Working mum, can you cope with your work and family?

[ahpei]

Hi, working mums out there, can you cope with your work and family?

i have 2 kids, and i do understand the fact that i don't have enough time with my kids, as well as my work... my work is very demanding, but i just find that i can't accomplish my goals.... i can't even hv time to complete the jobs... before i can take a look at 1 project, another burning project coming... things go on and on.. and i attend quite a no. of meetings, and i am not able to stay back in office to do more, just that i need to pick up my kid from the child care centre, and return home to take care and feed both the kids...

life is stressful, and time is just not enough.... i barely have time to spend with my kids, and at the end of the day, need to get them to sleep early, so that my kid can wake up earlier to go childcare, without having us being caught in traffic jam...

do you have the same problem? how do you cope?

 

[gumbokins]

I have a 3 yr old and another on the way. Sometimes I also feel like I don't get to spend quality time with my husband and my girl. Whenever work gets shitty, I just remind myself: "it's just a job!". To me, work-life balance means compromising something for another, so I choose to forgo some work and put family first. Even if it means slow promotion, small PB...work knows that it plays second fiddle in my life.

Husband is also important. He works longer hours than me and sometimes on Sats too but he helps out around the house and with our girl. Do try and get ur hubby more involved, because with all the demands on your time, it's difficult to do it alone.

 

[jammowifey]

hi there, i think most working mums go through the same things.

its a fine balance between work and family. often, we have to sacrifice one for the other.

I feel guilty whenever i sacrifice on my work standards to spend time with my girl, but i think its worth it. as for the feelings of guilt for the sub standard work, i just have one thing to remind all working mummies:

it is not just about how well you did something,
it is about how well you did it within the constraints you faced.

consider the contraints you face before you think about the guilt.

you'll realise if you did your best based on those constraints (eg. time, money, family), you have nth to be guilty about!

 

[jessielu]

I had went thru such dilemma before when kids are still young and felt guilty and upset should they fall sick and i'm not ard to nurse and care for them:embarrassed:

To put bread on the table and to provide our next generation a better life always a major task for us working mother, should there be a chance that dh can support and provide, definitely will be a SAHM while the kids are still young.

I will spend more time with them after work and weekends or PH, try the best to make up for the time lost while we are at work. Work is still work, even if u slog to dealth, slog to sickness, we are still employee, take it easy and do the necessary adjustment to make family life more happy:tlaugh:

 

[stonston]

Which is more important to you? Kids or work?

Everyone is different, and therefore have different goals and outlook in life.

For me, my son is most important.
His welfare is most important.

Work, though fun and satisfying for me, has to come 2nd place.
I work to allow my son to have a more comfortable life and to be able to experience different things (through holidays, excursions, play, enrichment classes, etc).
I work to fulfill my personal desire for teaching.

How I manage? I work from home and have a maid (carefully selected).
She loves my boy very much and does a great job with his needs (including academic and discipline).
My time with my boy is really quality time, without having to fret about whether meals are cooked, whether the house is clean or dirty, etc.

Many may say that maids give trouble, etc etc.
I don't disagree. We had our fair share of 'maid trouble' with previous maids.
However, your mindset must be right. To me, I will not tolerate maids who are not up to my standards, so I don't hesitate to change the and send them home.
Money is not important. If I have to buy 10 air tickets to send 10 maids home before I get the right maid, so be it.

I've never quarrelled with hubs over housework.
I never had to nag at him over 'cleaning up after himself'.
We never had to argue over who will cook dinner.

And this makes 'couple life' really good
If we want to short vacation, or just some time to ourselves (quick movie/dinner), we can leave my boy with my maid. For short vacations, we can bring them along, book a separate room for them. Sometimes, we leave them at my mum's place for a short getaway.

Alternatively, you can get a nanny around your area to help you. Pick the kids up and feed them dinner before you get home from office. I have neighbours who are doing that.

 

[ahpei]

thanks for your response...

for me, my kids are important to me.. but i do feel guilty if i can't complete my tasks at work...

to be frank, my performance has dropped tremendously... not sure if i put it correctly, previously, before my kids came along, i could spend long hours at work, to really do my work, and was really committed... but now, i got to knock off at close to 7pm, and put aside lots of stuff aside, to be home with my kids...

i can't say that i have satisfaction from my work... it's not something that i really like.. but if i can;t do well, i really feel sorry for myself...

my mother-in-law is helping me out to take care of my younger one, and also prepare dinner for us.. but i still hv to take over the role of feeding them.. cos i believe it's one of the ways for me to get closer to my kids... although i do enjoy the moments with them, i am guilty of not being able to complete my work...

it's really tough being a working mum.. and i really salute to those who are playing this role so well.... as well as those who work from home.... :lime:

i can't say that my boss is an understanding person... when i can finish my task, my boss will have the impression that i have nothing more to do.. when i really have a hard time completing my task, i am being labeled 'poor time management staff'.....:we2arghh:

