Prior to our wedding, my husband and I heard a lot of success stories about friends who managed to conceive by their first month of marriage. So we were certain too that it would happen to us – well, at least I thought it would be. However, many months went by and the continuous frustration was absolutely not fun at all!
Intercourse started to get boring – by the second month of trying! Imagine that! The thrill and excitement of the intimacy was muddled up by all the stress for my dear hubby to “perform”. And when he doesn’t, all hell breaks loose.
Trying to conceive almost turned into a horrifying mission for both of us – until I decided to take a breather and viewed the problem from a different perspective.
Now that I am six months pregnant, I was glad I took action for the sake of both my husband and I.
In the midst of seeing myself from a bird’s eye view, I found these tips to be very useful.
1) Stress
Just because you can’t see it, does not mean that it’s not there. It’s so easy to get stressed – especially in our current modern, fast-paced world. In our pursuit for wealth, career, success and status, stress comes easily. Most of the time, we dont’t even know we are “infected” by this disease until it’s too late. When I was trying to concieve-ing, I found that charting an ovulation calendar did not work for me. Rather than making me surer of my fertile days, it made me extremely stressed. It was because for some reason, I just could not understand how the concept of an ovulation calendar really worked. My husband tried to help by reading up on how to identify signs of fertility but I was just not comfortable with some of the methods that were recommended. So we decided to stop doing all those things as they made us feel worse.
2) Exercise
Personally, the healthiest and easiest stress-buster is exercise. Endorphins are not called “happy hormones” for nothing, dearies. Of course, like everything else, too much of something is never good for one. So do it in moderation.
3) Breathe
Take a deep breath through your nose and out from your mouth. Stress makes us forget to breathe and without sufficient oxygen, we might even hyperventilate. So each time you are in a stressful situation and you realise that you’re holding your breath , breathe, breathe, breathe (of course, not when you are passing by the rubbish truck. Heh).
4) It takes two to tango
Life does not just revolve around you (though sometimes I wish it does.). I t is especially crucial to come to terms with this fact when you are trying to concieve-ing. Yes, we women may be the ones to carry our little bundle of joy for nine whole months. But always, always remember that in order for any woman to get pregnant, it takes action from both the woman AND man. So if you are stressed anout failures after months and months of trying to concieve-ing, know that your husband feels as stressed (or even more) as you are because it takes two hands to clap!
5) Never give up
Each time I felt like giving up, I always remember this saying by Thomas Edison,
“Many of life’s failures are people who did not realize how close they were to success when they gave up”
Liz
Hi Liz,
I am Joleen just joined MummySG.. I think I am facing the same issue as u before you conceive.. My husband n myself have been trying to conceive for nearly 4mths time but still to our disappointment and I am kinda faith..
However, will head your advice and will never give up.. =) Congratulations to you.. =)
Cheers
Joleen
Hi Liz,
I also tried for almost a year already. But then still no good news as yet. My other friends just got pregnant after trying for a year. Just dun give up. Heh!
Cheers
Madeline
Hi Liz..
Thanks for sharing your story. Congratulations on your pregnancy! Hope all is well.
For me, my husband and I have been struggling with primary infertility for more than 2 years now. And, I’m assuming it is an uglier & more depressing journey compared to yours. (Not trying to be sympathetic..)
For me, how I motivate myself to be happy and all positive is to look forward to every ‘ovulation’ period. Why I say ‘ovulation’ cause fact is, we do not necessarily ovulate each month. I am not shy to say I have been practising pre-natal care (not religiously, though) ever since we tied the knot. I think that is a small start too for TTC couples.
Till today, we haven’t stopped praying. And I hope others pray with us too for our own bundle of joy to come around. 🙂
Have seen the fertility specialist, and nothing is wrong with us. We really hope to experience parenthood soon.
Always bear faith in whatever you do and one day your perserverance will paid! 🙂
Hi Liz,
After reading your post…guess it help me too unload some heavy load on myself and my husband…we are so stressed up on the progress of ‘making baby’ every month is a when my period appear on time…my heart goes into depression…
Praying to GOD our hope now….one kind aunty asked us to visit NOVENA CHURCH for 9 countionus Sat to pray… until today we still trying to keep ourselves stress free…
Hope that soon will have good news posted here.
Hi Liz,
congrats on ur pregnancy n thanks for sharing your story…
I’m looking for an avenue to release some stress before I sink into depression.
My hubby n I have been trying for more than 2 years before we went to see a doctor. Turned out that my hubby has low sperm count which the doctor credits to Lifestyle. My hubby smokes (a pack in 2 days) n drinks (every other day), To make matters worse, his job is stressful n demanding n more often than not he will be working till 10-ish n doesn’t sleep until it’s past 1am and wakes up at 7+am. Everyday is the same routine n he gets so tired n stressed sometimes that our sex life is going downhill. Personally i don’t feel like having sex at times too coz it has come to a point where i feel it is pointless… i’m not going to have a baby anyway. In fact I’m starting to resent my hubby n the feeling of resentment is getting stronger. I know it’s not his fault but it’s not my fault either. To rub salt into my wound… his sister-in-law (same age as me) is pregnant with her second child n 2 of my close gf are pregnant too!! Yes I’m happy for them but a part of me hates it too….guess it’s jealousy. Why must those close to me be pregnant but not me??
I often think why can’t my hubby be normal or rather why can’t he have a less stressful job n why can’t he smoke less n drink less…or just quit them all at once?!? But I know he has been trying to cut down and I sometimes feel that he is stressed by the fact that he is the reason why we can’t have a kid. I’m worried that I’ll suffer from depression if this continues…
Anyway, I feel better after sharing my story here coz I’ve not been able to talk to anyone about it at all coz my hubby is a man with a huge ego so if anyone knows that he has low sperm count, he will be very very upset with me.
My hubby has low sperm count too, and the little guys are not moving much too. We are married for 5 years. We went for IVF in April this year, but was not successful. I was quite depressed as well. But I guess it is up to fate, I still have strong hopes and will try again. The doc said if we want baby, that is the only way to go, since hubby’s case were quite serious. Sometimes, we have to be potisive. I have been going to temples and doing some charity and donation, (I am a Buddhist) so whatever faith you are in , it never hurts to help out here and there and pray. Good luck! 😮