Pregnant again.. 4 months after giving birth

[Lotus]

I am not against or for abortion as I feel it's a personal decision and whatever you decide is the best thing for YOUR family.

I was 4 months old when my mother fell pregnant with my brother, who was child #3. As I fell pregnant when #1 was a baby (6 months) I talked to my mother about how I would cope (in the end I lost the baby but became pregnant again when #1 was 12 months). I don't have family here to help and I just couldn't see how I would manage. My mother's advice was that it's stressful, difficult and extremely tiring but once you get over the initial months it is all worth it. She also told me that even today she sometimes finds being a mother stressful, difficult and extremely tiring but all worth it even though we're all now adults.

About the comparing, parents will either do it or they won't it doesn't matter how old the children are. Even though I am 13 months older than my brother I was never compared to him, but always compared with my sister who was 24 months older. I remember feeling left out sometimes but what child with siblings has never felt left out?

I also remember for my 2nd & 3rd pregnancies I cried when I found out - the crying was a mix of shock and a little happiness but more saddness for my daughter having to share her parents with another and wondering if I could love another child as much.

Ultimately my advice is that your family need to do what feels 'right' for you, your husband and your daughter. I know this doesn't really help but no one can make the decision for your family. You just need to discuss your feelings and the possibilities with your husband.

I truly believe that in every life situation as long as mummy & daddy are happy then the family will be happy.

 

[Ottermum]

PLEASE PLEASE KEEP THE BABY!!!

Everything happens for a reason...the baby's god's gift to you!

It just depends on your attitude towards this... nobody can stop you for aborting it, or keeping it...if you think positively then everything's gonna be fine!

Don't care about what your mum/mil thinks...IT'S YOUR FLESH N BLOOD NOT THEIRS!!

Some people try so hard to conceive n yet can't have babies!!!

How about those single mums? No hubbys by their sides, some even no family supports, PRESSURE from the society n financially strained but THEY CHOOSE TO KEEP THEIR BABIES...

Think about it...

 

[Queenbabe]

Aurelia , i know saying is easy than doing but since everything is fated & happen so u must accept what it is . Either sacrifice & quit ur job or get another nanny coz u dun wan any maid . Dont be upset anymore ok , stay happy ok

 

[beatricemom]

congrats
To keep or not, the decision is yours ultimately. Wheather the age gap is one year or 2 years or even 4 years (for me), as parents you will somewhat feel that you are neglecting your older child when there is a new bb in the family.

Even with the 4 yr age gap between my girl and boy, i sometimes feel that i tend to shower more attention on the bb, i feel guilty at times as well. But a child is god's gift to us. so, think through it carefully with your hubby, it has to be a decision by the both of you, not just you alone.

 

[Angelvan]

Congrads to you firstly.

Please try your best to keep the baby.
They are miracle & its god's gift.

I intend to go for Ab before.
Firstly : Unplanned
Secondly : Work comes first
Third : Longterm Commitment

On the day baby was discharge & sleeping soundly on her cot the very first day.
Somehow all the past thoughts come to me. Even my pervious Ab intention.
Yes, I cried out. " Joy " then " Guilt ".
You know even now I still felt guilty having only the thot not the action.
Baby are really innocent. They are a bundle of joy.
It parents who created them. In life, we just have to adjust to fit in.
Thing postive, I certaintly believe when there's a will, there's a way.

 

[sharenkoh]

Dear Aurelia..juz to share a small story here,not to give u any pressure..

bought a 3mth old puppy early Jun last yr only to discover my pregnancy at mth end (hav been trying for 3mths prior) *somehow didnt connect how both dog & bb going to work out 2gether*
during this period hubby has been taking over d chores of looking aft puppy. however as my delivery day is nearing,i've been wrestling endlessly to give up my puppy cuz i want to focus on caring for my newborn w/o any compromise.
Somehow millions of reasons keep popping up to make me give up my dog:
1) hygiene (somehow u only get to notice d amt of fur ard d house when yr dog has dark coat) - i'm worried abt my newborn breathing in all these furs
2) sudden barking - i'm worried it'll jolt my bb awake + how am i gonna stop both crying & barking at d same time ?? think i'll go screaming mad (caring for a newborn will be damn tough for a 1st time mum,definitely limited time to rest & do chores and to manage a puppy still yearning for constant attention wz constant whining/sudden barking !!)
3) and d list goes on & on..