 

[jammowifey]

hihi,
like you, i think most mums start off feeling guilty when they return to work after maternity leave, to find they can't cope well with work.
it was the same for me. i felt very guilty initially. I'm always one of the first to head home, rather then staying to work late.

colleagues always look at me with the 'wah, so early go home'.

but the idea is i'd rather sacrifice any perfomace bonus and promotion just to spend that quality time with my girl. I find she's my motivation to work hard and earn enough to take good care of her, but i wont give up time to be with her. so at work i'm 110%, but once i'm at home, i forget about work totally (until after she goes to bed).

some bosses may understand (found some who really do feel the same and can empathise with those with small kids), some may not.
for those who do not, usually they dont have the same type of feeling towards their own family. they may sacrifice their family for their career, and that is something alot of us 'workers' cannot understand. but they derive their satisfaction from career, so thats how they are and we can't fault them for their thinking.

so just have to make do with our choice that family before career! remember, we have done our best within the constraints we face, no need to compare with others and feel guilty anymore!

 

[pipilili]

Although I am now expecting my #1 in my mid 30s, I think work life balance is very important.(now!!)

I missed out too much...I used to be career minded, then suddenly one day when all your friends have children, you start to think what's wrong. My current job requires me to clock 10-12 hrs daily, and I really think I will not want to carry on with this life style after my baby is out. I will probably trsf out to a more "eng" dept. Bonus/pay may not be alot, but at least I get to go home and see my baby and family, which is more impt.

My good friend used to say:" qian shi juan bu wan de." What she say is true..I may miss out 9mths of work(i am taking no pay leave as high risk preg), but at least I have a child. It will be sad to have all the $$$, but no one to share with you.

Last but not least, company will not value you b/c you clock 10-12hrs daily. When retrenchment comes, if you have to go, you have to go! So pls don't sell your life to work, whether you are single or married. You are bound to be at the losing end.:001_302:

 

[l0r3tTa]

my son is now 7months old, and i resigned from my full time job 2 months after going back from maternity leave.
Its very tiring to be out of the house more than 12hrs everyday. And yes, i feel that i don't put in as much effort as i used to partly cos i'm physically tired (when your child don't sleep tru the night), my job is sales..so more sales = more income...so obviously my income has been greatly affected... so after much discussion with my husband, i resigned.

i feel that i do not want to regret this precious time that my son is growing up..and to make full use of it..

and yes, its another transition in life from single - married - motherhood... but we as woman, we are built and wired to multi task and to be a mother..

jia you!! ancing_tongue:

 

[Frenchkitty]

My son is now coming 2yrs old. After working nearly 2yrs since my M-leave, I decided to call it quits. This is because I'm a nurse and I need to work 3 shifts, including weekends n PH. I work a 6-day week n long hours because I don't get off work on time. This means I get only 1 day off in a week!! The too many hours away from my son is agonizing.

I'm under a bond n need to pay the remaining bond monies + 1 mth salary as penalty for throwing immediate notice which = approx $10k.
But to me $$ is not as important as my son & family so I have no regrets.

In fact, I much needed this break in order to close an old chapter n open new ones.
It really depends on what you want in life. But nothing is impossible .

 

[meiteoh]

This reminds me so much of the discussions and letters that have been appearing in newspapers recently.

It's easy for people to say things like "switch to a better job that allows you work-life balance" but if every other mummy in town is looking for such jobs, don't you think the opportunities available would be less? The trouble with us relying on more aid and handouts from the government is that SOME people have a tendency to dump their children and their parental responsibilities onto other people and forget that they are parents. Clearly none of us here are like that.

If you're finding it hard to complete your tasks, this is something that you need to speak to with your line manager. Perhaps you're given too much with unrealistic time frames and schedules to meet. Whatever it is, if you feel that your kids are more important and that your work is undermining that priority, then maybe - just maybe - it's time to explore other options like working from home, part-time or freelance positions and so forth.

For me, my children and family come first. So when I started hunting for a job, I looked for a job AND a company that encourages work-life balance, that allows me to fulfill my responsibilities as a mother and wife - I have never stayed back past 530pm because I just don't need to and my line manager doesn't encourage us to.

For me, the motto has always been "work to live" not "live to work". I don't want to work, work, work like a dog for a place that sees me as someone replaceable - we all are, to be honest - and then wake up one morning to find that I have missed out on a good portion of my children's childhood and experiences. My legacy is in my children not the office. Like someone mentioned, I'm someone they can replace at any time and any cost. It's not the same with my kids.

 

[Mummy to Baby V]

I believe in taking care of my children and educating them personally, especially in the early years, so left my work when son arrived. I used to be a workaholic when without kids. After he settled into a routine, I started working from home. Now that he's more independent, I take up more projects for the challenge.

