Stay on for babies/kids? Stay on without love?
- Thread starter CanCanMum
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uddermummy
Well-Known Member
because some men don't think with their heads, they think with their hormones! 
yeah loh, quite unfair. There's this little hooha in the straits times over a counselling centre's statement that women see divorce as a sign of independence and a nice to have status!
Hello! Why would we want to get married for fun, and then get divorced just so that we can appear independent? Wahhh, want to be independent can save up and buy our own car, our own apartments, go travelling etc. Seriously there are other lesss painful ways of asserting our independence!
yeah loh, quite unfair. There's this little hooha in the straits times over a counselling centre's statement that women see divorce as a sign of independence and a nice to have status!
Hello! Why would we want to get married for fun, and then get divorced just so that we can appear independent? Wahhh, want to be independent can save up and buy our own car, our own apartments, go travelling etc. Seriously there are other lesss painful ways of asserting our independence!
i totally agreed with you again, annie mummy... yes, why don they think with their freaking brains... just get married and don plan for their family... just want to have baby without thinking about their baby's future... mine is unplanned and unexpected though we are married... i find that most mummies are more mature than men / daddies / hubbies...
uddermummy
Well-Known Member
yup, yup, agree.
If they are not prepared for married life and kids, they really shouldn't get married!
If they are not prepared for married life and kids, they really shouldn't get married!
Ting
Well-Known Member
i think its not very fair to say that all men are the same like that.
there are some men, or hubbies that make good fathers.
sometimes its how they were brought up, the peer influence they have throughout their lives. these things add on to their thinking and decisions in life.
as you guys said, if they not prepared to get married and have kids, then the questions shld go back to us women, why didnt we open our eyes big enough and understand them better (their goals in life, whether they are ready or not) before marrying them??
we can choose not to marry them if we feel they are not ready right???
many a times in life, we ourselves can be unsure of what we want, and our thinkings change with time. sometimes only when things happen, then we realise, we might not be ready at all.
marriage and parenting are very big commitments, many ppl think they can handle it, only in actual fact they are in it, then perhaps they realise they are not.
but if our men stray, ever thought the cause of it? is it just them or are we part of the reason why???
bcos men do not go thru pregnancy, thus they dont feel how we feel. thus might not be easy for us to give up our kids just like tt.
JMHO.
there are some men, or hubbies that make good fathers.
sometimes its how they were brought up, the peer influence they have throughout their lives. these things add on to their thinking and decisions in life.
as you guys said, if they not prepared to get married and have kids, then the questions shld go back to us women, why didnt we open our eyes big enough and understand them better (their goals in life, whether they are ready or not) before marrying them??
we can choose not to marry them if we feel they are not ready right???
many a times in life, we ourselves can be unsure of what we want, and our thinkings change with time. sometimes only when things happen, then we realise, we might not be ready at all.
marriage and parenting are very big commitments, many ppl think they can handle it, only in actual fact they are in it, then perhaps they realise they are not.
but if our men stray, ever thought the cause of it? is it just them or are we part of the reason why???
bcos men do not go thru pregnancy, thus they dont feel how we feel. thus might not be easy for us to give up our kids just like tt.
JMHO.
SunShine07
Member
my dear this is wat i am facing now...sometimesi hate myself for going dating with him....
i also said that i won't allow abused and unfaithfulness.....but all he did also....sigh....
SunShine07
Member
its all really depends on how well you can take it....as woman, i guess it is easy to forgive them for the sake of kids....but repeat the mistake, i guess it is time to say bye bye!~
currently, this is what i do now....he is now try very hard to patch back....but i still need to think a lot first....
if we are together, everyday quarrel in front of son, and one day he will sure to abused me again...i am very sure, that why i leave....i wan to give my son complete family...but i think i would rather not to let him witness the quarrels, shouting and violence....this is really bad for him....
currently, this is what i do now....he is now try very hard to patch back....but i still need to think a lot first....
if we are together, everyday quarrel in front of son, and one day he will sure to abused me again...i am very sure, that why i leave....i wan to give my son complete family...but i think i would rather not to let him witness the quarrels, shouting and violence....this is really bad for him....
if stay becos of kids , but there no feeling , staying like strangers , never get happiness again ,what for have to stay , maybe there is a another way that kid still can stay happily and grow haelthy , who knows !! For me i wont stay , with him unfaithful , abuse , quarrel everyday .. sleeping in one bed like stranger .. :nah:
annie
Well-Known Member
Ting i agree that sometimes human thought we can commit ourselves to marrige but when things happen we realise we cant. anyway, i think even if open eyes big enough to know them better also meaningless cos human change. they might be perfect before marriage but not after etc. also, women might be part of the reason y man stray BUT straying is wrong. there is no reason to justify it. if unhappy with wife for anything should talk it out. cant talk then divorce before having another women outside. thats wat i think. even if the wife is the cause if the man straying, straying itself is already a grave mistake n nothing should be use as an excuse. there are many ways to solve problems in marriage. straying destroys a marriage n not saving it.