Recently & FINALLY,i decided to keep my puppy & hence came up wz all d solutions to counter whatever problems i can forsee (even sitting up to think at 2am betwn sleeps)
Why to keep ?
- to my puppy,im also a parent & he a 'child' which i've to be responsible to since i decided to buy him
- i know its gonna be though & unfair (definitely focusing more on bb than doggie) but i believe somehow i'll be able to juggle,i've told both my dog & myself that life will be better for him 2-3yrs down d road
- but IMPORTANTLY,
i told myself that "We should learn to live with any decisions we've made"

I know it will be tough(for d next yrs) but i also know d situation will turn out better aft d next few yrs).

Afterall Nature has its own way,things will work out one way or another !!
Nobody has a smooth-sailing or perfect life, do we ??
We simply live through the ups and downs.

 

[aurelia]

Thank you all for your advice. I would prefer to keep my baby actually. But somehow, as it is now, hubby is 'ignoring' my pregnancy. He doesn't seem to acknowledge the fact that I am preggie but rather seem to be in denial.

Although I don't blame him, now it's making me quite sad that I don't have his 100% support. Maybe he doesn't want to get too attached to my unborn baby because he knows I might be terminating the pregnancy.

But I shudder if there should come a time when I have to choose between him and my baby. This is getting more complicated by the day. I just wished that my gynae appt would come soon..

 

[January84]

Hi aurelia,

I was pregnant with my DD when my DS was 6 months. I was so happy when the kit showed postitive. Why? Because I hope my kids will have a close age gap, I hope they can grow together. Cost of school fees wont diff much and also, bringing them up together is a 1 time tireness instead of starting all over again in another couple of years...

Though I was pregnant with my DD, I also spent all my time with my DS and he love hugging my tummy! This is a super good feeling! Taking naps together, reading to him, singing to him while bathing him, talked to him while feeding him, somehow, I just made it.

DD is turning 8 weeks today, yes 6 Mar 09. Till now, everything is fine. DS is happy that he has someone to talk anytime, I still feed him as usual, we take naps together sometimes...

Dont worry much, if u plan to keep, its a good news, and everything will just turn out fine, :001_302:

 

[CanCanMum]

Though I was pregnant with my DD, I also spent all my time with my DS and he love hugging my tummy! This is a super good feeling!

this is cute!:001_302::001_302::001_302:

 

[CanCanMum]

Thank you all for your advice. I would prefer to keep my baby actually. But somehow, as it is now, hubby is 'ignoring' my pregnancy. He doesn't seem to acknowledge the fact that I am preggie but rather seem to be in denial.

Although I don't blame him, now it's making me quite sad that I don't have his 100% support. Maybe he doesn't want to get too attached to my unborn baby because he knows I might be terminating the pregnancy.

But I shudder if there should come a time when I have to choose between him and my baby. This is getting more complicated by the day. I just wished that my gynae appt would come soon..

aurelia babe,

perhaps yr DH is not ready to accept his role as a daddy yet tats why he is behaving this way? Sometimes some husbands will fall into post-natal daddy blues.....(tats wad happened to my DH last time).......sometimes they felt too overwhelmed by the hassle of looking after a young baby and then getting ready for another one which is unexpected and unplanned for your case....i think it juz takes some time to get over the feeling....soon he will be bonded with your baby inside....especially when your baby bump shows.....

meanwhile take good care of your health and can chat with all mummies here for moral support.:001_302::001_302::001_302:

 

[wenz]

What i wanna say is better dun abort the baby...
when i found out i'm preg with my no.3 i was thinking of aborting as i only want 2 kids... but somehow... i cant bear to do it...
cos he is innocent... this pregnacy caught me as a surpise as me and my hubby had been using withdrawal method since we first had sex after my no.2 till then.. never once i allow him to eject inside... but still i'm pregg...

have u ever tot of if after abortion and when time is ripe and u wan no.2 but you cant conceive anymore? this happen to some of them out there..

God arrange u to have the baby now there must be a reason behind it... y not accept the baby, love the baby and ur DD and DH....

once they grow up together, u'll be free n easy...

 

[Pwiincess]

Hi,

Please do keep your baby.
I have confident that you can cope with two babies.
My babygirl is 1years old now & I'm pregnant again.

I feel really happy that I am expecting again.
Reason being they wont have a ge gap and will be having fun together.
FOr you, it will be better you look after bith together rather than doing the basics all over again few years later.
I dont see how I wont have time for my babygirl ( 1yo) now. =)

 

[SH74]

aurelia > i'm sure ur hubby's behaviour towards ur pregnancy will get better when ur tummy gets bigger. give him some time.

tell him that u've decided to keep the baby so u need his support. he has to know that he has to b responsible for the pregnancy also. it's not ur fault solely.

meanwhile, stay strong. baby is innocent. dun abort the baby 'cause of ur hubby's reaction towards ur pregnancy.

