Maids-The New Age of Slavery

[wenz]

yeah ting i knw your sharing with us~ :tlaugh:Sumhow i just feel that gers are easier to take care than boys~ Tats how i compare my baby ger with her elder bro when both at the same age :001_302:

mine is of opposite... my ger is hyperactive and notti... so difficult to tame her and during my 1st 2months after the arrival of my baby i almost go crazy! actually it depends on the character of ur kids too and how they are being treated..

if u spoilt them, i believe gers can also be horrible...

my mum used to employed maids to help in hse work cos she is self-employed so are often working long and till late hours 7days a week... i had 7 maids in 6yrs...

1st maid (phil) came and told us agency bluff her to come here and work as maid and her family actually sent money over to let her go back, she is degree holder and her family is rich... so after 3months she left...

2nd maid (phil) was a very fast worker, she can finish her chores by 8pm and turn in by 830pm... she woke up at 7am everyday... finished her contract and gone back

to cut it short, the rest of the maids are from Indo, 1 got herself preggy and was found out when she was 5th mth preg, return her back to agent, 1 sell our things but we only found out when she finished her contract and was abt to go back indo, but lucky all are not valueable, just some clothes and pouches so we let her bring it back... and rest are more or less on average.. not very gd not very bad.... my last maid she will always cook abalone/seafood with maggie mee as lunch... but we are always ok with it...

i believe i do have quite alot of experience with maids as well...
and i do intend to get 1 maid after i moved into my new hse, reason cos i my son who is in pri sch, i dun feel safe to let him be home alone after school and the maid can help to prepare lunch for him.... while my other 2 kids will be attending nursery/kindergarten by then...

i always teach my kids even with maid around they are not allow to BOSS the maid... if wan drink water, pour urself!! i dun employ her here to pour water for u... unless u got no hands~~ my kids still need to do their own chores/simple chores and the maid is here to lessen our burden and also to help keep alook out for my kids and prepare lunch for them when they are back from school...

 

[Ting]

last time my cousins also like tt!
when they had a maid, they ask their maid to do EVERYTHING!
imagine hv to serve 4 kids.
when it's dinner time, the maid will prepare the food on the table for them alr.
then during dinner they wanna drink water will also ask the maid to pour for them!
refill also need!!
when i go their place, i feel so awkward, cos i nvr had a maid since young (though my mum always say she is our house maid, LOL.)
but now they r okay alr, independent.

 

[wenz]

last time my cousins also like that!
when they had a maid, they ask their maid to do EVERYTHING!
imagine have to serve 4 kids.
when it's dinner time, the maid will prepare the food on the table for them already.
then during dinner they wanna drink water will also ask the maid to pour for them!
refill also need!!
when i go their place, i feel so awkward, cos i never had a maid since young (though my mum always say she is our house maid, LOL.)
but now they are okay already, independent.

ya my hubby's auntie kids are like tat and they are in sec sch lo! i was so angry with them whenever i go over and i will tell my kids u are not allow to treat ppl like tat be it she is ur maid or ur mum...

my kids are expected to keep their own toys after playing, my son is suppose to bathe himself... and tidy his own bed and study table...

so doesn't mean i employ a helper back is for them to slack and waited to be serve...

 

[mich_liu82]

First of all donttell me wht thread i shld be starting or not.
yup my purpose was to create awareness.Maybe prick those with a guilty conscience n give mums a chance to sit back n ponder.
Ya exactly my point,these maids come fr poor countrys at least treat them decent.
good on you n your friends who treat maids well.Spread the good faith around n it cld help educate many more.
Work without a day off?tht i dont agree.Most agents wld do anything to get a maid hired.Why shld a maid not have a rest day?Dont we all get them?Dont we need to break out of our routines to take a breather?N how many of us are working 7 days a week both hubby n wife?Thts quite a rare occurence isnt it?
If families are financially tight,then the more amazing tht they are able to afford a maid.Coz like many mentioned you need to pay for health checks food etc.
I am financially tight too,but instead i choose to be financially savvy.Make cut backs within our expenditure,live simply.I dont expect everyone to follow suit.
But those who cant afford to keep a maid then simply shldnt.Infant care is available for those who are busy working.Then somemums lament tht when they go home fr work they are all tired n dont have the energy for the household chores or cooking or looking after kids etc.Then i ask who then works longer hours?you or the maid?Who is gonna get more frustrated?

