up feeling more frustrated, failure as well as depressed. All these lead to a chain reaction.

All the above are what i experienced during these years la. Hope it helps. What i m trying to say is that your child does not mean he is unmanageable or he is born naughty or hot tempered but it just takes time to understand him and know his temperaments and then work from there to communicate with him.

Of coz there are external factors like the School, Grandparents etc, who will oso affect the overall behaviour of the child.

 

[Ting]

pkshl, that means your boy seems quite spoilt and he knows that by screaming n shouting, he gets his way.
for instance, the holding of milk bottle. pin started to hold her small milk btl (avent small bottle) since she was arnd 3-4 mths old and since then i nvr hold it for her.
for me, now keith is 15mths old, if he chooses not to hold n rather not drink (i wont use starve, its a too exaggerating word) then fine, i will remove and wil only give him milk when he learns (learning not as in bcos he doesnt know, as in, willing to do it himself) to hold the btl or CUP (u can intro sippy cup alr) by himself.

i will not give in to my child jst bcos he screams n shouts for nothing n no reason, jst bcos he feels like it, jst bcos he can't get what he wants. this is a BAD habit, not just due to him character or being stubborn and bad tempered.
at such tender age, he is alr acting like that, what do u expect in the future? when he starts school? do u want him to conted screaming n shouting his way thru?

now, u shld teach him not to, esp the screaming part. when you're out with him n he does that, it will be considered a nuisance to the public. there is nothing wrong with crying children and screaming kids, but u must know how to stop him, n it is not jst by giving in to his tantrums. i will not hestitate to spank pin if she doesnt stop fussing or whining outside. but usu, one verbal warning plus a stern look let her think twice b4 she continues.

imo, if the soft approach doesnt work, then the hard one will come in handy. pin is one who needs abit of both but usu the hard method (cane) works best. it is best u discipline him now or he will become worst in the future.

 

[AugBoyz]

my son is coming 15mths old.

15 mths toddler can understand instructions and rules but remember to use short sentence n little words as possible, they cant register too long sentence or too many words, they probably only register the later or last part of the sentence.

I agree with Ting. And I agree with ur MIL too. To spoon feed every thing to ur child while the only thing he does is open his mouth n screams his head off is clearly, truly and really tiring and definite drains a the care taker's energy.

Teach now or forever face the problem. Dun keep thinking that he is too young to learn/understand/listen. Its never too early to instill the correct behavior and teachings on a baby.

 

[pkshl]

My hubby & i had talked abt this issue last night. Parents play a very big part in educating their kids. how the kids behave reflect the parents. Grandparents are juz secondary. Some spoilt their grandkids rotton. for example my mother-inlaw. she does not stop my son from screaming, she even joins in herself.she encourage my son to throw toys around,even out to the corridor. i told my hubby, his mum is slapping her own face, anyhow teach my son rubbish yet tel ppl he very difficult to take care. im upset that my son is badly influence by his 2other cousins whom my mil takes care. the 2kids r very naughty.always screaming & fighting & snatching with each other, sometimes even push my son den stand behind my son & put their hands around my son's neck. so dangerous, what if my son choke & cant breathe. i saw it once when i was there. i was so angry i told the kids off.

We never spoonfeed him, we tel him to hold on to a biscuit, he takes it & throws it away. things we give him, he throw throw throw. we tel him, throw 3rd time, no more. he naughty, we spank him or else he will never learn.

 

[AugBoyz]

My hubby & i had talked about this issue last night. Parents play a very big part in educating their kids. how the kids behave reflect the parents. Grandparents are just secondary. Some spoilt their grandkids rotton. for example my mother-inlaw. she does not stop my son from screaming, she even joins in herself.she encourage my son to throw toys around,even out to the corridor. i told my hubby, his mum is slapping her own face, anyhow teach my son rubbish yet tel ppl he very difficult to take care. im upset that my son is badly influence by his 2other cousins whom my mother in law takes care. the 2kids r very naughty.always screaming & fighting & snatching with each other, sometimes even push my son then stand behind my son & put their hands around my son's neck. so dangerous, what if my son choke & cant breathe. i saw it once when i was there. i was so angry i told the kids off.

We never spoonfeed him, we tel him to hold on to a biscuit, he takes it & throws it away. things we give him, he throw throw throw. we tel him, throw 3rd time, no more. he naughty, we spank him or else he will never learn.

my dear, my "spoon feed" in my earlier post is not applying to food :001_302: I meant to say the adults are doing every thing for the child while he either refuse to do it or simply open his mouth n scream instead of telling you nicely what he needs/wants or get it himself.

if he throw the toys when ever u give to him or when he is angry, remove him from the place (he may be playing with the toys) or remove the toys n dun let him play with it for a day. Of coz while carrying out these punishment you must let him know that becoz he throw, thats why its being taken away.

 

[pkshl]

my dear, my "spoon feed" in my earlier post is not applying to food :001_302: I meant to say the adults are doing every thing for the child while he either refuse to do it or simply open his mouth n scream instead of telling you nicely what he needs/wants or get it himself.

if he throw the toys when ever you give to him or when he is angry, remove him from the place (he may be playing with the toys) or remove the toys n dont let him play with it for a day. Of coz while carrying out these punishment you must let him know that becoz he throw, thats why its being taken away.

what i had quoted abt feeding him is just an example. i know what does spoon-feed means.

sorry if i sounded rude. no offence.

 

[AugBoyz]

what i had quoted about feeding him is just an example. i know what does spoon-feed means.

sorry if i sounded rude. no offence.

non taken. i just thot maybe u misunderstood my meaning, better to clarify myself just in case.

 

[pkshl]

in any case, thank you all mummies for all your advices.

 

[meiteoh]

My hubby & i had talked about this issue last night. Parents play a very big part in educating their kids. how the kids behave reflect the parents. Grandparents are just secondary. Some spoilt their grandkids rotton. ...

I do agree with the fact that the role parents play are important but if your child's main caregiver is the grandparent, it is then all the more important that both parents and grandparents are on the same tangent when it comes to disciplining a child.

I also firmly believe that while a grandparent is allowed to spoil a child, some rules CANNOT ABSOLUTELY be bend whatsoever such as throwing things, hitting or carrying out acts of violence to people or other children. No one should sit back and just pretend that children will grow out of such "childish" behaviour because there is no such thing as "they'll grow out of it".

My rant about the whole "tantrum throwing" thing is that Eva will sometimes throw a tantrum in public and while I've seen worse, people still stare and stare and judge. My daughter cry as if the world is about to end because I won't let her play with dollar notes or coins, etc and I ignore her cries - sometimes I'll pick her up and carry her (that usually shuts her up) but otherwise, I just let her be - can't let her have her way all the time. Just keep saying "Mummy won't give you. Cannot play play. Throwing a tantrum won't help".

It's not her crying that annoys or angers me. It's other people who are watching and silently disapproving. I don't care if people stare and frankly, I'll fire them as well if people were to tell me off. I have a child/toddler, not a robot which I can turn off and on at my own whim. If people don't like what they are seeing or hearing, then please just stay in your little bubble and not go out at all. That way, these people can save everyone a whole boat load of irritation that goes both ways.

 

[CanCanMum]

for example my mother-inlaw. she does not stop my son from screaming, she even joins in herself.she encourage my son to throw toys around,even out to the corridor.

wah!!!!

my parents oso lehhh, they "encourage" baber to climb up and down coz they said they cannot stop him lOlzzzzzzzz........."_""