Why can't you accept that she and i are JUST FRIENDS?

[CanCanMum]

Younger generation nowadays are very open minded, about almost anything. They will just do anything that they think is right, maybe moral values to them, are secondary. Dunno, just feel they are different. I am a 1977 baby, so more or less my thinking is still traditional. Also we have been thru the hard times before, so more or less we have learnt to treasure whatever we have and the people around us.

so i think our kids generation will be worse, unless some traditional moral values can be imparted into them.

 

[SH74]

i guess it's truly ridiculous the level at which adults can think & behave like children. they think the world still owes them a living. someone please tell these MEN that the earth stopped revolving around them the second their stupid sperm fertilised our eggs!!!

YA LOR! i think ppl (esp guys) r getting more selfish as compared to our parents' generation. if family (wife / kids) gives a bit of headache to them, they'll start to find ez way out. stress w work, if cannot share w wife, just need a gal ard, then the chance of infidelity is there alr. unlike we gals (in general). family (hubby / kids) give headache to us, we'll solve it instead of findinig ez way out. seems like men can nv grow up no matter wat.

 

[SH74]

aiyah, also cannot trust 100%, but i guess i am too lazy to check on this and that, just dont wanna make myself "yi shen yi gui", very miserable one leh. Might as well concentrate on other things.

wah yr hb also very sweet leh, will share everything with u...

last time i got this coll (who's 10 yrs my senior), married for 10 yrs alr, said this when i ask her abt whether in this world got good hubby or not.

she said that she can only say that so far her hb is good to her n kids. but dunno abt the future. that time when i hear this, i feel v sad. also make me lose faith in marriage.

my hb last time (then bf) is like those typical guy. keep things to himself. feel controlled if i ask too much, expect me to trust him, hv faith in him,... but how to? i dun hv this 'TRUST' button which i can turn on, then he can get 100% trust fr me w/o doing anything.

aft many arguments n also some taste of his own medicine, he understands. so now he'll alw try to spare a thot for me. n sharing all the stories w him (abt husbands unfaithful to wives), he'll try to reassure me more. but still, future... nobody knows.

 

[SH74]

Younger generation nowadays are very open minded, about almost anything. They will just do anything that they think is right, maybe moral values to them, are secondary. Dunno, just feel they are different. I am a 1977 baby, so more or less my thinking is still traditional. Also we have been thru the hard times before, so more or less we have learnt to treasure whatever we have and the people around us.

so i think our kids generation will be worse, unless some traditional moral values can be imparted into them.

ya lor. me also 70s bb. actu find that those in 80s r vvv diff fr us. more self-centred, rebellious, open-minded, insecure, lack of self-esteem,...

i also agree that moral values to them r secondary. more impt is they r having fun n enjoying. they dun care right or wrong. as long as they r happy, they'll just do it.

i told my hb i'll definitely impart traditional values to my boy. i think he also scared his boy next time make many gals' stomach big. hahaha...

 

[autumn82]

ya lor. me also 70s bb. actu find that those in 80s r vvv diff fr us. more self-centred, rebellious, open-minded, insecure, lack of self-esteem,...

i also agree that moral values to them r secondary. more impt is they r having fun n enjoying. they dun care right or wrong. as long as they r happy, they'll just do it.

i told my hb i'll definitely impart traditional values to my boy. i think he also scared his boy next time make many gals' stomach big. hahaha...

*ahem* Me 80s bb leh.. Duhz..

 

[autumn82]

He said that he is very sorry for what he did. He confessed because that woman control him and he felt that she is very cunning. She is the one who cook up stories, ask my hb to take charge financially, tell him how to lie to me!

I tell you all, she is a married woman, with 2 kids. I really pity her kids got such a slut mother! Nowasdays married woman look for married man because no commitment, they just want a fling....i really got the urge to go to her office and slap her!

Of cos i feel so disppointed with my hb.....now he is feeling depressed. But i dun know, if we will get better.....it hurts me when i thought of how happy and enjoy when they are together....

He ask what can he do to amend....i also dun know, i am also lost.....hate to go through this the second time again.........i also don know if i forgive him too easily already....sigh

Liangjia, can @@ ur DH is kinda repentant, but for the moment, just look & observe 1st.. U won't know whether he's really telling the truth or not now. Guys always push the blame on others whenever things happened, which I hope not for ur case. Since he oredi did it once b4, just observe.

Can tell u wanna forgive him but if he's really really sincere this time, prob can give him another chance. But warned him, that's the last & final time! IF he does it again (*touch wood*), I think you must do some serious thinking on ur side whether to leave such a guy.

