totally agree with u!! :001_302:wow, im quite surprised to read some of the replies here.
for me and my parents, we always praise pin when she does something right, and reprimand her if she does it wrong. i think a child likes to be appreciated and she will be encouraged to do the right thing if she is recognised by it.
Jal, my heart went out to you when i read your post. but i had been thru bad times too when i was younger, but it wasnt so bad.
i guess its very important to have a good childhood, cos it reflects how you are when you grow up to become an adult.
your mum's a great mum and so are you!!! ancing_wub:Jal, my heart goes out to you. You've got a wonderful mother who has taught you the value of selflessness and made the abstract concept of a mother's love clear through her actions.
My dad passed away when i was 10 and my mum brought my bro and i up single-handedly after that. When my dad was around, my mum was always the disciplinarian while he'd be the nice guy. My mum placed some pressure on my bro and i to do well in school and actually my bro and i both understood the need to do well anyway so i wouldn't say that my mum overstressed me or my bro.
My mum's a perfectionist and always expected me to get full marks for every exam when i was young. I remember her scolding me for a whole day coz i got 98/100 for my English exam in Primary 2. For me, i wouldn't expect my child to get full marks all the time and i dont think that's a reasonable expectation anyway. Now she thinks back on her actions and laughs at herself. Whenever i got my results at university and tell her how i did, she'd just smile happily and add cheekily whenever i did not get a perfect score, "why never get perfect score this time" and we'd both laugh.
What's good about the way my mum brought me up is that she gave me the freedom to choose what i wanted to study and where i wanted to study. She also hardly nagged about us not studying when we entered secondary school. I had a lot of friends around me who had their lives dictated by their parents and certainly that's not what i'd wanna do to my darling. I'd give her the freedom to choose what she's interested and good at doing when she's old enuff to decide for herself.
Yeah, my mother used to cane me & my younger brother. Even if I were not the one who created the trouble, I will have the 'good fortune' of 'enjoying romantic pink streaks' on my hands & legs. If the cane landed on my upper arm/thighs, my school uniform covered them up. If the cane landed on my lower arms or legs instead, I will put on a plaster. Sometimes when there was no more plaster in the house since we were too poor to buy extra ones, I just had to leave my scars for all & sundry to see. The irony of caning is, sometimes my mother will force me to go downstairs & buy it! Of course I was reluctant to go but I was forced to go anyway. And I was smart to choose those thicker "teng tiao" so that the pain is less sharp. Heh heh heh. My brother was quite cunning. He would hide the cane or throw it out the window (oops) whenever my mum was not looking. So I guessed that's one of the reasons why the shop auntie would gimme a kind of look that goes "You again?!" whenever I patronize her shop...my mum is lenient and dad is strict
dad will use cane but mum will hide the cane
so me and my bro grew up with those cane marks now and then but luckily my skirt always can cover but my bro wears shorts so always cannot cover
i still remember last time my brother will shout to my dad and told him to cane places where his classmates cannot see lols~~~ and i noticed my bro kenna caned more times than me
discipline wise i prefer talk it out rather than lay down the rules and strictly follow. And no caning. Sad to say hubby prefers my dad's disciplinary method.
Thinking wise will try and avoid those that i do not wish to happen to myself when young, and apply them on my son now, but if really bo bianz, have to follow dad and mums method because they've worked :tlaugh: