Any mummies sooooper possessive of baby & competitive for baby's time??

[WeeFee's_Mummy]

becos i am. FTWM (for now), so bb spends all weekdays w/ MIL. i will still rush home in time to spend abt 1 hr with bb before he sleeps for the night though.

so with such little time with my son, i expect to have him all to myself & my own family on weekends. except that the past few weekends, whenever i bring my bb to the living room to catch a little sun & to play, my MIL will conveniently plonk herself next to us (i'm staying w/ ILs) & start playing with bb too. then of cos naturally my son will auto look @ her & laugh with her etc (becos he spends so much time w/ her mah). it makes me a little annoyed!

one weekend, after bb's second jab he developed a fever, so we were all worried. was trying to feed him but he didn't drink v much (appetite loss). my MIL plonked herself down next to us, conveniently helped herself to his bottle & tried to feed him! i was extremely annoyed becos i was already worrying myself silly abt his fever, & here my MIL comes & barges into the picture.

another weekend, i had brought bb out for a walk becos he refused to sleep that afternoon, so i thought here's a chance to spend some quality time & get some outdoors air too. the minute i stepped home, MIL grabs him from me & says "come here my little prince grandma hasn't seen you at all today!"

it's a lot of these little things that rattle my feathers a bit. i mean, she gets to spend five full days taking care of him. he responds to her, he already knows who she is. so why can't she leave me alone with him on my weekends?

& when she passes blunt remarks like how she misses him so much etc, it makes me think ... hey. you've not seen him for only a few hours - wot about my parents?? they've not seen him for over two weeks!!

i hate being petty like this. but i wish she would just naturally take my cue, & not act offended when i keep my bb all to myself on my weekends. i'm after all his mother ... & when we move out into our own house, would she expect to be seeing him everyday too??



anyone else as petty & possessive as me???!!!!

 

[autumn82]

Haha. U r not alone, dear. Me too. Jus that ur MIL lives w u, so alittle tricky. Prob jus bring ur son out every weekends w/o grandma of coz so ur MIL can get the hint that weekends belongs to u.

I always use some tactics (b4 going over, I told her if she's gonna stay over, then she can pack all her clothes & go live w ahma. Dun come home anymore. Haha.) to make sure my gal comes home w me w/o fussing after visiting MIL during the weekends. Coz when she was younger, she always wanna stay over for the nite.

Now she auto wants to come home when I say lets go. Now I tease her, ask her stay over, she will cry & say dun want. But I created a problem for myself also. If DH & me wanna go partor, we have to leave the kids over at MIL place & DD dun want. So ya. LOL.

 

[January84]

WeeFee's mummy, same case as u. totally understand your feeling...

My MIL even take him to "gai gai" every night from 8-9pm every mon to fri without fail....

she is staying with us during weekdays, i really scare she become PR after my DD born next jan ley...

even change diaper also want to fight with me. . . .

 

[CanCanMum]

oh dear,

seems like stayin with ILs oso not a v perfect combi too...

perhaps u can bring him out...wo mil tagging along?

so u cld njoy more time w bb...

canx stop them being so gan chiong over their grandson...old pple r like tt...or u onli bring bb home while he is sleeping so tt u go excuse like "oh mum, he is asleep le...canx disturb him..."

got yr own house oso beta....got privacy + keep them fr all these possessiveness...

 

[January84]

hahah, she stay near me, (her house near my house), but during weekdays she stay with us loh, then fri go back and sun come back my house again...

other than what also want to fight with me, the rest actually quite okay de la... hahah... like my confinement, she do pretty good for me loh....... and she will cook things i like to eat.

just that, she wants to spend more time with my DH and my DS...

