Feeling Down, Emotional... Need To Vent Abit & Cry

[mich_liu82]

me also// whole pregnancy gained 8 kg.. after confinement lost 8kg 4 months after confinement.. gained back 6kg!!!! my gosh breastfeeding makes you soo hungry.. nowadays i look like a yellow face woman! wong pin po! i bochap also!

Same here, now no maid, then nvr take care after the massage, tummy start to budge again... Sian, all the binding n massage like wasted lor...

 

[mich_liu82]

ya taking care of a home plus 4 kids (1 big + 3 small) is no joke! I salute you man! for me i wud hav i broke down ! somemore wth new baby can b so tiring. my hubby also hopeless in helping wth baby. yesterdat tv cable spoilt thn he die die must fix it at 2am.. told him go sleep do tmrw he dunwan said tmrw wanna watch tv dont wanna waste time fix. told him to clean fan wah he say soo late he wanna sleep! tol him fan very dusty not good fr baby lungs he say wait fr sunday!! just table fan not ceiling! tv cannot wait fan can wait??!! he and his blardy tv always more important thn anything!

hang on there mich! you can do it!!!

I guess most men are the same... Anything to do with their interest that cocks up, they are very anxious... But when we ask them do things for the house, they always say wait lah, 2moro lah, later lah etc...

I am hanging on...

 

[mich_liu82]

aiyo... mich... hang in there... I think it'll be useful to check out some marriage counselling... it's not up to you alone to solve all these problems that you're facing...
Wish you all the best!

Thanks Daddy D...

Urm, our marriage I guess dun have problem, its him who has the attitude problem...

But he oso very weird 1, must always I look damn depressed and when I keep feeling emotional and he start to be alittle more helpful and caring, normal times he will just take advantage in whatever ways he can...

Sigh...

 

[mich_liu82]

hey mich... you are not super woman yaaaa!! it is okie to feel frustrated with having to cope with 3 young kids, hsework and everything, ok? just make sure you are not going through post natal depression or anythg.

Not sure if this helps but last time i will nag at hubby to do hsework and when he does it, is not up to my standards, i will nag some more... he will also tell me off like your hubby so clever do yourself !!
Then i realised first not all men will zi tong one... if we need to open mouth to ask, just do it and dont feel why i have to ask him then he will do it? Otherwise this will kill ourselves faster! When he is doing it, dont say not clean enough blah blah... just close one eye.. got do can ....so far this strategy works out pretty well for me...
Stay strong!!

Haha, how I wish I am a super woman...

Ok, I will close 1 eye... Bcoz I'm quite a perfectionist type, thats why probably im like that... Thanks!

Mich you are already very strong. If it's me, I would have just left the kids at home & walked out of the house.

Housework & kids can drive a sane person insane. that's why I insist on having a maid even though my boy goes to CC. So I dont have to worry & nag at anyone.

I've learn to expect less & not be so disappointed with my husband. dont't expect him to help, dont't expect him to do anything & you won't be angry already.

Ok, I will try... As what ppl always say No expectations, No Disappointment... Thanks!

Just to make all of you feel better.... i wear biggest size i can find in the store for my bottom.... L i also cannot fit in at times...

Thanks Domique, Haha, for me now, I putting on weight... Sian oreadi... I did lost but put on again...

Please be strong.
I think I saw your post thread, sharing how you overcome your emotional thoughts before.

I think this is part of life especially a new baby means new struggles but new victories as well.

Also feeling stress now, though my 3rd baby coming in Sept.
Also feeling stress about getting a 3 months helper as alot of pple said "why just 3 months, by the time the helper is trained, she has to go."

Ai ya, becos of all the stress, I get angry with my husband very easily until he also cannot tahan me....

So now, try to remind myself to always go to God before I snap on my husband as I can see that it is affecting my relationaship with my husband.
I am playing with my husband's patience though he is very patience w me already but I better dont test it too much...

Dont know whether this will help or not, but just want to share you are not alone as many pple here is concern about you.