I have to agree with you even though I have a maid.

I think it is quite unfair for you all to judge "jaobias" just based on what she feel and what she have written.

Was she aiming at anyone? Why do you all have to so defensive? She is just talking in general.

Do you all know what is a forum? To share views and comments. Not personal attacks or what.

If you dun like what ppl have said then debate in the correct way and with the correct mindset.

What she said is true, we cannot deny the fact that this happens to others, she was never saying you ppl unless you ppl felt it that way. Then too bad!

 

[Ashbaby]

Its alway easy to be self righteous on other pple's problem.

 

[tika]

its even easier to be blinded by our own problems and take advantage of other people.

 

[mich_liu82]

Its alway easy to be self righteous on other pple's problem.

You are right. I do not deny. But its also easy to attract more unwanted attention by creating trouble, isn't it?

 

[Elmoandcount]

I have to agree with you even though I have a maid.

I think it is quite unfair for you all to judge "jaobias" just based on what she feel and what she have written.

Was she aiming at anyone? Why do you all have to so defensive? She is just talking in general.

Do you all know what is a forum? To share views and comments. Not personal attacks or what.

If you dont like what ppl have said then debate in the correct way and with the correct mindset.

What she said is true, we cannot deny the fact that this happens to others, she was never saying you ppl unless you ppl felt it that way. Then too bad!

Hi all,

My wife and I just recently got an indonesian helper (we chose not to use the word "maid"). Everyone who has contributed to this forum is creating awareness in their own sense and I will be doing the same by replying. This is not against anyone in particular. My main purpose is to highlight how we managed to get a good helper, train her, treat her as an equal in family and in return get her trust and respect. I believe that there are a lot of other families that managed to achieve this and hopefully, for new families looking at getting a helper, you can be encouraged and start on the right track.

One word of caution, to put it "crudely", life can be a pile of shit, sometimes hard, sometimes soft but stinky, sometimes ... At the end of the day, if we are talking about this topic on families getting helpers to be involved in their day to day affairs, like what many folks have mentioned above, it is based on respect.

If we put religion aside and helpers taking care of babies while the parents work(cos it is a sensitive issue, please please don't harp on this in this forum), let's discuss about the following:

We took 3 months to carefully select the helper that we wanted by looking thoroughly at Bios in different agencies. We did our fair share of our homework and asked around. Most of the time, we heard horror stories which has been mentioned above. Food for thought... if you go to a BBQ as a teenager, 9 out of ten times, someone will talk about horror stories. Very few will talk about some of the wonderful things that might have happened that day, eg my friend helped an old lady to cross the street and was boasting about it zzzzzzz..... If someone had mentioned something good about a helper, most of us will be sceptical and might assume that it is from some agency that is on a publicity trail...

Horror stories about domestic helpers aside, we needed someone in the house due to certain valid reasons. We are not rich... it was due to extenuating circumstances that made us make the decision.

1)Take time to select the right helper and have the right expectations about what she might be doing. Don't expect her to be a super helper who knows what is a tap that has everlasting flowing water. They have a well back home.

2)My wife and I took a couple of days to come up with a progressive training plan for the daily chores.

3)We set up rules for her. On her first day, we made her comfortable by providing her with her daily necessities eg clothes, shampoo, shower gel etc.

4)We trained her and demo to her what she needs to do for 2 weeks.

5)Sometimes she will take a few times to thoroughly understand everything. As an analogy... sometimes my boss will need to remind me a few times about what I should be doing as well...

