unhelpful husband.

[butter2012]

Hi Andieluv2, I can understand what you are gg through. I am expecting my third next March and I have gone through two rounds of night feeds with my 2 toddlers.
I literally did not sleep more than 3 hours for the first 6 months of my first 2 kids. I was cranky and frustrated. I am one who need sleep. My husband helped for my first one but did not for my second one. I was really mad at that point in time.

Things only got much better after my kids turn 2 years old.

My break was more tiring then i thought!!! Gotta attend conference and still gotta comtinue pumping every4hrly!! and gotta wake up really early, wats worst, my girl fell sick the.night before i fly and i am totally worried and miss her alot!!! lucky for my husband, my mil came over to help!! and at night whn bb cry, he will wake up to heat my ebm and wake my helper up to feed her!!! cant he feed himself!! argh!! then he admited that one night.he.heated up my thawed ebm and doze off!! And only woke up 2hrs after that and all mummies.know that thawed ebm not suppose to keep in room temp more than 1hr!!! perfect!!! luckily my bb eat liao no LS!!! If not.i sire scr*w him big time!! haiz.. Still i.depend on myself better. Now that i am back, i am in charged again.

 

[Bijuphotography]

I feel bad for all you friends whose husband is not helping. Making baby is not an easy process as i watched my wife go through it from the time she conceived till the time she delivered a beautiful girl. I am now a working dad but i do realize that i cannot be selfish and not help my wife. I think husbands should, including myself, realize that the people we decided to spend the rest of our life with are the ones we love the most and its a team work with equal share of work. I think all men should take the responsibility equally so our loved ones can have little time to unwind and destress. I watch my wife every day how she wakes up even in the middle of the night to feed our 9 days old baby. I think communication is very important and hope everyone will understand that marriage or having babies and looking after them is not easy.

 

[cn naz]

I feel bad for all you friends whose husband is not helping. Making baby is not an easy process as i watched my wife go through it from the time she conceived till the time she delivered a beautiful girl. I am now a working dad but i do realize that i cannot be selfish and not help my wife. I think husbands should, including myself, realize that the people we decided to spend the rest of our life with are the ones we love the most and its a team work with equal share of work. I think all men should take the responsibility equally so our loved ones can have little time to unwind and destress. I watch my wife every day how she wakes up even in the middle of the night to feed our 9 days old baby. I think communication is very important and hope everyone will understand that marriage or having babies and looking after them is not easy.

can you come over and tell my husband that?

 

[msck]

I think... U can hold a seminar. Haha... We will all sign our hubbies up!!!

 

[KiBin]

can you come over and tell my husband that?

you can ask your hubby to come read this post..

 

[lyra]

So sweet! You both sound like 小夫妻 arguing. Small argues are ok and bring couples closer to each other.

Yesterday i was unhappy w my husband cos he was so busy playing diablo again.

Wat i did was... I told him i am so pissed that i must go mummysg forum to complain. Then under the top discussion, just nice got this unhelpful hysband. So i told him... Wooooo someone had exact same experience as me. And for each pt i said "sound familiar", "wat a coincedent. My hubby also like tt. " and i really exclaimed loudly. Lol. He was very surprised n tried to snatch away my phone.

And i was like.. "i see.. U r same as some other men." we wrestled n argued on these points. Ended up he's quite upset and he promised to improve. Lol

 

[Mummy2TwoSoon]

This thread is so funny...I mean all that you ladies are saying are so real, but it is just so funny that way you girls are describing. I also get mad with my hubby at times...he thinks he pays the confinement lady so he expects her to be there 24x7, even when she gets a nap he wonders why she is so lazy. He is very busy with other things that is fine cos we just moved and he has to settle many things, but I get really unhappy when I need his help to do something and call him, he will look at me sternly and go what??? As if I owe him something. What's wrong with wife needing help from hubby doing man's job? These men just dont get it. We have just given birth recently and they are so insensitive!

 

[msck]

Lol. I always theaten my hubby tt if he irritate me to much, i will create a tread on him. Lol...

 

[yuan]

Look at the bright side, your girl will definitely love you and stick to you more than her dad. My hubby hardly help me unless I ask him to.. And sometime, he will say "you are more experience and do things better".. Meaning ask me to do la. I give up asking for his helps. I bath, feed, change diaper, play with my girl most of the time. Now she is 14 months old, she does not like her daddy to carry her. Whenever he carry her, she will scream and cry. Sometimes she even push him away and hit him.. My hubby feel very sad but serve him right.. lol...who ask him don't want to help me.

 

[EvangelineS]

Hahah! my niece does that to people who she is not close with. especially her father! Like cause her father dun really care for her, only when he is off, or he "suddenly" thought of her.

