Who to compromise?

[CanCanMum]

Can can mummy... I heard from my mum say roast pig means my daughter is "黄花贵女", like from decent family..no complications..plus roast pig maybe is "expensive" stuffs.. So daughters from Cantonese deserve this "piggy" lol...

wahhahahaha i dunnO why but this seems very funny lOlzzzz

aiyozzzzz paiseh to admit nowadays where still got "黄花贵女" lOlzzzz

we muz practice safe s:001_302::001_302: before marriage to our future hubbies to "test test" water rite?

pls dun condemn me lOlzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

 

[hakisumi]

Haha...I know it sounds funny...
Haha but something like this meaning lor,like daughter is decent gal,受得起..prob not the safe s*x part...

Pardon me... Lol....

 

[CanCanMum]

Haha...I know it sounds funny...
Haha but something like this meaning ,like daughter is decent gal..prob not the safe s*x part...

Pardon me... Lol....

lOlzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

 

[Koala bear mummy]

hahahah paiseh...i dont mean all but mostly the older generation hakkas are more thrifty wahahhahah~~~

my hubbie is not thrifty at all ~~~ lOlzzz he nebber inherited.....

i can understand hakka lehhh lOlzzz but i cannot speak at all hahah~~~~

You heng ah, hubby not stingy....ha..my bro is super 'thrifty' with his family (my parents) and not thrifty with himself lor...

You can understand most of it when they speak? Not bad leh! I can understand the 'meixian' (province) hakka my grandparents speak and less of the 'taipu' (city) hakka (LKY, Lee Hsien loong for eg)....

 

[CanCanMum]

You lucky , hubby not stingy....ha..my bro is super 'thrifty' with his family (my parents) and not thrifty with himself ...

You can understand most of it when they speak? Not bad ! I can understand the 'meixian' (province) hakka my grandparents speak and less of the 'taipu' (city) hakka (LKY, Lee Hsien loong for eg)....

yaaa lOlzzz uncle nic (hubby) always so proud of being same dialect group as LKY lOlzzzzz

i dddink most of the kheks in singapore are taipu, tat one i canx ustd lOlzzzz

 

[apollo]

Hmmm...sometimes w difficult mother in law is damn jia lat 1..
I was given dragon phoenix bangle n a diamond bracelet for tea ceremony( hubby is hokkien)
I m Cantonese so roast pig is a must!!!
my mum gave me most of her gold jewellery..
Best to sit down n talk about it, when both sides parents meet,things prob will turn out well?? This is the best of cos...
your parents need to stand firm to a certain extend also,so future in laws shld remember,my daughter marry into your family not sell..
Got niang jiaaaaa.... Can't anyhow bully ki chi..

are your sis n brother in law gg to stay w them after marry? Or they ve their own flats??
If she see bullying coming along..better dont stay w them...meet easy stay hard..lol

yup i agree, must ask both sides PARENTS to sit down and tok.. no point passing message.. =)

 

[applebreeze]

Only heard/knew of Teochews asking for sidianjin for their daughters marrying off. Not heard of if they also must give daughter-in-law especially if she is non Teochew.

Should then ask for what the Cantonese usually will want. However, it is hard to say if they can comply with all because dont't know their financial situation. Of course, they cannot also just give one or two items I feel. Lack of respect or tai xiao qi ??

Yes Koala Mummy,

My mum says she is marrying her daughter not giving away her daughter for free. If her in laws so stingy give only 1-2 pieces items means never give face to my mum. Cos it also symbolises my mum raise my sis up, tis is the due respect.

And after marriage, sis and bro-in-law are gonna stay with in laws first. So there might be a problem there. But my sis is one fierce cat, she wont budge unless she's in the wrong.

 

[apollo]

Yes Koala Mummy,

My mum says she is marrying her daughter not giving away her daughter for free. If her in laws so stingy give only 1-2 pieces items means never give face to my mum. Cos it also symbolises my mum raise my sis up, tis is the due respect.

And after marriage, sis and bro-in-law are gonna stay with in laws first. So there might be a problem there. But my sis is one fierce cat, she wont budge unless she's in the wrong.

applebreeze, since tt's the case, i think ur parents shd stand firm BUT dun make things ugly. both sides parents shd meet up and have a good tok 1st... actu i dun see any pro with the things ur mum request...

last time my FIL insisted us to gif him a huat kuay which my family insisted not to, esp my dad. in e end my mum gave in, she bought a huat kuay for my inlaws but she bought another EXTRA LARGE huat kuay for our family. HAHA!!

 

[CanCanMum]

last time my father in law insisted us to give him a huat kuay which my family insisted not to, esp my dad. in e end my mum gave in, she bought a huat kuay for my inlaws but she bought another EXTRA LARGE huat kuay for our family. HAHA!!

of all things why insist on huat kway??????????:err:

 

[stonston]

My Hb & I had our wedding very happily WITHOUT 'them'.