*headache*

 

[WeeFee's_Mummy]

oh dear,

seems like stayin with ILs oso not a v perfect combi too...

perhaps u can bring him out...wo mil tagging along?

so u cld njoy more time w bb...

canx stop them being so gan chiong over their grandson...old pple r like tt...or u onli bring bb home while he is sleeping so tt u go excuse like "oh mum, he is asleep le...canx disturb him..."

got yr own house oso beta....got privacy + keep them fr all these possessiveness...

living with ILs is the worst possible arrangement because when you're in such close vicinity with people sooner or later (usually sooner!) friction will surely arise. both sides not used to each other mah, then got different styles etc

my DH & i are in tricky situation - involves 3rd parties in contractual issues etc etc that's why we're stuck for now. but hoping to resolve this A.S.A.P hopefully by early next year can move out.

of cos old people will always fuss over their grandkids. but ... i mean, at the end of the day they need to understand that no matter what, children & their parents must always come first between each other. i wish my MIL can see that naturally, instead of barging in now & then, & then taking offence when i react the way i do.


yesterday she took MAJOR offence. in the morning she commented "haven't seen him (grandson) for 3 days liao he grow so much!"

then i replied jokingly "aiya 3 days onli!"

& she retorted "abehthen?? want to wait 3 months??"

i was like ... wtf??

last night i came home she was extra b****y to me too. argh.

 

[WeeFee's_Mummy]

even change diaper also want to fight with me. . . .

urgh! sometimes i really wonder who they think they are in relation to their grandchildren's mothers :err:

 

[CanCanMum]

hahaz LOLs...

next time u take photo and mms her lor....then she know everyday he grow how big liaozzz...

good luck for yr new house!

 

[autumn82]

living with ILs is the worst possible arrangement because when you're in such close vicinity with people sooner or later (usually sooner!) friction will surely arise. both sides not used to each other mah, then got different styles etc

my DH & i are in tricky situation - involves 3rd parties in contractual issues etc etc that's why we're stuck for now. but hoping to resolve this A.S.A.P hopefully by early next year can move out.

of cos old people will always fuss over their grandkids. but ... i mean, at the end of the day they need to understand that no matter what, children & their parents must always come first between each other. i wish my MIL can see that naturally, instead of barging in now & then, & then taking offence when i react the way i do.


yesterday she took MAJOR offence. in the morning she commented "haven't seen him (grandson) for 3 days liao he grow so much!"

then i replied jokingly "aiya 3 days onli!"

& she retorted "abehthen?? want to wait 3 months??"

i was like ... wtf??

last night i came home she was extra b****y to me too. argh.

Hope u can get ur new home soon ya?!

U shld have replied her, "3 months would be perfect!! Like that can see bb grow so much bigger!" :tlaugh:

 

[WeeFee's_Mummy]

*takes MMS of DS every two seconds, then cut & paste into Adobe Flash to make into movie*

*mail to MIL*



thx for all ur house-well wishes! :blaugh:

 

[CanCanMum]

good idea...*clap Clap*

then she will get so sick of it will ask u to stop...

good way of making her pissed...

 

[autumn82]

LOL. BeSt.

 

[SH74]

weefee > i dun think u r a possessive mom. actu feel that ur MIL is v possessive. trying to dominate.

 

[WeeFee's_Mummy]

weefee > i dun think u r a possessive mom. actu feel that ur MIL is v possessive. trying to dominate.

hi mrspuppy. well ... she's a very sensitive person. sometimes oversensitive. the type who will brood over something excessively & then think and think until cannot sleep.

yea she's very attached to my son. of cos she loves him - she's his grandson. but i just need her to understand my space with him. which i must admit, i think she gets it now lah. cos the last weekend she didn't intrude & was cool about it etc.

but last monday there was another drama. brought DS to PD. when we arrived home, i was making his milk when she suddenly rushed into the kitchen on the brink of tears demanding i come into the bedroom. so i rushed in.

she die2 insisted that there was a bruise forming on DS head. i oso panicked. but when i inspected closer ... no le! it was just some veins under his skin that was somehow showing extra clearly. gosh!!

i was quite pissed becos, obviously when someone panics about ur child u will naturally oso panic right?? make my heart stop. DH was around too & i think he can sense the tension in the air. i wanted to whine abt it initially but then i thought ... haiyah forget it lah. i guess MILs will be MILs ancing_confused:

 

[SH74]

weefee > ur mil really v sayang ur boy. think grandmas r all like that. sure sayang their grandchildren alot. my mil also like that. my boy makes noise a bit, she quickly carry, walk ard. when my boy throws tantrum, she'll do anything to make him happy. spoil lor. but wat to do?

luckily my boy doesnt bully me that way. if not, i sure angry w mil.