6)After 2 weeks, she is doing everything on her own and despite hiccups, we learnt to have patience with her 'cos we understand that she has left her homeland to "work" and is all alone.

7)We started to involve her in some of our family activities like playing monopoly, eating on the same table(this is our rule, some people will hate it). and some people will say we did a stupid thing) we allowed her to call her mum in Indonesia every sunday at 4pm for 5 minutes(rule). On sunpage, it cost us about $10 per month. You cannot imagine how happy she was...

8)Shit happens and she spoilt some of our "costly" wonder woks. We explained to her the situation and she understood completely. Our tv was scratched because she applied too much strength(put it this way, she was trying to make it super clean) At the end of the day, we chosed not to make all this like it is a horror story. It is part and parcel of day to day life. If you can create a pile of shit, so can her... (we are all human)

All said and done, we set up baseline rules for her, provided her the necessities, sufficient rest, treated her like family and continuously trained her to do her job better. We have trust in her and she knows we will also take good care of her. To summarise, we are not boasting about our helper... we just want to create the awareness that all is not lost when you plan to get a helper. Do your part of the deal, work your ass out in the beginning and you will reap what you sow. Some will say we are lucky... for us, we would say we did what we were supposed to do... respect...

All the best to those in this forum and those who are planning to get helpers into their family. All the "worse" to those who are ill treating their helpers. But for the "bulk" of you who are good employers, keep it up and spread the news on how you did it. It's not as bad as you might think, just do the right thing, the good thing and love will come around...

Cheers for such a long and boring essay!!!

 

[tika]

lol. thats a truly long post.

 

[Elmoandcount]

lol. thats a truly long post.

hahaha... 'cos we lead by example not by fear.

Cheers my friend.

 

[mich_liu82]

lol. thats a truly long post.

Yes, its a long post! But really a good one!

Yes, thats the word. Mutual respect! Perhaps sum ppl jus dun have that. But I'm glad that there are ppl who still treat the helpers as humans!

 

[Ting]

yes tt was a good one.
these helpers, they r far away from their homeland, n r just tryin to make a living.
who would want to go far from home n live in a stranger's house?
im sure the maids themselves r also afraid that they might be abuse, so certain things they do, might be just protecting themselves.
they make blunders at work, who doesnt!?
i make blunders at work too, n some r very SIMPLE tasks, like making a phone call to someone but i forgot it 5 secs later. -.-"

 

[tika]

8)Shit happens and she spoilt some of our "costly" wonder woks. We explained to her the situation and she understood completely. Our tv was scratched because she applied too much strength(put it this way, she was trying to make it super clean)

thats a positive way of looking at it. Not many can do that. I like positive ppl. They make me smile.

 

[str@wb3rry's]

First of all donttell me wht thread i shld be starting or not.
yup my purpose was to create awareness.Maybe prick those with a guilty conscience n give mums a chance to sit back n ponder.
Ya exactly my point,these maids come fr poor countrys at least treat them decent.
good on you n your friends who treat maids well.Spread the good faith around n it cld help educate many more.
Work without a day off?tht i dont agree.Most agents wld do anything to get a maid hired.Why shld a maid not have a rest day?Dont we all get them?Dont we need to break out of our routines to take a breather?N how many of us are working 7 days a week both hubby n wife?Thts quite a rare occurence isnt it?
If families are financially tight,then the more amazing tht they are able to afford a maid.Coz like many mentioned you need to pay for health checks food etc.
I am financially tight too,but instead i choose to be financially savvy.Make cut backs within our expenditure,live simply.I dont expect everyone to follow suit.
But those who cant afford to keep a maid then simply shldnt.Infant care is available for those who are busy working.Then somemums lament tht when they go home fr work they are all tired n dont have the energy for the household chores or cooking or looking after kids etc.Then i ask who then works longer hours?you or the maid?Who is gonna get more frustrated?

HI jasobias

If you have read, i mention " i just feel you should not start this thread" Like you feel and are against hiring maid rite. And let say hubby and wife don't work 7 days a week but some maids also might not want to have day off as my maid cousin who is working in singapore also dun wan day off as they have no place to go and if they go out they actually spent more money so might as well opt for more pay.