If they can give do much prob now, imagine how much more they can ask for after marriage!!!

What my hb did in the end was to pay fit the GDL stuff tt my parents requested from his own pocket. 'They' never paid a single cent.

Life's very good after marriage. No unhappiness about 'them' at all. No need to worry about how they'll treat my boy cos they don't even know his existence.

 

[apollo]

of all things why insist on huat kway??????????:err:

tt's y!!!! they said is their family traditional but my aunties are hokkiens, they say hokkiens where got ask for huat kuay one?? den my parents came up a conclusion tt, becos my FIL is a business man, he hope by giving him huat kuay, their side can huat! so my mum bought a even bigger one, i think she asked the seller to custom made a very very big one to put at out place den give my FIL those normal big one.. LOL!!!

aft my wedding, i spoke to my hubby's uncle's wife, she is also a teochew, and she told me she also encountered 'unhappiness' during her wedding last time when her mil (aka my grand mil) asked for huat kuay -.-"""

 

[applebreeze]

My husband & I had our wedding very happily WITHOUT 'them'.

If they can give do much prob now, imagine how much more they can ask for after marriage!!!

What my husband did in the end was to pay fit the GDL stuff that my parents requested from his own pocket. 'They' never paid a single cent.

Life's very good after marriage. No unhappiness about 'them' at all. No need to worry about how they'll treat my boy cos they dont't even know his existence.

stonston,

If your hubby paid for the GDL items, wont it lose ther meaning of these items are supposed to be given by ur parents in law?

Seriously i dun understand y my sis' MIL muz bring up the subject of his elder son marriage dun have tis dun have that too. They are 2 different ppl wat. My sis is my sis, her sis in law is her sis in law. Plus we r cantonese, the least she have to respect our custom wat, rite?

 

[Renzie]

My PIL are hakkas and my family is hokkien. For my wedding....haha, my PIL are afraid that they are not doing enough for my family. And my family...just don't want anything. To my dad, he says that he is not selling his daughter, so he refused to take anything from them. Just invitation cards to the wedding dinner he happy already. My PIL are so worried that they even sent their grandmother to see my grandmother to negotiate. In the end, they both end up talking about China...

So in the end, my MIL decided we'll take the ang pows from the tables that hubby and I reserved for our own friends and my relatives. They also pay for our honeymoon trip. My PIL are worried that my relatives might complain why never give us this and that. But my parents' are not the type who bother with customs and traditions.

However, yes I had heard that if the DIL did not take or ask for any dowry, it's like they will not be tied down to their MIL to be bullied or taken advantage of. Because in certain customs, example suckling pig, you need to return a part of it to the guy's family as well, and if you don't know this custom, the other side of the family might make those snide remarks. I heard from my hubby's grandmother that if the gal's side ask for too much dowry and the guy's side give, well, they would expect that the gal better be worth it, and should know the customs as well. (like certain things need to be done or given back or something, I can't remember already)

 

[stonston]

stonston,

If your hubby paid for the GDL items, wont it lose ther meaning of these items are supposed to be given by your parents in law?

Seriously i dont understand why my sis' mother in law must bring up the subject of his elder son marriage dont have tis dont have that too. They are 2 different ppl what. My sis is my sis, her sis in law is her sis in law. Plus we are cantonese, the least she have to respect our custom what, rite?

GDL is suppose to come from MALE SIDE, need not be paid by parents. As you said, it's custom to have those items. Does it really matter who pays as long as my hb is the one who is willing to please my parents?

My hb is Hakka. 'They' want TRADITIONAL, which they CAN'T AFFORD. If really want traditional, his parents should be the ones paying for ALL EXPENSES and giving my parents 'tables' at the banquet!

Anyway, my hb enjoys our current lifestyle with no meddling parents. My parents don't interfere in our lives, they just go along with what we plan. They only make noise when they think that we are too excessive with something (my son's enrichment classes).

If her fiance is willing, it may be better for them to just go ahead according to how they plan without interfering parents. If they are the ones paying for the wedding, then they should be the ones who have the last say.

 

[apollo]

GDL is suppose to come from MALE SIDE, need not be paid by parents. As you said, it's custom to have those items. Does it really matter who pays as long as my husband is the one who is willing to please my parents?

My husband is Hakka. 'They' want TRADITIONAL, which they CAN'T AFFORD. If really want traditional, his parents should be the ones paying for ALL EXPENSES and giving my parents 'tables' at the banquet!

Anyway, my husband enjoys our current lifestyle with no meddling parents. My parents dont't interfere in our lives, they just go along with what we plan. They only make noise when they think that we are too excessive with something (my son's enrichment classes).

