Why Divorce?

[lisa_ng]

My happy family now is from a 2nd marriage ... yes, I was also a divorcee once.

Looking back, I have totally NO REGRETS with cutting losses on the time, money & emotions all wrongly invested.
Maybe my decision was so much easier becoz we didn't have any children ... but I simply believe in 长痛不如短痛.

That's why I am more than willing to give anyone (including strangers from this forum) that needed push ... if you tell me you know there is something wrong in your relationship ... & that it's still not improving, even after you've tried working on it repeatedly.
:biggrin: :biggrin:

hey, no lah. i perfectly fine.
this my second marriage oso.

was too young back then when i have my first marriage.
waited a long time to have my divorce done. 5yrs in exact.
that's the reason i thought it so much of a hassle to get divorce done compared to getting married.
this has made me to lose a long term relationship.
didn't know can dissolve the marriage if within one year.
no kids but have a hdb flat from my previous marriage.
didn't know hdb have so many stupid rules.

 

[VroomVroomBoys]

hey, no lah. i perfectly fine.
this my second marriage oso.

Glad to know that God didn't just take care of me.
:wink: :wink:

was too young back then when i have my first marriage.
waited a long time to have my divorce done. 5yrs in exact.
that's the reason i thought it so much of a hassle to get divorce done compared to getting married.

My case was quite different ...

I was a big playboy durng my 20s & suddenly decided to settle down when I was 29. In the end, it was just a case of marrying what I thought was the "right" person at the "right" place at the "right" time.

ROMed in 98 after being together for less than 1 year ... things started to fall apart within 2 years. By 02, we filed for divorce & was finalised in 05 ... it was not much of a hassle, as I had good lawyers how took care of my interests.
:biggrin: :biggrin:

didn't know can dissolve the marriage if within one year.
no kids but have a hdb flat from my previous marriage.
didn't know hdb have so many stupid rules.

I think the "one-year" back door is based on non-consumation ... meaning both parties must agree that there was no sex throughout, so if you had a child then also cannot use this point liao.
Yes, HDB ... imagine I bought a EA resale at $460k & renovated another $100k worth, which means I invested more than $500k into what I thought was to be our palace for the next 10 years at least ... in the end, I managed to sell it for less than $400k!!
Luckily, my lawyers ensured my pockets dun burn further with things like alimony & maintenance ... otherwise, where do I find the money & the mood to even take that BIG step towards building the happy family I now have?
:wink: :wink:

 

[lisa_ng]

My case was quite different ...

I was a big playboy durng my 20s & suddenly decided to settle down when I was 29. In the end, it was just a case of marrying what I thought was the "right" person at the "right" place at the "right" time.

ROMed in 98 after being together for less than 1 year ... things started to fall apart within 2 years. By 02, we filed for divorce & was finalised in 05 ... it was not much of a hassle, as I had good lawyers how took care of my interests.
:biggrin: :biggrin:




I think the "one-year" back door is based on non-consumation ... meaning both parties must agree that there was no sex throughout, so if you had a child then also cannot use this point liao.
Yes, HDB ... imagine I bought a EA resale at $460k & renovated another $100k worth, which means I invested more than $500k into what I thought was to be our palace for the next 10 years at least ... in the end, I managed to sell it for less than $400k!!
Luckily, my lawyers ensured my pockets dun burn further with things like alimony & maintenance ... otherwise, where do I find the money & the mood to even take that BIG step towards building the happy family I now have?
:wink: :wink:

i think so also about dissolve in one year have some conditions.

we were happily together until few months later after we rom, realise that our life differs so much.
was a pity i didn't think well enough to find myself a good lawyer.
till now he still paying me by installment what i've paid for the house.
small amount oni drag so long.

i oni got to know about hdb rules when buying my current house with my hubby.
no grant was given as i've taken one for my ex house.
and was told hubby & wife ride on each other chances.
hdb loan oso consider taken one.
frankly i don't know what happen to the flat bought with my ex hubby.
i didn't get back anything for the house.
except that i asked him to pay me what i've paid for.
to think of it i was so silly to accept for juz half the amount i've paid.
at that time i juz want to get everything done asap.
if i were to understand hdb rules better, i suppose i will want my rightful share of the house (eg hdb grant)

my current hubby do nag at times that he not entitle to any grant or one more hdb loan. :001_302:

 

