Private Investigator

[dinnie]

eeerrrrmmmm is hiring a PI really a good choice? i feel its kinda extreme............. its like passing him a death sentence before he trial..... dont you think that marriage should be based on trust and not on PHYSICAL EVIDENCE? my dear husband do make it a point to ring me up every now and then to tell me where is he/with who......... i can only say i have 100% confidence in him...........
If 1 day i suspect him of secretly 'eating' outside and i hire a PI, what if he happens to find out? when he is totally innocent???? then???? 99.999% e marriage would collapse.............agree?

yes marriage is based on trust, but not blinding trust.

Hiring a PI is not passing him a death sentence, it's in fact verifing whether the suspicion is truth. If it's at least u have the evidence. If it's not true, he will not know because the investigation is done discreetly.

Your husband can ring u up and tell u where he is, but if he is lying will u know?

Many wife are like u. Trusting the husband too blinding and in the end when they 'open' their eyes the husband is not there.

Anyway, u don't check your husband if there is no suspicion. And even if he is having affair, u can never get him to admit. So a PI is a better option as we housewife, don't know how to do it

 

[mtan]

yes marriage is based on trust, but not blinding trust.

Hiring a PI is not passing him a death sentence, it's in fact verifing whether the suspicion is truth. If it's at least you have the evidence. If it's not true, he will not know because the investigation is done discreetly.

Your husband can ring you up and tell you where he is, but if he is lying will you know?

Many wife are like you. Trusting the husband too blinding and in the end when they 'open' their eyes the husband is not there.

Anyway, you dont't check your husband if there is no suspicion. And even if he is having affair, you can never get him to admit. So a PI is a better option as we housewife, dont't know how to do it

Nowsaday, adultery is so common, and temptation is everywhere. Heard too many stories of trusting wives and unfaithful husbandS. I feel getting a PI is not so extreme, as the PI is getting the truth.

If without the PI, some wife will never know that the husband is unfaithful, because those having affair will never be so honest to tell they having affair. And in the end, create many problem at home and hence resulting in breaking up the family

 

[skirtdressnsuch]

yes marriage is based on trust, but not blinding trust.

Hiring a PI is not passing him a death sentence, it's in fact verifing whether the suspicion is truth. If it's at least you have the evidence. If it's not true, he will not know because the investigation is done discreetly.

Your husband can ring you up and tell you where he is, but if he is lying will you know?

Many wife are like you. Trusting the husband too blinding and in the end when they 'open' their eyes the husband is not there.

Anyway, you dont't check your husband if there is no suspicion. And even if he is having affair, you can never get him to admit. So a PI is a better option as we housewife, dont't know how to do it

yes i understand wat u meant by 'trust not blinding trust' but isnt hiring a PI on him , the first step of not trusting him? if a marriage is do much of 'speculation'......... i think the marriage is built on an unstable foundation?

 

[skirtdressnsuch]

Nowsaday, adultery is so common, and temptation is everywhere. Heard too many stories of trusting wives and unfaithful husbandS. I feel getting a PI is not so extreme, as the PI is getting the truth.

If without the PI, some wife will never know that the husband is unfaithful, because those having affair will never be so honest to tell they having affair. And in the end, create many problem at home and hence resulting in breaking up the family

Would the initial tot of hiring a PI hurt e marriage even though its done discreetly? isnt it e first pinch of speculation or?

 

[mtan]

Would the initial thought of hiring a PI hurt e marriage even though its done discreetly? isnt it e first pinch of speculation or?

if your husband does not display any suspicious behaviour, like locking his hp, bringing hp to toilet, or coming back with lipstick or women perfumes from his clothing, then there is no necessary to hire a PI.