It's not easy to be a single mother nowadays w everything so ex but salary remains, but I believe a mother's love is greater than anything and she is able to do anything to support her child. Jia you ya? *hUgs*

 

[autumn82]

Younger generation nowadays are very open minded, about almost anything. They will just do anything that they think is right, maybe moral values to them, are secondary. Dunno, just feel they are different. I am a 1977 baby, so more or less my thinking is still traditional. Also we have been thru the hard times before, so more or less we have learnt to treasure whatever we have and the people around us.

so i think our kids generation will be worse, unless some traditional moral values can be imparted into them.

Erm.. not all 70s bbs are that traditional I guess. There's always black sheeps ard.

Like my ex bf, 1975 bb, married wif 2 kids w other woman (thank god!), still flinging ard. Still got the cheeks to ask me if I'm interested or not. I didn't know his true colors until I broke off wif him. To think all along I tot he was a VERY NICE Guy!! *pukes* Seriously!! He's just a nice guy!! But.. ya.. Should I say, he never stopped flinging even when he's married!! Recently, he told me he's in love with another gal.. *faintz*

Not sure if his wife knows abt it.. Feel sad for the woman though.

 

[CanCanMum]

ya lor. me also 70s bb. actu find that those in 80s r vvv diff fr us. more self-centred, rebellious, open-minded, insecure, lack of self-esteem,...

i also agree that moral values to them r secondary. more impt is they r having fun n enjoying. they dun care right or wrong. as long as they r happy, they'll just do it.

i told my hb i'll definitely impart traditional values to my boy. i think he also scared his boy next time make many gals' stomach big. hahaha...

ya! i will sure tell my boy dun anyhow play play or i chase him outta my house man!!!

 

[CanCanMum]

Erm.. not all 70s bbs are that traditional I guess. There's always black sheeps ard.

Like my ex bf, 1975 bb, married wif 2 kids w other woman (thank god!), still flinging ard. Still got the cheeks to ask me if I'm interested or not. I didn't know his true colors until I broke off wif him. To think all along I tot he was a VERY NICE Guy!! *pukes* Seriously!! He's just a nice guy!! But.. ya.. Should I say, he never stopped flinging even when he's married!! Recently, he told me he's in love with another gal.. *faintz*

Not sure if his wife knows abt it.. Feel sad for the woman though.

wah, luckily u stayed away from him. Think he is a 花心萝卜, aiyo tarnish the 70s baby image:elvis:

 

[CanCanMum]

*ahem* Me 80s bb leh.. Duhz..

70s bb got black sheep, 80s bb oso will have white sheep among the black sheep mah...kekeke:001_302:

 

[autumn82]

Haiz. Prob the time when we were brought up, we are more exposed to the angmoh culture, fight for our rights and all.. Influenced. That's y, 80s and above bbs more opened minded & self centred.

I can't imagine the "world" when my DD & DS grows up into teenagers.. Nowadays teenagers lagi worst... Yi dai bu ru yi dai.. Haha.

But guess there's black sheeps in everywhere.

 

[CanCanMum]

yesterday my gf talked to the hb. U know what he told her?

he said he dun have any feelings left for my gf, he is staying in this marriage becoz of responsibility and becoz of the 2 kids. He is sick of her.

he even said that for the whole 14 years of getting together till marriage, my gf has not cared for his feelings. He said that she dont know what he wants and what he really like. That is very selfish of him, if thats so, y give birth to 2 kids then?

has he already fall for that girl? has he changed totally? do u think he will come back to her if she tries to be good to him or his heart is already with that girl?

my gf is at a loss becoz her hb is not willing to tell her what to do now. Live in a family wo love, just for sake of children??? How to? Family but not like a family?

she is not willing to do that becoz to her a family must be complete. But her hb is not willing to give an answer. He just say "u go and think about it yourself."

