Are you ashame that u are a single mother?

[matka]

I'm not a single mum, but I feel that there's nothing to be ashamed about being a single parent. It's more admirable that despite the challenges you face in life, you choose to take on the route to bring up your children and give them the love they deserve.

At least you're doing the right thing.

Narrowminded people who think that it sets a "bad example" ought to be ashamed of themselves for not looking at the bigger picture.

 

[Ting]

I admire Ting.Read lots of her post.Thumbs up to her! Cheers.
All the best to everyone here.

thanks, but i guess we all learn thru our experiences.
i'm still learning to be a better mum myself.

 

[Ting]

hi nice to meet you all! i too am a single mum.

to be honest, i am kind of ashame of being a single mum. i lie to my friends and relatives that my "husband" is always overseas hence they dont see him at gatherings. because of this, i hardly go out anymore as they dont understand me at all, they will keep on asking me to show them my husband photo and ask tons of qns about him.

I used to have a very good friend, known her for 8yrs, when she knew i was pregnant and unmarried, she asked me why am i so stupid and adviced me to go for an abortion. since then, i never tell anyone that i am a single mum. Luckily at my previous work place my bosses take it that i am married and did not ask for any document proof, they even gave me childcare leave as well.

I am sad that i have to lie but i do not want people to tell my child that he is so poor thing, not having a father...

btw, do you all still keep in contact with the child's father?

i understand how u feel, in my old ofc, my ex colleagues know im single, but they nvr comment much too. in my current new ofc, i just say im married n tt my hubby(my bf) is in aust studying now.
didnt want them to probe me further on why n what happen, thus just say this. n im only on a six month contract here, no point letting ppl know so much also.
if u want, just tell them, u've divorced? no harm also. n tell them, u dun wish to talk abt it since it alr passed. in this way, they wont probe much alr, n u can enjoy your outings with them.
as frens, i dun think status is so impt. single or married cant go out n hv fun tgt??

 

[little_rabbit]

yup. i do not want people to ask me so many qns lah... so troublesome to explain. most pple will ask why are u single mum, why not married, your son how in the future, blah blah, blah etc... so that's why i just say husband aboard. tks for understanding me ting.

Me too trying hard to be a good mummy to my son. He is two years old now. really hyper active, yesterday he took my bust cream and smear it all over his face :O dont know whether to cry or laugh... I am staying at home to look after him since i resigned.

now looking for a job... job market really bad, send out so many resumes but still no reply...

 

[Ting]

yah, pin now 2.5 years old. also very active n rebellious.
what kind of job u looking for?
maybe u can try agencies instead???

 

[little_rabbit]

ur daughter looks jus like u in the photo!

am looking for marketing job.. going to agency tmr... wish me luck

what abt u? what are u working as?

 

[Ting]

haha, thanks! but my mum say as she grow older, she looks less like me. >.<"

anyway,good luck & all the best!
im currently working as a receptionist.
hope to further my studies soon, then can look for a better job.

 

[little_rabbit]

really? dont look like u? my boy looks exactly like his father, that man quite good looking. nevermind that, as long as child is happy & healthy.

u will be studying soon? that's great! ya.. singapore job market is really competitive.. need to constantly "upgrade" ourselves. what subject u be studying?

 

[little_rabbit]

there's nothing to be ashame about. you yourself cannot accept and look down on yrself. how you expect others to accept and 'look up' to you?
like i always say. im proud to be a single mummy. cause though i made mistake, at least i dare to face it and take responsibility .
my whole office know im a single mummy. and im only 21. kinda crazy crazy play play pattern. tattoos here and there. was still smoking during when i was pregnant. imagine what they think of me? also like that. but they also never like look down on me or what. instead they helped me alot giving me info about pregnancy, looking after baby etc.
i know i brought shame to my family. my parents. but will lying and running away from problems help? i can lie to relatives my husband where and how. but for how long? paper cannot wrap fire. if they find out i lied, then wont it be worst? i made the decision to be a single mummy myself. so. face it . work hard. prove to others, i can do even better being single..

u are really a very brave girl! me too trying my best to be a good mummy too.. let's work hard for our child!

 

[Ting]

really? dont look like you? my boy looks exactly like his father, that man quite good looking. nevermind that, as long as child is happy & healthy.

you will be studying soon? that's great! ya.. singapore job market is really competitive.. need to constantly "upgrade" ourselves. what subject you be studying?

prob cont'd on my biz admin/management.
yeah, sg too much competition, no choice, need to work hard for the lil one.