Will keep you in my prayer too...

Thanks, Tricia... You will be strong too...

Yup, I did once ever fall into depression b4 and committed sucide and landed up in the hospital... sigh, it is really not a gd experience n I will neva eva wanna go thru it again... The feeling basically jus sucks...

I use to attend church but I back slided... But he is always there for me whenever I need him...

Thank you, yeah, I am happy that I made frens here as well and even to know that ppl whom I have not met b4 that cares, its really a blessing...

Dear mich, seems like he's not looking after or doing anything properly lehhh (since everything he does is always at HIS convenience).

No one is perfect...not even Barack Obama! And he's supposedly an IDEAL father figure. But dont't let THAT be your excuse to accepting someone who doesn't want to compromise and PRIORITISE.

I agree with Daddy_D. It is not up to you alone to find solutions and face problems in a marriage/family. Assuming it won't be easy to persuade him to see a marriage counsellor (most guys have an ego issue, we all know that. lol), maybe telling him to do it for the sake of your sanity, will soften him?

Like I mention, he really sumtimes weird weird 1, only when I show dat im depressed n emo, den der is when he will den show concern n be helpful... Other den dat, he jus takes advantages of watever comes by...

But of coz on the other hand, I mean to be fair to him, he does buy dinner back everyday for the family... Other den dat, he only helps when he can see dat I'm really desperate especially when his auntie returns home... If not, like now, #2 DD wake up oreadi, he still sleeping bcoz he slept late last nite. Where else me? Slept at 1am, woke up at 3am, slept at 4.30am, woke up at 7.30 am till now... Can't get back to sleep...

Excuse he gives dat he can't handle #3 DD as she dun like his smell... Lame right?

heee, i also put on weight after bfing, cos i'm always so hungry, especially when dear daughter's going through a growth spurt!

Yup, it's really not easy to have to look after so many kids, do the housework and bf! I take care of one dear daughter already want to faint.

Sayang, maybe you want to talk to a counsellor, or a doctor? Cos sometimes talking to these pple may help.

I guess I dun really need professional help yet at this moment. Bcoz talking to you all makes me feel better oreadi...

 

[mich_liu82]

I really appreciate and thanks everyone for your concern... I'm grateful for it...

At this moment, guess professional help not needed yet...

I promise to stay as strong as I can... it was jus dat I keep bottling up till I feel I can't bottle anymore dats why I needed to vent over here...

I always look like quite jovial, talk nonsense, den very arrogant towards those who deserve it but inside me haha, actually very weak 1...

#1 DD always say mummy like durian, outside look damn fierce n thorny, inside soft soft 1...

I really feel so much better now... Thank you everyone!

 

[shopaholic]

Hi Mich,

Glad you're feeling better now. I think you're doing very well already. Do give yourself a pat on your shoulder! Managing 3 kids is no easy task. I hope I can manage well when my #3 is born.

If it makes you feel better, my hubby is also a procastinating king. Ask him to help hang laundry at 10pm, he will always say later ... and does it at 12 midnight. I hv learnt to let him be. I used to grumble why he cant move his butt and does it immediately when I requested but now, had long given up. Haha ... Somemore I'm heavy with pregnancy now, no energy to be upset with him. On things that I can close one eye on, I will let it be.

Take care and hang in there! Hugs.

 

[karoru]

yeah, you are not alone... after reading all your replies, i realised that my hubby is not alone... wahaha... maybe most of the hubbies are the same... i also don understand why they can be so "selfish" at times, can't be a bit more understanding at times.... but they seems to have their own justifications... sigh!!! one thing that i learn from my sister-in-law is as what stonston mummy said, no expections, no demands, no nothing..., then also no disappointment, no depress and no anger.. haha... so far so good... also training myself to be independent... sorry to say that...., but hubbies nowdays cannot be relied...

 

[mich_liu82]

Hi Mich,

Glad you're feeling better now. I think you're doing very well already. Do give yourself a pat on your shoulder! Managing 3 kids is no easy task. I hope I can manage well when my #3 is born.

