Does your hubby let U take control on his finance & how far he letting U Control ?

[Kelly80]

Re: Does your hubby let U take control on his finance & how far he letting U Control

Halo, I am new here and I very interested about this topic. I am married and had 2 sons. So far my husband did not give me a single cents. All the household paid by me except children education. Even hire a maid, I also need fork out own money. Whenever I ask her buy something for children education material or attend extra class. My husband always give reason , they still young n no need learn so many. My sons age 3 n 4. I explain to him how good the learning, because myself did not know chinese and my husband know Chinese. Always the end conversation is " if I want let them learn, I need fork out my money to pay" . I am part time work n he is manager level. His salary higher then me much more. Now I start ask for monthly maintenance 500 per mth, but he will agree to pay when he in good mood. If he in bad mood, he will scold me li " why take so much money? Always know how to eat n luckily he did not give" . Till now, I have not received a cents from him. I wanted to vent my heart word into this forum.

 

[noelsmum]

Re: Does your hubby let U take control on his finance & how far he letting U Control

kelly80, did you and your husband discussed about finances before getting married?

I'm honestly surprised that most couples do not take about finances before getting married and I wonder how many have gone through pre-marital counselling. To me, discussing about finances and going for pre-marital counselling are 2 very important things before getting married. These allow you to have a better understanding of your spouse before being married.

 

[sweetflame]

Re: Does your hubby let U take control on his finance & how far he letting U Control

Yes he does.
Actually, Im the one withdrawing his salary.:001_302:
He just want me to take care of the budget.

 

[Kelly80]

Re: Does your hubby let U take control on his finance & how far he letting U Control

kelly80, did you and your husband discussed about finances before getting married?

I'm honestly surprised that most couples do not take about finances before getting married and I wonder how many have gone through pre-marital counselling. To me, discussing about finances and going for pre-marital counselling are 2 very important things before getting married. These allow you to have a better understanding of your spouse before being married.

We never go for finances couselling. I though should not have any problem if we want stay together and i did not mind about the money. I also advice my friends and my sister to check their finance and talk about it before married. However, most of them said did not mind. Maybe this is the power of love

 

[Dilys]

Re: Does your hubby let U take control on his finance & how far he letting U Control

We never go for finances couselling. I though should not have any problem if we want stay together and i did not mind about the money. I also advice my friends and my sister to check their finance and talk about it before married. However, most of them said did not mind. Maybe this is the power of love

Hi kelly80,

Your hubby never give u then ask for it .... well I don't believe in finance or marriage counselling .. Those who went tru those counselling haha surprisingly end up also having problems.

U should talk to your hubby.. Tell him how you feel and ask him what's actually on his mind. Communication is very important. We , ladies need to protect yourself. Some men are just not sensitive to the women"s needs. maybe u never fight for it .. Then your hubby thinks that you don't mind so he don't bother.

Try talking to your hubby !

 

[mayberry]

Re: Does your hubby let U take control on his finance & how far he letting U Control

Well I do not control my hubby's finance as I kw he is not spendthrift. I will get to see all his cr card bills. He is paying all the household expenses n groceries. Basically I do not hv to fork out a single cents n he is also giving me a fix mthly allowance for me to save up even though Im working.
I hv frds whose hubby doesn't give allowance to them even though they are working, I think I am blessed! Normally, I don't get to spend much as Im too busy at work, so the $ will go to insurance as part of retirement savings. My hubby also trust me to handle my own finance as Im in financial industry too!
We hv long term planning for the future, so we started our financial planning early once we married so that we can enjoy life when we retire.

 

[Kelly80]

Re: Does your hubby let U take control on his finance & how far he letting U Control

Hi Dilys,

Thank for your advice. Maybe ur right. I never ask one time and feel dissapointed and i let go. Ehmm....should find some suitable time to talk about it.

 

[bagaholic]

Re: Does your hubby let U take control on his finance & how far he letting U Control

my hubby lets me manage all the household income, because he said i'm really good at managing our finances.. he just needs $5 allowance a day for his lunch meal.. doesn't smoke or drink or any expensive hobbies :001_302:

basically i'm the CFO of the family & he's the CEO.. if we're going to spend anything, we always tell each other & he will decide whether we really need it.. he's really good at differentiating between needs & wants.. we also set the same goal & vision on what we're going to do with our money.. i think mutual understanding between husband & wife is very important.. this way either one will not feel less superior in managing the household finances ancing_tongue:

 

[Kelly80]

Re: Does your hubby let U take control on his finance & how far he letting U Control

my hubby lets me manage all the household income, because he said i'm really good at managing our finances.. he just needs $5 allowance a day for his lunch meal.. doesn't smoke or drink or any expensive hobbies :001_302:

basically i'm the CFO of the family & he's the CEO.. if we're going to spend anything, we always tell each other & he will decide whether we really need it.. he's really good at differentiating between needs & wants.. we also set the same goal & vision on what we're going to do with our money.. i think mutual understanding between husband & wife is very important.. this way either one will not feel less superior in managing the household finances ancing_tongue:

bagaholic, you and ur husband had mutual understanding since bf&gf or after married?