 

[jojoki]

hahah grandmas... my mum too will panic everytime my bb cry... say wanna take see doc.. wanna faint!! then if my bb nt feeling well all extra cranky.. she say high blood pressure liao.. cos woooorrriiii... but my own mother.. so its okay!

but MIL... blek!!! shes a staunch buddhist n i'm a christian... so when i told hub tht i'll be bringing bb to church.. he told me cannot bcos his mum din allow.. i was like.. excuse me she is not her daugther who is she to say she cant???? n she wants to give bb charms.. take to temple bla bla bla.... i was like no way!!! she can do watever she likes with my hub (her son) but not with my bb, i'm the mother not her.

My hub is a divorcee. ... ..she was telling my confinement lady tht how she boiled cordyceps abalone chicken soup fr her ex dil... thn how her granddaughter (from my hubby's 1st marriage) came out soooo strong sooo pretty. my confinement lady so did u boiled fr this dil (me) n she kept quiet for awhile n said she bought abalone fr me.. which is totally a BIG lie.... bcos i was the one who paid for it!!! My whole pregnancy she did not ask about me... or boil anything fr me at all. sumore dare to lie.. n boast!!

thn she even said ... wanna "bo" (give nutrients) , "bo" during pregnancy... after pregnancy no need to "bo". Dat means now bb come out liao can heck care the mother...

dunno wat kind of MIL is she... honestly speaking i REALLY REALLY dislike her!!! to the max... cos she has done many many harm to my marriage... dats another story!!

whn i delivered she also never go hospital.... from i conceived until i delievered she never botheres... suddenly see my bb.. wanna be involve n in charge!! NO WAY man!!

luckily my hubby never dare to go against me as i finance everything fr pregnancy to deliver n now bb also is financed by me. Plus i take care of bb myself.... so he knows that i wont budge, n wont allow my MIL to interfere in anyways...

MIL!!!

 

[stonston]

Jojoki, if u wanna bring baby to church, no one should stop you. my hb dun like to go church so i nvr force, i let my parents bring my son to church every sunday cos sunday morning i need to work also.

 

[lowmel]

hahah grandmas... my mum too will panic everytime my baby cry... say wanna take see doc.. wanna faint!! then if my baby not feeling well all extra cranky.. she say high blood pressure .. cos woooorrriiii... but my own mother.. so its okay!

but mother in law... blek!!! shes a staunch buddhist n i'm a christian... so when i told hub tht i'll be bringing baby to church.. he told me cannot bcos his mum did not allow.. i was like.. excuse me she is not her daugther who is she to say she cant???? n she wants to give baby charms.. take to temple bla bla bla.... i was like no way!!! she can do watever she likes with my hub (her son) but not with my baby, i'm the mother not her.

My hub is a divorcee. ... ..she was telling my confinement lady tht how she boiled cordyceps abalone chicken soup fr her ex daughter in law... thn how her granddaughter (from my hubby's 1st marriage) came out soooo strong sooo pretty. my confinement lady so did you boiled fr this daughter in law (me) n she kept quiet for awhile n said she bought abalone fr me.. which is totally a BIG lie.... bcos i was the one who paid for it!!! My whole pregnancy she did not ask about me... or boil anything fr me at all. sumore dare to lie.. n boast!!

thn she even said ... wanna "bo" (give nutrients) , "bo" during pregnancy... after pregnancy no need to "bo". Dat means now baby come out can heck care the mother...

dont know what kind of mother in law is she... honestly speaking i REALLY REALLY dislike her!!! to the max... cos she has done many many harm to my marriage... that is another story!!

whn i delivered she also never go hospital.... from i conceived until i delievered she never botheres... suddenly see my baby.. wanna be involve n in charge!! NO WAY man!!

luckily my hubby never dare to go against me as i finance everything fr pregnancy to deliver n now baby also is financed by me. Plus i take care of baby myself.... so he knows that i wont budge, n wont allow my mother in law to interfere in anyways...

mother in law!!!