If her fiance is willing, it may be better for them to just go ahead according to how they plan without interfering parents. If they are the ones paying for the wedding, then they should be the ones who have the last say.

yup i agree with what u said.. if the guy can afford, shd be the guy paying and not the parents.. unless either one side is being too 'over' =)

 

[apollo]

My parent in law are hakkas and my family is hokkien. For my wedding....haha, my parent in law are afraid that they are not doing enough for my family. And my family...just dont't want anything. To my dad, he says that he is not selling his daughter, so he refused to take anything from them. Just invitation cards to the wedding dinner he happy already. My parent in law are so worried that they even sent their grandmother to see my grandmother to negotiate. In the end, they both end up talking about China...

So in the end, my mother in law decided we'll take the ang pows from the tables that hubby and I reserved for our own friends and my relatives. They also pay for our honeymoon trip. My parent in law are worried that my relatives might complain why never give us this and that. But my parents' are not the type who bother with customs and traditions.

However, yes I had heard that if the daughter in law did not take or ask for any dowry, it's like they will not be tied down to their mother in law to be bullied or taken advantage of. Because in certain customs, example suckling pig, you need to return a part of it to the guy's family as well, and if you dont't know this custom, the other side of the family might make those snide remarks. I heard from my hubby's grandmother that if the gal's side ask for too much dowry and the guy's side give, well, they would expect that the gal better be worth it, and should know the customs as well. (like certain things need to be done or given back or something, I can't remember already)

u have a good inlwas =)

 

[catherlyn]

Actually nw not all old generation mind the traditional thing. Like me, I'm hokkien n cos still got elder at hm so guo da li is a must. My mil n fil very anything type of pple like it simple but cos my family request they gv it to us. The si Dian jin also depends already nw no say u hokkien so I don gv u. My mother also buy for my sister in law(she is a cantonese). My mil brought me si Dian jin too cos she wan to then during tea ceremony she gv me another gold bacelet n my fil gv me a gold chain.

Wat I feel is depends on ur in law they wan to gv or not n whether u wan ask for it. Like my fren her in law side nv gv anything, no guo da li no pin jin no si Dian jin n even wedding dinner all paid by themselves, no free table given to ger side. N worse still the long feng zu have ho buy themselves. So I think if this is impt to ur sister, ur family can ask for it unless they got finance pro

 

[leefionyap]

My husband is Hakka. 'They' want TRADITIONAL, which they CAN'T AFFORD. If really want traditional, his parents should be the ones paying for ALL EXPENSES and giving my parents 'tables' at the banquet!


My mother in law is even better, when i ask her how many table they are going to give my parents for the wedding dinner. She reply "table? what table?"

Life is good without them now, althought my mum will sometimes ask me if we will bring our ger to see my in-laws one day, but she know we will never will, haha.

My husband and i pay for the whole wedding, as my parents know it will be coming from the both of us, thus they only ask simple things.

 

[applebreeze]

Latest update from my sis last night, she was at his hubby's house. His mum jus came back and she enter their room to chat wit them, so my sis ask her hubby to bring up the subject. He started by saying nicely my sis' parents are asking for the few items fr customary. You know what his mum reply straightaway? 'Anything you need tell my son can already lor, he will pay for everything....' ' N 1 more thing ar, no need to meet up with your parents la, jus tell him what you all wan and he will converse it to me.'
WTF IS THIS MIL TRYING TO SAY MAN??!!!

How can she treat my sis and my parents with such great disrespect? It is jus basic courtesy to meet up with my parents to discuss bout the items wat. Not that my parents are non-negotiable bout it. Now things are like tt, how to even sit down with them and discuss amicably? Gosh.....

 

[apollo]

Latest update from my sis last night, she was at his hubby's house. His mum just came back and she enter their room to chat wit them, so my sis ask her hubby to bring up the subject. He started by saying nicely my sis' parents are asking for the few items fr customary. You know what his mum reply straightaway? 'Anything you need tell my son can already , he will pay for everything....' ' N 1 more thing ar, no need to meet up with your parents , just tell him what you all want and he will converse it to me.'
WTF IS THIS mother in law TRYING TO SAY MAN??!!!

How can she treat my sis and my parents with such great disrespect? It is just basic courtesy to meet up with my parents to discuss bout the items what. Not that my parents are non-negotiable bout it. Now things are like that, how to even sit down with them and discuss amicably? Gosh.....

i noe some parents have no comments on anything simply becos the son will be paying and not them. but frankly speaking i think ur sis's mil-to-be is too much alrdy! she not only dont respect ur sis, she has no respect for ur parents too! meeting up is to respect ur parents even though her mil has 'nth to say' on the things etc...