 

[bagaholic]

Re: Does your hubby let U take control on his finance & how far he letting U Control

bagaholic, you and your husband had mutual understanding since bf&gf or after married?

since bf & gf we never so calculative abt money issue.. he always the one doing the paying when we were at college & sometimes i'm paying too.. we got married right after graduated from college.. and he lets me decide whether i wanna stay-at-home or working..

in short, he never restrict me from doing what i love.. be it working or staying home (even without kids).. after 6 years of marriage, now i'm a SAHM of 1 daughter, he engaged a domestic helper as he's afraid that i might be too tired of doing all the household chores on my own.. our home was bought my in-laws (for staying -- in-laws is not staying with us) & eventually my parents bought us a home too (being rented out)

everyone in my family told me that i'm so lucky to find a man like him.. but i must say we both are lucky to found each other & both our parents already path our ways so that we will have less issue(s) in our marriage life (at least the biggest expense such as housing is already taken care of & we just need to focus on raising & savings for our children's future) :001_302:

 

[Eliza]

Re: Does your hubby let U take control on his finance & how far he letting U Control

since bf & gf we never so calculative about money issue.. he always the one doing the paying when we were at college & sometimes i'm paying too.. we got married right after graduated from college.. and he lets me decide whether i wanna stay-at-home or working..

in short, he never restrict me from doing what i love.. be it working or staying home (even without kids).. after 6 years of marriage, now i'm a stay at home mum of 1 daughter, he engaged a domestic helper as he's afraid that i might be too tired of doing all the household chores on my own.. our home was bought my in-laws (for staying -- in-laws is not staying with us) & eventually my parents bought us a home too (being rented out)

everyone in my family told me that i'm so lucky to find a man like him.. but i must say we both are lucky to found each other & both our parents already path our ways so that we will have less issue(s) in our marriage life (at least the biggest expense such as housing is already taken care of & we just need to focus on raising & savings for our children's future) :001_302:

My hubby is rather similar to ur hubby. He handed his acct and pay check to me once he started working. He just received weekly allowance from me and every end of the week, he still has loads of $$$ left and tells me don't have to give him the following week. He doesn't shop so I bought all his necessities e.g. office clothes, polo t's etc.. basically what he does is earn money and come back home play with son and accompany me. We have a helper to do the housework as well coz he doesn't want me to get too tired. We actually had a debate on whether to have a helper coz I grew up in a family where we do our own laundry and washing up. Finally gave in to him coz that's the only thing he requested.
The only difference is that we are not as lucky as u to have such good in-laws. Although his parents are rich, they only care abt themselves and even tries to restrict us from buying anything after he started working. But of course we didn't listen to them. The only lavish things I've bought so far are Ralph Lauren and Abercombie clothes for him and toys for our son. I am not into luxury goods but I do have loads of them coz hubby saves up his allowance and surprises me during my birthdays and anniversaries.

 

[bagaholic]

Re: Does your hubby let U take control on his finance & how far he letting U Control

Eliza, if your hubby treats you well, it's all that matters!! good in-laws is an added bonus

my in-laws also thinks that branded goods are a waste of money (they're very old fashioned), but i explained to them that these goods will only go up in value over time and easier to resell in the future rather than non-branded ones that will end up in trash can

however they see it, i always try to see the positive side, my in-laws worked hard from ground zero to finally able to send their sons overseas for masters & phd degrees.. after that still buying a house for each son.. it's not easy for them to achieve at all.. that's why they think that luxury goods are a waste of money.. they're more interested in buying houses, lands & gold

from time to time, i always told my in-laws to go on vacations with their friends to enjoy themselves too.. they already worked hard for over 40 years, it's time to enjoy themselves and not too worry to much about the children (my hubby & his siblings).. in all honesty, my in-laws might not be the best in-laws in the world, but i think they're not the worst either :001_302:

 

[bagaholic]

Re: Does your hubby let U take control on his finance & how far he letting U Control

oh and i always think that to be able to raise such a good husband for me & great dad for my daughter, my MIL must be doing something right & taught her son well!

if u see it this way, you'll have more respect & love for ur in-laws

 

[crystalpink]

Re: Does your hubby let U take control on his finance & how far he letting U Control

