Dealing with In Laws

[tandiona]

Hi,

I'm a mum to a 2-week old baby boy, and my mother in law is living with me for the time being. There have been a lot of conflicts in terms of parenting. For example my husband and I don't want the baby to be rocked to sleep (i.e. carrying is okay, but not rocking), and we don't want to give the baby water as he has all the nutrients he needs from breastmilk and formula. Yet MIL still insists on feeding water, and kicks up a big fuss whenever we tell her not to. Any suggestions on how to tactfully "deal" with her?

 

[ezenne]

I think u should educate her that bb on BM actually dun need to drink water as 85% of BM is water. Talk to her nicely. but if she insist to let the bb hv water, then just give in lor cos this is how we r been brought up too.

 

[LoVeS]

I think u should educate her that bb on BM actually dun need to drink water as 85% of BM is water. Talk to her nicely. but if she insist to let the bb hv water, then just give in lor cos this is how we r been brought up too.

Ya i agreed it doesnt matter by giving in to her in terms of bb having water coz it nt as if harming the bb so why nt? I dun see the need of clash on wif MIL in terms of giving water as long as dun harm my bb then it ok UNLESS it is things tat will cause bad habit or even harmful for my bb IF NT juz give in lor. IN laws issues r nv ending but rather give n take ESPECIALLY no matter wat she is ur DH's mom n aso a elder of urs.

 

[myangela]

Ya i agreed it doesnt matter by giving in to her in terms of bb having water coz it nt as if harming the bb so why nt? I dun see the need of clash on wif MIL in terms of giving water as long as dun harm my bb then it ok UNLESS it is things tat will cause bad habit or even harmful for my bb IF NT juz give in lor. IN laws issues r nv ending but rather give n take ESPECIALLY no matter wat she is ur DH's mom n aso a elder of urs.

Yap! totally agreed wz LoVeS.... giving water to bb is ok....

ancing_tongue:

 

[xue]

Hi,

I'm a mum to a 2-week old baby boy, and my mother in law is living with me for the time being. There have been a lot of conflicts in terms of parenting. For example my husband and I don't want the baby to be rocked to sleep (i.e. carrying is okay, but not rocking), and we don't want to give the baby water as he has all the nutrients he needs from breastmilk and formula. Yet MIL still insists on feeding water, and kicks up a big fuss whenever we tell her not to. Any suggestions on how to tactfully "deal" with her?

i had the same prob wif u..when i was doin confinement at my IL's place..
coz my pd told mi not to gif water..but my mil juz keep insistin..so my dh n mi gave in to her..but we oni gif my ds 1-2 drops..den i sae enough already..but actualli is gd to gif ur ds water if not next time he would not accept water...when my ds turn 1mth old..i gave him formula, i start givin him water already..actualli its ok to gif water la...

 

[sunesis_82]

Yup yup... i think giving water is ok too! Especially you are also giving formula together with breastmilk. Formula is harder to digest than BM, so giving water is no harm.

Yours is in law! For me, even my own mother insists on giving baby water when she is on total BM. I had a hard time arguing with her during confinement. Now i give up, then she ownself read up and find out that its ok not to give water when baby is on BM. However, she still let my baby drinks water. Moderately is ok i guess cos i also scare next time she will reject water if she is not use to it. My baby is going to be 3mths, she is on total BM and drinks water too!

 

[mspiglet]

Hi all,

I thk mine is e worst. my mil scold my dd bad words when she refuse to drink her milk milk. And she did beat her too. I was saying why u beat her, she so young and noe nothing wah.. then she reply, 'no, i just pat her nt beat her!' then walk away.
sometimes I just cant hold my tear when thk of leaving my dd @ hm with my mil alone.
seriously thking quit my job and look aft my bb myself.

 

[Pink daisy]

I always think that it is best to live on your own. In laws tend to have those traits that we're really dreaded for (including mine).
My op is it is still much better to stay on your own (even renting hse), have your own issues to settle and sort own affairs, rather than having 'tired' out mentally (or worst, suffering mental abuse) by in laws.
Well, this is just a piece of my mind though
Perhaps a visit or two during a weekend to spice up the rel'ship ancing_tongue:

mspiglet: i do feel for your dilemma, perhaps you might want to try for childcare?

 

[Working mummySG]

hi tandiona,

Have ur problem solved?

For me my MIL came to look after me during confinement mth & she will tells me all her old tales on hw she take care her SONS, as to wat i understand in the old days, milk powder arent that well manufacture as of todate so we tend to constipate alot so that time they were encourage to give bb more water, nw nt the same, we tried to explain, of course old ppl lah dun listen 1. but recently she changed her mindset as news did inform us that too much water is bad for bb below 6mths... ...that time she did force my gal to drink water, i juz keep quiet till 1 nite my hubby get so flare up n say mil dun force bb lah, let her hv abit will do, force too much wait she dun like water, hw?

Luckily we dun stay together & my gal is under my mum care and we just go back every sat or sun to spice up our relationship(hope so)


my experience teach me juz keep quiet & dun talk back, sound out only if is really serious. if nt let the son do the talking.

