What should I do when my 20 months old hit me when throwing tantrum?
- Thread starter Triquetra
- Start date
diymummy
Moderator
My son does that as well. I think he doesn't know how to express himself and release his emotions.
It depends why your toddler is angry. If she is angry because she is impatient for milk, for me, I make my son count to 10 or say A-Z to teach him to wait.
If she is angry because you scold her, for me, I will hold his hands together and ask him to calm down. If he refuses, I will hit his hand. If he still opposes, I will put him on a reflection chair and he has to stay there till he calms down.
It depends why your toddler is angry. If she is angry because she is impatient for milk, for me, I make my son count to 10 or say A-Z to teach him to wait.
If she is angry because you scold her, for me, I will hold his hands together and ask him to calm down. If he refuses, I will hit his hand. If he still opposes, I will put him on a reflection chair and he has to stay there till he calms down.
when my son was younger (now 26th month), he will hit us as well. What I did was to hold his hand and tell him, cannot hit mummy/daddy, why did you do it? Say sorry now. If he refuses, then I or my hubby will ignore him. After awhile he will come running to us and say sorry. Before he can speak, we taught him sign language for sorry, thus he will still be able to apologize.
BeingSingle
Member
wow! thats a good idea! i've heard of baby sign langague but i didnt realise that there are parents that actually does it.
how long did it take for him to learn the basics like thank you, hungry, sorry, sleepy, pee & Poo ..etc?
Despite countless times of telling dear daughter that hitting anyone is wrong, she still does it.
She also hit my niece when she goes near her, it can be when she is protective over what she is holding or even for no reason.
She get angry and hit me when I don't give her what she wants and if I leave her alone, she will roll on floor, scream and cry extremely loudly.
Very often when we are in the car, she will also hit me when I refuse to let her play with the compartments or player. Since both of us are stuck in the car, I can't walk away or ignore her.
Nowadays I find it really hard to change her diaper, she will kick with force in protest and it's kinda dangerous now since I am pregnant. I also cannot leave her naked and diaper-less in case she catches a cold.
I am lost.
She also hit my niece when she goes near her, it can be when she is protective over what she is holding or even for no reason.
She get angry and hit me when I don't give her what she wants and if I leave her alone, she will roll on floor, scream and cry extremely loudly.
Very often when we are in the car, she will also hit me when I refuse to let her play with the compartments or player. Since both of us are stuck in the car, I can't walk away or ignore her.
Nowadays I find it really hard to change her diaper, she will kick with force in protest and it's kinda dangerous now since I am pregnant. I also cannot leave her naked and diaper-less in case she catches a cold.
I am lost.
My son have been showing his tantrums ever since hes about 20 months old as well. can b from whining to crying to sitting on the floor in public places.
He used to hit when he's angry but he hit the butt (which usually is mine or hubby's) simply because i told him naughty boy mummy will hit butt butt.. i realise that n i stopped saying that as well. we went to the library and borrowed a book that talks about hands. It has something that says hands r not for hitting, for cuddling, drawing and stuff. we read it before bedtime at a period of time and when he throws tantrums n shows signs of frustration i talk to him about the book and gives him a big cuddle.
He stopped the hitting thingy ever since n it lasted ever since.
i usually leave him in the car seat throwing tantrums in the car, i will tell him that mummy will talk to u only if u stop. he understands n shows me the hand sign for sorry as he hasnt started saying sorry yet.
when we r out n he throws tantrums in the mall, i will leave him as it is, bee it sitting on the floor or crying it loud and he stops when he understands that it doesnt help.
He used to hit when he's angry but he hit the butt (which usually is mine or hubby's) simply because i told him naughty boy mummy will hit butt butt.. i realise that n i stopped saying that as well. we went to the library and borrowed a book that talks about hands. It has something that says hands r not for hitting, for cuddling, drawing and stuff. we read it before bedtime at a period of time and when he throws tantrums n shows signs of frustration i talk to him about the book and gives him a big cuddle.
He stopped the hitting thingy ever since n it lasted ever since.
i usually leave him in the car seat throwing tantrums in the car, i will tell him that mummy will talk to u only if u stop. he understands n shows me the hand sign for sorry as he hasnt started saying sorry yet.
when we r out n he throws tantrums in the mall, i will leave him as it is, bee it sitting on the floor or crying it loud and he stops when he understands that it doesnt help.
Meaning to say that I should never hit dear daughter when she misbehaves?
I wish I could just leave her alone when she throws tantrum outside but it's tough cause of the disturbances her sharp and loud screams are causing others. Other people just give you 'the look' and once I even heard ppl saying something like "don't know what her parents are thinking" when I tried to ignore her for awhile.
Amulet
Active Member
I smacked her hand hard n scold her super fiercely on why she should nvr beat me, Thn ignore her.. It works for me.. After just a few times, she remembers.. Now wen she is angry n show signs of trying to beat me, I will just shoot her a dagger look n ask her 'what did u try to do?!?', she knows already.. The thing that I detest most is disrespect to her elders, especially me..