Eliza, if your hubby treats you well, it's all that matters!! good in-laws is an added bonus

my in-laws also thinks that branded goods are a waste of money (they're very old fashioned), but i explained to them that these goods will only go up in value over time and easier to resell in the future rather than non-branded ones that will end up in trash can

however they see it, i always try to see the positive side, my in-laws worked hard from ground zero to finally able to send their sons overseas for masters & phd degrees.. after that still buying a house for each son.. it's not easy for them to achieve at all.. that's why they think that luxury goods are a waste of money.. they're more interested in buying houses, lands & gold

from time to time, i always told my in-laws to go on vacations with their friends to enjoy themselves too.. they already worked hard for over 40 years, it's time to enjoy themselves and not too worry to much about the children (my hubby & his siblings).. in all honesty, my in-laws might not be the best in-laws in the world, but i think they're not the worst either :001_302:

Yes! I agree that it will be an added bonus if in laws are good. To me, I am not staying with my in laws n thus we are not close anyway. It does not matter to me if they treat me good or bad since I am not relying on them so long my hubby treats me well and that is enough. I do not need to control his finance as he is a workaholic n he doesn't have time to go for shopping. Besides, I trust him to handle finance well since he is also one of the bosses holding shares in his co. He too trusts me to handle mine as well coz Im in financial sector checking accounts.

With regards to buying branded bags, my hubby also finds it a waste of $ so he buys private property for rental instead. But he will pamper me with branded bags n holidays during my birthdays, so basically I do not need to buy any bags with my salary, most of it will go to my retirement planning. Besides, he will also give me a fix monthly allowance as "si fang qian" for me to use or save up. Anyway I feel I do not need his "si fang qian" since Im working n all the household exp are paid by him but he insists to give to me, so basically I will save up. I feel mutual trust is very imp n Im glad that my hubby trust me too!
I have friends whose husbands also have the habit of giving fix allowance even though they are working too, n they feel it is good for women as part of "financial security" should anythg happens to the marriage in future. :001_302:

 

[Eliza]

Re: Does your hubby let U take control on his finance & how far he letting U Control

oh and i always think that to be able to raise such a good husband for me & great dad for my daughter, my MIL must be doing something right & taught her son well!

if u see it this way, you'll have more respect & love for ur in-laws

Hi bagaholic, I would loved to agree with u on this one. But I can't coz the first time I met my husband, he was the kind I would never ever give in to any consideration. He was self-centred, self-fish and abnoxious. If it weren't because we were attending the same church course, I would never have him as a friend. But ultimately, he confronted me why I was being so cold to him and I told him the truth abt how I felt. From then, he started to changed. He was a mummy's boy and so he used to follow exactly what she said, how she does things and how his parents reacted. He was in fact being 'bullied' by his own parents to eat expired and left over food for days(yes, they are rich) wherelse they would eat outside and he thought that was normal. Only when we started dating and he came over to my place, he realised how wrong he was. I came from middle income family. We work hard on what we get and we share with our family. My parents NEVER gave us expired or left over food. We are always first priority to them. In turn, after I started working, I always bring my family out for meals. We never buy any luxury goods. Wherelse they don't buy anything for their sons. Not even their fav foods. They have rolexes, LVs, omegas, volve, mercedes and Lexus. U name it, they've got it. So, why can't they just simply buy some nice foodie?? Even if they did buy, they would buy what they want to eat and not others. Imagine what my granny gets to eat (she is a buddhist and doesn't eat beef) when they pack stewed beef home?? Instant noodles!! My husband began to changed for the better and he began to dislike until one point hated his parents. If not for my father who kept counselling my husband, my in-laws would have lose their son by now. He is the kind of husband and father that he is now is because he saw how his parents behaved and he doesn't want to be like them. Now we forcus all our engergy in our son and hopefully a second one. We will give our son whatever they want but will discipline them as well.

 

[missymelody]

Re: Does your hubby let U take control on his finance & how far he letting U Control

now that we moved to our place of our own, a lot things to need pay. so i suggest to hubby the allowance money he give weekly i put in my own acct, hehe, he say ok leh.. so far so good. i pay for bb stuffs and my own eating and groceries weekly, he pay for all the bills, go out eat, and monthly giant household shopping he pay.. but very good! becos always i say i pay first ( buy baby stuffs tgt with house stuffs ) he will pass me more $ than what it is.. and always go out he pay.. hahahahha.. starting to save more.. so we now seeing who save more.. i think its a good way to curb my hubby from anyhow buy too much soccer and 4D toto. he always buy when got soccer. not a lot but still its $. . then i start to shop lesser already.. got own house really a lot things must save..