 

[missixty]

hi skirtdressnsuch,

you may want to hear my story...

i trusted my husband VERY much... he tells me where he goes, who is he out with, etc...for the past 10 years of being together. i have no doubts and suspicions on him at all.. cause whatever, he says he really mean it like say coming home at 1am.. then really came b at 1am. so, my trust for him is 100%. and he provided me with EVERYTHING.. i can simply quit my job, stay at home and still enjoy life without worrying on financial part.

until months back, he changed!!
- came home late, as in 4-5am, sometimes even the next morning 8am
- out 2-3 times per week, and always claim to be out with the same friends (which how can that be, when his friends are all married with children)
- smells very strong of alcohol
- lock up his phone with a password
- keeps his phone in his bag, which he usually just leave it on the table
- change his ringing tone to slient

so, my suspicions grown.. engaging a PI is to let the truth surfaced!!

and i am glad that i did that, cause today, i know everything!!

confronted him and yet he still denied and refused to give up his outside life. I am glad that i free myself from those miserable days whereby i cry painfully at home alone, waiting painfully for him to be back... well, no doubts, it hurts and it's really saddening to know that my marriage for so many years is BROKEN! but, i will be strong, i believe time and my parent's support can heal me thru... at least i need suffer ANYMORE....

just thought of sharing... no need to feel bad about engaging a PI to check your husband if your suspicions arise... if u don't, you will end up suffering more and it will drag further both mentally and emotionally..

 

[skirtdressnsuch]

if your husband does not display any suspicious behaviour, like locking his hp, bringing hp to toilet, or coming back with lipstick or women perfumes from his clothing, then there is no necessary to hire a PI.

Those are definite tell tale signs, I believe a 'truth' is definitely needed!

 

[skirtdressnsuch]

hi skirtdressnsuch,

you may want to hear my story...

i trusted my husband VERY much... he tells me where he goes, who is he out with, etc...for the past 10 years of being together. i have no doubts and suspicions on him at all.. cause whatever, he says he really mean it like say coming home at 1am.. then really came b at 1am. so, my trust for him is 100%. and he provided me with EVERYTHING.. i can simply quit my job, stay at home and still enjoy life without worrying on financial part.

until months back, he changed!!
- came home late, as in 4-5am, sometimes even the next morning 8am
- out 2-3 times per week, and always claim to be out with the same friends (which how can that be, when his friends are all married with children)
- smells very strong of alcohol
- lock up his phone with a password
- keeps his phone in his bag, which he usually just leave it on the table
- change his ringing tone to slient

so, my suspicions grown.. engaging a PI is to let the truth surfaced!!

and i am glad that i did that, cause today, i know everything!!

confronted him and yet he still denied and refused to give up his outside life. I am glad that i free myself from those miserable days whereby i cry painfully at home alone, waiting painfully for him to be back... well, no doubts, it hurts and it's really saddening to know that my marriage for so many years is BROKEN! but, i will be strong, i believe time and my parent's support can heal me thru... at least i need suffer ANYMORE....

just thought of sharing... no need to feel bad about engaging a PI to check your husband if your suspicions arise... if you dont't, you will end up suffering more and it will drag further both mentally and emotionally..

.............gulp...............dats a cold hard pill dat i guess i may have to swallow...........but maybe by 'closing 1 eye' as he treats DW,DS,DD well maybe can give it a pass? in the end. We would still want our DD/DS to grow up in a healthy 'whole' family right?

on a side note. how come u got the 'level thing and health thing?' wats it for?

 

[missixty]

.............gulp...............that is a cold hard pill dat i guess i may have to swallow...........but maybe by 'closing 1 eye' as he treats DW,dear son,dear daughter well maybe can give it a pass? in the end. We would still want our dear daughter/dear son to grow up in a healthy 'whole' family right?

on a side note. how come you got the 'level thing and health thing?' wats it for?

i dun get you??

 

[skirtdressnsuch]

i dont get you??

errmmmmmm i mean for the items under your profile column, how did u get the 'level' thing?

 

[missixty]

errmmmmmm i mean for the items under your profile column, how did you get the 'level' thing?

ohh, u mean that...
if i remember correctly is under the profile, go adopt a pet, then this "level" thing will appear..

btw, KPO, how's ur husband? getting a PI to follow him?

