Anyone confinement done by mom or mil?
- Thread starter hpoo
- Start date
cmeilim
Active Member
You should discuss with hubby and come to an agreed Amt with mil before delivery. Need to give in two red pAckets one at the start and one at the end.
Last edited:
temari
Member
i see. we dont know about this.
temari
Member
discussed with husband already, i transf him $200 and ask him to top up the bal see how much he want to give his own mother as i cnt afford to give too much.he say ok. from preg until born he stil dint give her until she ask from us and we got say by relative.i hv to nag him many times until he finally give $600 after bb is alr 1mth.but then his mother return all to him the next day saying $10 can alr,return him the $ ask him to buy milk powder. his mother must be thinking its his son paying.he everytime like that nv tell his parents that i contribute.
cmeilim
Active Member
Pardon me for asking is it necessary to say if it's Hubby or wife's money? Isn't it both Hubby AND wife's shared money? Need to distinguish even for confinement $? Hubby and I just said it's from US, OUR money n indeed it is from our common pool for baby expenses.
My mom did my confinement for me. She took 1 month unpaid leave. I gave he $100 per week for groceries, my dad gave her $200 to buy tonics for me. My gave her $888 ang pow after the confinement. My mom scolded me for giving her so much. But I dont want to short changed her.
Oops...I cancelled my confinement lady becos my MIL is willing to do it for me. But I am not aware that we ought to give her an ang bao at the end leh. I engaged a maid to help her out, so she only needs to cook and bath the baby. Furthermore, she's not working, and my FIL and BIL are also moving in together cos my MIL said it''ll be easier for everybody. Also, I believe my hubby will be buying all the food (confinement or food eaten by my in-laws). However, the thought of my house being so crowded is already putting me a bit off. I hope I don't suffer from baby blues.
nightingale
Member
I guess if you and hubby are already paying for the food etc, the ang bao for MIL can just be a token of appreciation - a nice gesture for good luck for all parties. Probably will not need to be a very substantial amount, I'm sure she won't mind - it's the thought that counts!
My mum is gg to take care of me during my confinement period.. i think my in-law jus dun care abt it ba.. they din even mentioned abt anything towards my confinement.. they jus suggested that my bb's shower to be done at their place...asking some close relative to their for celebration..
I realli got pissed by this comments/suggestions.. "shitty and dirty things" to be done by my mum.. celebrating bb's shower they want to be in charge!!!!!!
What is this!!!!
I realli got pissed by this comments/suggestions.. "shitty and dirty things" to be done by my mum.. celebrating bb's shower they want to be in charge!!!!!!
What is this!!!!
my mom is also doing confinement for me.
Sometimes i wonder if it's better or worse.
Starting, she was very tolerant of me, perhaps she knows i'm in pain when i came back from hospital. so nicer to me. After a while, she starts to show her black face. Same thing like one of you ladies. Complain about this and that of my kitchen. Hello, I don't cook that often, first home of mine, obviously they will be something missing or insufficient right. We are doing confinement now, just make do with whatever is available can? but she will go and buy this buy that.. well.. if it makes her happier so i let her buy all the stuff she thinks is better jus for this one month.
Then it's the baby crying for milk. Think my baby is going tru growth spurt, so she will suckle for a really long time, like 2-3 hours. Then my mom will keep asking me, why still feeding ah? want to bottle feed her or not? just give her formula lah? i am already very stressed up, trying my best to bfeed her, she still want to add to my stress by giving these kind of irritating comments. I will snap back at her. Then she got angry and dont talk to me for days.
Can you tell me how to live with someone who don't talk to me? when i am under alot of stress myself. And very afraid of what's going to happen when she leaves and i have to take care of baby myself. Yet she can still show me black face all day long now. Dont talk to me. Or use a very cordial tone to ask me what i want to eat for lunch. How to not feel depressed???
I keep thinking if it's a confinement lady, I definitely don't have to put up with her black face and unhappiness. Perhaps I wouldn't get the best nutritious food but at least I don't have to feel depressed right? This mental stress is making me go crazy. I just can't stand someone in my house, whom i hope i can talk to when i feel stress with baby, but is just showing me black face, like super unhappy to do my confinement.