Thankfully, we've a reliable family helper who does all the cooking, cleaning & washing. This way, I concentrate on son and work when he sleeps.

When he eventually goes to school in future, I'll work more to keep my mind active.

It's really about seeking out choices that fit your situation and priorities. However in Singapore, we don't have a culture of encouraging work-life balance. That's why birth rate is soooo low. All the best to all Mummies!

 

[zazaziya@gmail.com]

No, i cannot cope.
Without my newborn baby, i was already exhausted..after a 9 hr work day, i plunge into teaching the kids right after dinner, and usually i can't finish until 9 pm..only then i unwind.
Now with my new bb, i feel like tearing my hair out, feeding her on one hand, and coaching my kids on the other..
cant imagine what it would be like once my maternity leave is over...
doesn't help with the fact that my son has mild autism and the way he understands things is a bit different from how we would

 

[jammowifey]

i agree with the recent posts, that most companies culture doesnt promote work life balance. but more often than not, its the direct working colleagues that cause us more stress.
in my new office now, of the new recruits like me, i'm the only new mother. so whilst the other recruits are working thru the night to prove their worth, i'm finding it hard to compete with them. it cld be disasterous for me, cos if i fail this probation period, i'll have to pay a hefty price.
its hard for us new mothers to balance between our new responsibilty as a mother, and our responsibility to our job and career.
it'll take colleagues who are parents themselves to understand what its like to balance work and our darling babies!

 

[glam-mummy]

Its hard for mums in this era to balance work and family.

The top management deducted my pay after returning to work 2 weeks saying that I was not committed enough.

I was breast feeding at that time and expressing every 4 hours. My husband rarely helps out.

The thought of being a SAHM came across my mind, but hub was strongly against it.

End of the day, I had to swallow the whole pie of maintaining the house, caring of our son and his well being. I decide to change job.

Its really tough and I'm struggling every single day. I totally have no idea of when all these struggling will go away, all I can hope for is that one day it will pay off.

 

[jammowifey]

Its really tough and I'm struggling every single day. I totally have no idea of when all these struggling will go away, all I can hope for is that one day it will pay off.

HEY!! it's paying off every moment you take care of your child! every smile he shows you, every moment he spends with you, every time he looks at you know he's safe in your arms!
I think that's my biggest motivation! coming home each day to carry my daughter, knowing that i'm struggling to cope with everything for her better future..

 

[shiyi]

to me family is more impt no matter how.
so if im too stress up in my job that results me not having enough time for my kids, i would consider changing job

 

[MizfitMumma]

Hi Stonston, i gues you are one lucky mummy & wife. Life is super miserable for me as I'm the one handling everything.. I go to work, come back, before even resting, have to cook while carrying my son. After dat laundry, a little housekeeping. till almost 11pm, i will entertain my son then only get to sleep & wake up at 6am the next day. Everyday same routine. i dun even have any time to rest, forget about pampering myself... my health have really really deteriorate.. How do you keep up? Any tips? Do you take any supplements or anything as i'm truly..truly shag..

 

[Edwinie]

Hello all!

I'm just wondering, the reason that all of you who are able to choose family over work is because your husbands are the main person in your family to bring home the money and your incomes are just supplementary to his salary?

I think I'm going to be the main person bringing home the salary once I graduate and I don't think I have the option to have a job that allows work-family balance. Guess I'll have to work hard for my salary. My husband is going to start his insurance work and the pay will be low at the beginning. I estimate it to be about 1.5k. As for mine, graduate starting pay is from 2.4k.

I heard horror stories of my accounting friends who have to work till 9pm or 3am and the pay is about 2.4k take home... thankfully i'm not in accounting and i don't want that!

There's some employers who think my generation (1980s onwards) are the strawberry generation who can't take hardship.. Maybe that's because when the work gets tough, many quit. I've heard of accounting graduates quitting their jobs within a year or slightly more than a year because of the working hours.. Honestly, with that pay and working hours, who would want to continue.. If I'm single, I would not mind that. But I'm with a family..

Getting a job after graduation is going to be a headache, with conditions such as not being able to work ot often and less overseas attachments. With no work experience to bring to the table, I hope I'll be able to get a job that enables me to have work-family balance.. Otherwise, I'll just exchange roles with my husband and simply concentrate on work and let my husband do the upbringing of my son!

 

[jammowifey]

in my case, its just the fact that single income is insufficient for us to survive by. not to mention both my and hubby have parents to support (or at least make some partial contribution to). its insane trying to get by one single income, though its not entirely impossible. but reality is more income will definitely ensure that we have enough to get by. plus the fact that my hubby's income isnt fixed, so me working with a fixed salary is an added assurance for him, that we will at least have a sum to get by if anything happens to his income.
apart from that, i've actually been tempted on many occasions to apply for unpaid leave, knowing that at anypoint in time if required i can just continue work. but employers aren't very keen to let new staff go on unpaid leave.... sigh..