For ppl who are financial tight and yet got a maid becoz they have no one else to help look after their children and to find a baby sitter is very expensive nowadays. My fren 2 children eldest one is less than 18 mth and if to put in childcare is quite expensive also plus she has a 5 mth old baby. So no choice she has to get a maid to help.

For the maid working longer hours, i really don't know how to respond to this. Coz if my maid has the time to read and watch tv. I dun think i have overwork her plus she know if she is tired i alway let her rest. From day one, she join me she know she is able to rest if she is tired.

Whatever it is i appreciate and it is good that you are helping all maids and creating awareness against maid abuse. There not much for me to say when your mindset is already so against of hiring maid and you do pretty feel there are alot bad employers around. So i hope you get something out of this thread that is creating awareness to mums here regards maid abuse (=

 

[jasobias]

hi,
yup just trying to create awareness n self reflection
Been helping out these abused maids for so long now,tht it gets rather depressing.Then i start to question humanity n blah blah..
ooh i was at wild wild wet just this weeknd n guess wht..most mummies n daddies sitting ard while the maids r trying to play with kids in the water.I was thinking wah piang seh must as well dont come then lah.I go out alot so it annoys me tht parents r not watching or spending time with kids even outside.Bring maid out so she can do watching n playing.Then later when kids get closer to the maids these parents get upset.*sigh*Even at playgrounds!!
Ya wld be great if one can speak up agst such instances.If my frens were to do tht or family u can be sure i wld be biting their head off.

 

[str@wb3rry's]

hi,
yup just trying to create awareness n self reflection
Been helping out these abused maids for so long now,tht it gets rather depressing.Then i start to question humanity n blah blah..
ooh i was at wild wild wet just this weeknd n guess wht..most mummies n daddies sitting around while the maids are trying to play with kids in the water.I was thinking wah piang seh must as well dont come then .I go out alot so it annoys me tht parents are not watching or spending time with kids even outside.Bring maid out so she can do watching n playing.Then later when kids get closer to the maids these parents get upset.*sigh*Even at playgrounds!!
Ya wld be great if one can speak up agst such instances.If my friends were to do tht or family you can be sure i wld be biting their head off.

I understand what you mean (= parents should be the one to play with their kids and bond with them. I guess you are the type who value family bonding very much so it annoys you when you see stuffs like that.

Maybe sometimes parents overlook that and thought they finally can get to rest and just leave the children to the maids ba. So hope here can remind parents that it is important to spend time with their children instead of leaving them to the maids. (= so maids can get some rest and the children wont stick too close to their maids too
ancing_wub:~

 

[LoVeS]

haha, ok, if my next child is boy, i will try to see if he is a difficult baby compared to pin anot.
so far, pin was a easy baby when she was young.. until she reach the terrible T stage.:nah:

Huh? wat is terrible T stage?! Actually nt all boys r difficult kids, i guess it boils down to discipline as well coz i haf frd whose kid is ard the same age as my son but yet is so guai lor which i even ask for advice frm my frd~ She told me discipline is very important n it true but too bad my PIL r way too protective of my son so ending up quarrel when it comes to tis issue~ :tlaugh:

 

[LoVeS]

mine is of opposite... my ger is hyperactive and notti... so difficult to tame her and during my 1st 2months after the arrival of my baby i almost go crazy! actually it depends on the character of your kids too and how they are being treated..

if you spoilt them, i believe gers can also be horrible...

my mum used to employed maids to help in house work cos she is self-employed so are often working long and till late hours 7days a week... i had 7 maids in 6yrs...

1st maid (phil) came and told us agency bluff her to come here and work as maid and her family actually sent money over to let her go back, she is degree holder and her family is rich... so after 3months she left...