 

[mummy85]

there's nothing to be ashame about. you yourself cannot accept and look down on yrself. how you expect others to accept and 'look up' to you?
like i always say. im proud to be a single mummy. cause though i made mistake, at least i dare to face it and take responsibility .
my whole office know im a single mummy. and im only 21. kinda crazy crazy play play pattern. tattoos here and there. was still smoking during when i was pregnant. imagine what they think of me? also like that. but they also never like look down on me or what. instead they helped me alot giving me info about pregnancy, looking after baby etc.
i know i brought shame to my family. my parents. but will lying and running away from problems help? i can lie to relatives my husband where and how. but for how long? paper cannot wrap fire. if they find out i lied, then wont it be worst? i made the decision to be a single mummy myself. so. face it . work hard. prove to others, i can do even better being single..

yup same here .. my ex force 2 go for abortion .. but i dun 1 2 .. its a life dat both of us has created and he decided to quit .. i decided to take up the challenge and being a mum even thou my mindset and mentality isn't ready .. its tough financially since i dun have saving in the first place and worst , i don't like to work ! with the challenge i've chosen, it forces me to work hard to put food on the table for my son and money for his education .. nw i realise i dun need man in my life .. i believe nw dat i can be financially stable even without a husband ..

 

[stupidyeye]

hi nice to meet you all! i too am a single mum.

to be honest, i am kind of ashame of being a single mum. i lie to my friends and relatives that my "husband" is always overseas hence they dont see him at gatherings. because of this, i hardly go out anymore as they dont understand me at all, they will keep on asking me to show them my husband photo and ask tons of qns about him.

I used to have a very good friend, known her for 8yrs, when she knew i was pregnant and unmarried, she asked me why am i so stupid and adviced me to go for an abortion. since then, i never tell anyone that i am a single mum. Luckily at my previous work place my bosses take it that i am married and did not ask for any document proof, they even gave me childcare leave as well.

I am sad that i have to lie but i do not want people to tell my child that he is so poor thing, not having a father...

btw, do you all still keep in contact with the child's father?

There is nthin to be afraid yar!!!!jiayou!!!!me also single mum too...hehe i oni 18 dis yr...everyone surround me know that i'm nt married to bb daddy..at first yes..alot of question to ans...bt i will jz say...no la...nthing lo...lik dat lo...wad to do....and well...i'm nt afraid ppl sayin me behind thru...coz i'm ready to welcome my lill boy to e world...and i dn think there is a nd for me to explain to those people there.....dis is my rd..i chose so...so no one can say abt me.....coz they are nt e one gg thru....

 

[MizfitMumma]

hi nice to meet you all! i too am a single mum.

to be honest, i am kind of ashame of being a single mum. i lie to my friends and relatives that my "husband" is always overseas hence they dont see him at gatherings. because of this, i hardly go out anymore as they dont understand me at all, they will keep on asking me to show them my husband photo and ask tons of qns about him.

I used to have a very good friend, known her for 8yrs, when she knew i was pregnant and unmarried, she asked me why am i so stupid and adviced me to go for an abortion. since then, i never tell anyone that i am a single mum. Luckily at my previous work place my bosses take it that i am married and did not ask for any document proof, they even gave me childcare leave as well.

I am sad that i have to lie but i do not want people to tell my child that he is so poor thing, not having a father...

btw, do you all still keep in contact with the child's father?

Please dont be ashamed dat you're a single mum. you shud be proud dat you're takin responsibilies for your mistake. As for me, I was single wen havin my son, quickly got married to the father & my son wuz born 4mths after dat. Relatives ask & neighbours were sooo kaypoh.. At office, worst!! They talk bout me like I'm transparent!!! I dont care!! One fine day, guess I'm crancy @ dat time, I slammed them one by one. Tell them straight in their faces!! They can say or think watever they want as long as I take responsibilities of wat i've done. After dat, they are alrite to me. Nobody will help us when we are in need so why shud they bother now when we are single mum. We disturb nobody & we mind our business. So others shud mind theirs too. Btw I'm against abortion. The child is innocent. why must we punish him/her for the mistake dat we ourselves did.

 

[MizfitMumma]

There is nthin to be afraid yar!!!!jiayou!!!!me also single mum too...hehe i oni 18 this your...everyone surround me know that i'm not married to baby daddy..at first yes..alot of question to ans...bt i will jz say...no ...nthing ...lik dat ...what to do....and well...i'm not afraid ppl sayin me behind thru...coz i'm ready to welcome my lill boy to e world...and i do not think there is a need for me to explain to those people there.....this is my rd..i chose so...so no one can say about me.....coz they are not e one gg thru....

Absolutely Correct!! You go gurl!!

 

[MizfitMumma]

I'm not a single mum, but I feel that there's nothing to be ashamed about being a single parent. It's more admirable that despite the challenges you face in life, you choose to take on the route to bring up your children and give them the love they deserve.

At least you're doing the right thing.

Narrowminded people who think that it sets a "bad example" ought to be ashamed of themselves for not looking at the bigger picture.