As for whining in public, I will explain to her, sooth her, distract her, or just let her whine.. If she screams I will tell her to stop, warn a second time.. If it still doesn works, she gets a slap from me.. She will stop the screaming immediately n get out of the hysterical mode..
Yes, I do physical punishments..
As for whining in public, I will explain to her, sooth her, distract her, or just let her whine.. If she screams I will tell her to stop, warn a second time.. If it still doesn works, she gets a slap from me.. She will stop the screaming immediately n get out of the hysterical mode..
Yes, I do physical punishments..
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Just keep repeating and your toddler will get it. but all parents have their own sign language. so you and your hubby just have to be consistent with the signs you want to use for each action. :001_302:
did you try the 'naughty corner' when she hits someone? dont talk to her or allow her to play. she has to stay at that corner for few mins. she will cry and scream, let her be. after 1-2 mins, tell her that mummy will only talk to you if you be quiet, and no more crying. dont give in. after she calms down. go over and talk to her, tell her it's not right to hit, then ask her why she does so? state a few reasons for her actions (e.g are you angry? do you want the toy? are you just naughty? etc), after that you have to explain to her even when she's angry or upset with 'whoever', cannot hit. either come and tell mummy or share the toy etc. and lastly go and apologise. the changes wont happen overnight, but after a few times of being 'punish' at the naughty corner, she will know. Toddlers are smarter than we think.
As for the situation in the car, when my son throws tantrum, I will still ignore him. Let him cry or scream in his car seat. Just dont talk to him. He will calm down in a few minutes and then after that I just talk to him and ask him why he behaves that way. Not right to scream etc. As mentioned, they will get it after a few times of the same treatment from us.
I am also currently pregnant (6 mths now). He used to try to kick me too, but during my early stage of pregnancy, I already told him cannot kick mummy, mummy will be pain pain cos mummy has baby inside. Do you want mummy to be in pain? he will shake his head and after a few times, he doesnt kick when change diaper. but now my son will run around when I want to change his diapers. the more I run after him, or scold him, the more he runs away, and I get more upset. so I just let him run around and tell him when you ready to lie down, you tell mummy. then I will walk away and close the door, with him in his room alone. will only take a short while for him to cry for me and he will go and lie down by himself. In our hot weather, may be nice for them to run around without diaper for awhile, wont catch a cold so easily if you dry them properly. Dont worry too much.
Just rem have to be firm when you discipline your girl.
I also agree with Candy about our kids learning from us (if we hit them too often, they will think it's normal to do so to others). I used to hit my son's hand whenever he touches stuff that he is not allowed, or when he is naughty. During that period when I hit him without warning him first, he tends to be abit more aggressive to others too. Then I stop doing it, and give him verbal warning first (around 3 times), then only physical punishment only if he does things that are really out of hand or doesnt change after the verbal warnings. The silence treatment is the best method for me so far. You dont have to use force but the kid will cry like mad cos it's terrible to be ignored. haha!
oh ya, as for the screaming in public, I will try to talk to my son first and calm him down. But if he still ignores and continue to misbehave, just walk away and tell him we are leaving without him. He will still fuss awhile, but most of the time, he will stand up and walk towards us. or if too many people (afraid that he will get lost), I will just grab him and let him scream or cry then bring him to a corner and discipline him. Dont care about what those passerby thinks, most of the time, these are people without any toddlers at home. Plus you wont be seeing these strangers anymore. More important for your girl to learn that she cant always get the things she wants or misbehaves. It will get better. All the best!
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Mummy to Baby V
Well-Known Member
My boy hit in anger very early on, about 1-year old. So we avoided hitting him so that he could learn too.
Always had to repeat: be gentle.
Sign language worked well for us, he started signing from about 10 months old.
When babies / toddlers can express their needs or feelings better, we understand them more, they get less frustrated.
He's 2 years old and kicks during the pre-bedtime diaper. He's day toilet-trained, so I'd warn him that if he kicks, I'd go to the next room and do my own stuff. No worry that he'd wet the bed, definitely won't catch cold with dry bums too. When I start walking away, he'd reluctantly lie down and wait for me. Other tactics: let him hold a Favourite soft toy, sing while putting on diaper.
Outdoor: so far no meltdown as we only go out when he's freshly awake and home before nap/sleep.
If he's bored at a long meal, I'd excuse ourselves and bring him to walk about.
If necessary, will grab him to a corner and talk sense into him.
Always had to repeat: be gentle.
Sign language worked well for us, he started signing from about 10 months old.
When babies / toddlers can express their needs or feelings better, we understand them more, they get less frustrated.
He's 2 years old and kicks during the pre-bedtime diaper. He's day toilet-trained, so I'd warn him that if he kicks, I'd go to the next room and do my own stuff. No worry that he'd wet the bed, definitely won't catch cold with dry bums too. When I start walking away, he'd reluctantly lie down and wait for me. Other tactics: let him hold a Favourite soft toy, sing while putting on diaper.
Outdoor: so far no meltdown as we only go out when he's freshly awake and home before nap/sleep.
If he's bored at a long meal, I'd excuse ourselves and bring him to walk about.
