what should i do when DD dun wan to go home with me?

[flyaway]

DD dun wan to follow me and hubby last night again. She wants to stay at mil house and has been calling her mummy instead. This really made me feel so sad. i have been busy with work and only reach mil for dinner around 7 or 8 plus then bring the kids back. Not much of interaction except giving her some biscuits or snack and then put her to sleep.

Mil has been the primary giver so i know she is more attached to her than me but i cant stand the fact that she called mil mummy too. Argh... Mil was gloating away when she saw dd reaction last night. I did not force her to go back cos i scare she will cling on to mil even tighter and start wailing, oh boy, my heart will really break. I am determine to bring her home every night and no more stayover with mil now. Will try to knock off early.

Anyone has solutions for better bonding ties?

 

[diymummy]

What do you do with your dd during weekends? Maybe you'd like to plan activities with your kids during the weekends, eg bring them to swim, the playground, the library, etc.

Knocking off earlier is definitely good. And besides giving her biscuits and putting her to bed, is there any activity which you do with your daughter? Eg, give her a bath when she reach home and play with some water, read bed time stories, etc.

 

[District98]

dear daughter dont want to follow me and hubby last night again. She wants to stay at mother in law house and has been calling her mummy instead. This really made me feel so sad. i have been busy with work and only reach mother in law for dinner around 7 or 8 plus then bring the kids back. Not much of interaction except giving her some biscuits or snack and then put her to sleep.

mother in law has been the primary giver so i know she is more attached to her than me but i cant stand the fact that she called mother in law mummy too. Argh... mother in law was gloating away when she saw dear daughter reaction last night. I did not force her to go back cos i scare she will cling on to mother in law even tighter and start wailing, oh boy, my heart will really break. I am determine to bring her home every night and no more stayover with mother in law now. Will try to knock off early.

Anyone has solutions for better bonding ties?

Goshh, i really understand how yr feel... how about put in childcare ? let her get more interaction with others kids.

 

[Phoebii Cheng]

Hi I agree with diymummy.......you must have a me time with ur daughter.....like before bedtime, what is the one special thing tht you do with her? like what diymummy says, could be a bit of playtime or read a book together, make it into a routine tht she always looks forward to everyday

A lot of working mummies face this problems.....some with the maid

But I would encourage you, if you really do want to bond with ur daughter, you hv to put a lot of hard work & effort

And pls correct ur daughter when she calls your MIL mummy, it is not right to call her grandma mummy, weird

 

[AugBoyz]

do something together with ur ger every night before she sleeps, even if its only 10mins. Me & my monster sometimes doodle, play fighting with his Ben10 toys, make paper aeroplane n fly it to each other, read story books etc.

 

[Mama Ina]

Yes, I agreed with all the mummies here.. In fact my 1st gal too are more to my MIL but i always make sure she remember me as her mum.. I try spent time with her as much as i can and bring her out all that.. Kids mahh if we buy stuff or always bring them out sure they love u.. hehehehee... Cheer up and be patient but like wat others says try spend more time with ur dotter.. Don't worry, no matter wat u are the one who gives birth to her, watever MIL do also, u have the rite over her..

Cheers..

 

[Mof2kk]

I am very fortunate to have a mother who sacrifice her life looking after us (my siblings & me) full time and now all our children! My 2 kids are the oldest amongst all her grandchildren, so she had a lot of time with them, esp my oldest.

When they were very young, occassionally I'll leave my son at my mom's place esp when she see the panda eye on my face. But as my kids grew older like 3-4 years old, they didn't want to stay at grandma's place anymore. My mom always say bonding between mother and child is always closer, no matter who takes care of them.

So be patient But of course, you got to spend quality time with your kids at home, no matter how tired you are! Read bed time stories or watch some dvd cartoons they like with them is also sthg you can do with your little ones.

 

[apollo]

i agree with diymummy, u can use ur weekend to acc her. though is just 2 days per week, but 2 full days with her is better than nth. and i suggest during weekends, bring her out or interact with her just u, ur hub and her and nobody else. so she can get a 'clearer picture'. =)

 

[lowmel]

Yes, I agree. When your child gets older ard 2+ or 3, she would want to go home with Mummy and Daddy. As no matter, they are know who their parents are and would want to be with them though grandparents are their caregiver. Same for my son.

However, I do think your MIL should not be gloating away when your girl didnt want to go back with you. She should be discouraging your girl to do that. Its hurting to all mummies when their child behaves that way. I totally understand how you feel as for me, it was my FIL who said that. My parents takes care of my son. And my FIL will be very kiasu and possessive that my son will be closer to them (naturally). So a few times, he will tell my son infront of me or my mum, 'Don't want Mummy/Grandma, Yeye wants you can already.' My reaction was, what are you trying to do. Such behaviour is totally uncalled for. Being an elder I think they should be setting a good example for a young child to follow.

You may want to put your child in childcare. On one hand, she can learn things in school and also lessen the contact time b/w herself and your MIL. Its not being mean, however, its a better situation/solution for everyone if you access the situation properly.

 

[meiteoh]

...When your child gets older around 2+ or 3, she would want to go home with Mummy and Daddy. As no matter, they are know who their parents are and would want to be with them though grandparents are their caregiver...

While this may and often is true, we should not forget that the experience we have with toddlers and young children is not the same with babies and infants. We should still make a conscious effort to spend quality time with our children.

I actually know of people who think that just because their children know who their parents are, they leave their children with the grandparents and run off to lead their old lives again. That's just wrong...very wrong.

 

[apollo]

While this may and often is true, we should not forget that the experience we have with toddlers and young children is not the same with babies and infants. We should still make a conscious effort to spend quality time with our children.

