Vent!

[jojoki]

Just wanna vent. I quit my job to become a stay at home mum after delivery. I am mommy to 8 month ol baby girl.

My hubby doesnt supports us. I survive on a rental of $500 a month. I seriously dont know how I survive as out of that 500 around $50 is used to pay for my pa insurance and my hubbys pa.$60 for internet and around $100 fr hp bill. I'm left with $200 plus to survive.

Hubby earns 2.5k lik dat, he only needs to pay for pub bills, conservancy and buy baby diapers... n groceries like once every two weeks. (most of the times i pay fr the groceries too!!)

I used to have some savings but have used it to pay his debts (twice!! each time more than 10k) bought tv, fridge, sofa washing machine when we moved in to our flat , paid for my own maternity fees, including consultations, scans, test... and even after baby was born, she was hospitalised again fr jaundice, her vaccinations, etc was all paid by me not to mention, all her stuffs, cot, strollers,diapers, toys, every single thing is paid by me. Of course with all dat, i am totally wiped out, n jobless.

I LOVE being a stay at home mum to my baby girl that is why i'm willing to scrimp n save to be with my daughter.

My hubby has been angry with me recently, n been coming home around 2am! His phone bill has been cut off and to reconnect he needs to pay off his 270 plus outstanding. He conveniently asked me to open a line under my name for him. I told him NO!!! N he got very pissed with me n stopped talking to me fr days. comes home late and did not bother to give me his new hp number (prepaid)

I am all alone with my baby and in case of emergency I have no one tht i can call!! He knows that my baby is very glued to me so I cant do my things/chores if hes not home... even if my baby is sleeping.. she wants me to be in the room with her. So i am now waiting fr him to get his ass back home so that i can go wash my super itchy head!!

I did not want to open a line for him bcos i want him to pay off the bill he incurred! He is always like dat incur debt and expect ppl to pay off for him or he just run away from it. And i want him to be responsible. I do not knw why he is angry with me!! not my phone i dint incur the charges and not that i take money from him n caused him to have no money to pay off his bills.. even pub bills he accumulated to 350!! dunno where all his pay goes to!


Everytime i suggest we sit down n plan our finances.. the mere mention of this will send him hysterical. he will shout and walk off! I told him I;m not asking him to give me control of his income but just dat I will lay out the expenditure n budgeting for him so that he will know exactly how much he can spend a day!

I am really getting tired and do not know when I will explode bearing with all his shit all these years. ever since my baby is born i have always bear with his nonsense and try to avoid any quarrel. I am by nature a VERY VERY HOT TEMPERED person but for doters sake i keep quiet. But "futt tou yau for"... sigh!!

 

[meiteoh]

Have you tried getting someone else to talk some sense into him? Honestly, the man's a father and he's still acting like he's a child with no responsibilities whatsoever.

I can understand how hard it must be for you to watch your $$$ because I'm on a one-person income as well (hubs just earning 3.5K) and we always talk about financial planning, saving money and etc because with a child, anything can happen, especially for us non-citizens/PR holders, which may result in us dipping into our "rainy" day piggy bank.

As for you getting some time for yourself, are your parents around? Can they help look after your baby while you get some time off?

 

[uddermummy]

jojoki, yeah, like what meiteoh suggested, maybe you can try getting your family members to help out once in a while?

You may want to look for a job once bb is older since your husband seems to be quite unreliable financially.

 

[Ting]

i think, to play it safe, maybe u shld come out n work.
the way your hubby is spending, i think its better u sacrifice some time off your DD, get a job n earn some money to save or put aside..
phonebill cut off nvm, but if water n electricity were to be cut off?? then how r u n your DD gg to survive at home??

your dh is really irresponsible, n it will very soon affect your lives...

 

[diymummy]

Maybe you can try some of the work at home jobs... Usually just require a phone or a computer. You can use them in the same room when your dd is sleeping.

No family members to help you out?

 

[Phoebii Cheng]

Have a talk with your husband, in the long run.... you r gg to be emotionally exhausted, taking care of household & your daughter.