I'm so sorry that I have to disagree with this statement.because some men dont't think with their heads, they think with their hormones!
They DO think with their heads. But it's the wrong head. It's not the one with brains. They think with their d**k heads!!!!
I'm sorry if I offended any male members here but it's very true from my experience. Wanna win a fight? Wear sexy lingerie & I confirm WIN! Can't decide on the colour for the wall? Take off my clothes & I'll get an answer instantly! (which is 'whatever you want my dear')
SunShine07
Member
lolz:tlaugh::tlaugh::tlaugh: agreed!!!
Like my hb, as far as i know the woman just simply said she like him and hug him when she pretend to be drank...then that's where it start....it is too easy that man nowsday fall into temptation, and always the excuse is not happy with wife or wife not understanding giving hb stress.....blah blah blah~~~
But they dun know who is more stress....wife need to work, do household and take care of kids! and those stupid only work, and that's it!
sigh, if i have a choice, i would not get married in the first place....:nah:
annie
Well-Known Member
well i dun wanna say women more stress or men more stress as its unfair to them since we r not them but then no matter wat the 'reason' for unfaithfulness is, all problems should be talked n settled. going out for fling or watsoever is simply not acceptable n no 'reasons' should be used to justify this action.
SunShine07
Member
yes, u are right...should settle this way, but provided men wants it or agreed?
Many man, i have seen like to avoid and settle problems this way, they tend to stay outside longer with friends or coll....that's where it start and develop. My friends' hb, my own sis also face this kinda problem...
I find that when they have problem or not happy with wife, they won't say out....then they will tend to stay outside longer, dun like to go home, scared that wife will talk about the 'problem' again....in the end, they stop communicating, or sometimes, wife will push to hb to talk and then the hb will feel very stressed and go out again....then happen to meet someone who can confide problems or who can click, feel relax whenever with the someone....then it start to meet the someone offen....then from there it will develop the 'feeling'
have seen many many case start like this....happen to my circle of friends and also my sis.....
what to do? men are like that.....
so that's why i regret getting married....
Mummy_201002
Member
I've asked myself this Qn several times in my life. I guess after my bb arrive, I'll stay as long as I have my own house and there is no abuse. We can't help as at times feeling fade due to constant stress wif bb, office workload and household chores. Lifestyle are changed and smx our focus shifted from spousal relation to focus on bb. I'll do wat I can as a woman, wife and mummy to keep my family complete but at least if one day I decide to let go, I'll do it w/o regrets. We will only know if we shld stay or leave when we are in the situation and listen to our heart. No matter how independent finacially, its tough to be a single mummy
jal
Member
Absolutely AGREE!!!
jal
Member
Cheap F*** up slut!!! Slap her blardy face!!!
SunShine07
Member
I feel like doing that too and her friends pretend want to ask her out. Her friends also feel like slapping her liao...slap not becos she seduce my hb, but for my son as she runied my family! And she is also married with 2 kids liao! really a f**k up bitch!
But i dun wan to dirty my hands and my hb also f**k up kind!!!:nah:
Ting
Well-Known Member
i dun agree to infidelity, n of cos, strayin is a no no to me.
but often, we need to think, what r the reasons?
if we hv been the perfect wife, so good n all, any reason why the husb will stray??
thus i say they r not ready for marriage, cos their thinking is macham like dating period, hv gf, but see prettier girl then woo.
understand my POV?
but liang jia, i totally understand tt act drunk part!!
my gf's ex bf also like tt! his ex gf pretend to be drunk ( as what we conclude) then she kiss her (ex) bf! then she saw! n he say, she drank too much n i cant fend her off!
i totally will not tolerate such stupid excuses as i cant fend her off! u r a guy n she is a girl, how can u hv no strength!!
but often, we need to think, what r the reasons?
if we hv been the perfect wife, so good n all, any reason why the husb will stray??
thus i say they r not ready for marriage, cos their thinking is macham like dating period, hv gf, but see prettier girl then woo.
understand my POV?
but liang jia, i totally understand tt act drunk part!!
my gf's ex bf also like tt! his ex gf pretend to be drunk ( as what we conclude) then she kiss her (ex) bf! then she saw! n he say, she drank too much n i cant fend her off!
i totally will not tolerate such stupid excuses as i cant fend her off! u r a guy n she is a girl, how can u hv no strength!!