 

[skirtdressnsuch]

ohh, you mean that...
if i remember correctly is under the profile, go adopt a pet, then this "level" thing will appear..

btw, KPO, how's your husband? getting a PI to follow him?

right now at the moment i dont see any tell tales signs yet. Although he comes back late sometimes after our dds go to bed.........i guess he's working harder to feed the two extra mouths....................settle their their diaper $$$, child care $$$, school fees $$$, do work out to be quite a huge sum.............multiply it by the no. of yrs!!! omg! plus the expense of living here will always be going up. never down =(

 

[mtan]

right now at the moment i no tell tales signs yet although he comes back late sometimes after our dds.........i guess he's working harder to feed the two extra mouths.................... their diaper $$$, child care $$$, school fees $$$, do work out to be quite a huge sum.............multiply it by the no. of yrs!!! omg! plus the expense of living here will always be going up. never down =(

don't be too complacent. Men generally use OT or work to cover their tracks when they having affair.

 

[skirtdressnsuch]

dont't be too complacent. Men generally use OT or work to cover their tracks when they having affair.

hmmm but if i start speculating and getting suspicious of him over nothing, wouldnt dat just piss him off ?

 

[missixty]

hi all,

i side-tracked abit..

i was quite determined to divorce my husband and even asked the lawyer to check on our HDB status already..
but lately these few days, he has been nice to me and behaved himself well. we had a good talk few days back and he said he has finally "awaken" and realized that he is VERY wrong and that he still wants this family.. asked me to give him another chance and that he will prove to me that he is worth me trusting again and will make all efforts to make things work.

to me, i still love him very much and i think i am able to forgive him but not forget the incident. i asked myself if i should give him another chance... i really wanted to offer him this last chance but inside me, i am really, really very fearful that he will hurt me again cause now the trust is no longer... he told me trust needs time to build which i agree, however, the hurt in me now is way too much that i cannot bring myself to agree to that chance that he asked for...

what should i do??

forgive and accept him again?
or divorce?

 

[diymummy]

hi all,

i side-tracked abit..

i was quite determined to divorce my husband and even asked the lawyer to check on our HDB status already..
but lately these few days, he has been nice to me and behaved himself well. we had a good talk few days back and he said he has finally "awaken" and realized that he is VERY wrong and that he still wants this family.. asked me to give him another chance and that he will prove to me that he is worth me trusting again and will make all efforts to make things work.

to me, i still love him very much and i think i am able to forgive him but not forget the incident. i asked myself if i should give him another chance... i really wanted to offer him this last chance but inside me, i am really, really very fearful that he will hurt me again cause now the trust is no longer... he told me trust needs time to build which i agree, however, the hurt in me now is way too much that i cannot bring myself to agree to that chance that he asked for...

what should i do??

forgive and accept him again?
or divorce?

I tend to give the benefit of doubt.

If you want to forgive him, maybe write down some things that you want him to do to show that he has mended his ways. Something tangible, like coming home by a certain time everyday, and maybe something like doing family activities together during the weekends. You can tell him that these are some things which he must meet at the minimum. If he can't even meet your minimum requirements, then you'll know that he's most probably lying again.

 

[mtan]

hi all,

i side-tracked abit..

i was quite determined to divorce my husband and even asked the lawyer to check on our HDB status already..
but lately these few days, he has been nice to me and behaved himself well. we had a good talk few days back and he said he has finally "awaken" and realized that he is VERY wrong and that he still wants this family.. asked me to give him another chance and that he will prove to me that he is worth me trusting again and will make all efforts to make things work.

to me, i still love him very much and i think i am able to forgive him but not forget the incident. i asked myself if i should give him another chance... i really wanted to offer him this last chance but inside me, i am really, really very fearful that he will hurt me again cause now the trust is no longer... he told me trust needs time to build which i agree, however, the hurt in me now is way too much that i cannot bring myself to agree to that chance that he asked for...

what should i do??

forgive and accept him again?
or divorce?

He 'behaved' as is he is not going out anymore?

Does he let u check his handphone?

Does he know u have evidence against him from PI?

is he doing this because u ask a lot from him from the divorce, now he is trying to make u forgive him, so that once your evidence is invalid after six months he can't filed against u?