If necessary, will grab him to a corner and talk sense into him.
Thanks mummies.
My dear daughter wouldn't care if I just leave her by herself without diaper, she will be happily climbing around etc.
My husband and I are attempting the no-hit method at the moment but it doesn't work in the car. I am carrying her cause we don't have a baby car seat.
My dear daughter wouldn't care if I just leave her by herself without diaper, she will be happily climbing around etc.
My husband and I are attempting the no-hit method at the moment but it doesn't work in the car. I am carrying her cause we don't have a baby car seat.
Mummy to Baby V
Well-Known Member
Regarding car trips, perhaps it's time to invest in a car seat? Safety is definitely number 1 for our precious little one right?
And I find it easier to handle son. If he kicks a fuss, I'd sit really far away from him until he calms down.
Usually, I let him hold a Favourite little toy while on the ride. Or feed him some snacks on the way.
Totally agree! Car seat for our kids is very important!
Triquetra: Reading from your previous post, I hope u are not carrying her and sitting at the front passenger seat?! If so, please stop. It's too dangerous! You may think that accidents can never happen to us cos we are careful drivers. But it just have to take another reckless driver and everything can happen in 1 min. Be safe for our precious little ones. They dont know what is right and safe. It's up to us parents to protect them.
Sorry I may sound harsh, but I'm very against parents carrying their baby/toddler and sitting infront. For obvious reason. Even when seated at the back without car seat, if accident happen, the kid will still be in danger. Best is to just secure her safely in car seat. It's not ex. You can invest in one that can convert into booster seat.
Triquetra: Reading from your previous post, I hope u are not carrying her and sitting at the front passenger seat?! If so, please stop. It's too dangerous! You may think that accidents can never happen to us cos we are careful drivers. But it just have to take another reckless driver and everything can happen in 1 min. Be safe for our precious little ones. They dont know what is right and safe. It's up to us parents to protect them.
Sorry I may sound harsh, but I'm very against parents carrying their baby/toddler and sitting infront. For obvious reason. Even when seated at the back without car seat, if accident happen, the kid will still be in danger. Best is to just secure her safely in car seat. It's not ex. You can invest in one that can convert into booster seat.
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Aside from the safety issue, if you think your girl is really trying her luck now and sometimes may get out of hand, a few smacks on the bottoms will do wonders!
yvonne_ktw
Member
my boy has very bad temper and he always hit ppl if he's angry.
me,hubby,my MIL,FIL,SIL and maid. I used to be hard on him whenever he hit BUT no use. Till i changed, i CRY when he hit me and ever since he DARE NOT hit me anymore. But he still hit the rest of family members except me.
So whenever he wanna hit me i will show that cry face he will sayang me instead of hit. When my hubby ask him come hit me i will show cry face and he will sayang me and go hit his dad instead.
me,hubby,my MIL,FIL,SIL and maid. I used to be hard on him whenever he hit BUT no use. Till i changed, i CRY when he hit me and ever since he DARE NOT hit me anymore. But he still hit the rest of family members except me.
So whenever he wanna hit me i will show that cry face he will sayang me instead of hit. When my hubby ask him come hit me i will show cry face and he will sayang me and go hit his dad instead.
Mummy to Baby V
Well-Known Member
And I just remember this:
Teach child to express his feelings. I taught my boy hand sign for "upset" and "angry" when he was very young.
For toddlers, can teach them the words.
This way, when he's upset / angry, he may show / tell me.
Else, I ask him with the hand signs / words and he'd reply.
When the child knows his feelings are being understood, he may calm down and listen.
Now sometimes when he misbehaves and I become stern, he'd say "Mummy's upset / angry". Then he'd correct himself.
So I conclude that helping him recognise feelings is quite helpful.
Teach child to express his feelings. I taught my boy hand sign for "upset" and "angry" when he was very young.
For toddlers, can teach them the words.
This way, when he's upset / angry, he may show / tell me.
Else, I ask him with the hand signs / words and he'd reply.
When the child knows his feelings are being understood, he may calm down and listen.
Now sometimes when he misbehaves and I become stern, he'd say "Mummy's upset / angry". Then he'd correct himself.
So I conclude that helping him recognise feelings is quite helpful.
I think you are right about the car seat. The problem is that my husband is driving a company's car and the company is very particular about the baby car seat leaving a mark or dent.
I guess I should really talk to him about it again. I feel so guilty neglecting my daughter's safety!
LOL! I don't think this will work for me, she will think it is funny and try to provoke that reaction more often.
I shall try this one! Sound workable~And I just remember this:
Teach child to express his feelings. I taught my boy hand sign for "upset" and "angry" when he was very young.
For toddlers, can teach them the words.
This way, when he's upset / angry, he may show / tell me.
Else, I ask him with the hand signs / words and he'd reply.
When the child knows his feelings are being understood, he may calm down and listen.
Now sometimes when he misbehaves and I become stern, he'd say "Mummy's upset / angry". Then he'd correct himself.
So I conclude that helping him recognise feelings is quite helpful.