[VroomVroomBoys]

i oni got to know about hdb rules when buying my current house with my hubby.
no grant was given as i've taken one for my ex house.
and was told hubby & wife ride on each other chances.
hdb loan oso consider taken one.
frankly i don't know what happen to the flat bought with my ex hubby.
i didn't get back anything for the house.
except that i asked him to pay me what i've paid for.
to think of it i was so silly to accept for juz half the amount i've paid.
at that time i juz want to get everything done asap.
if i were to understand hdb rules better, i suppose i will want my rightful share of the house (eg hdb grant)

my current hubby do nag at times that he not entitle to any grant or one more hdb loan. :001_302:

I understand your plight fully ... coz I also took the $45k grant (then) when I bought the EA I mentioned above.

Nowadays, whenever the news mention of new HDB projects ... or when we drive by one, my wife never fails to remind me of how "selfish" & how "naive" I was back then. Even when we were already staying in a condo when we first got married. OMG ... :embarrassed: :embarrassed:

 

[lisa_ng]

I understand your plight fully ... coz I also took the $45k grant (then) when I bought the EA I mentioned above.

Nowadays, whenever the news mention of new HDB projects ... or when we drive by one, my wife never fails to remind me of how "selfish" & how "naive" I was back then. Even when we were already staying in a condo when we first got married. OMG ... :embarrassed: :embarrassed:

ya man. you are so right.
and now that we are balloting for bto flats,
kind of confused don't know should pray that i will get a q or not...hb sure to start grumbling again.
went to mp in hoping to get an other hdb loan but failed. :001_302:

so har a gentle reminder to those who getting divorce..this is what might happen in your next marriage.
better to fight for what's rightfully yours.

 

[VroomVroomBoys]

ya man. you are so right.
and now that we are balloting for bto flats,
kind of confused don't know should pray that i will get a q or not...hb sure to start grumbling again.
went to mp in hoping to get an other hdb loan but failed. :001_302:

Dun even be confused about it ... if this is what you & your hubby want, then just go for it & pray for the best.
As for his grumblings, just have to face the music lor ... after all, we did made the mistake of choosing some stupid ex-spouse ahead of our current ones mah.

As for the MP appeals, I understand it often takes more than 1 attempt to get them over to be on your side. So keep it up on that front too.
:wink: :wink:

 

[lisa_ng]

Dun even be confused about it ... if this is what you & your hubby want, then just go for it & pray for the best.
As for his grumblings, just have to face the music lor ... after all, we did made the mistake of choosing some stupid ex-spouse ahead of our current ones mah.

As for the MP appeals, I understand it often takes more than 1 attempt to get them over to be on your side. So keep it up on that front too.
:wink: :wink:

got to give up hope for getting mp's help.
we don't fall in the category who needed assistant.

what else can i say.. he often grumble in a joking manner about this hdb issue. and most of all... he would say buy one get 2 free ( he mean my 2 dogs now living off him oso).
haiz.. i was thinking that's the price to pay for the little love of his. :001_302:

 

[Belinda_Sng]

I have never blame my x for the breakup as I feel it's always 2 parties at fault when things go wrong. While complaining that our partners change after marriage, we do change as well. Our perspective, requirement might not be as naive as before marriage.
I always remember what my lawyer told me when I complaint how irresponsible he was and she said: "Belinda, good or bad, he was your choice and no one force you to choose him."

Whether to stick on or to break up, we are given the choice. Just make the best out of it and don't live with regret!

 

[VroomVroomBoys]

Whether to stick on or to break up, we are given the choice. Just make the best out of it and don't live with regret!

I think this is really good advice ... not just matrimonial decisions are concerned, but in everything we do in life too.
:biggrin: :biggrin:

 

[happymummyo7]

after reading all this divorce stuff. got more confident im taking the right path. i chose to leave my ex when i found out im pregnant. at least, wont have to go through all the trouble of filing for divorce, fighting for custody. and worst, waste time n heart.
vroomvroomboys. i think i saw in some thread you mentioned that you have a lawyer friend or something? if you dont mind, i need a little favour from you. i seriously dont have the spare cash to consult a lawyer but i wanna be at least 99% sure of what i assume so that can have a peace of mind..
like i mentioned, i chose to leave my guy after knowing im pregnant. abit of on and off contacts. talk about the probs and all. tried finding solutions. given enough time and waited enough. til last month decide to end it once and for all. ive given us 6 months to try, given him enough time to prove his sincerity, to prove that we can make this work. but it stil failed.
throughout this whole pregnancy, he has not done what a bf, husband or father should do. ive not ask for a single cent, and do not plan to take a cent from him. i dont intend to put his name in my child's birth cert as well. my thinking is, if i dont take a single cent from him, dont put his name in the birth cert, baby follow my surname, = him having totally nothing to do with my child. in this situation, he has no right to acknowledge the child in future right? i have every right to not let him see the child at all right?
i really dont want any complications in future.