2nd maid (phil) was a very fast worker, she can finish her chores by 8pm and turn in by 830pm... she woke up at 7am everyday... finished her contract and gone back

to cut it short, the rest of the maids are from Indo, 1 got herself preggy and was found out when she was 5th month preg, return her back to agent, 1 sell our things but we only found out when she finished her contract and was about to go back indo, but lucky all are not valueable, just some clothes and pouches so we let her bring it back... and rest are more or less on average.. not very good not very bad.... my last maid she will always cook abalone/seafood with maggie mee as lunch... but we are always ok with it...

i believe i do have quite alot of experience with maids as well...
and i do intend to get 1 maid after i moved into my new house, reason cos i my son who is in pri sch, i dont feel safe to let him be home alone after school and the maid can help to prepare lunch for him.... while my other 2 kids will be attending nursery/kindergarten by then...

i always teach my kids even with maid around they are not allow to BOSS the maid... if want drink water, pour yourself!! i dont employ her here to pour water for you... unless you got no hands~~ my kids still need to do their own chores/simple chores and the maid is here to lessen our burden and also to help keep alook out for my kids and prepare lunch for them when they are back from school...

Yeah i totally agreed tat kids shouldnt boss the maid ard~ Whenever my son is rude or trying to hit my maid(my son aso hit the family members like my PILS or bro in law or even my hubby n me) which i will simply make sure he apologize to my maid if nt he will get whacking frm me !!

 

[jojoki]

I know this topic wld stirr a cord with many.
I was reading some posts regarding maids n how some mummies are having some problems with them.
I am actually against this idea of having maids.I think it has made many people really slack,mean n self righteous.N the way the maids are being treated is hardly any different fr tht of a slave.
Everyone wants a maid with no off days.How wld you feel if your employer does the same to you n you are left with no choice but to comply given the circumstances.
Maids are suppose to have minimal contact with their family for fear tht they may be easily influenced.Again how wld we feel if our In laws decide oooh your family influencing you too much pls cut back on communication.
N maids are to eat only certain specified food.Again how much can one posibbly eat?
Some want maids to say yes 'am,no 'am.Lets just reserve tht for the military shall we.
N maids get up waaay earlier to do chores n are expected to do them well.How many mummies get up at 5am to do chores even if they are stay home?
N i often think maids have their hands full.If mummy is not able to do housework,look after baby n cook,to expect the maid to do all tht when mummy is at work is double standard.
In many parts of the world,they are suppose to be "house helpers". They are human too..they need rest,to be treated like you wld a guest or an employee in your own office.
I have 3 kids .Never needed a maid well actually to be honest i wld love help with housework n all but i cant bring myself to get one.Dont want kids getting lazy.Or me getting lazy.Its easy to fall into tht trap.N all the abuse cases we read about.Its so easy to "lose it" esp when you have the upper hand n see the maid ..well as a "maid".
So why this thread when i have no maid?Well i have seen too many terrible employers n too many maids suffering.I have actually gotten to see the "maids point of view" many a times n its often so heart wrenching tht i wonder why tht even happened.
Mummies pls treat your maids as you wld an employee.No doubt you are responsible for her but to treat someone with so much animosity under the same roof?no patience when we are able to bear the worst of it fr in laws n other people? Why then this double standards?
No doubt there are bad hats.When i read articles about how the maid killed the kids under her charge or attacked her employer,i think she must have been pushed to the brink.
Mummies wht are your opinions?Those mummies with no maids...if its not financial reason holding you back then wht is?
This shld pose for some interesting discussion.:001_302:

so agree wit u! my grandma has a maid, n trats her like a grandaughter! my bb loves her too!!

 

[jojoki]

also hav a fren who doesnt allows her maid to sit in living hall, must stay in kitchen at all times, cannot eat same food as employer, sleeps in small tiny room at back of kitchen with just a mattress on floor... i really felt bad for her but cant interfere la.

i constantly tell my mum to treat her maid just like how she would like my employer to treat me. Ya, as a mummy now i am very careful of how i treat ppl, treat them the way i would like my child to be treated next time when she works for others.