It is irresponsible of him to chalk up debts while here you are taking care of daughter as well as hvg to pay his debts off

What he needs is help, help not to pay off his debts, but help to sort out his life, learn how to manage his money & family life

He is no longer a single guy, but a married man who has a lovely wife & daughter....

If you want, try to go for family counselling, it might help him

 

[JusMum]

jojoki , do u have ur family ard u , i know how hard being so helpless , espeacially with hubby acting like this , u might have to work , to save n keep more , for a safe for you , how long can u survive in this way .

 

[PinkDiamonds]

Hi dear, I am glad you did not give in to him about signing up a new line under your name. I agree with you that he has to clear off all his debts first and learn to control and be responsible for his finances!

I am not trying to scare you. But my friend's mother found herself with debts when her husband left them. They bought house, car, and all those big spendings under her mother's name. The mother didn't think much of it because she trusted her husband. End up her husband left and all she had left was nothing but debts incurred and 2 daughters to bring up.

Try to talk to him when he is calmer. Maybe instead of telling him directly that you want to sit down and talk about budget, which can put him on defensive mode. Tell him you want to talk about how you have not enough money to spend and hopes he can help a bit more. he might be more willing to talk and respond.

 

[CanCanMum]

jojoki mum, yr last employment was quite stressful coz yr boss wasnt understanding and was quite hard on u rite? *sayangz*

and i rem u had some health conditions during pregnancy too~~*hugs*

are u feeling beta now? Yr health?

has yr mum went back oredi?

 

[apollo]

jojoki, i strongly agree with Ting, since ur hubby is so irresponsible, u better come out to wk asap. find a stable job, in case in future anything happens, at least u know that u can support ur baby and urself well...

it's time to stop spoiling ur hubby. i think he knows that u had some savings and u hav the 500bucks every mth. some men r lik tt, they think tt 500bucks is alot for a sahm but they r wrong! and evey if it is enough, it is HIS responsibility to support u and ur baby esp now u r not wking...

if ur hubby i wking hard for the family, i agree tt if ur hav any finance pro, can seek for help from both sides families but now ur hubby himself is not willing to spend a single cents on the family, so hw to expect help from others?

mummies, no matter hw much 'si fang qian' (personally savings) u hav, NEVER EVER let ur hubby know!!! if u hav 1k, can only let him know u hav 100bucks. or dont even let him know... this is to protect ourselves =)

 

[apollo]

Hi dear, I am glad you did not give in to him about signing up a new line under your name. I agree with you that he has to clear off all his debts first and learn to control and be responsible for his finances!

I am not trying to scare you. But my friend's mother found herself with debts when her husband left them. They bought house, car, and all those big spendings under her mother's name. The mother didn't think much of it because she trusted her husband. End up her husband left and all she had left was nothing but debts incurred and 2 daughters to bring up.

Try to talk to him when he is calmer. Maybe instead of telling him directly that you want to sit down and talk about budget, which can put him on defensive mode. Tell him you want to talk about how you have not enough money to spend and hopes he can help a bit more. he might be more willing to talk and respond.

my friend too!!! his dad also buy everything under her mum's name and in e end, her mum is now still paying for the debts!!! what the........!

 

[SunShine07]

sigh~ nowsaday man are getting very irresponsible to family....

do you have extra room to rent out so that can add some income?

 

[angelwendy]

Have you tried getting someone else to talk some sense into him? Honestly, the man's a father and he's still acting like he's a child with no responsibilities whatsoever.

I can understand how hard it must be for you to watch your $$$ because I'm on a one-person income as well (hubs just earning 3.5K) and we always talk about financial planning, saving money and etc because with a child, anything can happen, especially for us non-citizens/PR holders, which may result in us dipping into our "rainy" day piggy bank.

As for you getting some time for yourself, are your parents around? Can they help look after your baby while you get some time off?

Yup i agree with meiteoh....i think a married man should be thinking of how to support his family... even when wife is working a not... like my hubby... he also onli earn about 3k... due to some reason i gotta close my shop... thats mean no income from me anymore... he will keep thinking on how he could use his pay to pay all the expense... i sometime also feel bad.. but no choice... maybe u can ask ur parents for some help... & also try talking to ur hubby... i think he should change lor.. if not u will be very stressful.... but worst to worst.. gotta go out to work liao.. even part time also good... at least got a bit income... right....? Hugz~

 

[faithster]

Just wanna vent. I quit my job to become a stay at home mum after delivery. I am mommy to 8 month ol baby girl.