 

[*cynn.89llaluby]

I married to my ex in 1999, ever since than he already treated me like that le, than in 2003 april fool day than he met accident actually at that point of time my love for him is already dead.. Till end 2003 than i file for divorce.

After my divorce, i stay on single/attach on and off till may 2006 than i met my current hubby and got married on 8th aug 2008.. :shyxxx:

CATTY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! so nice 080808.........
catty!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!euu so zaiiii so zaiiiiiiiiiiiii stay on controlling and controlling and bear with it so long!!!!!!!!!
catty!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! eu'r a great mommy!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
my father also is a gambler.... a chao gangster......... a useless chap......... spend my mummy money.......... house payment also totally mummy pay...............
when divorce............. mummy still must hand money to him (half of the flat).........
father flirt younger dudes ..... it happens when im still in womb........... im 20 this year.. he owes miie 20years x 12months of shan-yang-feeiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii...................maintenance pm...................

my mum dint remarry!!

but i think euu are as strong as my mummy!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
love euu like how i love my mummy!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
ai zai! stay strong.!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

sometime i wonder... am i a mommy lo.... every mummies suffer / sacrifices for their DD....... but i have yet to done so.......................

 

[*cynn.89llaluby]

seize the day!!

or die regretting the time lost.............

dont regret whatever euu've choosen......
as euu only get 2 live once
​

 

[*cynn.89llaluby]

euu know whaT~!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

im very very disagree wid marriage.. why not just stay single till 60.... travel alone.... fun alone. entertainment alone.... or different entertainment EVERY weekend wid different people..............................

ii know i do not seem to be helping much in this thread...

but i really wish someone enlighten miie or correct miie.. (in other words.. make me more sensible)

i yesterday read THE-NEWPAPER.... page 6...

• many tai tais spend 1500 on one night just to hanky panky wid chinese / thai whatever..... nothing much.... whispering.... dice game.... joking.... and few jugs of beer... (goodness..... ii rather go club lo... madness)
• as long as no sex is involve.. they do not seems to agree that they break vows.......... (hey... ii tink im standing on this side for this... hahahhahahaaaaaaaaa! who doesnt need entertainment.. ii mean.. the euu-cant-get-miie- ii-cant-get-euu HIGH DE LO!! hyahahahahhaaaaaas)
• they feel young doing these...
• they feel not loved at home....
• they feel excitement.!!

okiii......... somehow i wonder will ii be like them infuture......... hahahahhahaaaaaaaaaas.............. im that kind who cant stuck up with the same guy for long................. well.... here i am... with a one year plus marriage.....and a 6month plus DD....... wonder how long will i last....

how i wish when im not a STAY AT HOME MUMMY... ii will be freed to go enjoy whatever moment i want... but backed at home....... back to husband and wife... but is that possible........ would my hubby thinks im wearing him green hat......... im not greedy........ ii just wanna feel dating again.............................................................

 

[*cynn.89llaluby]

your case is vrey simplier to mine....samething, after birth i just feel kinda shut off in sex. And that's what he explain to me that the he feel very lonely and so on that why got involve with that woman.They are just very selfish!

Anyway, he told me that he has been feeling very guilty. He did treat me much better ever since, but i just kinda lost that 'feel' for him. I dun feel like holding his hand, infact, whenever he try to, i would pretend to hold something else or touch my hands just let go of the hand.

Before that worst, i am so afraid to sleep together with him at the same timing....evreytime i would wait for him to sleep soundly first then i sleep....i got phopia in ML with him....

