Why can't you accept that she and i are JUST FRIENDS?

[CanCanMum]

it is not healthy to keep problems to yrself all the time. Pardon me if i wrote anything harsh. Perhaps u can start going out with 1 of yr gf whom u were closer with, no need to be after work, just lunch meetings? Short meetings helps too. Dont share yr problems if u feel not the right time to. Just a catching up will do. Maybe once a week? It will help in some way.

 

[SunShine07]

Hi cancanmum,

Thanks for your suggestion. In fact that is what i am trying to do right. Instead of concentrating about this issue, i should catch up with some friends. That's is also part of the reason i join mummysg. I am new here.....

I love my son a lot....everytime i see him i would just feel so blessed to have him with me

But i just feel a bit disppointed is that, his father dun seems to bother to spend time with him.....he keep saying that he loves baby a lot, but no action, sigh.

I am not going to bother about him anymore, cos it will affect my son....somehow kid will feel it when parent are not happy with each other.

I would like to find out if there is any event or gathering whereby i can bring my son to play with other kids??? My son is coming 10 month old?

 

[CanCanMum]

i am also looking forward to any gatherings to join too. Think it will be fun!

 

[SunShine07]

ya, but no idea how to orangnise

 

[shopaholic]

Hi Liang Jia,

Sorry to hear what you went through. Just want to send lots of hugs to you and hope you remain strong for your son.

 

[SunShine07]

Hi Liang Jia,

Sorry to hear what you went through. Just want to send lots of hugs to you and hope you remain strong for your son.

Thank you, I will be strong for the sake of my dearest son. whatever happen, I will always put my son in the first priority.

 

[SH74]

endoh > ya... this can be a v extensive scenario to talk about.

mayb i'm getting old. find that many youngsters nowadays want to behave like adult but their minds r still not ready for it. and many definitely lack self confidence and esteem. maybe partly due to past experiences.

alot of causes for all that. family upbringing, past experiences, exposures, modernization, freedom, competition,...

liang jia > u can also blog abt ur unhappiness or even share it here, esp if your frens r bz.

gals n guys handle things differently. mayb ur hb want to listen fr gal's pt of view? i seek for my guy frens' opinion sometimes. but everything must hv limit lor. guys dun think so much abt their loved one's feelings, unlike we gals. u'll need to let him know that doing this will hurt ur feelings. if he cares, he'll stop doing it. ask him y he doesnt want to share his probs w u.

there was 1 time when my hb share his probs w me. but instead of giving him the support n love (which is all he wanted fr me), i try to find what went wrong, try to find solutions for him which made him more unhappy. but i'm lucky 'cause my hb will voice out wat he want fr me, what he dun like n stuff. will tell me if i cont to do that, it'll make him not want to share anything w me 'cause i'm not helping at all, actu making him feel worse.

so mayb u want to hv a talk w ur hb again. for the sake of ur kid. it's alw better to give ur kid a happy complete family. it takes 2 hands to clap. both must b willing to communicate, b open n handle any differences calmly n maturely. no finger pointing. if he refuses, then dun care abt him anymore. at least u've tried your best.

 

[SunShine07]

Hi mrs puppy,

thanks for you guidance.

ya.......i will still try to talk to him again,to find out what is the exact scenario between him and the gal.

i want badly to have a complete happy family for my son too.......

 

[WeeFee's_Mummy]

any thoughts on why pple marry if they're not ready to commit themselves emotionally?

 

[tommyBoi]

Hi Liang Jia,

After reading what u wrote, i can said that 99% ur hb and that gal r nt ordinary fren, they r having an affair. Sorry for me being so frank and hope that the last 1% prove me wrong.

Take Care..

 

[SH74]

liang jia > i'm sure u wan to give ur son a happy family. mothers will do anything to give their kids the best. but not all fathers r like that. it may take some time to cultivate that in them. jia you!

for me, i v kiasi 1. i alw share w my dh all the things our kids hv to suffer if parents' relationship not good. no matter wat, kids suffer the most if their parents' relationship turn bad.

weefee's mummy > guys dun think so much when they decide to get married. i think their mindset is like 'walk 1 step, see 1 step'. sometimes they think they r ready to commit emotionally. mayb they r, until 1 day TEMPTATIONS knock on their doors. then their will power not strong enough to fight.

tommyboi > i also suspect a bit that MAYBE liangjia's hubby n that gal got something fishy gg on. but i think there's still quite a fair % that it's jus friendship. all these hard to say la.

 

[SunShine07]

Hi mrspuppy and tommyboi>

thanks for all your reply.

Actually i finally manage to call up that gal to find out what exactly happen. She told me the whole story. They were just friends which always in a group. They work in the same line and were always out together in a group for a drink.

SHe told me that my hb facing some problems, that's why just to go out and get some advice from them.....She ask me to join them, but i thnk better not to. Give my hb some privacy.....

What she explain convince me as to compare with my hb. he didt even bother to let me know anything at all, behaving so secretive....

HE don't wan to communicate with me. Feel kind of lousy, cos he prefer to share with friernds than wife. Sigh....Anyway i will just let him be.