 

[SH74]

autumn82 > hahaha... u r the white sheep la. u r the early 80s 1. the late 80s 1s r worse. think 90s even more cham. more open minded. a gal sleeping in a room w all guys to them is ok, no big deal. scary!

cancanmum > aiyo.... ur gf's hb really heartless. but i think it's alw a common excuse they give for straying (no feelings for wife anymore). sigh...... if my hb say that to me, sure vvv heartbroken.

he even said that for the whole 14 years of getting together till marriage, my gf has not cared for his feelings. He said that she dont know what he wants and what he really like.

ur gf's hb say all these only now? or all the while he has been complaining abt it alr? 'cause last time my ex bf broke up w me (which came as a HUGE SURPRISE) 'cause he cannot tahan my temper. all the while he did complain abt it. i tried to change but aft some time back to norm again. so finally, aft 4 yrs, he say enough is enough. he really cannot tahan anymore. i was so shocked n regretful. in the end, he found another gf. but a few months later, we met on the streets. n he started contacting me. n want a reconcillation.

of cos, he could b pushing blame on ur gf. some guys can b such a b*stard. but such things only ur gf n her hb will know. but fr the looks of it, ur gf's hb dun intend to save the marriage anymore. btw, does ur gf want to save it?

ur gf's case is really similar to mine (w my ex bf). that time my ex bf also didnt directly say want break up. only indirectly suggesting a breakup. i suggested to change,... but he say no use,... it's only when i ask 'so u want to break up is it?' he just kept quiet. say sorry then left.

if u ask me, i'll say let the hb go. if hb is meant to b ur gf's, he'll realise, regret, n come back to her. if he really does that, he'll b a better hb. ur gf's family knows abt it? if they r supportive, then just let the hb go. really no pt keep hb physically but heart not there alr. everyday sleep together, kids see also not healthy.

she is not willing to do that becoz to her a family must be complete. But her hb is not willing to give an answer. He just say "u go and think about it yourself."

since ur gf still wants a complete family, n since her hb ask her think abt it herself, ask her tell her hb to leave that gal, n she'll change so as to give the kids a complete happy family. c wat he says. if he like not willing, that means his heart n soul w that gal alr. then really no pt keeping him alr.

sigh..........

so many failed n unhappy marriages... ARE THERE ANY HAPPY MARRIAGES AROUND?! so scary leh. think must sayang my hb more, n b more sensitive towards him.

 

[January84]

ya lor. me also 70s bb. actu find that those in 80s r vvv diff fr us. more self-centred, rebellious, open-minded, insecure, lack of self-esteem,...

i also agree that moral values to them r secondary. more impt is they r having fun n enjoying. they dun care right or wrong. as long as they r happy, they'll just do it.

i told my hb i'll definitely impart traditional values to my boy. i think he also scared his boy next time make many gals' stomach big. hahaha...

eh, me is 80s baby ley.... but i not self-centred, rebellious, open-minded to go take ppl DH de wor... in fact, i scare 90s will come and want to stick on my DH loh.... LOL.

 

[January84]

autumn82 > hahaha... u r the white sheep la. u r the early 80s 1. the late 80s 1s r worse. think 90s even more cham. more open minded. a gal sleeping in a room w all guys to them is ok, no big deal. scary!

cancanmum > aiyo.... ur gf's hb really heartless. but i think it's alw a common excuse they give for straying (no feelings for wife anymore). sigh...... if my hb say that to me, sure vvv heartbroken.

he even said that for the whole 14 years of getting together till marriage, my gf has not cared for his feelings. He said that she dont know what he wants and what he really like.

ur gf's hb say all these only now? or all the while he has been complaining abt it alr? 'cause last time my ex bf broke up w me (which came as a HUGE SURPRISE) 'cause he cannot tahan my temper. all the while he did complain abt it. i tried to change but aft some time back to norm again. so finally, aft 4 yrs, he say enough is enough. he really cannot tahan anymore. i was so shocked n regretful. in the end, he found another gf. but a few months later, we met on the streets. n he started contacting me. n want a reconcillation.

of cos, he could b pushing blame on ur gf. some guys can b such a b*stard. but such things only ur gf n her hb will know. but fr the looks of it, ur gf's hb dun intend to save the marriage anymore. btw, does ur gf want to save it?

ur gf's case is really similar to mine (w my ex bf). that time my ex bf also didnt directly say want break up. only indirectly suggesting a breakup. i suggested to change,... but he say no use,... it's only when i ask 'so u want to break up is it?' he just kept quiet. say sorry then left.

if u ask me, i'll say let the hb go. if hb is meant to b ur gf's, he'll realise, regret, n come back to her. if he really does that, he'll b a better hb. ur gf's family knows abt it? if they r supportive, then just let the hb go. really no pt keep hb physically but heart not there alr. everyday sleep together, kids see also not healthy.

she is not willing to do that becoz to her a family must be complete. But her hb is not willing to give an answer. He just say "u go and think about it yourself."

since ur gf still wants a complete family, n since her hb ask her think abt it herself, ask her tell her hb to leave that gal, n she'll change so as to give the kids a complete happy family. c wat he says. if he like not willing, that means his heart n soul w that gal alr. then really no pt keeping him alr.

sigh..........

so many failed n unhappy marriages... ARE THERE ANY HAPPY MARRIAGES AROUND?! so scary leh. think must sayang my hb more, n b more sensitive towards him.

there are still many happy marriage de la..... just that we tend to focus on more negative then positive topics only.....