 

[skirtdressnsuch]

hi all,

i side-tracked abit..

i was quite determined to divorce my husband and even asked the lawyer to check on our HDB status already..
but lately these few days, he has been nice to me and behaved himself well. we had a good talk few days back and he said he has finally "awaken" and realized that he is VERY wrong and that he still wants this family.. asked me to give him another chance and that he will prove to me that he is worth me trusting again and will make all efforts to make things work.

to me, i still love him very much and i think i am able to forgive him but not forget the incident. i asked myself if i should give him another chance... i really wanted to offer him this last chance but inside me, i am really, really very fearful that he will hurt me again cause now the trust is no longer... he told me trust needs time to build which i agree, however, the hurt in me now is way too much that i cannot bring myself to agree to that chance that he asked for...

what should i do??

forgive and accept him again?
or divorce?

hmmmm this 'scene' has been occuring pretty often in hk,kor,jap,tw dramas about the guy who suddenly turned over a new leaf as he doesnt want to share 50% of his 'property'. Not that i am backstabbing or casting unreasonable doubts but it just seems to cliche to me..........

 

[missixty]

I tend to give the benefit of doubt.

If you want to forgive him, maybe write down some things that you want him to do to show that he has mended his ways. Something tangible, like coming home by a certain time everyday, and maybe something like doing family activities together during the weekends. You can tell him that these are some things which he must meet at the minimum. If he can't even meet your minimum requirements, then you'll know that he's most probably lying again.

i have actually told him all the so-called "requirements" that he has to fulfilled to prove that he is willing to change and make things work. he agreed to ALL of them.. but how true and long can he last?? it's a matter of trust now, cause he has betrayed all the trust i have in him all these years.. it's so hard for me to believe all his words.....

He 'behaved' as is he is not going out anymore?

Does he let you check his handphone?

Does he know you have evidence against him from PI?

is he doing this because you ask a lot from him from the divorce, now he is trying to make you forgive him, so that once your evidence is invalid after six months he can't filed against you?

he told me he still needs friends and that he will still want to go out like 1 or 2x/wk but he will call and inform me who and where he will be. but how true again?? he may lie to me again without me knowing, i can't be following him always...

as for the handphone, i asked for it and he agreed readily and show me immediately. i checked and nothing unusual was found. what does this mean?? he has turn over a new leaf?? or he is prepared that i may check, thus already deleted whatsoever....

well, in fact, i think just like u... i think he is doing all these now is because:
1. he feels that i asked for too much should we divorce and he is not willig to part that much of his assets to me

2. he is trying to buy time, so that after 6mths, all evidences will be invalid.

but women are soft-hearted creatures.. beacuse i still love him, i keep telling myself that he may be TRUE this time, he really learnt his lesson, etc... but on the other hand, i am not confident that he will change....

haizzz... i really dun know what to do...........

 

[diymummy]

i have actually told him all the so-called "requirements" that he has to fulfilled to prove that he is willing to change and make things work. he agreed to ALL of them.. but how true and long can he last?? it's a matter of trust now, cause he has betrayed all the trust i have in him all these years.. it's so hard for me to believe all his words.....



he told me he still needs friends and that he will still want to go out like 1 or 2x/wk but he will call and inform me who and where he will be. but how true again?? he may lie to me again without me knowing, i can't be following him always...

as for the handphone, i asked for it and he agreed readily and show me immediately. i checked and nothing unusual was found. what does this mean?? he has turn over a new leaf?? or he is prepared that i may check, thus already deleted whatsoever....

well, in fact, i think just like you... i think he is doing all these now is because:
1. he feels that i asked for too much should we divorce and he is not willig to part that much of his assets to me

2. he is trying to buy time, so that after 6mths, all evidences will be invalid.

but women are soft-hearted creatures.. beacuse i still love him, i keep telling myself that he may be TRUE this time, he really learnt his lesson, etc... but on the other hand, i am not confident that he will change....

haizzz... i really dont know what to do...........

Then you gotta weigh in yourself which is more impt to you...

Even if he is really doing it to make your evidence invalid after 6 mths or just so that he won't have to part his assets or he wants to fight for custody of your child... What is the extent of this love which you are professing?

For him, are you willing to bear it IF he is getting back for those raesons listed above?

It's a 50-50 scenario. He might have turned over a new leaf.. Or he might really be buying time.

Is your fear greater than your willingness to trust him again?

It is a personal choice you gotta make and if you are clear of what your expectations are, you won't be disappointed. I think every decision in any matter, will come with expectations.

As for the requirements, he can agree with his mouth, but he must do with his actions. If he is with his friends, set a curfew. Like he must be home by 10pm or even 9pm.