If it makes you feel better, my hubby is also a procastinating king. Ask him to help hang laundry at 10pm, he will always say later ... and does it at 12 midnight. I have learnt to let him be. I used to grumble why he cant move his butt and does it immediately when I requested but now, had long given up. Haha ... Somemore I'm heavy with pregnancy now, no energy to be upset with him. On things that I can close one eye on, I will let it be.

Take care and hang in there! Hugs.

Yeah, my hubby oso same, ask him do something, take ages to do... Thanks!

yeah, you are not alone... after reading all your replies, i realised that my hubby is not alone... wahaha... maybe most of the hubbies are the same... i also dont understand why they can be so "selfish" at times, can't be a bit more understanding at times.... but they seems to have their own justifications... sigh!!! one thing that i learn from my sister-in-law is as what stonston mummy said, no expections, no demands, no nothing..., then also no disappointment, no depress and no anger.. haha... so far so good... also training myself to be independent... sorry to say that...., but hubbies nowdays cannot be relied...

Sometimes they can really drive me up the wall! HEhe...

 

[mich_liu82]

Well, last night I very straight forward to him, I told him WE NEED TO TALK but actually its I NEED TO TALK TO YOU bcoz he kept quiet thru out but at least I got things straight to him...

I asked him dat was it fair for him to snap at me when i asked him for help? Den told him regarding #2 DD school dat she's been missing lessons... Oso told him bout him smoking... He jus keep quiet

Den this morning, saw him woke up early wanna send DD to school, den normally he will smoke in the room toilet but this morning he didn't... Hopefully this will last as long as possible... Haha

 

[tika]

thats a good start at showing effort in wanting to please you! haha. Yes hopefully it will last longer than you expect. Wish you all the best!

 

[Daddy D]

Well, last night I very straight forward to him, I told him WE NEED TO TALK but actually its I NEED TO TALK TO YOU bcoz he kept quiet thru out but at least I got things straight to him...

I asked him dat was it fair for him to snap at me when i asked him for help? then told him regarding #2 dear daughter school dat she's been missing lessons... also told him bout him smoking... He just keep quiet

then this morning, saw him woke up early wanna send dear daughter to school, then normally he will smoke in the room toilet but this morning he didn't... Hopefully this will last as long as possible... Haha

That's good to know... so next time u'll just need to talk to your hubby more often... rather than keep it inside u till explode... then soon it'll be your hubby who will be stressed n come n tell u... " I NEED TO TALK TO YOU..."

 

[Tricia]

Well, last night I very straight forward to him, I told him WE NEED TO TALK but actually its I NEED TO TALK TO YOU bcoz he kept quiet thru out but at least I got things straight to him...

I asked him dat was it fair for him to snap at me when i asked him for help? then told him regarding #2 dear daughter school dat she's been missing lessons... also told him bout him smoking... He just keep quiet

then this morning, saw him woke up early wanna send dear daughter to school, then normally he will smoke in the room toilet but this morning he didn't... Hopefully this will last as long as possible... Haha

That's good to know... so next time you'll just need to talk to your hubby more often... rather than keep it inside you till explode... then soon it'll be your hubby who will be stressed and come and tell you... " I NEED TO TALK TO YOU..."

Agreed with Daddy D. I think is good that you have consistent talking time or spend time with your husband. Like maybe can fixed spend time alone once alt week, even nothing to talk but go for a movie or sit down and do nothing is a good thing to do as husband and wife..

I always insist with my husband to spend time with me ever since we are married.

Young married, we will spend time every Tues.
But when the 1st baby come, once a week became challenging. Now with the
3rd one, it is so much more challenging but to me I need this kind of time with my husband so I will always remind him, to spend time with me. It takes me to always remind him, he will always forget.
Now we dont spend time every week but at least once a month. Will put all the kids with my mom so that we can have this time.