Sometimes i wonder if it's better or worse.
Starting, she was very tolerant of me, perhaps she knows i'm in pain when i came back from hospital. so nicer to me. After a while, she starts to show her black face. Same thing like one of you ladies. Complain about this and that of my kitchen. Hello, I don't cook that often, first home of mine, obviously they will be something missing or insufficient right. We are doing confinement now, just make do with whatever is available can? but she will go and buy this buy that.. well.. if it makes her happier so i let her buy all the stuff she thinks is better jus for this one month.
Then it's the baby crying for milk. Think my baby is going tru growth spurt, so she will suckle for a really long time, like 2-3 hours. Then my mom will keep asking me, why still feeding ah? want to bottle feed her or not? just give her formula lah? i am already very stressed up, trying my best to bfeed her, she still want to add to my stress by giving these kind of irritating comments. I will snap back at her. Then she got angry and dont talk to me for days.
Can you tell me how to live with someone who don't talk to me? when i am under alot of stress myself. And very afraid of what's going to happen when she leaves and i have to take care of baby myself. Yet she can still show me black face all day long now. Dont talk to me. Or use a very cordial tone to ask me what i want to eat for lunch. How to not feel depressed???
I keep thinking if it's a confinement lady, I definitely don't have to put up with her black face and unhappiness. Perhaps I wouldn't get the best nutritious food but at least I don't have to feel depressed right? This mental stress is making me go crazy. I just can't stand someone in my house, whom i hope i can talk to when i feel stress with baby, but is just showing me black face, like super unhappy to do my confinement.
cmeilim
Active Member
i heard from some friends who used CL that some CLs can also be very domineering and manipulative, esp if their clients are first-time mummies with no experience. i even heard of a CL who scolded my friend's wife during her confinement! so CLs may not necessary be a better option, if this is of any consolation to you. I had my first confinement done by my mom and got very depressed too, perhaps partly due to post-natal blues (post-pregnancy hormones going haywire) coupled by what i felt was lack of encouragement towards my breastfeeding efforts. in the end, i shortened my confinement period. i wasn't really afraid of having to take care of my newborn myself then, although i was also a first-time mummy at that time. Instead I felt that if I had a more positive frame of mind, I could actually learn the ropes faster and be in a better state to take care of both myself and my newborn without breaking down into tears every so often. I guess I also felt confident because I had the strong support of my husband, who is a very hands-on husband and daddy.
i am not suggesting that you shorten your confinement or 'fire' your mum. after all, she is not just any CL, but family. as a start, you could perhaps try telling her how you are feeling, and ask for her support and encouragement. if the situation improves, your stress will be relieved and you won't have to worry about offending your mum more. however, if the situation doesn't improve, the best person to make the assessment of the situation you are going through and make a judgement call as to what is the next best course of action is yourself. do what you think is best for you and your baby. And don't be afraid of taking care of your baby yourself, if you really have to. Parents, even non-first-timers, make mistakes all the time. It's a never-ending learning journey.
Stay strong!!! =D
thanks cmeilim.. you made me feel abit better.. that i'm not alone..
think i too have some post natal blues, and i have to admit, i do have temper and also did tantrum at her at times.. and think towards 3rd week she had enough so showed me black face... and this made me feel worse cos i start to feel depressed due to lack of milk and fussy baby.
i hope i can be stronger, and more independent. But just the thought of home alone with the baby, makes me feel very lonely and overwhelmed. and that leads me to think i need my mom.. so helpless... sigh
think i too have some post natal blues, and i have to admit, i do have temper and also did tantrum at her at times.. and think towards 3rd week she had enough so showed me black face... and this made me feel worse cos i start to feel depressed due to lack of milk and fussy baby.
i hope i can be stronger, and more independent. But just the thought of home alone with the baby, makes me feel very lonely and overwhelmed. and that leads me to think i need my mom.. so helpless... sigh
pipilili
Member
If possible, better to employ a CL from outside.
1) Mum/MIL may not know exactly what to cook for you, maybe thru hear-say
2) Since you're close to them, sometimes we are less tolerant and may flare up.