My hubby doesnt supports us. I survive on a rental of $500 a month. I seriously dont know how I survive as out of that 500 around $50 is used to pay for my pa insurance and my hubbys pa.$60 for internet and around $100 fr hp bill. I'm left with $200 plus to survive.

Hubby earns 2.5k lik dat, he only needs to pay for pub bills, conservancy and buy baby diapers... n groceries like once every two weeks. (most of the times i pay fr the groceries too!!)

I used to have some savings but have used it to pay his debts (twice!! each time more than 10k) bought tv, fridge, sofa washing machine when we moved in to our flat , paid for my own maternity fees, including consultations, scans, test... and even after baby was born, she was hospitalised again fr jaundice, her vaccinations, etc was all paid by me not to mention, all her stuffs, cot, strollers,diapers, toys, every single thing is paid by me. Of course with all dat, i am totally wiped out, n jobless.

I LOVE being a stay at home mum to my baby girl that is why i'm willing to scrimp n save to be with my daughter.

My hubby has been angry with me recently, n been coming home around 2am! His phone bill has been cut off and to reconnect he needs to pay off his 270 plus outstanding. He conveniently asked me to open a line under my name for him. I told him NO!!! N he got very pissed with me n stopped talking to me fr days. comes home late and did not bother to give me his new hp number (prepaid)

I am all alone with my baby and in case of emergency I have no one tht i can call!! He knows that my baby is very glued to me so I cant do my things/chores if hes not home... even if my baby is sleeping.. she wants me to be in the room with her. So i am now waiting fr him to get his ass back home so that i can go wash my super itchy head!!

I did not want to open a line for him bcos i want him to pay off the bill he incurred! He is always like dat incur debt and expect ppl to pay off for him or he just run away from it. And i want him to be responsible. I do not knw why he is angry with me!! not my phone i dint incur the charges and not that i take money from him n caused him to have no money to pay off his bills.. even pub bills he accumulated to 350!! dont know where all his pay goes to!


Everytime i suggest we sit down n plan our finances.. the mere mention of this will send him hysterical. he will shout and walk off! I told him I;m not asking him to give me control of his income but just dat I will lay out the expenditure n budgeting for him so that he will know exactly how much he can spend a day!

I am really getting tired and do not know when I will explode bearing with all his shit all these years. ever since my baby is born i have always bear with his nonsense and try to avoid any quarrel. I am by nature a VERY VERY HOT TEMPERED person but for doters sake i keep quiet. But "futt tou yau for"... sigh!!

hey mummy, i know how it feel and i know it not easy. I have been thru that too and i am still going through it now. Realise u are staying in yishun too.. which part? I am staying near chong pang area blk 119. Lets meet up

 

[jojoki]

jojoki mum, your last employment was quite stressful coz your boss wasnt understanding and was quite hard on you rite? *sayangz*

and i rem you had some health conditions during pregnancy too~~*hugs*

are you feeling beta now? your health?

has your mum went back oredi?

ya my boss cut my pay n demoted me the moment he found out i was preggy n threaten to not renew my wp fr me if i din agree.. so i quit after my maternity leave over. I got my pr di finally after 10yrs.

I think i'm still diabetic but i din go back for the GTT again cos 1. expensive n 2. i dread getting my blood withdraw 3 times!

 

[jojoki]

Have you tried getting someone else to talk some sense into him? Honestly, the man's a father and he's still acting like he's a child with no responsibilities whatsoever.

I can understand how hard it must be for you to watch your $$$ because I'm on a one-person income as well (hubs just earning 3.5K) and we always talk about financial planning, saving money and etc because with a child, anything can happen, especially for us non-citizens/PR holders, which may result in us dipping into our "rainy" day piggy bank.

As for you getting some time for yourself, are your parents around? Can they help look after your baby while you get some time off?