I think if you want to bring your girl to church, by all means go ahead. She's your daughter, you carried her for 10mths and you have full right to do what's best for her.

Since you are doing most things in the family, then ignore your MIL. She has no right and authority to interfere with your family members. She can be around to guide and advice as an elder. The rest is up to you and your hubby. I do everything from taking care of my kid to taking care of the house myself. Im a full time mum too. My mum takes care of my kid.

When I was preg, my ILs will boil soup every week, cook birds' nests, etc. When the baby pops, all else cease. Even say wanna help with confinement, @ the end of the day, she will say dun noe this dun noe that. My parents had to do everything. She says she dun take care of my hubby when he's young, my FIL will do it. However, I see that my FIL does all the opposite of the right things for taking and teaching a child. I wonder about the fact of him taking care of my hubby.

My MIL has the cheek to say when she retires in a few years time, she will 'TAKE MY KID BACK' to take care. By then, he will be older and easier for her. I tell her off straight in the face that 'its unfair to my mum. Since my mum is taking care of my kid now, she will continue to do soon. Period!!'. They do all things to their convenience only. Not considering others. Plain selfish!!

I think women should be independent and if possible to be financially independent too. This way, our hubbies or ILs will not cross the certain boundaries.

 

[RunForrest]

Would you people have preferred it if it's completely opposite ? that your parents do not want to take care of the grandchildren at all ? How I envy you people !

Me and my wife struggled to take time off work to take care of our child when she is sick bcoz she can't go childcare. We have 0 private times to ourselves. No more romance (ok, a few times bcoz we have a few days leave to ourselves), no more sex. We have not been to movies or holidays for years. Is that what you people want ?

Child will grow up and have their own life. Your partner is the one that will walk with you for the rest of your life. So cherish it while u have someone to help you take care of your child.

You gain something, u lose something, that is life. You want the baby all to yourself, then quit your job and be a full time housewife.

No offence I hope. Just my own opinions from my experience, but I do agree that i feel very fortunate and blissful that I spend alot of time with my wife and baby. Though we really really really miss our dating time alot. And that shall come, in another 15 years time. yeah !

 

[Goldiemum]

I completely understand how you are feeling as I am also staying with my PIL. My MIL helps to take care of DS during the day time while I'm working. I also rush home everyday just to spend time with DS. I used to get very upset when I'm home and my PIL still want to take DS for walks or play with him especially when I was washing the dishes after dinner and they will just take him out. This really upsets me and I will get very angry. During weekends, I will feel suffocated if I stay in the house whole day with my MIL around and she still fusses over him. I had a good talk with DH and he understands where I'm coming from. He did subtlely bring the topic up with his parents and I guess they can understand.

We have to understand that them being grandparents will dote on their grandchildren naturally. If they cry, they will want to hold and carry them. If they are bored, they will want to bring them out to play. I thus keep telling myself that I should appreciate my MIL for helping to take care of DS and she did a good job on that no doubt. And if we need time away for our activities or dates, there is someone we can trust and rely on.

I reckon what you can do is to talk to your hubby and see whether he can help convey without hurting anyone's feelings. And if you are on good talking terms with your MIL, pluck the courage and talk to her yourself.

My problem now is PIL has been wanting to let DS sleep with them in their room cos theirs is the masters room and much bigger and our room is smaller and should a 2nd one come along, it will be too cramp. Haiz...headache.