I actually know of people who think that just because their children know who their parents are, they leave their children with the grandparents and run off to lead their old lives again. That's just wrong...very wrong.

i know i know!! i seen such parents b4. they cant be bothered whether their kids 'rmb' them as parents anot. no matter what, no matter hw tired one comes bk from wk, i feel tt shd spend more time (esp weekends) with the kids.

 

[meiteoh]

My neighbour is one such person. He works in SG and dumps his two children with his parents who live in KL. Doesn't even go to see his children once a month. According to my mum when I asked her how the neighbour was doing, she mentioned that the last time she saw him was for CNY and when I asked, it was like July. How can you not see your child for over three months?!??

Then one of my friends bumped into this 60 yo aunty on board a flight back from HK to KL. She shared with my friend that the baby (below 1 yo) was actually her nephew's or daughter - I can't remember coz it was a while back - who is working in the US. When my friend ask how often they come back, she said "Once a year maybe". Apparently, they would have the child in the US and ship the child back to KL. =.=

Gosh.

 

[flyaway]

thanks, mummies for your assurance and advices. Last night went back early to take my girl out. Had to coax her many times if she wants to go home with us or go out. She kept saying no. I told myself if she were to say no eventually we will bring her home by force. Luckily we did not have to do that last night.

Situation was tense though. Could see mil very kan qiong when she saw me and dd playing hide and seek happily. I dont understand why she needs to feel intimated cos dd is still my child not hers. I am very determine not to allow dd to stay overnight with my in laws cos all of them including my fil and sil thinks dd belong to their family. What an idiotic thinking. So i will try to go back and fetch my kids earlier so to avoid seeing the rest. Otherwise, they keep pyschoing my dd not to go home with us. I think they should really get a life and give us the freedom to bond as a family.

 

[foreveris]

my gal is also being taken care by my mil.. i bring her back every night.. despite this, there was a period (around 12 months old) when she refused to go home with me.. what I did was try to bring something interesting (to distract her) with me when I go pick her up and talk to her that she stays with mummy and daddy, hence she should follow us home..
now she is 15months and we do not have such problems anymore, she will bade goodbye to my mil when I pick her..
it will be good if you bring her home everyday and she will know that is the routine.. also spend time playing with her..

 

[Fisherman's Friend]

thanks, mummies for your assurance and advices. Last night went back early to take my girl out. Had to coax her many times if she wants to go home with us or go out. She kept saying no. I told myself if she were to say no eventually we will bring her home by force. Luckily we did not have to do that last night.

Situation was tense though. Could see mother in law very kan qiong when she saw me and dear daughter playing hide and seek happily. I dont understand why she needs to feel intimated cos dear daughter is still my child not hers. I am very determine not to allow dear daughter to stay overnight with my in laws cos all of them including my father in law and sister In law thinks dear daughter belong to their family. What an idiotic thinking. So i will try to go back and fetch my kids earlier so to avoid seeing the rest. Otherwise, they keep pyschoing my dear daughter not to go home with us. I think they should really get a life and give us the freedom to bond as a family.

Ur in laws are really weird,or should I say they still have very old thinking instill in them. Maybe coz they think ur dd follow their family name so she belongs to their family.
When I was wrking full time,it was my mum who took care of my dd,we only bring her home on Friday nights then Sunday night gotta bring her back again. During that tym dd was also very close to my mum,dun wana follow my hubby n me home. But we will always make an effort to bring her out on weekends,take turns to bathe her etc. Now she no longer wana stay overnight at my mum's place anymore unless I'm staying.
Put in more efforts,though it may be tiring at times,but once u miss that period of their growing up time,u wun be able to get it back again!!:001_302:

 

[stonston]

thanks, mummies for your assurance and advices. Last night went back early to take my girl out. Had to coax her many times if she wants to go home with us or go out. She kept saying no. I told myself if she were to say no eventually we will bring her home by force. Luckily we did not have to do that last night.

Situation was tense though. Could see mother in law very kan qiong when she saw me and dear daughter playing hide and seek happily. I dont understand why she needs to feel intimated cos dear daughter is still my child not hers. I am very determine not to allow dear daughter to stay overnight with my in laws cos all of them including my father in law and sister In law thinks dear daughter belong to their family. What an idiotic thinking. So i will try to go back and fetch my kids earlier so to avoid seeing the rest. Otherwise, they keep pyschoing my dear daughter not to go home with us. I think they should really get a life and give us the freedom to bond as a family.

When it the situation has reached such a stage, it's time to reconsider childcare arrangements before things go out of hand.....

 

[DodoTan]

your in laws are really weird,or should I say they still have very old thinking instill in them. Maybe coz they think your dear daughter follow their family name so she belongs to their family.
When I was wrking full time,it was my mum who took care of my dear daughter,we only bring her home on Friday nights then Sunday night gotta bring her back again. During that tym dear daughter was also very close to my mum,dont want to follow my hubby n me home. But we will always make an effort to bring her out on weekends,take turns to bathe her etc. Now she no longer want to stay overnight at my mum's place anymore unless I'm staying.
Put in more efforts,though it may be tiring at times,but once you miss that period of their growing up time,you wun be able to get it back again!!:001_302:

My mom also takes care of my son and we only bring him back on friday nights and sunday night go back to my mum's again like you. But everyday after work, both of us would go and see him and spend at least an hour with him. Somehow, he now has a pretty good sense of time and would actually hang around the front door waiting for us to come. If we're late, he'd be cranky when we arrive. If we're early, he'll be so excited, he'll do his happy dance (aka running around the house in circles and flapping his arms).