 

[rachelleling]

hahahah. you know what?i had the same prob with my hubby for my first son! he din really help out much and will want to rest and zzz if he has free time. he will leave the things to me and inlaws(we stay together). but then, must give him the credit this time round for the second child. he does help out in the sense that like someone mentioned in this thread, he will take care from 10 - 12am and then i will put my first son to sleep and at the same time, i get some sleep myself. then during weekends, he will take the morn shift as well. that is the 7-9am shift.

he told me why he din want to help out for first son. cos so many pple helping already so he will only get in the way. also, he doesn;t really play with the baby cos baby no response! i realise he only started to really play with my son when my son started to respond more. now the 2 of them play like mad cos my son is 3 now and can talk and play more.

but then for the second child now, cos he sees that in laws have to take care of my elder son, he thinks that he wants to help me with the baby more. also, i think cos he has a thing for daughter too. he always wanted a daughter. so he will do anything for his daughter. like tat day, he bought this calvin klein dress for his daughter's full mth. cost USD30+ (plus shipping lei? come out i think got SGD50+) he so generous. when i buy a SGD20 shirt for my son, he nagged and nagged! so different! haahah

 

[msck]

Very angry w my husband. My bb was hungry, so i quickly feed her. But i din on fan or air con. So it was very hot for my n bb. I kept calling out to my husband n he din hear me at all! He was playing the diablo again!!!

Argh! When i finished bf bb, then he came in n asked if i called him. By then, bb whole head got sweat already! Freaking pissed!!!!!!

 

[cn naz]

i had a second talk with my hubby about him playing game, too. seriously, to buy my dinner, i had to wait until he went through one stage. VERY PISSED!! and i was carrying baby to sleep. told him that hopefully we won't get until the third talk or else. i have no more patience already la. he's like a robot. ask him do one thing. he does, then walks back to playing game. no initiative! everything i must ASK for help. he said he didn't know what he must do. told him that this wasn't a self-cleaning house. MAD!!!

 

[Mummy2TwoSoon]

Looks like most dads are like that. My hubby also needs to be asked to help out. And when I open my mouth and go 'Daddy....', he goes 'What?!...' In an impatient tone...sometimes is such tone that igitates me more than the not helpful part.

 

[Tristar]

Hahaha! This bring back memories while reading. But my hubby makes it a point to help as much as he can. He could tell that I'm very exhausted by the time he's back so he auto take over.

 

[kylnn]

mcsk, worse thing is that we can't call out too loud to our husbands otherwise will startle the baby and they'll cry!

 

[cn naz]

If it is not diablo, it would be other games. I am going crazy, liao. How many talks must be done?????

 

[etcc]

Hi all, I'm so glad I found this thread... Makes me appreciate my hubby and not forget all that he has helped since baby was born. 9.5 mths ago I'm still up at this hour coz baby was cranky and woke us up 2 hours ago. He asked me to go sleep coz I have to work tomorrow (he is in midst of changing jobs so no need to work) but he simply has no patience when baby cry. He tried to coax her to sleep but she cried loud and refused to sleep. He got frustrated and carried her out of the room, scolding her in the living room. Luckily we stay with his cousin and family on weekdays so they took over to coax her to sleep.

But I got very upset with him coz this is the 2nd time he got mad with her this evening. earlier, when we drove her over from our place, she was fussy and sleepy but can't sleep bcoz she has a cold and nose is stuck, I think she feels uncomfy and couldn't find a perfect spot to rest. When we reached, my girl saw her cousin and became happy. But my hubby was still feeling frustrated and lightly slapped her face and she cried again!!!!!! I am so mad at him and now this again. He thinks she played too much earlier and cannot rest properly but I said her nose is stuck and she cannot breath properly. And even if he scolds her, she is still too young to listen to instructions mah. All she knows is daddy is angry and that isn't going to help calm her down.

I know I was a bit harsh on him but I told him this is part of growing up process. If he cannot take it, I don't mind bringing her back to my mum's place and taking care of her on my own. I really don't wish to let him grow abusive on her and I do want my girl to love her daddy, not be scared of him. I'm so upset that now I am running through the forum and making plans for the worse case scenario... Like infant care and stuffs. I love my hubby but if he doesn't want to control his anger better, I dont know if I want my girl to grow up with the bad impression of daddy.

Argh I've been crying for 2 hours and know I'm going to look like a goldfish tomorrow morning.

 

[lovepixie]

Wow etcc,
Stay strong. Ur hubby is not abusive but maybe frustrated and some other factors like work n sleepless nights might add to all?

 

[Alisa]

my husband is just like yr, hot tempered and he is also quick tempered! give him more time, we are all 1st time parents so we are new to taking care of babies, we are all still learning along the way. he will learn how to control his temper wan.