Hi Matka, I agree wif you. I got a fren who discovered dat she's 6 weeks preg y'day & she quickly decided to abort the baby as she dun noe who the baby's father (her mistake. free sex life) I advice her not to abort the baby & face her mistake. Juz keep the baby. It's somebody's life dat in stake!! Imagine if you wanna live & someone juz pops outa nowhere & decided to kill you.. How wud she feels! My fren, no brain! She's terminating her pregnancy dis cumin Mon... I feel sad for the baby..

 

[SunShine07]

Hi Matka, I agree with you. I got a friend who discovered dat she's 6 weeks preg why'day & she quickly decided to abort the baby as she dont know who the baby's father (her mistake. free sex life) I advice her not to abort the baby & face her mistake. just keep the baby. It's somebody's life dat in stake!! Imagine if you wanna live & someone just pops outa nowhere & decided to kill you.. How wud she feels! My friend, no brain! She's terminating her pregnancy this cumin Mon... I feel sad for the baby..

your friend might not be totally wrong if she thinks that she can't afford to bring the child up especially if she doesn't know who is the father.

If she bring up the child, end up the child will suffer....knowing it is cruel, but bring the child to this world without a proper family life can lead the child to feeling insecure or more....

i dun encourage abortion too....but if she thinks she can't bring up her child proper way, then there is nothing we can do also....it is tough

 

[Ting]

agree with liang jia.
its not your friend is brainless, its just she KNOWS she cant handle it.
she made a mistake and in a way, she is making up for her mistake too.
not everyone has the ability and courage to bring up a kid themselves, and what if her parents are not supportive?
you tell her to just keep the baby, are you gg to help her raise the kid? no right?
like you mention in your previous posts, its her own life, she chose this road, she never bother anybody, so why you wanna scold her cos of that?
be it keeping the child or gg thru abortion, it takes great courage and its a big decision.
let her take it as a lesson learnt and not repeat the same mistake once again.

same as liang jia, im not encouraging abortion, but bcos im gg thru this single mum thingy, i KNOW exactly how it feels like gg thru the whole pregnancy and bringing up of the child w/o the help n support of the child's father.
even tt time i was stil with my ex, but its as if he wasnt there at all.
what's worse for your fren is, she doesnt even know WHO the father is, how does she feel then? if her parents n frens find out, wont it be more depressing for her if ppl talk behind her?
we all know how nasty some ppl can go, we can say, ignore other ppl, dun bother abt what they say, but deep in our hearts, we know we dun feel good abt it, we know we r affected by it, if we r not, then why do we go n "scold" ppl when they talk abt us n our child?


JMHO.

 

[SunShine07]

hmmm...actually if i am your friend, i will also go abortion...seriously....i also dont want my child to be called 'bastard'....sigh it is really heart pain

i think ur friend need to go thru abortion also very sad~~~

 

[JoyBliss]

Agree with Tinga and LiangJia, i can imagine the dilemma... it is a mistake of the adult, and the baby has to pay for it through no fault of his own. So instead of letting him suffer, might as well end it now. End of story, no worry for the financial/ social pressure etc...

Well, though i do not agree with the abortion, but ultimately, it is the mother who will brave through all these challenges with the baby. If she feels she can't do it, then perhaps it is less hurting to the baby. Though the loss of a little life may haunt her for the rest of her life... If this is the decision she has made, then she will have to live with it... I suppose she will need all the care, support and encouragement during this period...

There is price we have to pay for every action we take. And I hope this friend will find the peace within to face the scar in her future path. There is no right or wrong decision, only which decision will be the best of the baby. And she has made her decision. And as her friend, I reckon all you can do now is to standby her during her darkest moments without any judgement? Meantime, it is to assist her to make the best informed decision possible. There is financial assistance for single mother, supportive counselling team, etc etc... Though the road of a single mother is not easy, but all the more the fulfilment when you see your precious baby grow up happy and strong everyday. This is the ultimate reward

I wish your friend all the best in making the best decision she can ever made. Afterall, it is irreversible. There is still time to change her mind until the coming monday! I'll keep her in my prayer.

 

[teresa]

what for to be ashame???is not our fault and want to be a single mum...we got no choice???or maybe say dat at least we are more responsible then those IDIOT???everyone make mistakes...we are human being too..wemake mistakes too...bt at least wwe dare to face our mistakes and we are responsible to our mistake....is not dat we dont't want marry..bt is dat those bastard dont't want to have commitment...so what can we do???so what even force to be together???end up divorce also e same...isn't it???must well face e prob now...better then in future hurt e innocent kids more....
ashame or not is just a matter of FACE...but to me..face is something dat cnt eat.....and i do not want end up regretting....people always say...dont't scared of making a mistake...but worry of making yourself regret.....so...i do not want maself to regret...so i can only take and accept this mistake....

I totally agree with you. what is there to be shame?? at least we are willing to take up the responsible. Better than some IDIOT after married and have children but dont wamt to take care of them!!!