Like mrspuppy, i always tell him that kids will suffer if parents relationship is no good. But i can't force him to do anything. He dun wan that kind of bonding with his son, there is nothing i can do. I will need to give my son double attention.....

 

[CanCanMum]

tats quite a daring move, but nw its better than u clarified things at least u can stop guessing.

 

[SunShine07]

I didn't call to confront her. I call and ask if there is anything problem with my hb instead of calling her and asked her 'are you having affair with my hb?!'

I have no choice, i feel something not right, so i have to know. I just want a confirm answer.

 

[SH74]

liangjia > i'm glad that there's nothing fishy betw ur hb n that gal. i nearly got this prob in the past. my hb said sometimes he would rather share his prob w his colls n frens instead of me. so heartpain when i hear this. luckily my hb quite outspoken. told me how he feels. if not, i'll hv same prob as u also.

many times it's 'cause our hb jus wan a listening ear, some encouragement, some support fr us. but being too concerned, we (as their wives) tend to try solve their prob. we might start to nag, find fault, ask our hb if prob lies w them,... all these will make our hb NOT want to share their prob w us.

now that u know wat happen. mayb u can hv a talk w ur hb. but dun tell him that u called that gal (sure make him angrier).

 

[WeeFee's_Mummy]

liangjia > i'm glad that there's nothing fishy betw ur hb n that gal. i nearly got this prob in the past. my hb said sometimes he would rather share his prob w his colls n frens instead of me. so heartpain when i hear this. luckily my hb quite outspoken. told me how he feels. if not, i'll hv same prob as u also.

many times it's 'cause our hb jus wan a listening ear, some encouragement, some support fr us. but being too concerned, we (as their wives) tend to try solve their prob. we might start to nag, find fault, ask our hb if prob lies w them,... all these will make our hb NOT want to share their prob w us.

now that u know wat happen. mayb u can hv a talk w ur hb. but dun tell him that u called that gal (sure make him angrier).

sometimes also it's becos of their ego. they feel like too paiseh wanna discuss with wife, so prefer third party instead.

anyway i agree with cancanmum. i would FOR SURE accuse that woman - cannot help. too hot tempered =P but that was very sensible & respectful of you, so kudos!

i think the fact tt ur hubby seems to be bohchup abt ur son perhaps shows tt he is really, really stress until he come home oso he sian. could it be probs abt money? something that, everytime he sees his family he will be reminded of it?

mebbe he feels very pressured becos he's the sole breadwinner of the family (is he)?

 

[SunShine07]

liangjia > i'm glad that there's nothing fishy betw ur hb n that gal. i nearly got this prob in the past. my hb said sometimes he would rather share his prob w his colls n frens instead of me. so heartpain when i hear this. luckily my hb quite outspoken. told me how he feels. if not, i'll hv same prob as u also.

many times it's 'cause our hb jus wan a listening ear, some encouragement, some support fr us. but being too concerned, we (as their wives) tend to try solve their prob. we might start to nag, find fault, ask our hb if prob lies w them,... all these will make our hb NOT want to share their prob w us.

now that u know wat happen. mayb u can hv a talk w ur hb. but dun tell him that u called that gal (sure make him angrier).

I didn't tell him that i called, but i think he knows.

actually i am confuse at time about myself. I dun know if i really i really wan him to leave or what. I felt that i am quite eager to be a single mum....sigh....i dun have that kind of love for him after what i wen tru all these years with him.....

Anyway, i will still try.....hopefully things will get better for me (my feelings for him) and him.....

 

[SunShine07]

sometimes also it's becos of their ego. they feel like too paiseh wanna discuss with wife, so prefer third party instead.

anyway i agree with cancanmum. i would FOR SURE accuse that woman - cannot help. too hot tempered =P but that was very sensible & respectful of you, so kudos!

i think the fact tt ur hubby seems to be bohchup abt ur son perhaps shows tt he is really, really stress until he come home oso he sian. could it be probs abt money? something that, everytime he sees his family he will be reminded of it?

mebbe he feels very pressured becos he's the sole breadwinner of the family (is he)?

LOL. I am also a very impulsive person.....initially wanted to just 'blah' everything out, luckily manage to control myself.

Well, he is stressed about $$$. this has been always problem for him and he never be contented, at times i really dun know what he wants, and worst is, he dun know what he wants either.

He is not the sole breadwinner of the family.....infact, i think i am more like one. He didn't give me any allowance, i paid for eveyhting myself even for baby. At time he even request me to pay for some of the bills.:nah:

sigh...i realised that hb nowsdays dun really take wife for granted, knowing that he wife is working, then no need to give allowance and worst still, ask us to pay bills!!!

 

[WeeFee's_Mummy]

sigh...i realised that hb nowsdays dun really take wife for granted, knowing that he wife is working, then no need to give allowance and worst still, ask us to pay bills!!!

agreed. that's why wives have to have "back-up". must work, get experience in outside world, have friends, have own money. in case hubby "default".

 

[autumn82]

agreed. that's why wives have to have "back-up". must work, get experience in outside world, have friends, have own money. in case hubby "default".

I agree! ancing_wub:but at the moment, I can't work .. no one to look after 2 kids.. prob going bk to work when DS turns older..