 

[Lavender]

Smart lady. Thanks for sharing.

 

[tanlengleng]

Hi all,

I thk mine is e worst. my mil scold my dd bad words when she refuse to drink her milk milk. And she did beat her too. I was saying why u beat her, she so young and noe nothing wah.. then she reply, 'no, i just pat her nt beat her!' then walk away.
sometimes I just cant hold my tear when thk of leaving my dd @ hm with my mil alone.
seriously thking quit my job and look aft my bb myself.

Is she out of her mind???:bbconfused:

 

[lonerjas]

hah... actually hor BB less than 3mths is best best don drink water..

The reason behind is water ( even s'pore water ) cos there chemicals in it. I 'm sure you all shld know the chemicals used to filter the water. That's why is best to boil water before drinking. Unless you give BB distilled water or filtered water otherwise is best not too.. I know some FM out there is very heaty for BB, make the milk more diluted.. Hang on till after 3mths, cos their body is not 100% able to filter out the chemicals or plain water....

 

[lonerjas]

Is she out of her mind???:bbconfused:

Ask her don be a MONSTER-in-law...

 

[SH74]

try to talk to ur hubby. he's the best person to deal w this.

 

[woo22]

sumtimes hv to grin n bear wiz it lor..
mil will take care of bb when i go bak to work next mth! was tinking of getting a maid and them to watch over maid n bb, they dun wan. she went behind my back and asked some relative if wan to care for bb..argh..
knowing dat i avoid using sarong and pacifier..she said without these she cannot do it..so i let her do it over at her place..not at my place..but she secretly used pacifier when at my place! but i refuse to set up the sarong cradle - so no choice lor..
she insist on putting bb to zzz at my place..carry and rock her.. then kept saying cannot do it without cradle..ARGH...

 

[Pwiincess]

hi tandiona,

Have ur problem solved?

For me my MIL came to look after me during confinement mth & she will tells me all her old tales on hw she take care her SONS, as to wat i understand in the old days, milk powder arent that well manufacture as of todate so we tend to constipate alot so that time they were encourage to give bb more water, nw nt the same, we tried to explain, of course old ppl lah dun listen 1. but recently she changed her mindset as news did inform us that too much water is bad for bb below 6mths... ...that time she did force my gal to drink water, i juz keep quiet till 1 nite my hubby get so flare up n say mil dun force bb lah, let her hv abit will do, force too much wait she dun like water, hw?

Luckily we dun stay together & my gal is under my mum care and we just go back every sat or sun to spice up our relationship(hope so)


my experience teach me juz keep quiet & dun talk back, sound out only if is really serious. if nt let the son do the talking.

Hi, I would say not all SONS speak up. I'm sure many would agree with me. =)

 

[lonerjas]

Hi, I would say not all SONS speak up. I'm sure many would agree with me. =)

Yea total agree, most son don speak up cos is their parents. Well complaining or telling DH is not a very gd idea as not all DH understands and can handle the situation well.. They are like hamburgered between us and their parents.

The more we put him in tied spot the more risk there are to relationship problem..

Just listen and forget, speak up only when really is serious problem.

 

[cherishbebe]

my girl is on partial bm amd fm.. I did not give water too, though my mil said must good, but i insist no water! cut the news article for her to read

 

[vonn81]

Hi, actually most elderly are the same...they will say muz drink water if not bb will reject lah, too heaty lah blah blah...

initially i did give few drops then after that my gynae n general doc even the news said that bb before 6 mths do not need any water cos we are using water to mix the milk and breast milk also contains water. since my dd is on total breastfeed i stop giving water to her.

For my mum i can tell her straight forward that i'm not giving but mil cant be to straight forward. so when my dd is seeing a bb doc at KKH i bring her along and i purposely ask the the doc whether bb n water. I just want to prove that what i say is true not that i'm disobeying her. Luckily my mil is still understanding enough she wont force me to do anything lah.but once in awhile what mil suggested have to say ok lah so that she wont feel that she whatever she said i dont listen, afterall she also brought up my dh mah...hehe

 

[WeeFee's_Mummy]

i read all ur posts with interest, & i salute those of you who choose to "grin & bear it" whether with ILs or your own parents (read= MOTHER).

i'm very lucky to have a very understanding MIL. i stay with ILs so she's helping take care of my bb. she respects my methods & decisions. my mother is a different story however.

whatever it is, it is important for parents to remember that at the end of the day, it is about YOUR child. YOU and YOU alone are responsible for their health, upbringing & the values you impart.

if you disagree with certain methods or schools of thoughts, SPEAK UP. you have every reason to. yes, try to make them understand. but at the end of the day if your choices & decisions are still not respected, then you really should put a fullstop.

if it means pulling the child out from the environment, then by all means. remember that every single action & word placed on the child may create a lasting impression. becos everyone is defined by their upbringing.

when it comes to our children, it would be an injustice to do that "Asian thing" of keeping quiet & "hoping for the best".