As this kind of time is important to me so is my responsible to remind him.
Sometime our husband needs us to remind them of our needs so dont give out reminding him your needs.

 

[Funz]

Well, last night I very straight forward to him, I told him WE NEED TO TALK but actually its I NEED TO TALK TO YOU bcoz he kept quiet thru out but at least I got things straight to him...

I asked him dat was it fair for him to snap at me when i asked him for help? then told him regarding #2 dear daughter school dat she's been missing lessons... also told him bout him smoking... He just keep quiet

then this morning, saw him woke up early wanna send dear daughter to school, then normally he will smoke in the room toilet but this morning he didn't... Hopefully this will last as long as possible... Haha

Just saw your post. Good that you managed to talk to him and he is actually trying.

Dun forget to show your appreciation for his effort.

If finances are not too much of an issue, engage part time helpers to handle the housework until your new maid arrives. As for your eldest, sit her down and talk to her. Tell her you need her help. I believe she is of an age where she should be able to help around the house.

And also compromise a bit on your expectations on how things need to be done.

 

[aIDa81]

Dear Mich, Great to know that you already felt better.

Be strong k. Take things easy,, yah the problem with us women we are perfectionist. While men the cin cai attitude.. its not only you facing the problem it happens to all household..

I just got married and my husband is similar, hes the mummy's boy type dont do housework at all, so from day one of marriage,I trained him to do things for the house, vacumming, change baby diapers, do chores together.. when ppl ask when is the next baby, I tell them well depends on the father performance whether he is helpful or not.. if not one enuff..

Hope you can find a maid soon. If you are tired take a break, just take care of baby, do things one by one try to close one and half eyes if things are a bit messy.. when you find yourself energised then start to work can get part time maid which charged by hr also..... your eldest is quite big can ask to help you around. while the 2nd princess always spill water, try to ask her to drink from the cup which has cover or water bottle, so she dont spill, teach her with a cloth to wipe it away.

As for your husband attitude, well when one is so used to be like that it takes time for ppl to change, try to negotiate when he is horny then!!! LOL

TAKE CARE, CONTINUE TO BE STRONG, WE ALL KNOW you CAN DO IT!!! BIG HUG!!!

 

[michellechin]

hi mich...Good that you have straighten some issues out with ur hubby. and OMG, i'm not alone and neither is my husband!

Like you, I'm a perfectionist too. I guess i expect my husband to be up to my standards but he always fall behind even after some "wake-up" call. He will do well for a few days than slack back to his usual. sometimes foul languages almost come out from my mouth but i swallowed back. then i'll be so unhappy and have the urge to tell him "i wanna divorce"! that bad! about 10 min ago, i was vomitting my stomach out in the toilet. i was having a very bad cough. i coughed till vomitted (not H1N1). but he didn't even bother to come up to comfort me! #%@*&^! after all the vomitting, i stood next to him at the living room and he didn't even lift his head to look at me and kept his eyes glued to his TV and papers! Wa lau eh! what kind of person is he? i sat down and said "eh, i was vomitting and u don't even come and see how I am doing????" u know what he said? he replied " i know u are sick. just go sleep" THAT'S IT?????!!!!! I don't want to know that he knows I'm sick! i want him to show some concern and comfort me la! at that point, I was so so disappointed in him. How come I married a man like that?? Blind, dumb, stupid or damn unlucky?? or all of the above?

u know, since i went back to work in june, i was not having any good sleep coz i've to take care of my baby (then abt 2.5 months old) and work piled up after the long leave. also busy preparing to travel overseas for work. even after I came back fr overseas, i don't even have proper rest and he left me with baby. I was so damn tired and jet-lagged! he come back also don't help. have to nag at him to do some housechores and help take care of elder girl and baby. and then my kids got sick, I somemore take care and all he did was sleep and relax! what the @#^%%*!!! then on top of the not enuf sleep and jet-lagged, I have tons of follow-up to do after my trip and worked till late. then i got sick till today. i finally got sick serious and only then he "ke-ke" pity me and help me for 1-2 days only! all his crap is making me so-so xxxxxxxx!!!!!!!

i apologize for taking ur space to write all these. i sometimes thot having leaving home with my kids and disappear from him. he's taking me for granted! so tell me how to be nice to people like this? i think he really wants to drive me up the wall and breakdown...then only he "kam-wan" ar?