Dun know is it i got problem or what....

i think itx just phobia........................................
take much care!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

then what euu gonna do...........................................................
if im euu ii would feel lost in decisions

 

[*cynn.89llaluby]

I also married my ex is yr 1999, gave birth to my son in 2000, i left him because he was a gambler too and his mother, tat time i'm not working cos very young.... my mum always gave me money so i'll keep for my BB but he and his mother took all my money to buy 4D and gamble horse!

till the day of delivery my mum had to pay for all my medical including the BIRTH CERT of my DS... so sick of him and his mother... so i moved back with my mum for confinement, den after tat his mum came to pester me home but i refused, imagine all the confinement expenses, DS pamper and milk are sponsored by my mum and she got the cheek to come and wanna bring me and DS home! and i got into depression fearing ppl come and snatch my baby...

till DS around 1yr old den i recover and went out to work... den he came again i got so worked up and fought him to my home lift lobby, dunno where the strength came from but i won and he left and never came again... after tat i filed for separation 3yrs and divorce after tat, all fees paid by me also... sigh so useless man!

den i met my current hubby is yr 2004 and married my hubby in yr 2005 got 1 DD with him and 1 BB on the way... he treat my son like his own and even change his Birth cert to his name so to equalise my DS status with his silbings...

finally sunshine after the rain~

sorry arhhh. i know itx a 4-5months ago post....................
im slow.......................
but.............................

CLAP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

im never contented............................ i dunno if i were euu... ii would b contented with 2nd one................................. ohmygod!!!!!!! stop my greedy-lion-mouth

 

[*cynn.89llaluby]

miie to dolliepollie:

be there for her lo.
really
euu wouldnt know............. my hubby was a flirt before marriage... then after DD is born ... whep!! he changed till every come home... on time.... see baby.. lesser kopitiam beer. lesser pub ... lesser birthday clubbingssssssss....... euu might not know............. before wedding and after wedding is big different de...........
somemore after wedding alot responsibility.. alot comittement.. be there for her lo........ really..................... dunno whether he will stray away if someone reply his "yea... fren.. okii sure... out for drink" mygod.. who knows which gorgeous lady would lure him away!

 

[*cynn.89llaluby]

wa seii

lisa
vroom!

euu two so funny!!!!!!!!!
hahahahhahahhaaaaaaaa!!!!!!!!!!!

the little push.............................. ii need it!!!!!!!!!

i wanna go single till 60!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
my life is so full of regret.... althought im trying very hard to beautify my life.......

my hubby is good.......... im the one replying strangers with "ya hi... hmmm boat quay tonight?"
hahahhahahhaaaaaaaas i mean i dont share tables with STRANGER... just... next door pub... hello bye lo....... i got my limits......

 

[VroomVroomBoys]

vroomvroomboys. i think i saw in some thread you mentioned that you have a lawyer friend or something? if you dont mind, i need a little favour from you. i seriously dont have the spare cash to consult a lawyer but i wanna be at least 99% sure of what i assume so that can have a peace of mind...

HappyMummy ... while I've already contacted you through PM, 2 other mummies have also gotten on touch with me ... to tell me that you need my help & I should get in touch with you quick quick quick.
:biggrin: :biggrin:

So, trust me ... you are not alone here, so many people still care for you. Good luck for the next 2 months, after which we'd all get to see your little one.
:wink: :wink:

 

[Domique]

sad to hear tat...
u made the right choice to leave him... no pt waste ur love on such person and ur dd one day abuse by him how?



We must be a strong woman like u..

I divorce in my previous marriage is bcos my ex using violent on me, not only that he keep on wanted to buy this and that for his car or for other purpose than when we both got not enough money to survive till pay day, he will ask me to try borrow money from my frds or family, worse things is he & his whole family is gambler, will tend to ask me to pawn my jewellery for them to pay their loanshark..

I try to tolerate all this for the sake of my DD..

Once when he met a very serious accident he survive but lose 1 of his eyesight, after all the sacrifice and effort i use on him during this period, he still can beat me up with his injure hands when we quarrel, that's the day i told myself i had enough and decided to leave him for good..

 

[Domique]

i feel tat we should not bring a bb to life just having e mentality tat it would improve ur marriage.not fair to bb. if it doesn't then bb come to this world for nothing?

well.. thanks for all the replies.. but today im totally speechless.

the guy talk things out with her.. with some kinda terms and conditions.

AND she AGREES with it..

guess my gf really loves him alot. she say maybe when the baby is out he will pay more attention to her..

well.. maybe like wad you say.. there are things that happen between the couple dat i might not know.. so if its her choice den let it be..