 

[Lotus]

Thank you all for your advice. I would prefer to keep my baby actually. But somehow, as it is now, hubby is 'ignoring' my pregnancy. He doesn't seem to acknowledge the fact that I am preggie but rather seem to be in denial.

Although I don't blame him, now it's making me quite sad that I don't have his 100% support. Maybe he doesn't want to get too attached to my unborn baby because he knows I might be terminating the pregnancy.

But I shudder if there should come a time when I have to choose between him and my baby. This is getting more complicated by the day. I just wished that my gynae appt would come soon..

Agree with your thoughts that perhaps he's not sure about your decision, as a result he's not sure how to act, so it's easier to ignore.

Talk to him about his feelings and yours, as he will have an opinion but may be worried about your reaction. It's a huge decision and the burden of making the choice should not be made solely by you. Nor should you let this be a choice between him and the baby, rather a choice made by both of you in regards to your family's future.

Remember to take care of yourself and rest when your daughter is asleep.

 

[WeeFee's_Mummy]

hi aurelia,

forgive me if i'm abt to sound harsh ... i'm not judging anyone & not judging you. here's my take on voluntary abortion.



it is not your choice. it was never your choice. all you have is power.


your child does not have a choice either. he/she is defenceless ... does not have a voice. but what they do have is a right to live.



please do not take this right away ... by exercising your power.

 

[Jacqui]

1) No abortion pls, you may wish to go for adoption contact MCYS for further details.

2) If no one is looking after yr newborn, immediate booking for he/her to infant care ctr, working mother benefits after govt. subsidies ( est. value /mth $600 )

 

[Porukadotzu]

agree with everyone else, please don't abort your 2nd child coz this soul have the right to live. It's not yours to decide wether the baby should live or not... so would you re-think again ? i'm too just like you, my ger just turn 6 month and i suspect i'm pregnant again, i also worried how things would turned out to be, but never cross my mind to terminate this angel inside.. so i hope you're realise that every problem can be solved just don't decide this matter so harshly. so please love your unborn baby inside and hope tat you realise that abortion is not the only way out.

 

[preggie188]

God gave you this child for a reason. You may not know it now, but things will be clearer to you, eventually. Seek help. Talk to family and seek their advice. I honestly can't think of any stranges, let alone family members, who will encourage you to abort a healthy baby. So don't make the mistake of aborting the child. This is possibly the last regret you want to have in life.

 

[stonston]

my dear gal, u r so fortunate. i wanna hv another ASAP but finances dun allow.
since u r already blessed with a baby, talk to ur hb, discuss ur concerns and see how u can work it out.

if ur nanny cant cope with 2, find another nanny who lives near her so sending n fetching wont be too difficult. or try infantcare. i noe ur hb dun like maid, but maybe can get a maid n ur MIL supervise? means maid can stay with ur MIL if ur hb dun like maid at home? day time send babies there so maid n MIL can look after together? Slowly work out a solution with ur hb.

it's nice to hv kids close in age. my son is already 2+ and we hv yet to plan for another. sometimes see him play alone, so lonely.

i'm sure u can work something out. dunnid to stress. jus relax n tink abt it.
wotever ur decision, jus make sure u wont hv any regrets

 

[karoru]

i do not understand how exactly how you feel now coz i am only having my first baby now and thus i can't judge you for your decision... i believe as a mother, we will always want the best for our baby...

i had gone through abortion once coz i was single at that time... that incident had left such a deep scar in our hearts till now we feel so sore and gulity about it... it is only when i become a mother, then i realise how wrong i m that time... and i should give my baby a chance to live no matter how tough the road is ahead... i was young and just don have the courage then...

i m 8 weeks pregnant now... my baby's daddy and i are going through separation but i am determined to go through the whole pregnancy alone... it is not easy when i think of all the stages ahead esp when time such as delivery when you need your hubby to be by your side but i am willing to take one baby step, one day at a time all for the sake of my baby...

i hope somehow my sharing is able to inspire you to be more positive... sometimes, things might not be as bad as we think... as cancan mum mention before wich i find it very true... mummy have hidden ablities.. only when i become a mother, then i realised that i m much more stronger... i m sure you are able to relate to that...

i sincerely hope that you will keep the baby with your family... nothing is too worse or bad ahead... 9 mths later after you give birth, you will just smile and told yourself that how silly you are to think of abortion then... coz you have given birth and chance to a new lovely baby... =)

hugs and love... will keep you in my prayer...