 

[mich_liu82]

thats a good start at showing effort in wanting to please you! haha. Yes hopefully it will last longer than you expect. Wish you all the best!

Haha, yup... but today back to squaRE 1, send #2 DD to school at 12pm! I give up!

That's good to know... so next time you'll just need to talk to your hubby more often... rather than keep it inside you till explode... then soon it'll be your hubby who will be stressed and come and tell you... " I NEED TO TALK TO YOU..."

Wahaha, hopefully really next time he will ever tell me I need to talk to you bcoz he never b4... LOL

 

[mich_liu82]

Agreed with Daddy D. I think is good that you have consistent talking time or spend time with your husband. Like maybe can fixed spend time alone once alt week, even nothing to talk but go for a movie or sit down and do nothing is a good thing to do as husband and wife..

I always insist with my husband to spend time with me ever since we are married.

Young married, we will spend time every Tues.
But when the 1st baby come, once a week became challenging. Now with the
3rd one, it is so much more challenging but to me I need this kind of time with my husband so I will always remind him, to spend time with me. It takes me to always remind him, he will always forget.
Now we dont spend time every week but at least once a month. Will put all the kids with my mom so that we can have this time.

As this kind of time is important to me so is my responsible to remind him.
Sometime our husband needs us to remind them of our needs so dont give out reminding him your needs.

For us, difficult to put all the kids with his mum or my mum. Except #1 & #3, #2 like super glue, if we go out w/o her, she can go on n on crying...

We still trying to plan how to go out alone... Haha...

U oso 3 kids? Wow, how old are they?

Just saw your post. Good that you managed to talk to him and he is actually trying.

dont forget to show your appreciation for his effort.

If finances are not too much of an issue, engage part time helpers to handle the housework until your new maid arrives. As for your eldest, sit her down and talk to her. Tell her you need her help. I believe she is of an age where she should be able to help around the house.

And also compromise a bit on your expectations on how things need to be done.

Yup, I do show appreciation to him. Its jus dat when I'm down, hope he is der for me physically as well but he rather dun...

My elder DD, jus spoke to her e other day, tell her dun make me nag at her, be more auto, she still ask me why, I told her i wanna go mad soon, den she say okok, i will be more auto...

Yup, now I learn how to close 1 eye, sumtimes even close 2 eyes! Hehe...

 

[mich_liu82]

Dear Mich, Great to know that you already felt better.

Be strong k. Take things easy,, yah the problem with us women we are perfectionist. While men the cin cai attitude.. its not only you facing the problem it happens to all household..

I just got married and my husband is similar, hes the mummy's boy type dont do housework at all, so from day one of marriage,I trained him to do things for the house, vacumming, change baby diapers, do chores together.. when ppl ask when is the next baby, I tell them well depends on the father performance whether he is helpful or not.. if not one enuff..

Hope you can find a maid soon. If you are tired take a break, just take care of baby, do things one by one try to close one and half eyes if things are a bit messy.. when you find yourself energised then start to work can get part time maid which charged by hr also..... your eldest is quite big can ask to help you around. while the 2nd princess always spill water, try to ask her to drink from the cup which has cover or water bottle, so she dont spill, teach her with a cloth to wipe it away.

As for your husband attitude, well when one is so used to be like that it takes time for ppl to change, try to negotiate when he is horny then!!! LOL

TAKE CARE, CONTINUE TO BE STRONG, WE ALL KNOW you CAN DO IT!!! BIG HUG!!!