 

[Kelly80]

Re: Does your hubby let U take control on his finance & how far he letting U Control

now that we moved to our place of our own, a lot things to need pay. so i suggest to hubby the allowance money he give weekly i put in my own acct, hehe, he say ok leh.. so far so good. i pay for bb stuffs and my own eating and groceries weekly, he pay for all the bills, go out eat, and monthly giant household shopping he pay.. but very good! becos always i say i pay first ( buy baby stuffs tgt with house stuffs ) he will pass me more $ than what it is.. and always go out he pay.. hahahahha.. starting to save more.. so we now seeing who save more.. i think its a good way to curb my hubby from anyhow buy too much soccer and 4D toto. he always buy when got soccer. not a lot but still its $. . then i start to shop lesser already.. got own house really a lot things must save..

missymelody: totally agree with you when i bought the new house. I might not luckly as u (ur husband give weekly allow) as all the groceries and maintenance i paid for it. even my maid salary and fwl also all giro using my account. my husband only fork our my sons education. recently he told me, he will pay for maid salary plus children education. I did not sound anything because he keep saying i shopping a lot. In fact, i did not shop at all..i have not buy any new cloth for 3 yrs. sometime, he will said, why my shirt all so old? ................ i told him he did not give me money allowance and no money to buy. Later he will say "oklah, u go buy new cloth then i pay for it"..so happy ler.

My husband did not smoke, drink, buy 4D of and on but the worst is..................he love gamble in SHARE MARKET. uhuhuh..... this kind of ppl worst then the 4D ppl

 

[missymelody]

Re: Does your hubby let U take control on his finance & how far he letting U Control

missymelody: totally agree with you when i bought the new house. I might not luckly as u (ur husband give weekly allow) as all the groceries and maintenance i paid for it. even my maid salary and fwl also all giro using my account. my husband only fork our my sons education. recently he told me, he will pay for maid salary plus children education. I did not sound anything because he keep saying i shopping a lot. In fact, i did not shop at all..i have not buy any new cloth for 3 yrs. sometime, he will said, why my shirt all so old? ................ i told him he did not give me money allowance and no money to buy. Later he will say "oklah, u go buy new cloth then i pay for it"..so happy ler.

My husband did not smoke, drink, buy 4D of and on but the worst is..................he love gamble in SHARE MARKET. uhuhuh..... this kind of ppl worst then the 4D ppl

wah，my hubby got smoke, he drink sometimes at coffeeshop with colleagues. we quite young la. 22 only. he very sayang me. whenever i say i wan buy clothes for bb he won't say no.. for myself he also will buy if he bring us go shopping tgt.. like just only.. he say if tonight soccer win gimmi the ticket i go claim and buy myself something new. HAHAHA.

 

[Kelly80]

Re: Does your hubby let U take control on his finance & how far he letting U Control

my husband won 4D, he never ask me claim the money but instead ask me buy toto to try luck. All the credit card bills, we settle respectively (whose expenses who paid for it)..........I feel like me and my husband relationship like under separate period. Due to my 2 childrens, i endure all the pain. My husband is came from barbarian family and sturbon type. So, no point talking or nagging to him. Last few month I did not feel want ML with him because i my mind keep saying no.

 

[Dilys]

Re: Does your hubby let U take control on his finance & how far he letting U Control

missymelody: totally agree with you when i bought the new house. I might not luckly as you (your husband give weekly allow) as all the groceries and maintenance i paid for it. even my maid salary and fwl also all giro using my account. my husband only fork our my sons education. recently he told me, he will pay for maid salary plus children education. I did not sound anything because he keep saying i shopping a lot. In fact, i did not shop at all..i have not buy any new cloth for 3 yrs. sometime, he will said, why my shirt all so old? ................ i told him he did not give me money allowance and no money to buy. Later he will say "oklah, you go buy new cloth then i pay for it"..so happy .

My husband did not smoke, drink, buy 4D of and on but the worst is..................he love gamble in SHARE MARKET. uhuhuh..... this kind of ppl worst then the 4D ppl

Hi kelly80,

If your hubby ...offer to pay for maid salary then say ok... Why keep quiet? I think you should speak up to your hubby & tell him your needs. you need a good communication with him.

For me .. I dont't know it's like you are facing. I am lucky.. that my hubby thinks that a wife should be pampered & love. So I never had to worry about all household expenses, I am not working as I m preggie I got monthly allowance... I got monthly allowance even when I was working last time. Before married, my hubby pays for everything... After married still pays for everything. Now I am preggie.. My hubby still pays for everything for baby... I got 2 new credit cards from him as a gift for "suffering tru pregnancy".

Still ask me if I got enough $ to buy clothes and stuff for baby & myself.. He even mention that not enough just tell him.

I dont't control my hubby"s finance.. He controls it well.. He put some $ for investment, betting soccer ( his hobby),buying gold,buy insurance for us, etc.
I am just lucky that my hubby dote on me & his unborn prince.
dont't envy or jealous.. Different hubby have different mentally.. So you shouldn't be keeping quiet .. He dont't know what you want??? you dont't know how much he can give you .... It all depends on the man"s mentality .. How much & how far he is willing to give.

Jia you ! Try talking to your hubby. If he understands good.. But if don't you got to accept it cos" if a man is like that .. Is like that. Won't change ..