3) You cannot fire your mum/mil.
4) You cannot tell them off if you think they are not correct.
5) It's confinement, we are supposed to be at our relaxed state, not irritated state. We need to be calm and let the experts do the job for us for that 1 mth.
ancing_tongue:ancing_wub:
1) Mum/MIL may not know exactly what to cook for you, maybe thru hear-say
2) Since you're close to them, sometimes we are less tolerant and may flare up.
3) You cannot fire your mum/mil.
4) You cannot tell them off if you think they are not correct.
5) It's confinement, we are supposed to be at our relaxed state, not irritated state. We need to be calm and let the experts do the job for us for that 1 mth.
ancing_tongue:ancing_wub:my mom and my in law did confinement for me.
i dont mind she buy lots of things to fill up my kitchen. i seldom or rarely cook also.
cause what i need is to have her by my side.
i will uncomfortable if i were with my in law or confinement lady cause they are stranger.
but a mother is different, she will know what you need.
for feeding on the breast for until 2 or 3 hour is not recommended.
baby will get used to your nipple and in future very hard for your baby to let go of your nipple.
and some babies would not want to feed on bottle teat because of different texture and feeling...
If possible, better to employ a CL from outside.
1) Mum/MIL may not know exactly what to cook for you, maybe thru hear-say
2) Since you're close to them, sometimes we are less tolerant and may flare up.
3) You cannot fire your mum/mil.
4) You cannot tell them off if you think they are not correct.
5) It's confinement, we are supposed to be at our relaxed state, not irritated state. We need to be calm and let the experts do the job for us for that 1 mth.
you mean if you employ CL, you can fire them anytime and find another CL?
mother or MIL can be very tolerant to their own daughter..
Maybe i'm lucky enough to have both my mother and MIL to do confinement for me.
they know what to do..
just that my thinking and my MIL sometimes conflict...
as in the way to take care of baby...
anyway, at the end of the day, everything is still going smoothly..
Dragontail
Active Member
Discussed with my MIL last night as me and my hubby were wondering if we should start looking for a CL for my EDD in Jan13.
It's concluded that she will take a week off from work once I'm back home from delivery. For the rest of the month, my relative (staying in the same block) will take over. I'm staying with my inlaws in the first place. So I think it's all convenient for everyone
It's concluded that she will take a week off from work once I'm back home from delivery. For the rest of the month, my relative (staying in the same block) will take over. I'm staying with my inlaws in the first place. So I think it's all convenient for everyone
i'm staying w my in laws but i will be doing confinement at my parents' place and my mum will be taking care of me as i still love her cooking best!!! she's taking unpaid leave for a mth so i'm intending to pay her $1500 (double of her monthly income as a cleaner)... i was thinking to just give her cash, i didn't know about ang pow... so should give the money in ang pow huh?
Dragontail
Active Member
There's something magical about that little chinese red envelope. Somehow I feel there's a whole lot of difference presenting cash as bare, comparing to slotting them in angpao. This is more so especially with family members. In angpao, it feels less "official". And more like you're also showing some appreciation....
That's just how I feel. Whichever way you and your mummy are comfortable
That's just how I feel. Whichever way you and your mummy are comfortable
my mil did my confinement for me and i really hate it... cuz she has her old thinking way of taking care of babies and they always said, i took care of yr husband and he also grow up till now. -_-, as well as not breastfeeding friendly. always think breastmilk is not enough etc... and she always ask her friends on what to cook for me and always 3 types of dishes throughout my confinement... and my husband still say i don eat confinement dishes! in the 1st place, his mom never cook lots of varity to begin with lor. Anyway, i feel that CL will knows what to cook, take care of babies. bad thing with CL are, they will always wanted to feed formula for their easy and they have to stay in yr hse.
maybe if i have my 2nd child, i will cater confinement food. i have been taking care of my son ever since he was born so i think i can also handle my 2nd child alone.
maybe if i have my 2nd child, i will cater confinement food. i have been taking care of my son ever since he was born so i think i can also handle my 2nd child alone.