 

[SH74]

eh, me is 80s baby ley.... but i not self-centred, rebellious, open-minded to go take ppl DH de wor... in fact, i scare 90s will come and want to stick on my DH loh.... LOL.

aiya!!! 11: kena fr 2 80s mothers liao. hahaha...

70s bb scared 80s gals will come n stick on hb.
80s bb scared 90s gals will come n stick on hb.

dun think 90s gals want to stick on 70s guy. less possibilities. a bit too old alr. hahaha... :err:

i think it's a common worry for all gals.

 

[autumn82]

there are still many happy marriage de la..... just that we tend to focus on more negative then positive topics only.....

Ya, I guess so. Wouldn't it be so weird if ppl go ard posting I'm so happy with my marriage~ My DH is a darling~~ Haha.

 

[autumn82]

aiya!!! 11: kena fr 2 80s mothers liao. hahaha...

70s bb scared 80s gals will come n stick on hb.
80s bb scared 90s gals will come n stick on hb.

dun think 90s gals want to stick on 70s guy. less possibilities. a bit too old alr. hahaha... :err:

i think it's a common worry for all gals.

U could be wrong le~ 90s will come stick on 70s guy coz of his $$$ & maturity leh!! Like me, lack of fatherly love~ Wahaha.

 

[autumn82]

autumn82 > hahaha... u r the white sheep la. u r the early 80s 1. the late 80s 1s r worse. think 90s even more cham. more open minded. a gal sleeping in a room w all guys to them is ok, no big deal. scary!

Hey Pretty~ Gal sleeping in a room w all guys is ok mah! Just sleeping not having sex mah! Brother brother! Wahaha

 

[CanCanMum]

ur gf's hb say all these only now? or all the while he has been complaining abt it alr

apparently he din complain, coz all these while he is the quiet one. He will give in to anything she wants him to do, even like switching jobs so that he can spend more time with family/safer etc (prevs one needs to be on shift, something like those 特种部队, needs to be armed etc). She said that even if she asked him if something is alright he will say ok ok...But then now he said she has failed to be a good wife and that she did not notice the unhappiness on his face. He said "some things no need to be too direct and she is supposed to sense it".

of cos, he could b pushing blame on ur gf.

i think so too becoz actualli they are planning for migrating in the next few years, everything was going on quite well between them and all of a sudden he just blames her for everything...after she found out abt the sms thing...

ur gf's case is really similar to mine (w my ex bf). that time my ex bf also didnt directly say want break up. only indirectly suggesting a breakup. i suggested to change,... but he say no use,... it's only when i ask 'so u want to break up is it?' he just kept quiet. say sorry then left.

why are they like that?? Dun wan then say dun wan lah, waste pple's time. Especially if u had put all your life and heart and soul to love some1 then at the end this is what u get!
if u ask me, i'll say let the hb go. if hb is meant to b ur gf's, he'll realise, regret, n come back to her. if he really does that, he'll b a better hb. ur gf's family knows abt it? if they r supportive, then just let the hb go. really no pt keep hb physically but heart not there alr. everyday sleep together, kids see also not healthy.

she said becoz she dun have an answer now, and the hb doesnt want to admit whether he has really had a transfer of his affections or wanna salvage the marriage, she cannot really do anything now. Her family members are supportive so its still alright for her just that she is forever stuck wo an answer.

since ur gf still wants a complete family, n since her hb ask her think abt it herself, ask her tell her hb to leave that gal, n she'll change so as to give the kids a complete happy family. c wat he says. if he like not willing, that means his heart n soul w that gal alr. then really no pt keeping him alr.

but the hb did say a broken mirror is broken, cannot save it anymore, and she also apologize and say we start all over again but then he just smiled. (U know, like a cold smile in chinese) Does it mean putting it to an end? I dunno how to advise her becoz really scared to see anything bad happen...
what i can gather from all that she said was he is all the while unhappy in the marriage, but just tolerating...and that he is very unhappy in the job becoz its something he hates and dislikes to do, but he has to give up for the sake of the family becoz its too dangerous...but does that warrant a breakup??? Will we give up something we like to do to make a loved one happy??