unhelpful husband.

[andieluv2]

Wah, looking after baby is sooooooo much more tiring than working!!! let me chose i rather go wrk lohz!!! Not that i dun love my baby bit whn u compare the nature of the job, of course taking care of bb is so much more vhallenging and.draining of mental and.physical energy. Like my hub carry baby and she.keep crying for.like less than 5.min he cannot tahan already and quickly wanna.pass.over.to.me but i am pumping halfway!!! Luckily.my.maid came.to our rescue. Then he phewww... Its so tiring!! imagine we are doing a 24/7 job eh!!! theirs juz 9-5 oki and wkend.off!!! we regardless morning or night, wkdays of wkends, ph or not.still gotta take care bb. Who give us a break then?! haiz.. Juz venting...

 

[cn naz]

I know, right??? He said work was very stressful so came home and played game to unwind. And as long as i didn't ask for help, he assumed i could take care of everything on my own. My ass lah. I must ask for help one? Did he not see me carrying a crying baby and i was trying to make milk?? I have four hands apparently. Haiz. Men....okay, most men.

Don't get me wrong, i love taking care of my baby and the house (no maid, no babysitter) but really this baby is not my ownself make one right??? I could use a little help with the house, too.

 

[KiBin]

can see a lot of mummies here are very upset...

maybe i can add in some points that might help...

for sleep wise, maybe you can ask your hubbies to take care of "2nd shift" up till around 11 p.m. - 1 a.m. or so? then mummies can go to sleep earlier? This way you can get up to around 5-6 hrs of sleep while your hubbies take care of the baby.

try to let your hubbies change 1 diaper or do 1 feeding every week day at night so that he gets to handle and take care of the baby.

By now i think all of you know that having a baby is a "hard job" but it's worth it!

P.S. i am a daddy doing most housework at home and helping my wife take care of baby. So your hubbies slowly can also do the same..

 

[msck]

Cn naz. Omg. My hubby is almost same pattern. Diablo to unwind.

Anyway, i agree with ki bin. Must ask one. At least they will fo abit when told. Hubbies are males... So they are not exactly as sensitive n understanding as females.

 

[kylnn]

Whoa cn_naz + msck, my hubby also diablo 3 crazy. Wish that game never came out!!!!!!!

Sometimes baby would cry cry cry, but he wouldn't attend to her because he's busy with online friends killing this mob that takes like 10mins and cannot be interrupted. Arugh! Makes me wanna smash his computer.

 

[kylnn]

Hi Andieluv, my husband also like yours don't really take care of baby nor do household chores. Baby now 5mths old.

1. He's done night-duty feeding less than 5 times. And always after that, he's like comatose until 1pm the following day. Weak! Haha! And he'll be like he accomplished big duty and so will slack off for the rest of the day coz he feels he deserves it. Pui!

2. Never bathed baby before.

3. Baby feeding all done by me.

4. Hubby in charge of washing toilet & fans only. All other household chores I cover.

5. I work fulltime, yet when we both reach home after work, he has time to play his stupiak computer games while i have to struggle with baby & housework & laundry. grrrrr.

I think the only thing we can do is slowly train them (hubby) to be more helpful. At the start, hubby would always log into his stupiak computer once reach home after work. But now at least he's willing to sit down with baby and entertain her for an hour while I do the basic necessities (sterilize bottle, boil water, sweep floor etc). Also, he doesn't grumble now when I pass him baby for a few mins to go do some stuff. Next step, will try training him to do weekend night duty hehe!

Jiayou! Have patience with him, and be more obvious to him how exhausted you are. I feel that if you don't hint/show hubby your tiredness, he will assume everything is ok. It was only after numerous times of me showing no interest in surfing the computer (I used to love playing pc games too!), going to bed early, telling him i'm very tired... then he started noticing that I'm not quite 'right' and he became more involved. So show your hubby, and once he knows how you truly are, he'll start helping you out, slowly but surely.

 

[andieluv2]

Kylnn: thankz for the advice!! yea.. I am showing temper!! and alot of them to him... Lol... Sometines to baby. like scold her gentle whn i struggled to feed her and she.simply refuse to drink.then hub will know i am really tired. Anyway i am going KL this wkend for a 2Dconference, so he's doing.the graveyard shift as definitely i am not gonna put baby to slp with the maid. So good luck to him. Let him experience how difficult it is to wake up to feed at night and everytime baby cry then he gotta wake.up.to attend. Lol...so happy...i can.oso take this.time to rest.and rejuvenate abit...lol...

 

[cn naz]

Lol yea they must be put in our shoes then can understand. Last time he took care of baby but he's carrying her wrongly so baby made a fuss the whole time. He looked at me for help but i just sat there on the sofa and relaxed.

After 3 hours he said he was tired! I was like, "pffttt, try doing it the whole day!" and quietly drank my coffee lol. But after that he dumped the baby to me and went to sleep

 

[KiBin]

Cn naz. Omg. My hubby is almost same pattern. Diablo to unwind.

Anyway, i agree with ki bin. Must ask one. At least they will fo abit when told. Hubbies are males... So they are not exactly as sensitive n understanding as females.

btw, i was the 1st person to clean my baby's butt and change her diaper before my wife... also fed her before my wife did and also volunteered myself to clean my baby and feed my baby...

so there is still hope that your hubbies will do the same..

i feel that if i do not do all these now, when my baby grow up, i will miss a part of taking care of my baby...

this is an experience where once it is gone, you can never get it back...