I dun really need time for myself la actually cos I really enjoy being with my dd, just dat shes VERY heavy and at times yes i do need someone to relief me fr even a couple of minutes.

My bro in US my sis is always flying n my mom lives in Msia. I'm fr Ipoh. And shes old oredi i really dun wan to trouble her with my marital issues n she def cant care fr my bb as my bb is far too heavy fr her to carry.

 

[jojoki]

hey mummy, i know how it feel and i know it not easy. I have been thru that too and i am still going through it now. Realise you are staying in yishun too.. which part? I am staying near chong pang area blk 119. Lets meet up

dats near i stay 107! ;p

 

[jojoki]

I called him yesterday finally around 1am n asked him what time does he plan to come home. He told me nonchalantly " I'm working lor... taking my own sweet time, any problem with it?" I was boiling di because he is obviously trying to make me suffer. I gave him a piece of my mind.

I told him now when we quarrel it no longer just involves both of us, it involves our baby too. And I told him your actions don't hurt me at all, i'm already used to his shit, the one who is victimized ultimately is our baby.

If I am sick who will care fr our baby? If I'm upset, who does it affect? If I dun get enuf rest, and have no energy who is affected? I ask him to use his brain and think about it! Also told him that he already screwed his first marriage and cost the happiness of his first daughter n now GOd is soo good to him give him another marriage, another baby (after I had 2 miscarriages) does he still want to screw it all up again?

And regarding his childish behaviour i also reminded him, he and I both grew up with parents who ostracizes each other, harbours resentment and forces the child to take sides. Does he wants our child to go through what we went through? our child we grow up mirror-ing us so I asked him does he wants our child to walk out on us and stop talking to us fr days when we scold her in future? or should we be forgiving n loving and handle issues together as a family? With that i ended the conversation.

He came back and attempted to talk to me but i was already soooo furious cos i gave him so many days to cool down and he acted like some spoilt brat!

Today he back to normal.. ha but who knows when the next episode is coming! and I am still waiting for him to seat down with me to talk about finances!

 

[angelwendy]

I called him yesterday finally around 1am n asked him what time does he plan to come home. He told me nonchalantly " I'm working ... taking my own sweet time, any problem with it?" I was boiling di because he is obviously trying to make me suffer. I gave him a piece of my mind.

I told him now when we quarrel it no longer just involves both of us, it involves our baby too. And I told him your actions dont't hurt me at all, i'm already used to his shit, the one who is victimized ultimately is our baby.

If I am sick who will care fr our baby? If I'm upset, who does it affect? If I dont get enuf rest, and have no energy who is affected? I ask him to use his brain and think about it! Also told him that he already screwed his first marriage and cost the happiness of his first daughter n now GOd is soo good to him give him another marriage, another baby (after I had 2 miscarriages) does he still want to screw it all up again?

And regarding his childish behaviour i also reminded him, he and I both grew up with parents who ostracizes each other, harbours resentment and forces the child to take sides. Does he wants our child to go through what we went through? our child we grow up mirror-ing us so I asked him does he wants our child to walk out on us and stop talking to us fr days when we scold her in future? or should we be forgiving n loving and handle issues together as a family? With that i ended the conversation.

He came back and attempted to talk to me but i was already soooo furious cos i gave him so many days to cool down and he acted like some spoilt brat!

Today he back to normal.. ha but who knows when the next episode is coming! and I am still waiting for him to seat down with me to talk about finances!

Hmmm... i cannot imagine a grown up man will behave like that.... sorry to say this... but if for me i will also tell him off... ask him stop being childish.... he is already a father & a husband.... ask him pls go clear his mind before even talking to u about anything... you should be asking him... WHERE THE HELL DID HE PUT HIS BRAIN?? Sorry if i'm harsh.... but i cannot tahan man behave like this.... i think is reali very hard on u.... did he behave like that even when u both before married?? for me i will be very furious also... i also will give him a piece of my mind....

 

[jojoki]

ya hes been like this..worse last time. very long story.. he ever forced me to be his guarantor but i refused n he threaten to kill my dog bcos he knows I LOVE my dog with my life!