Haha, I really now slowly learning to close 1 eye n even 2 eyes! Now I got a trick liao, if the room was made messy but my DDs, I wun clean, I tell my hubby if u can live with this mess den pls sleep in this room n dun go to the bedroom... So he LL clean up with my DDs, bcoz i scold, nag n all, all dun wanan listen... I think dats the best so far, bcoz they all will clean up together...

Hug U back too! Thanks!

 

[mich_liu82]

hi mich...Good that you have straighten some issues out with your hubby. and OMG, i'm not alone and neither is my husband!

Like you, I'm a perfectionist too. I guess i expect my husband to be up to my standards but he always fall behind even after some "wake-up" call. He will do well for a few days than slack back to his usual. sometimes foul languages almost come out from my mouth but i swallowed back. then i'll be so unhappy and have the urge to tell him "i wanna divorce"! that bad! about 10 min ago, i was vomitting my stomach out in the toilet. i was having a very bad cough. i coughed till vomitted (not H1N1). but he didn't even bother to come up to comfort me! #%@*&^! after all the vomitting, i stood next to him at the living room and he didn't even lift his head to look at me and kept his eyes glued to his TV and papers! Wa lau eh! what kind of person is he? i sat down and said "eh, i was vomitting and you dont't even come and see how I am doing????" you know what he said? he replied " i know you are sick. just go sleep" THAT'S IT?????!!!!! I dont't want to know that he knows I'm sick! i want him to show some concern and comfort me ! at that point, I was so so disappointed in him. How come I married a man like that?? Blind, dumb, stupid or damn unlucky?? or all of the above?

you know, since i went back to work in june, i was not having any good sleep coz i've to take care of my baby (then about 2.5 months old) and work piled up after the long leave. also busy preparing to travel overseas for work. even after I came back fr overseas, i dont't even have proper rest and he left me with baby. I was so damn tired and jet-lagged! he come back also dont't help. have to nag at him to do some housechores and help take care of elder girl and baby. and then my kids got sick, I somemore take care and all he did was sleep and relax! what the @#^%%*!!! then on top of the not enuf sleep and jet-lagged, I have tons of follow-up to do after my trip and worked till late. then i got sick till today. i finally got sick serious and only then he "ke-ke" pity me and help me for 1-2 days only! all his crap is making me so-so xxxxxxxx!!!!!!!

i apologize for taking your space to write all these. i sometimes thot having leaving home with my kids and disappear from him. he's taking me for granted! so tell me how to be nice to people like this? i think he really wants to drive me up the wall and breakdown...then only he "kam-want" ar?

Its orite to vent in this thread... I can understand your frustrations... most men are the same, hehe... to be fair to Daddy D hor?

If you think you can feel assured of leaving all e kids to him, den why not? Take a break away from everything. Go for a spa, massage, hair treatment or pedicure, whatever thing that makes you feel good...

Have you tried talking to him? I talked to my hubby e other day, and things improve a little. If not you wanna learn like me, sumtimes really must close 2 eyes oso...

I always tell him, kids both of us have share, w/o his sperm, i can't be pregnant, so since he have a share, he must have share of everything, be it nice or not. Den he keep quiet... mayb you wanna try...

Dun be like me keep bottlin up, say out its the best. N if you really to, pls go get a massge, u need to relax!

 

[Tricia]

For us, difficult to put all the kids with his mum or my mum. Except #1 & #3, #2 like super glue, if we go out w/o her, she can go on and on crying...

We still trying to plan how to go out alone... Haha...

you also 3 kids? Wow, how old are they?



Yup, I do show appreciation to him. Its just dat when I'm down, hope he is der for me physically as well but he rather dont...

My elder dear daughter, just spoke to her e other day, tell her dont make me nag at her, be more auto, she still ask me why, I told her i wanna go mad soon, then she say okok, i will be more auto...

Yup, now I learn how to close 1 eye, sumtimes even close 2 eyes! Hehe...

2 sons at the moment. !st, 2/1/2 years, 2nd, jux turn 1 year old on Wed.
3rd coming one is also boy, due 16 Sept..