 

[cn naz]

btw, i was the 1st person to clean my baby's butt and change her diaper before my wife... also fed her before my wife did and also volunteered myself to clean my baby and feed my baby...

so there is still hope that your hubbies will do the same..

i feel that if i do not do all these now, when my baby grow up, i will miss a part of taking care of my baby...

this is an experience where once it is gone, you can never get it back...

yeah, hubby also last time did diapering and feeding, but after that seeing that my mom often came to help and that game arrived, he's gone kaput. lol. now he helped a bit after i told him that i felt like a single parent. i really don't think he minded if he missed the moments.

 

[msck]

Andieluv2, envious leh. Haha... U can go shopping for urself n bb clothes! (my girl is only 6 weeks+ but i always want to buy her pretty clothes!!!)

Meanwhile, we will keep ur hubby in prayer. Lol

 

[raoul]

Hii,
At least ur hubby ever do change ur baby diaper or feed her. Mine never! Not a single diaper changed or bottle fed. He only play wit her and sing her songs.
I gave up asking him to help to take care our baby now as my baby alrdy 4,5mo.wat to do, his reason is he scared baby might choke when he feed her and dun know how to put diaper on, bla bla bla...

But he did help with marketing. He go to supemarket to shop our groceries. At least he help in other part.

 

[msck]

Andieluv2, so how's ur break n the 'bootcamp' for ur hubby? Lol.

 

[cn naz]

Lol i was wondering that too.

 

[SammiTan]

talked to your hubby when he is not playing or watching tv on how you feel and the stress that you are facing. Dont get too stress up.

 

[steffywoofy]

Look on the bright side. At least you have a helper at home to help you... Aren't you lucky? Don't blame your husband for not attending to baby. After a long day at work he probably need to rest and relax... Working is equally tired and stressful too! Imagine kanna f*** by boss at work and come back still have to do this do that. I'm looking after a 2 mth old all by myself since day 1.. No CL no helper no parents to help. my husband took leave for that 1st 3 wks thats it. And I survived and learn along the way... Unless I'm really tired I will get my husband to help in changing or feeding. Most of the time I'm on my own... My gf keep stressing her husband to help. Guess what... He came home later and rather spend his time at work longer... Cos at least at work he doesn't need to listen to his wife nagging. Maybe you should jus talk to him and come to an agreement that he help out on weekends when he is not working. I used to quarrel wih my husband all the time.. Ecen during pregnancy!!! we will argue and fight for hours and days! We are both hot headed and impatience. But after the birth of our child we jus try to endure and spend more time resting or looking after our daughter rather than spending time quarrelling and reasoning with each other... Man are idiot. Jus tell them what u want ...

 

[msck]

I agree with steffywoofy.

I made a point husband must entertain the girl everyday, no matter how tired he is. cos at least he will bond with the girl and by playing with her, bb can sleep better at night also. Besides, i will ask him to stand there to distract or talk to bb when i change bb's diaper. He doesn't know how to change, nvm la. he can entertain bb then.

and he always do the carrying when he's home. esp when me and my maid got tired from carrying or tired. lol.. BESIDES, after i always alert him when i bf my bb. told him to be on standby. In case bb suddenly cry after BF, he better sayang her and burp her. haha.. i can't possible ask maid to come into the room while BF-ING right?!

All's well so far. it's really cute to see bb 'talking' to hubby. hahahaha... all the ahhhh, coooo---

 

[andieluv2]

My break was more tiring then i thought!!! Gotta attend conference and still gotta comtinue pumping every4hrly!! and gotta wake up really early, wats worst, my girl fell sick the.night before i fly and i am totally worried and miss her alot!!! lucky for my husband, my mil came over to help!! and at night whn bb cry, he will wake up to heat my ebm and wake my helper up to feed her!!! cant he feed himself!! argh!! then he admited that one night.he.heated up my thawed ebm and doze off!! And only woke up 2hrs after that and all mummies.know that thawed ebm not suppose to keep in room temp more than 1hr!!! perfect!!! luckily my bb eat liao no LS!!! If not.i sire scr*w him big time!! haiz.. Still i.depend on myself better. Now that i am back, i am in charged again.

 

[msck]

Yesterday i was unhappy w my husband cos he was so busy playing diablo again.

Wat i did was... I told him i am so pissed that i must go mummysg forum to complain. Then under the top discussion, just nice got this unhelpful hysband. So i told him... Wooooo someone had exact same experience as me. And for each pt i said "sound familiar", "wat a coincedent. My hubby also like tt. " and i really exclaimed loudly. Lol. He was very surprised n tried to snatch away my phone.

And i was like.. "i see.. U r same as some other men." we wrestled n argued on these points. Ended up he's quite upset and he promised to improve. Lol

 

[cn naz]

lol good for you! i hope he changes. my hubby improved for 3 days only. after that, i have to ask him to do things. i feel like a nag =/ what effs me more, when i say i am tired, he's like, "relax a bit lah, take some rest." but it's not like he does the chores. in the end, laundry still piles up, dry clothes still need to be ironed and blablabla. i give up already.